Friend getting used

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rakac
@rakac
9 Years500+ Posts

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Well if you're really a friend you should talk to him about it,but other than that you should support him with his choise,real friends respect their choises, he's a sag,he migh jump in and after quite some time jump out,he might see her as a challenge or like a love object for now,but that might change ,i have one sag friends,and he's always al over the place,he says one,goes with it,gets bored then drops it and goes to something new,same with relationships same with hi's goals,for me it sounds like you liked him,but wasn't sure how to approach him with that or you didn't know exactly how you feel,but now that he has another woman in hi's life you feel like someone took him from you,but thats only in your head because he's not with you,if you're a friend be a friend,talk to him ,ask what he likes about her,how did she attract him and things like that,support him,if you want to be a friend,unless deep inside you want more and you're afraid to admit it,if you wanted something more you might have took 2 much time,he got tired of waiting for what might happen ,some people want to live here and now,because it's the most alive experience,people who think to much always miss on opportunities,sometimes you just have to be bold and go with it,first ask yourself why you're bothered about hi's new relationship is it that you want more from him or is it just concern,if it's just concern talk to him,he's a friend and you should be able to speak easily with him,be honest ,respectful and trustworthy if you want the same in return,you might find something you like or something you don't ,either way you'll know the truth which is the most important 🙂 goodluck
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rakac
@rakac
9 Years500+ Posts

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Posted by Stefanie87
First concern is that she has a heroin addict boyfriend of 10 years. She lives with him and his parents. 3 weeks ago he went to rehab. She attends the family counseling sessions several times per week.
Since he has been gone, she has been dating several men (some 40 years older) and now she nabbed one.
She doesn't have money or credit to get her own place and has convinced my friend to move in with her. 2 days ago they found an apartment and plan on moving in on the first. He doesn't have tons of money but is spending all his savings ( $ 5000) on rent/deposit and furniture. He currently lives with his parents and has been wanting to move out.
The daughter has really bad issues and is quite a handful. He will soon be her "new daddy". Its only been a few weeks since her real dad left and he will be back soon.
This woman's sister, whom she was close to, was just raided for heroin and meth in January. She is in jail and her kids are in foster care.
My friend is no angel but he is not into drugs and I know he was lonely and wanted a relationship but I see a disaster. We are meeting today. How do I talk sense into him? Should I just be supportive and let it play out?
thats messed up, open hi's eyes and make sure you support him in his decision,dont push him,just make him realise that might not be the best idea for him to go along with that woman,ask him what kind of family would he want and would he be with that woman for a whole life for what she is now,not for what he wants her to be
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Stefanie87
@Stefanie87
9 Years

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Posted by Stefanie87
I have to add that 3 weeks ago he pulled me aside, told me that he really liked me and wanted to know where I saw our relationship going in the next few months.
I didn't turn him down but I told him to take it slow and whatever happens, happens. He saw this as a rejection.

He was never attracted to this new girl. She has none of the physical or mental qualities that he is attracted to. He didn't notice her until she told him that she loved him.
That's why I am concerned. I feel that he is being manipulated.
Thank you for that. I know to approach it lightly. He hates mean girls. So far, I have just told him that she seems sweet (ugh no) and that if he is happy, I'm happy. I did make him promise to wait at least one year before he marries her and he agreed. He also said that I will be his best girl in the wedding! (Oh dear God)
Now that he tells me everything it is so hard to bite my tongue. I want to just shake some sense into him. I guess that I will just be supportive now and be his shoulder when it blows up. I just hope he doesn't lose too much, both emotionally and financially.
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aquapiscescusp
@aquapiscescusp
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 33 · Posts: 13769 · Topics: 154
Posted by Stefanie87
I have to add that 3 weeks ago he pulled me aside, told me that he really liked me and wanted to know where I saw our relationship going in the next few months.
I didn't turn him down but I told him to take it slow and whatever happens, happens. He saw this as a rejection.

He was never attracted to this new girl. She has none of the physical or mental qualities that he is attracted to. He didn't notice her until she told him that she loved him.
That's why I am concerned. I feel that he is being manipulated.
you are obviously involved in another relationship and are now jealous he is trying to move on from you
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Stefanie87
@Stefanie87
9 Years

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Posted by aquapiscescusp
Posted by Stefanie87
I have to add that 3 weeks ago he pulled me aside, told me that he really liked me and wanted to know where I saw our relationship going in the next few months.
I didn't turn him down but I told him to take it slow and whatever happens, happens. He saw this as a rejection.

He was never attracted to this new girl. She has none of the physical or mental qualities that he is attracted to. He didn't notice her until she told him that she loved him.
That's why I am concerned. I feel that he is being manipulated.
you are obviously involved in another relationship and are now jealous he is trying to move on from you
click to expand

Yes, I was a bit hurt and jealous but that is not why I am concerned. He's a great guy and I don't want him to get hurt. He can date her and not move in after 2 weeks.
The red flags are all there.
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aquapiscescusp
@aquapiscescusp
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Posted by Stefanie87
Posted by aquapiscescusp
Posted by Stefanie87
I have to add that 3 weeks ago he pulled me aside, told me that he really liked me and wanted to know where I saw our relationship going in the next few months.
I didn't turn him down but I told him to take it slow and whatever happens, happens. He saw this as a rejection.

He was never attracted to this new girl. She has none of the physical or mental qualities that he is attracted to. He didn't notice her until she told him that she loved him.
That's why I am concerned. I feel that he is being manipulated.
you are obviously involved in another relationship and are now jealous he is trying to move on from you
Yes, I was a bit hurt and jealous but that is not why I am concerned. He's a great guy and I don't want him to get hurt. He can date her and not move in after 2 weeks.
The red flags are all there.
click to expand

hmm he is a big boy

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aquapiscescusp
@aquapiscescusp
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Posted by Stefanie87
Posted by aquapiscescusp
why else would you hold back?

let him get on with his life if you are taken... stop being selfish
I think you are misunderstanding me. I have been nothing but supportive of his new relationship.
Read the details, it is obvious that she is using him. I came on here because I can't voice my concerns to anyone we know because they have to keep their relationship a secret. I was looking for advice on how to help him.
click to expand

No, I didn't misunderstand anything and it was by reading the details I came to my assessment of the situation. I am giving you my perspective. You are the one not understanding, YOU CAN'T HELP HIM. There is nothing there for you to help.

You voiced your concerns, what else can you do?
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Stefanie87
@Stefanie87
9 Years

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Posted by tiziani
Posted by aquapiscescusp
Posted by Impulsv
Oh boy
I would bring up all those serious concerns
Aqua I think they are valid concerns specially the unprotected sex with an iv user
Possible AIDS. I
He's old enough to see what he is getting into imo.... if he choose that type of person, it speaks volume to me-- about who he is.
Well I'm guessing that's why the OP can't let it go. If you take it that that speaks volumes about who he is (which I don't agree with) then you inevitably wind up asking yourself, in the OP's position, "what does it say about me that I'm attracted to this person?"


It's better to realise that it's all bullshit and it really doesn't say absolutely everything about him or her at all. He made his own decisions and he's not a victim. If he went for this woman just because she said she loved him then maybe he's at a stage in his life where that's exactly what he wants, someone to say that. Not a big deal.
click to expand

He was lonely and really wanted a relationship. She said the right things. He's a sweet guy but maybe a bit naive. I guess that I will just hang back and hope that everything goes smoothly.
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Stefanie87
@Stefanie87
9 Years

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Posted by aquapiscescusp
Does he not know these things from her recent past?
Some but not all. He doesn't realize that she hasn't been careful with the boyfriend. He doesn't know that she was all over him at a party just last month. He doesn't know that she goes to the counseling sessions and they aren't broken up. I don't think he knows about her past drug abuse or her sister's bust.
He did mention that the std thing scares him but she assured him that she has always been extra careful. I know for a fact that this is not true but what can I say?
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Stefanie87
@Stefanie87
9 Years

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Posted by aquapiscescusp
Posted by Stefanie87
Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
He's got to know too, so he must be accepting her too..
Love can make us blind and foolish.
Yes it can, and no one can tell us something is wrong with a person -- when we love them...
click to expand

You are so right! I have to let him figure it out for himself but it is so hard to watch when I see what is happenin .
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aquapiscescusp
@aquapiscescusp
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Posted by Stefanie87
Posted by aquapiscescusp
Posted by Stefanie87
Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
He's got to know too, so he must be accepting her too..
Love can make us blind and foolish.
Yes it can, and no one can tell us something is wrong with a person -- when we love them...
You are so right! I have to let him figure it out for himself but it is so hard to watch when I see what is happenin .
click to expand

for sure... be there as a friend, like you always have, offer your advice when he asks 🙂
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aquapiscescusp
@aquapiscescusp
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Posted by FyzaGememiee
Posted by aquapiscescusp
Posted by Stefanie87
Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
He's got to know too, so he must be accepting her too..
Love can make us blind and foolish.
Yes it can, and no one can tell us something is wrong with a person -- when we love them...
This! +1

Especially when it comes to a Sagittarius man. No one tell them anything about the person they adore. They will hate you for that. This is what I often encounter when dealing with a Sag.
click to expand

So true, my sag cousin will ask for advice continuously but when you offer your opinion, she starts defending the person (she was asking advice about) and treats you like the enemy, what?
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Stefanie87
@Stefanie87
9 Years

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I'm venting here so I keep my mouth shut to him so I appreciate all of this.
My other concern is this poor little girl. She has always lived with mommy and daddy and out of the blue she will be living with a new man.
My friend's daughter babysits this child and she already has major issues and is quite a handful. This certainly won't help. This poor kid has been around drugs all her life so its not her fault.
My friend has no children and hasn't met this little girl yet.
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aquapiscescusp
@aquapiscescusp
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Posted by FyzaGememiee
Posted by aquapiscescusp
Posted by FyzaGememiee
Posted by aquapiscescusp
Posted by Stefanie87
Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
He's got to know too, so he must be accepting her too..
Love can make us blind and foolish.
Yes it can, and no one can tell us something is wrong with a person -- when we love them...
This! +1

Especially when it comes to a Sagittarius man. No one tell them anything about the person they adore. They will hate you for that. This is what I often encounter when dealing with a Sag.
So true, my sag cousin will ask for advice continuously but when you offer your opinion, she starts defending the person (she was asking advice about) and treats you like the enemy, what?
Yeah. They can be blindly optimistic and also an askhole most of the times.

They want to believe that there's good in every person and they dislike negative opinions, be it the truth or not. They will prefer to see it with their own eyes. It can be good sometimes but most often they will ends up getting hurt.

This is just how Sag operates but all in all they can be the most passionate and caring person one could ever knew. Just don't try to get into their shit list and all will be good.

I will often just voiced out my opinions without being judgemental and tell them that the choice belongs to them. The best is to listen to what they wanna share. All they need is someone to lend them their ears.
click to expand

blindly optimistic... more than anyone else I have ever met
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Piscis_Hominis
@Piscis_Hominis
9 Years1,000+ Posts

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I haven't read everything here. You raise some valid concerns, regardless of your true feelings for him.

Ask strategic questions without passing judgement. You'll probably need to sugar coat things and swallow some pride. Perhaps you can genuinely feel happy that he is appears to be happy, illusion or otherwise. You can tell him: "You seem happy and that makes me happy."

" Are you happy?"

"Things are moving quickly, how are you adjusting?"

"Are you worried about her getting pregnant?" (This should be a major concern for you as a friend)

"What does your family think abut all of this?"

"Are you worried about the bf being back in their lives after rehab?"

The key is to focus on listening to him and find opportune times to ask questions while trying to stay positive and constructive, letting him know you are there for him now and in the future.

He must have some worries/concerns that he needs to get out.

Good luck.
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EvatheDiva Piscean
@EvatheDiva
10 Years1,000+ PostsPisces

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I also agree w/FyzaGememiee. I too dated a Saggy man. It didn't work out. Yes! The fall in love really fast and drop the Fruit of the Looms fast, too! He's probably told you within three days that he loves this woman. Saggy men tend to fall in love with a woman that is older than he is (guess he had issues w/his mother as a child and is craving the love/attention from this "older woman"). Leave him alone.

Wish him the best that life can give him.

By (Eva thinking) July you will hear from him that it didn't work out. And you'll be the one smiling and walking down the yellow brick road 😄

Love,

Eva
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EvatheDiva Piscean
@EvatheDiva
10 Years1,000+ PostsPisces

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Posted by FyzaGememiee
Posted by Stefanie87
I'm venting here so I keep my mouth shut to him so I appreciate all of this.
My other concern is this poor little girl. She has always lived with mommy and daddy and out of the blue she will be living with a new man.
My friend's daughter babysits this child and she already has major issues and is quite a handful. This certainly won't help. This poor kid has been around drugs all her life so its not her fault.
My friend has no children and hasn't met this little girl yet.
Sagittarius are big boys. You don't have to really worry about that. They are big kids themselves so they will know how to handle children quite well. 🙂
click to expand

Not if they don't want to be near children anymore (their own children are grow up). My ex Saggy NEVER told me this and I told him I would not have agreed to dated him if he was not ready to date a woman with a child. I told him he lead me on! 🤓

Love,

Eva
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LadyNeptune
@LadyNeptune
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Just because you don't think she's right for him doesn't mean much. If HE thinks she's right for him than that's all that matters.

All the information you've gotten about her and what's she's about has come directly from his mouth. He is your source of information on her, therefore he is fully aware of her flaws and disadvantages and he STILL wants to be with her.

Your saying he's being manipulated by her because your bitter that you were too chicken shit to go after what you wanted and he slipped through your fingers. The truth is there is no manipulation here. He chose her.

Either choose to be a supportive friend or leave his life completely.
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LadyNeptune
@LadyNeptune
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Posted by SensitiveBlues
and who gives a fuk if she's jealous or has feelings for him, that doesn't mean she can't see what's going on.

this guy is dating a LOSER who'll eventually end up fuking him over.

she cares about him enough to attempt to stop that.
It's not her place to stop anything.

As a friend, all she can do is voice her concerns. She's not his mother. She can't protect him from the world.

He's grown. He can do what he wants with his heart.
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malloryor
@malloryor
11 Years1,000+ PostsPisces

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Posted by Stefanie87
Well, this is imploding before my eyes. He may not even make it to move in day. He is a natural flirt. She is very jealous, insecure and possessive. They work together, with the public. Need I say more?
I feel the need to give some backstory. He is her boss. They work in a department of 15, within a larger company. I own my own business but do some consulting work there about 10 times per month. That is how I know her. Another girl that works there helps me at my business one day per week(and her daughter used to babysit for her). This is how I know plenty about her and not just what comes from his mouth.
She was very heavy and had gastric bypass a little over a year ago and lost well over 150lbs in a very short time. That is quite the accomplishment but now she has taken it too far and doesn't eat at all and is underweight, looking very unhealthy. She is literally just bones and saggy skin. Even her hair is noticeably thinning out. Please don't say I'm jealous because we all expressed concern for her health months ago and I don't have any body issues that would make me jealous.
I'm only mentioning the body thing because that is one of the reasons that she is so insecure. She has openly said that she doesn't feel attractive and has a bad time with food.
This guy has always hated jealous, clingy women.
A few hours ago at work he was friendly with a customer that she saw as competition and she gave him the silent treatment all night. As soon as they left work she absolutely freaked out. Now, he's texting me all depressed and having second thoughts about her. I'm just trying to be supportive....
Just stop. You are jealous. This concern feels disingenous. You want what you cant have. You are NOT his mother so stop clocking him, his actions, where he goes, what he does with her...you seem POSSESSIVE.

A man more times than not, will not be taken for a ride. If she is not right for him he will soon enough see. But you making this relationship into your own is just sad, pathetic, and distasteful becauuse its rooted in jealousy.


You lost. Accept it. Let him move on. Be a GENUINELY SUPPORTIVE FRIEND.
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EvatheDiva Piscean
@EvatheDiva
10 Years1,000+ PostsPisces

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Posted by FyzaGememiee
Posted by EvatheDiva
Posted by FyzaGememiee
Posted by Stefanie87
I'm venting here so I keep my mouth shut to him so I appreciate all of this.
My other concern is this poor little girl. She has always lived with mommy and daddy and out of the blue she will be living with a new man.
My friend's daughter babysits this child and she already has major issues and is quite a handful. This certainly won't help. This poor kid has been around drugs all her life so its not her fault.
My friend has no children and hasn't met this little girl yet.
Sagittarius are big boys. You don't have to really worry about that. They are big kids themselves so they will know how to handle children quite well. 🙂
Not if they don't want to be near children anymore (their own children are grow up). My ex Saggy NEVER told me this and I told him I would not have agreed to dated him if he was not ready to date a woman with a child. I told him he lead me on! 🤓

Love,

Eva
I have seen lots of Sags who settled down with partners who already have kids.

They can even treat them like their own though they prefer the bigger children. I have 3 teenagers with me and my ex Sag were very closed to them. My sister, a Sag, has always been closed with all of her nephews and nieces.

I remember you, Eva. I did read those thing you wrote about the Sag you've dated. I am sorry to hear it didn't turns out well but you must know that Sag are the free spirit and they have the child like mind which is why they are good with kids, imo. 🙂
click to expand

Thanks FyzaGememiee,

This Saggy was different. He told me he didn't want to date a woman with a "kid". I told him he lead me on! He should have told me that and I would have bounced! Well, it was never too late to have. 😄

Love,

Eva
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Stefanie87
@Stefanie87
9 Years

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Posted by Arielle83
Why don't you gossip some more about this woman so other ppl don't like her.

You must think you're a prize.

However, all three of you sound like a bunch of needy, insecure relationship hoppers.

It would be gossip if I was saying all of this to people that know her in real life. I didn't want to do that so instead I'm on an anonymous message board to ven .
I haven't used any names or even countries. How am I making you not like her?
Why such hostility? It really isn't necessary.
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Montgomery
@Montgomery
12 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 552 · Posts: 18848 · Topics: 149
Posted by Stefanie87
Posted by Montgomery
If good sense (his own) hasn't stopped him yet, then

I doubt there's much you can do.


And really... she was dating a 73 year old?

… she has been dating several men

(some 40 years older) and now she

nabbed one.



Typo, maybe? 😄
Sadly not a typo.

He figured it out already though and before he shelled out the rent, deposit and cash for new furniture.
click to expand

Whoa ... lol

I agree

Sounds like she's just looking for a safe place

to land... at someone else's expense of course.

Glad to hear he came to his senses... that would

have been a mess.








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Stefanie87
@Stefanie87
9 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 76 · Topics: 4
Posted by Arielle83
Posted by Stefanie87
Posted by Arielle83
Why don't you gossip some more about this woman so other ppl don't like her.

You must think you're a prize.

However, all three of you sound like a bunch of needy, insecure relationship hoppers.

It would be gossip if I was saying all of this to people that know her in real life. I didn't want to do that so instead I'm on an anonymous message board to ven .
I haven't used any names or even countries. How am I making you not like her?
Why such hostility? It really isn't necessary.
Where In my post did you decipher "hostility"?

It's an opinion. You clearly have issues with the choices another person has made, because they've made them without considering your needs. So you've found all this dish about a woman, your friend appreciates for whatever reason, and you've put her in a light to make it appear like you are the prize and she isn't.

Are you sure you're concerned about your friend, or is it that you aren't chosen so let's hate on the woman with the troubled life.

Get off your high horse and come back to earth.

People are attracted to toxic ppl for whatever reason. It's not your job to tell someone who is right for whom.

Plus isn't this a workplace? Like why shit where you eat?

click to expand

They already broke up so it doesn't matter anyways.
And I agree with you about the workplace but it is theirs, not mine.
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P-Angel
@P-Angel
20 Years25,000+ PostsPisces

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Posted by Stefanie87

A few hours ago at work he was friendly with a customer that she saw as competition and she gave him the silent treatment all night.



Obviously, you're full of bullshit.

Only the small minds who cannot think for themselves actually believe you .... there's no way you would know how people are processing their lives, and why they come and go.

You make statements such as the above (and this thread is riddled with ones just as ridiculous) ..... which SHOULD register in the mind of viewing audience that you speak about yourself, while trying to deceive your audience by telling them it's someone else. Because there's no way you would know how she felt about his actions.


Typical manipulative Scorpio ..... telling a full out fabrication, just so she can justify as to why he picked another woman over her.


But of course, dxp is the perfect place for people like you ..... look at how many people are as stupid as you banked on when spinning your story.
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Montgomery
@Montgomery
12 Years10,000+ Posts

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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by Stefanie87

A few hours ago at work he was friendly with a customer that she saw as competition and she gave him the silent treatment all night.



Obviously, you're full of bullshit.

Only the small minds who cannot think for themselves actually believe you .... there's no way you would know how people are processing their lives, and why they come and go.

You make statements such as the above (and this thread is riddled with ones just as ridiculous) ..... which SHOULD register in the mind of viewing audience that you speak about yourself, while trying to deceive your audience by telling them it's someone else. Because there's no way you would know how she felt about his actions.


Typical manipulative Scorpio ..... telling a full out fabrication, just so she can justify as to why he picked another woman over her.


But of course, dxp is the perfect place for people like you ..... look at how many people are as stupid as you banked on when spinning your story.
click to expand

And lo, hypocrisy aboundeth!

Op cannot read people's minds.

But p-gel can.