Virgo man won't speak to me after 5 years

All started a month ago.

My Boyfriend started pushing me away after 5 years together. We were looking at buying a house and he was fine and we were happy that we got the mortgage in principal. He was showing his parents houses we liked etc and was up for bring them to a view them. Then he found out he might get made redundant in a job he loves and he switched on me....

It all kicked off on a phone call and we broke up, he ignored me for two weeks. Said he didn't know if he felt the same way anymore and wouldn't explain it, just felt his feelings had changed. I was the one to say should we break up and he just kept saying "I don't know" so I said he clearly needed space to think about what he wanted etc as he didn't want to do a break, but what was we supposed to do.

I went to his house as his parents were emailing me and he was shutting everyone off not speaking and hibernating basically. When i went to his house, he kept saying his head was clear but he wouldn't look at me in the eye without eyes watering, he looked like a broken man. He said he was really happy and he only has to worry about himself. Just kept saying about his job and how important it is to him and how he has the best sales rate etc. He is away for work a lot you see and the result of the redundancy means he will be away a lot more now as they are a man down.. He knows him being away a lot upsets me sometimes, normally I am fine but sometimes if something happens I find he can be unreachable but normally I just get on with it.

When I asked if we was broken up he just kept saying "he didn't know" and he felt nothing and was hoping to snap out of it and he wasn't, he couldn't really pin point when his feelings changed. He said it was "nice a girl is trying, but I feel nothing". :-/ he was just starring out the window clenching his fists. I kept trying to get him to look at me and he just wouldn't, said he found it too hard. He said he hadn't thought about me at all, but later said he was worried my parents would be angry. He went out and got himself a new playstation and dvds that day, and said as long as he had those he would be happy. Said he never wants to be home anymore, he just wants to be away with work and alone and isn't sure at what point he turned into a loner but apparently that's the way it is now.

Two days later, on the Monday, I apologized for a comment I made when I was upset and left his house, I told him I would leave him alone and to let me know if he wants to chat to let me know.

16 days in to no contact and nothing. Am I doing the right thing leaving him alone? Do I just give up then? I don't understand his sudden change of heart.

FYI - We have never broken up before and he has said in the past when a break up happens its over and can't be repaired about previous relationships.

He seems very angry with you! Did you cheat on him? Maybe he found something on you that he didn't like... Just guessing!

omg I am so sorry -

but I would reach out and let him know that you are hoping he's ok and that you miss him dearly - at least you have done something and in the end that will matter that at least you reached out and tried ... (because of course you care - things don't always happen the way we think they happen) ...

Nah I would never cheat and he said I haven't done anything so can't work out what has changed @pinkbird03 .

Well I said I would give him space @tcta so it's a tough one , trying to let the dust settle and not come across needy.

Posted by Browneyedgirl26
Nah I would never cheat and he said I haven't done anything so can't work out what has changed @pinkbird03 .

Well I said I would give him space @tcta so it's a tough one , trying to let the dust settle and not come across needy.

16 days with no contact ? once in that period of time is not being needy!

Same time though, he hasn't reached out at all @tcta

Posted by Browneyedgirl26
Same time though, he hasn't reached out at all @tcta

I know - but because he hasn't doesn't mean you shouldn't either - do what you want and don't wait for him. That is just coming from what I would do. I would sit and think "what if I found out that something terrible happened to him today and I'll never get to tell him how I feel" - that impels me to reach out and tell him - I guess it makes me feel like at least I did everything I could do to try to save things which is what I want - rather than sit passively ...

it sounds to me like he had some kind of shock to his system going on with everything that was happening and he just couldn't handle it - like all he could possibly do was to make sure that he was taken care of - not sure but it does sound strange ...

Agree @tcra , I might reach out next week. Give him one more weekend on his own. It's hard as anniversary is Friday 22nd ...

Do you think he started talking to another girl?

Nah no other girl @pinkbird03 , he isn't that type of person. I honestly think he is having some sort of crisis or something, quarter life crisis maybe.

It's not in the Virgo nature to do something like that unless you've done something to hurt him.

You can say with words in here all you want about you not doing anything to hurt him, but, those are just words that you can manipulate to put yourself in a better light. And what a better audience to lie, right? Because we can't know any better.



Except, actions speak louder than words ... and a committed Virgo doesn't act that way unless he's been hurt really bad by you.

I literally haven't got a clue! Fair enough if I had cheated or said something, but we was fine and put a house offer down and then when he got a job update he switched on me. I literally haven't got a clue and I mean that... he said himself to me he didn't know why he felt like that.

I don't think I have anything to feel guilty about—?? If I do then no one has told me!

Posted by Browneyedgirl26

we was fine

Maybe he can no longer stand your grammatical errors.

A person can only stand it for so long before they crack.

Five years is a long time to wait for a person to figure out proper grammar.

Posted by Browneyedgirl26

I literally haven't got a clue!

Two people who participate in a 5-year-long relationship aren't clueless to each other. In fact, they know each other quite well.

A Virgo is very forthcoming with information. For example, he told you straight up how he is feeling, and that he needed to break up with you, and why he needed to break up with you.

And you're sitting there with your thumb up your ass .. and the proof of that?

You're clueless, admittedly.

that means you haven't been paying attention.



But, go run to his parents .... maybe you can manipulate something there in your favor.

I am at work so typing quickly thanks.

No, he looked a mess actually when I saw him he just kept saying he didn't know and he was crying etc. He wasn't giving any detail and he just kept saying he couldn't understand it himself!

It honestly could be many things. For me, when I get stressed, I lose track of a lot of things and become very submerged in depression. I don't want to think, do, or have any obligation to anyone (for many different reasons; I feel like I can't live up to someone's expectations, so why even bother etc.)

Or he could just be confused. That happens with me a lot also. Virgos aren't very good with emotion, and when someone is able to bring our emotions to light, weird things happen. Obviously if you were w/ him for five years, you've done that. But sometimes, out of nowhere I'll feel doubtful. I feel like you've done something that's triggered this feeling in him and you don't even know it. Virgos are very analytical and know a lot about our partners. We are also VERY sensitive on the inside. Sensitivity and analysis coupled together is never great, considering we may read into something deeper than it is. He's probably seeing something small and making it large, and the emotions that that brings out of him are something he can't handle. He needs space. He needs to figure this out for himself.

Thank you Sunset Virgo, very helpful.

Possibly, I don't know, i haven't said anything he wouldn't already be aware of to be honest. It might be due to his job being away more now and he is worried that he is leaving me constantly etc, although i did tell him that is my choice to make if i want to be with him etc as obviously it is good he enjoys his job. I believe it comes down to the job situation to be honest.

I do think he needs to figure it out himself but i wasn't ready to break up as we was making plans etc so this has all come as abit of a shock to be honest. I am not sure if to wait or walk away.. seeing as he isn't speaking to me etc. I wonder if he will speak to me again.

It's heartbreaking.

Maybe he cheated and feels guilty? Easier to break up with you than face something he did and the possibility that he would then be rejected? This way you are still caring and he lives in his own guilt but maybe he would rather put you through the pain of a breakup then have to see the pain from betraying you? I'm just guessing here, along with other guesses. Just seems odd after 5 years and ready to buy a house together...or he's just panicking at the thought of another level of commitment and had to really think about whether he wants to be with you at that level.

Posted by Browneyedgirl26
All started a month ago.

My Boyfriend started pushing me away after 5 years together. We were looking at buying a house and he was fine and we were happy that we got the mortgage in principal. He was showing his parents houses we liked etc and was up for bring them to a view them. Then he found out he might get made redundant in a job he loves and he switched on me....

It all kicked off on a phone call and we broke up, he ignored me for two weeks. Said he didn't know if he felt the same way anymore and wouldn't explain it, just felt his feelings had changed. I was the one to say should we break up and he just kept saying "I don't know" so I said he clearly needed space to think about what he wanted etc as he didn't want to do a break, but what was we supposed to do.

I went to his house as his parents were emailing me and he was shutting everyone off not speaking and hibernating basically. When i went to his house, he kept saying his head was clear but he wouldn't look at me in the eye without eyes watering, he looked like a broken man. He said he was really happy and he only has to worry about himself. Just kept saying about his job and how important it is to him and how he has the best sales rate etc. He is away for work a lot you see and the result of the redundancy means he will be away a lot more now as they are a man down.. He knows him being away a lot upsets me sometimes, normally I am fine but sometimes if something happens I find he can be unreachable but normally I just get on with it.

When I asked if we was broken up he just kept saying "he didn't know" and he felt nothing and was hoping to snap out of it and he wasn't, he couldn't really pin point when his feelings changed. He said it was "nice a girl is trying, but I feel nothing". :-/ he was just starring out the window clenching his fists. I kept trying to get him to look at me and he just wouldn't, said he found it too hard. He said he hadn't thought about me at all, but later said he was worried my parents would be angry. He went out and got himself a new playstation and dvds that day, and said as long as he had those he would be happy. Said he never wants to be home anymore, he just wants to be away with work and alone and isn't sure at what point he turned into a loner but apparently that's the way it is now.

Two days later, on the Monday, I apologized for a comment I made when I was upset and left his house, I told him I would leave him alone and to let me know if he wants to chat to let me know.

16 days in to no contact and nothing. Am I doing the right thing leaving him alone? Do I just give up then? I don't understand his sudden change of heart.

FYI - We have never broken up before and he has said in the past when a break up happens its over and can't be repaired about previous relationships.

you're selfish as fuck