Are women just takers?

Sorry if this sounds like it's coming from a bitter old fart (at age 56) but over the years I have come to wonder how common it is for women to really love men (and not just accept some guy that happens to come along and use him for whatever money/status he may have). Personally I have never had a high income and have been only too aware of the lack of interest in me from women though I don't know if it's totally about that.

The point is though that my own parents were married for over 60 years and while my father's love and devotion to my (Cancer) mother could not be doubted I don't think I could say that this was really reciprocated by my mother: my father was a kind, generous and philosophical Taurus and was apparently prepared to give far more than he got back from her so I am wondering if this is typical of marriages in general. I won't say that she gave nothing but I would say that it was definitely one of those "80-20" situations (my father gave 80% and got 20% back while my mother gave 20% and got 80% back). Is this typical of marriages in general? Even my sister who is a feminist agrees that our mother gave our father a hard time and that he deserved better.

Is this yet another of your total hypocritical topics?

Still didn't find a woman whose shoes matched your standards of perfection?

although from a procreation perspective..yes. we take, take and take some more.

@Damnata: It's not that I am so hard to please but that they are.

Knowing Taurus men, there's most likely a lot that went on that you didn't see.

@Impulsv: I certainly think that Tauruses and Earth signs in general hate to be wrong, hate to make mistakes and hate to having to admit that they made a mistake. It's possible that my father sometimes regretted his marriage but even if he did I don't think that that is something he would ever have admitted to anybody (perhaps even to himself).

@Inana04: Please tell me more.

Because your "feminist" sister agrees that your one example of your own mother being this way, then all relationships are this way? Because you've come across this personally, it means all relationships are like this?

Ever consider that maybe you're just like your father and you're drawn to/unwillingly attracting such unsavory women? You're a product of your environment, you know.

As far as "takers" both genders are guilty of this. It depends on the individuals, their morals, and awareness of their own actions toward others.

Given your example, the reason women were "takers" is because society taught them to be that way back then. Women were raised to believe that the men were to be sole providers while women cooked, cleaned, and cared for the kids. Men were told that they had to provide for their families. Social conditioning is an amazing thing.

Nowadays, people generally are takers because we've been raising a society of self centered douchebags since the baby boomer era.

Take home message- assholes are takers, regardless of gender.

Posted by LillyBlossom

Posted by CluelessCancer

Posted by LillyBlossom
And your speech is so crass, rough, and unladylike that you are no judge of femininity, eloquence, grace, or class.

Thank you. maybe you'll understand in your language. Mooooooooooooooooo

I'm a ram, not a cow, dear crustacean. Let's not hijack the OP's post with further...whatever this is.

click to expand

This is why I loled when someone actually defended this troll in the Aries thread. She's always been like this. She leads an embarrassing existence here on DXP. I'm amazed most people retain their vision after reading her garbage.

Posted by LillyBlossom
Taking isn't a bad thing as long as what's taken is returned in one form or another. My friend took my money once and turned it into a delicious meal. 😄

Agreed. It's all about a balance of give and take. If it's more take than give, then hell no.

Idk. Was it your father who discouraged you a bit from pursuing your dreams?

What if she was discouraged in any way or slightly damaged emotionally? Again, idk, but its very possible her "giving" well was dried up. I dont know of too many Cancers that will sit and only put in 20% . Although you and your sister were around them you may not know the inner workings of their relationship.

Besides, in my eyes its always the mans fault lol.

If one party in the relationship is not giving their best, there's probably a very good reason behind it. A lot of times people just stay in unhappy relationships for various reasons like (children, fear of lonliness etc.)

Moreover, you and your sister are viewing this as an outsider to the relationship. Maybe your Taurus father cheated on your mother repeatedly and your mother stayed with him for whatever reason, which in turn made her resentful and withdrawn from your father. It's not like she's going to come and share his dirty deeds with the children. Children shouldn't be privy to that information bceause at the end of the day, the father remains the father and tainting his image in the minds of the children would be very vindictive and immature. This is just hypothetical, but something to ponder that you don't know what is happening behind the scene.

Here's the thing...

Some women are demanding & expect certain things from men (status, money, respect & a superb guy) b/c her father and mother raised her to. Look around. Many little girls are being raised as princesses who deserve the best...who should be with only the man who can provide and protect...Those are very powerful, influential & lasting messages that women are receiving in their childhoods so it makes perfect sense that some of daddie's 'princesses' grow up expecting you to have your shit together, according to their own definition of what having your shit together means.

And then some women have tried settling...they've tried being with the guy who had nothing, in the name of her proving that she's not shallow or materialistic. She's heard that girls who expect guys to be physically, financially & socially endowed get bad reps, so if she's a woman who's already been criticized most of her life, she'll do everything she can to make sure she's never 'that woman' b/c a man's approval is vital to her self-esteem & opinion...so vital that she's willing to be with the guy who literally has nothing just to prove a point, even if it means ignoring the inner 'princess' in her that all of the elders in her childhood instilled in her.

And then sometimes, the guys without financial stability get shitted on...not literally b/c he's broke (that's his own insecurities automatically assuming that he got played for that reason)...women can be bad seeds too. And hey bad seeds attract good AND bad men...men with something right now AND men without much to offer right now.

I miss the good old days where women weren't made to feel bad for wanting a man who worked to keep himself above water...the good old days when men refused to let themselves sink, in the name of always 'being a man.'

The problem with women is that we're damned if we do & damned if we don't. The guy who has everything may treat her like shit..and if he does, people will associate him having everything with the reason she got treated like shit. And if she gets treated like shit from a guy who barely had any stability, society will try preaching to her that a man who is without = a man who probably won't do much for her b/c he's not doing much for himself.

Some women just said F it after noticing the countless double standards & societal mixed messages. Can't blame em.

@krysrenee7....I agree with all you just wrote.

Posted by Arielle83
I don't know dude. I pay my own rent, work two jobs and volunteer, bought my own car and all I want is respect and appreciation from him when I'm too tired to come home and do all the cooking and cleaning when he's had a few days off work, and I haven't. I return the chore favours when he's at work. I'm not taking anything except his penis when I need a release.

+1

Your perception of your parents relationship is flawed just by the fact that you are missing all of the inner workings of that relationship. For all you know, your father may have only cared about sex in the beginning and your mother, being a water sign, found herself unable to connect with him in the way she needed so she denied a huge part of who she was. The thing is, you just don't really know the facts and any conclusions you may come to will be inaccurate.

I have been basically single for the last four years dating men in their 40's and here is what I have witnessed. Most are struggling financially and trying to recover from divorce. Many are banged up and bruised from failure and unwilling to take responsibility for the part they played in the demise of their lives as they were. Far too many hit mid-life crisis and the need to relive happier, less stressful times such as their teenage years over rides any sense of integrity they may have once had.
In short, they are assholes. Sorry. They want the moon but are only prepared to give a grain of dirt (and I am not referring to monetary things)

I can tell you, I went through a very trying period discovering my flaws and I will be the first one to tell you that I can be an anal B**ch from hell at times. It is who I am at this time and although I am looking to improve it's still something a guy will have to embrace to be with me in the here and now ... by that same token, I am also aware that the man I choose will be equally intimate with his flaws so that I am no longer in a position to have to "fix him" so I won't be hurt by them.

Women in my age group are tired of being sold on a bag of sugar just to find tear gas inside. For me personally? I don't care how much money he makes, or what kind of vehicle he drives ... I care how we will interact and connect and if that connection and those interactions will be healthy and positive.

Posted by FixedWater

I have been basically single for the last four years dating men in their 40's and here is what I have witnessed. Most are struggling financially and trying to recover from divorce. Many are banged up and bruised from failure and unwilling to take responsibility for the part they played in the demise of their lives as they were. Far too many hit mid-life crisis and the need to relive happier, less stressful times such as their teenage years over rides any sense of integrity they may have once had.
In short, they are assholes. Sorry. They want the moon but are only prepared to give a grain of dirt (and I am not referring to monetary things)

Women in my age group are tired of being sold on a bag of sugar just to find tear gas inside. For me personally? I don't care how much money he makes, or what kind of vehicle he drives ... I care how we will interact and connect and if that connection and those interactions will be healthy and positive.

This doesn't just happen in the age bracket that you're referring to, sadly.

This type of mentality comes from this specific type of guy, really. It's something you see across the board with this type, regardless of age. It all boils down to not wanting to take any sort of responsibility, place blame elsewhere, and then complain that this is how all women are.

This is an observation I've made not just from the dating pool, but the general scale of this type of behavior from these guys. I see it in my own brother, neighbors, guys I've met- they allow that immature ego to take over and it causes a lot of their own problems- not making the right choices, choosing the wrong partners, refusing to do any sort of self improvement.

While I know that there are some shitty females out there who do nothing but take, on the grand scale of things, women generally are more givers than takers- they give more emotion, tolerate more because society has dictated that they do so (how many unhappy women do we see here, asking for advice because they're trying to STAY in a shitty situation?), and by nature, a lot tend to be more "doting" in trying to "fix" a guy.

In return, you see a lot of the examples that you gave.

All of it is a vicious cycle...

I agree rockyroad, all of it is a vicious cycle.

I wonder how it will evolve over the next few generations ...
This is one of the reasons I am so against FWB and FB types of hook-ups. I don't think women should have ever allowed that to start let alone accept it and, even worse, hope for an upgraded title.

This topic could really get me going. Lol I wonder where the OP is? He has not returned has he?

You can't control the character of the person you attract. But always take accountability for the nature of the person you attract, especially if you notice a pattern.

Yin & yang may not work, but they often do attract. For every predominant giver, there is always a taker. Sometimes there are 2 givers (doesn't guarantee the relationship will work). Sometimes there are 2 takers (Doesn't guarantee that the relationship will fail). And then sometimes there are people who flip flop & take turns with the seasons (Either a good or bad outcome is possible).

It's 1 thing to be nice...yay good for you. But it's another thing to be TOO nice. Those who are TOO much of anything will often times get taken for granted.

If you give so much that you never allow the other person to catch up, you'll actually BOTH feel slighted in some way. And when you do give, don't be a martyr about it. If you want more from the other person, speak up. Give them solutions & examples of what you mean when you say you want more.

Plus you also have to consider the love language of the other person. To some, giving means gifts & trips & vacations & getting the tab on movie nights & date nights. But to another, their version of 'giving' is in giving you massages, complimenting you all the time, helping you do a chore, giving you their time, etc. Everybody doesn't need to receive the same things, therefore everyone won't be wired to automatically assume that you need something that maybe they don't even need themselves. That is why the art of communication is so powerful, my friend.

50/50 relationships seem ideal but you'd be crazy to believe that things will always be equal & balanced when spending the next 30+ years of your life with someone lol