Alone Again...

I don't understand why my boyfriend always seems to leave me here at his house while he goes over to his aunt's house (that's where he says he is). It's 2:55 am, and I am in his bed alone wishing he was here with me. I came in from work around 5:45 and he was playing video games until 10:30 and then he told me he'd be back, in which he did come back to bring me some dinner, and then he went back out; It's like he doens't even have the common courtesy to let me know where he is going; He doesn't have a cell phone so there is no way to contact him. I know I am not his mother, however if he has me at his house so often where he stays out until 5 in the morning, at least he can give me a heads up. Don't you agree? According to him when he goes out he always says that he's with his Aunt, I am just trying to understand what is so exciting at his aunt's house that makes him want to leave his girlfriend and stay out until the next morning?

Honestly, I am not happy; You wonder why I stay? Well it's because I am curious to see what's going to happen. If all the work and energy I put into this relationship will pay off, since they say good things come to those who wait. So I try my best not to say anything, but it's hard because it really does bother me. For the past few days I haven't said anything, and now it seems like he's comfortable with doing this now because he doesn't have to worry about hearing my mouth.

I try so hard to understand him, I try to compromise with him, it seems as if I am the one doing all the compromising and conforming while he sits around and let things happen. It's as if I am putting all of the work into this relationship, literally praying that it works. When he's at my house he's totally different, he's attentive, sweet, you would think he was a different person. But as soon as he gets home, which is a totally different atmosphere because there are more people here so he has to put on this macho man attitude so his friends won't look at him as being soft.

I honestly wish that my boyfriend can see that it's the little things that matter to me, and it doesn't take much to put a smile on my face. I wish there was a way I can tell him how I feel without him feeling like I am complaining. I don't want to stress him or be a burden, but at the same time I am hurting and trying extremely hard to pretend like I am not.

Hi cliche,

It sure sounds like he is not treating you right. If it were me I would wonder what he was doing too and you deserve a truthful answer. How to ask without sounding like you are complaining, you could say, I woke up and I really missed you not being there. When he says he was at his aunts, ask lightheartedly, what were you doing? or yhe next time he goes, i would say, I really wanted to spend time with you, would it be o.k. if I come along? If he isn't receptive to any of this, I would do some investigating on my own....it is too weird for him to be at his aunts at 2am repeatedly. You might save yourself heartache if you find he is hiding something bad from you. Or maybe he is moonlighting a job and you can relax and know he is a good guy. I would need to know.

Good luck!

Cliche-

Darling-You cannot allow your man to do that. Regardless of you not wanting to feel as though you are nagging him. What is he doing out until 2:00 am? Every day? No! I don't know what your man has going on in the streets or if that is the reason for him staying out but that stuff has got to stop. Start staying home. Maybe then he will realize how much he misses you. You are a wonderful woman. But don't be stupid. Don't be his doormat! I can understand you not wanting to pick a fight but staying out until the next day is a damn good reason to argue. Or you know what...Like i said previoulsy. Stay home! Ignore him for awhile. If it works...Good! If not. It may be time to really re-evaluate your relationship.

Good Luck Ma 🙂

Well I called his mom this morning, since she was the last one to see him last night. (her and I are really close). I asked her did she hear from him, and she told me that he's at his aunt's house playing video games, which he is a huge fanatic when it comes to games. So should I still worry?

i hate to say it, but it sounds like he is cheating on you big time! especially after reading your other post about another girl calling him on your cell phone...it seems pretty obvious to me that he is going behind your back and not treating you fairly. i just went through the same siuation with my ex, and i knew subconsciously that something was wrong but i kept on denying it...and he always made it seem like i was at fault when i would complain about anything. i know it is hard for you to believe it, especially b/c you are in love and you are blind to those things, but coming from someone who has just been through it and i am on the outside looking in...seems like he is cheating on you.

Excuse Me? Another woman called for him on your cell phone? Not to be judgmental. But it would have been a wrap! Is he your first lover or something?

Another dumb question. Why doesn't he have a doggone video game at his own house if he likes them that much then buy a game system. WTF!

Let me first say thank you to all of you for your advice. And to answer your question Karima27, no he's not my first. Honestly I am just really naive, it's like things are right there in front of my face but I am pretending as if it's not there. I know it's a really bad move. I jus have to gain back the strength and energy I lost to this relationship and leave.

Cliche-

Nobody means to sound harsh. Especially me. I understand the sensitivity and emotions involved in a relationship. And even though we provided our support you are going to do what makes you happy. Even if that means continuing to be involved with your boyfriend. Which is fine. You will make the best decision when the time is right. But don't be naive too long...

I hope you make the right decision and the best choice possible for you.

"Honestly I am just really naive, it's like things are right there in front of my face but I am pretending as if it's not there."

-that is exactly what i am telling you...subconciously you know things are not right, but you are hoping that they will get better. i completely understand b/c i was the same way...but you should really get out of it. if you don't, eventually he will anyway. you need to be the better person in this situation.

alone again naturally god I loved that song.

OH...MY...GOD...

Until the next morning at his Aunts house? Oh NO NO NO NO NO... I'm pissed off at him just by reading this! And let me just say that no matter how close you are to his mother, she wouldn't tell you if he was cheating (if she knew, probably not). In any case, she likes you and is just hoping he'll change and stay with you- pretty much on the same boat.

And why be afraid to tell him something? You are his girlfriend and that gives you interrogation rights dammit! 😛 Wellllll atleast in this scenerio asking a few questions wouldn't hurt. He can't get mad, I mean... IT IS a prettttty suspicious thing he's doing here, to say the least. Confront him about it! You can't stay quiet over something like this. IT IS A BIG DEAL.

I'm angry lol He can't be staying out sooooo late allllll the time, he's not single. And you are very right in wanting him to let you know ahead of time. Of course he should tell you! HMPH... You have every right to question, stalk and investigate what's going on. What did that chic want when she called you? Did you question her? Do you still have her number? What did he say?

1.Ask where he's going and what he's going to do (nicely and casually)
2.What time will he be back (you don't like staying there alone and want to be with him)

Look at his reaction. If he doesn't like it... well he's an even bigger dork *mutters* "aunts house" *rolls eyes*

Next time you should just stalk him, seriously. Go over to the aunts house to see if he really is there and call to check up on him. This is info you should have, if you don't, find out.

Not to be sick or anything but he mentions his aunt so much that I'm considering the possibility that they're having an affair.

Sorry to hear that your boyfriend is such an ass, but I don't think you should let him get away with it. It's like this (in most cases) "A tall fence makes a good neighbor"

As Rainingpeanuts says - stalk him or phone his aunt or even go round to her house......ask her directly if he's there or not......problem solved!

Well that part of the problem may be......but without being too harsh, the problem is not the boyfriend, the problem lies with you, your low self esteem, readiness to accept the "crumbs" of this relationship at any cost and come second to everybody!!!! So as everyone else advises, begin to have more "you" time, do things "you" like, be less available, empower yourself......it will take time and energy but you can and will get there.....

A x

cliche,

what you are asking for out of this man is not unreasonable......I think you have a sharp difference in core values...in any relationship, there are things hyou'd like to have and things you MUST have....this man is obviously missing one of your MUST haves.

Drop him and find a man to whom taking care of who's at home is more of a priority.