Does it really make you feel better....

When you see your ex has downgraded??

I think that's silly

If you like the aspect of him doing bad, have you ever considered that this "downgrade" might make him 10xs more happy or look 10xs better than you (in his mind)? If that's the case, he technically didn't downgrade LOL

I'm amazed at how some ladies are like eeew he downgraded! His new girlfriend is so ugly! *proceeds to call all her girlfriends laughing uncontrollably*

I'm thinking like, well of course YOU would say that bc you're looking for some reason to throw shade.

If you were over him, you wouldn't have a negative reaction or feel the need to throw shade on his new partner.

I mean I understand to an extent the rationale behind having a smirk on your face when your ex gets some kind of karma, but when it comes to the next woman, have you ever considered that what HE feels about his new girlfriend is most likely more accurate than your 1/2 glance?

If HE thinks she's beautiful, smart, & takes him to a level of love that he never reached with you, you'd be a fool to call that a "downgrade." Looks aren't everything.

Some of you ladies could just as easily end up being the "She's not a 10, but at least her personality is great" type of partner for the next guy too

I've never understand why some women emphasize to guys that looks aren't everything when she's in the hotseat, but yet use looks as 1 of the main things to focus on & use when judging another female

Just something to consider

Posted by LilyTree
A woman's beauty is part of her status, much like a man's power is part of his.

Every woman is beautiful in her own way though so it's not like another woman hating solely on her for her looks is somehow gonna take away that woman's "status"

I don't agree with women judging other women solely on looks. That's shallow. And it's def. something women don't want men only looking at. All I'm saying is that women should drop the double standards & keep in mind that beauty doesn't define who a person is over all, when they're "observing" her ex's new boo

I hope to never find out about/see my ex's new girlfriends. Or my ex's with their new girlfriends. Or even my ex's by themselves (most of them, anyways).

Posted by Andalusia
I hope to never find out about/see my ex's new girlfriends. Or my ex's with their new girlfriends. Or even my ex's by themselves (most of them, anyways).

That's fair lol

Posted by krysrenee7
When you see your ex has downgraded??

Yes!

yeah i concur. i definitely would feel WORSE.

Posted by notyourtype
Yeah, I've never really understood that mentality. If anything, his "downgrade" should make you feel worse (if you're not over him) because if this new girl is lacking in the looks department, she's obviously making up for it in other more pertinent areas (in his eyes). Things like personality, chemistry, intelligence etc., which are all much more substantial than looks. I'd feel better if he dated a hot supermodel bimbo.

Then again, making such comparisons is pointless. Just because he chose her over you or is happier with her than he was with you doesn't mean you are any worse than her. It just means he was looking for something different, or that the timing was better.

+1,000

I used to be 1 of those women who was offended or wanted to gossip about it whenever I saw an ex do what I felt like was "downgrading."

But as I got older, I'm like wait a minute, why do I care?! What's it to me?! Who am I to say that another woman I know NOTHING about is a downgrade just b/c I may not think she looks better than me? Who's to say that she's not perfect in HIS eyes & that he felt she was a way better match for him than me?! In that case, it's like the last laugh is really on the ex who constantly throws shade

@Lilly:

So what exactly are you saying? What you consider beautiful or "pretty" may be completely different than what I or others consider those things.

My whole point was that who am I to throw shade at another woman's appearance if the person in love with her thinks she's gorgeous?!

I just wanted to point out to women that we have to remember that looks aren't everything, especially around the times we're "observing" our ex's new boo. I think it's arrogant for a person to assume that if THEY feel a person is ugly, that must be the universal truth & opinion of everybody. Not true.

I def. respect more the relationships where being physical eye candy isn't the main glue that sticks them together. I'm not offended when I can't figure out what my ex or a specific guy sees in another woman. It's not my place, nor is it my business. Plus, who am I to feel some sense of victory thinking he "downgraded" when she might actually have a better grade of character on the inside than me? Humbleness. That's all I'm saying.

Posted by Andalusia
I hope to never find out about/see my ex's new girlfriends. Or my ex's with their new girlfriends. Or even my ex's by themselves (most of them, anyways).

quite indifferent to anything about the chick my ex moves on with.

it's one thing about me that i consider myself lucky for. i'm not phased if they are younger, older, smarter, sexier, dumber, prettier, uglier??_etc.

i can't even say that i'm happy for the guy. i'd say "good for him!"

i wish no ill will ever, but i'm not gonna sit here and pretend to have a big heart about the situation. the truth is, i won't express an opinion either way if i haven't really thought about it that much.

You seem too into lecturing DXPers.

My ex just got into a relationship with a trainwreck of a woman (read: girl). It made me lol as well as the rest of our mutual friends.

I think he could really do better. It's hilarious to me because it's definitely going to be karma for him when it all goes to hell, but I also find it sad ...because he can do better. I think he got into it because of that whole save a ho complex he seems to have. Everyone has made bets on when they'll split.

But generally, the idea of making me feel "better?" Nah. It sure does bring the lolz, especially if karma is working its magic.

What makes ME feel better is doing well and even better without them.

Lol at the title.

well weirdly my ex's chose women who kind of looked like me. It's as if they are trying to "recapture" or something.. ewww.

well i dont know. why should we care what they want and do?

the ONLY reason why anyone would feel bad about it is because they are still PINING over the ex. Ewww.
let go already. 😛

Once I've broken up I generally don't want to know anything about what the ex is up to. None of my concern anymore. I have run into an ex with her new guy before and was indifferent. This would really be a question on recent breakups when people often thinking clearly anyway. I wouldn't expect many of the emotions felt during this time make much sense.

I do remember one time I got some sense of satisfaction from an ex's "downgrade". I get coffee from gas stations a LOT... and I am a friendly person. As a result, it would be easy to assume a friendship between me and the average gas station attendant near my home. I get free coffee about 1/2 the time and the kids get occasional free snacks. Anyway, I was getting coffee one morning in TX, and the woman working was one I'd talked to through her recent home problems. As I'm paying she told me, "hey, I seen your wife in here with some ugly Mexican dude yesterday, what the hell"? haha, of course at that point she wasn't my wife anymore but it kinda felt good for the attendant to be making fun of the ex's new guy. I laughed and went on with my day.

...recent breakups when people *aren't* thinking clearly anyway...

I think you are blowing this all out of proportion!

Most of the time if the woman feels like that, then chances are she has been hurt and hasn't gotten over the man AND at this point of time (which is most probably too soon for her to have dealt with her feelings)comes as a blow so she will look for anything to help her stay on top. Maybe it might be almost celebrated but we all know in reality it's because it has cut like a knife regardless of what is said to front her pain.

Not everything is Black or White!

Posted by sweethearts
I think you are blowing this all out of proportion!
Most of the time if the woman feels like that, then chances are she has been hurt and hasn't gotten over the man AND at this point of time (which is most probably too soon for her to have dealt with her feelings)comes as a blow so she will look for anything to help her stay on top. Maybe it might be almost celebrated but we all know in reality it's because it has cut like a knife regardless of what is said to front her pain.
Not everything is Black or White!

lol whoa calm down!!

Think about what you just said. You said she will look for anything to help her stay up.

My opinion (the one I'm allowed to have) was that this kind of thinking period can be very toxic & can birth a very superficial, petty, judgemental side in a woman.

I said myself that I've been "that girl" before, so trust me I do understand the thinking behind the judgement. However, I realized that being heartbroken does NOT justify or mean that you've gotta become a judgemental person looking to throw cheap shots at another woman you don't even know

That revelation was why I (and the others here who also had that revelation) think completely differently about it now. Sometimes in life, people take a step back & realize how silly they looked/sounded during certain situations. This topic was def. 1 of those things I realized was silly of me when I reflected.

Just b/c I may understand the deeper reasoning behind something doesn't mean that I have to agree with it. If I felt this issue was black & white, I wouldn't understand the deeper reasoning behind it at all. My opinion came from a place of experience. My stance on this was to challenge women to maybe consider that harboring all that baseless judgement makes her look more like the ugly one than the very woman she's judging.

There's a million ways to look at 1 situation. This post was me offering a different perspective.

And honestly, some women are judgemental & shallow whether they just got their heartbroken or not. Some women go around throwing cheap shots at other women all the time, even if there's no ex boyfriend or love behind it. It's just who they are. Again, I understand it but don't agree with it.

Maybe it is still toxic however at this point she is still hurting and therefore still drunk with the pain.

Getting over someone is not an overnight thing no matter how nasty the split is, it can still take months and years in some cases. Feelings are not just shut off to suit idealisitic thinking.

There are two sides to every coin, open your eyes a little wider because you yourself come off as judgemental!

I'm all for women united, but when I saw the girl my ex cheated on me with, what occurred to me at that moment wasn't what she looks like or if she's better or not. It was:

"I feel sorry for her. No one deserves this messed up piece of shit. Certainly not a young, nice girl because he'll damage her".

It makes no difference to me how my exes' current or past lovers look...they are NOT me. I have qualities that kept him interested in me for the span of our relationship. Who he dates after we are done doesn't interest me. But I've been slightly jealous in the past when the girl had a banging body, couldn't help myself. Thankfully, the jealousy didn't last for long.

Who has time to care? She can resemble Beyonce or even the swamp thing, I don't care, won't care & will never care.

Posted by krysrenee7

Posted by sweethearts

Most of the time if the woman feels like that, then chances are she has been hurt and hasn't gotten over the man AND at this point of time comes as a blow so she will look for anything to help her stay on top. Maybe it might be almost celebrated but we all know in reality it's because it has cut like a knife regardless of what is said to front her pain.

Think about what you just said. You said she will look for anything to help her stay up.

My opinion was that this kind of thinking period can be very toxic & can birth a very superficial, petty, judgemental side in a woman.

And honestly, some women are judgemental & shallow whether they just got their heartbroken or not. Some women go around throwing cheap shots at other women all the time, even if there's no ex boyfriend or love behind it. It's just who they are. Again, I understand it but don't agree with it.

click to expand

I tend to agree with sweethearts... I think that whichever coping strategy you use to get you through is absolutely ok...
Break ups hurt, and most of the time it seems that men bounce back faster... and nothing is more gut-wrenching and painful (to me) than thinking I've been left behind and that he's just off breezing through life without a care in the world.
As sweethearts said; the words are a cover, the poker face that you show the world. So whatever works right?

Some women are shallow and judgemental, true. But that wasn't why you were posting this thread krysrenee... You wanted us to be 'the bigger, better person' beatific zen approach when sometimes that just isn't possible (for me). So a blanket statement is likely to be taken the wrong way- as it is too simple. There are infinite qualifiers; length of time, how you parted etc... Sometimes the woman is actually uglier than you...

But at a base, emotional, irrational, gut level then yeah... If she is uglier, well, pft, WTF is he thinking...? 😄

I generally don't think of exes much, but I hope my Aqua ex found someone perfect for him. Our breakup was very amicable though -- it only happened because he had to relocate to CA because of his job, and I'm across the country for school, and didn't want to do a long distance relationship for years. He's a great guy, and deserves the best woman in Cali.

With the psycho Scorp ex who harassed me, I hope for women to avoid him for their own good.

Posted by Redbull

Posted by munchkin
I generally don't think of exes much, but I hope my Aqua ex found someone perfect for him. Our breakup was very amicable though -- it only happened because he had to relocate to CA because of his job, and I'm across the country for school, and didn't want to do a long distance relationship for years. He's a great guy, and deserves the best woman in Cali.

With the psycho Scorp ex who harassed me, I hope for women to avoid him for their own good.

Yeah i was thinking about a Scorp in this particular situation. Great job downgrading. Take an umbrella for waiting at the bus stop. haha. True story about the driving by while they wait for the bus. Those Scorps.😛

click to expand

Those scorps! 😛

Posted by sweethearts

There are two sides to every coin, open your eyes a little wider because you yourself come off as judgemental!

It's ironic that you're calling me judgemental b/c my advice to JUDGEMENTAL women was to stop being so JUDGEMENTAL lol

I'm not being judgemental. I myself used to be 1 of those girls, so I get it. But I've grown up. Not every girl turns into a mean girl or into this hater after she gets her heartbroken. Not every woman allows herself the permission to let a heartbreak crush her & change her for the worse. And I def. commend the women who remember that being hurt isn't an excuse to spew hurt or judgment onto others. As I matured, I realized that being heartbroken isn't an excuse or justification for being hateful of strangers OR even myself!!!

There's always gonna be a deeper reasoning behind everything. Doesn't mean that the action as a result of that reasoning is right, fair or rational. I don't surrender to hate just b/c it may feel more natural to do so at the moment lol It's my moral compass & remembrance of the woman I ideally want to be in ALL situations that keeps me grounded. Idealistic thinking is the opposite of "surrender to whatever feels natural b/c well....just surrender & don't argue!" lol

I'm not saying that women don't have a right to be heartbroken. Being heartbroken & what you do with heartbreak are 2 different things.

I was just challenging women to know that they don't have to turn into judgemental people all b/c they're hurting no different than the person advising someone not to sit & harp over a situation all day just b/c they're hurting.

Of course a person is gonna wanna feel sorry for themselves all day in the dark & in their room when they're upset. But if someone were to come along & say "Hey get up! Pick yourself back up! It's ok to be hurt, but don't let anger & hatred consume you or turn you into a person you're not!" would that be judgemental too? They'd be using the same concept that I'm using -----> Encouraging someone to remember to keep their morals & fair sense of judgement even when they're hurting.

I understand what you are saying, however, real people feel in situations like this and no amount of reasoning will prevent this.

I myself 6 months out of a split, walked right into my ex with a new girl. I didn't have those negative thoughts towards her but 2-3 months earlier I might have??_ and 2-3 months earlier you wouldn't have been able to reason with me over it. It's a process and one, each person will come to terms with in their own time. At 3 months it would have been too early for me and I was still wondering what went wrong and why he didn't want us. By 6 months, I had opened my eyes to so much more and the realisation was more excepting of the split.

And then again, some woman may only feel better if they think that he hasn't done as well. To some this would mean a lot and also it may help them to move on themselves. Whatever floats their boat.

I would liken your advice to reading a book on how to successfully raise a child??_.when we know that no book will ever be able to illustrate this perfectly. Maybe its the way you write