Getting to know someone while dating others

I find myself in a situation I have not yet been in before. Recently I started dating someone whose company I enjoy. We met online. He reached out to me first. After exchanging a few messages we set a date to meet in person. I ended up canceling due to a sinus infection. We rescheduled. He ended up canceling because he was stuck out of town due to weather conditions and wouldn't make it back until two days later. Finally we made plans to meet the day after he landed. Success. We had a lovely time. Conversation flowed easily. We naturally mimicked each other??s body language. We shared dessert. I burnt my tongue. He kissed me to make me feel better. We stayed until the restaurant closed. We shared a cab. He walked me to my door. He kissed me goodnight. He waited until I was safely inside. He returned to the cab. He texted me once he was home. We flirted until I feel asleep.

5 days later he texts me to tell me that his mom had a heart attack. All was ok. Final results remained to be seen. He said he??d be out of sorts for a while. I told him I understood. A few days later I texted him to ask how his mom was. He gave me details of her recovery. He said he wanted to see me again. He apologized for his slow pace. There were things he needed to do first. Lessons learned from previous relationships. I did not pressure or pry about seeing him again. He said this without provocation. I told him I understood. I said that I hoped if he didn't want to see me again he would say so. He promised he would. I said I would do the same. We became Facebook friends. We texted intermittently throughout the week. Chatting about things we had mentioned to each other before. Flirting. Much flirting. We made plans to meet Friday. Two full weeks after our first date. A movie. A bad one. But we were cuddled together throughout. Then we went to dinner. Bad food. But we laughed it off. Conversation didn't flow as well at first. I was tired. We talked about our shared wanderlust. Future vacation spots. We answered the questions of marriage and kids. Both of us on the same page. We shared a beer. He drove me home. We chatted in his car for a bit. He walked me to my door. He kissed me ferociously for what felt like days. We kissed for a while on my front steps. I did not invite him up. I asked if I??d have to wait two weeks to see him again. He said he hoped not. He said next time he wouldn't restrain himself. He texted me again when he got home. Commented on how much he enj

enjoyed kissing me. More flirting. Then sleep. I texted him in the morning the state of my lips and he flirted back.

We've texted briefly over the week. More time lapsed in-between responses than previously. I texted him last night. At a reasonable hour. He didn't text me back until the morning. I texted him on my lunch break gingerly offering up a fun idea for our third date without implying anything about this weekend. He said this weekend was booked for him. No details. Just booked. I didn't pry. He did say that if we did follow-through with my suggestion I may have to meet his friends who would definitely want to join in. Not sure how serious he was on that. I asked to make sure I wouldn't get to see him at all this weekend. His response —You are, indeed, free of me.?? Like any rational woman who is starting to build feelings for someone I took offense. All rationality flying out the window. Does he mean I'm free of him for good? What the hell does that mean? I have since pulled my senses back into my body in working order. We have had 2 dates. 2 dates. Lovely dates but only 2. Why am I suddenly putting so much pressure on this? I am perfectly aware of the fact that he is dating other women. It's obvious. It's also not completely unexpected. At this point I do like him. I also feel like there is a lot more I need to know about him. Am I dating other people? Yes and no. I'm not actively looking but I haven't said no to anyone I was attracted to who asked me out. Am I waiting for this guy? No. I'm living my life as it was before I met him.

Now my question to you, good people of dxpnet, how do you handle this kind of situation? I??ve always sort of naturally fallen into relationships. Dating is a somewhat foreign concept to me. I'm in my 30s. This guy is in his 40s. I feel out of my element here. Any thoughts or advice out there?

***ALSO I APOLOGIZE FOR ALL THE DOUBLE POSTS***

Posted by LittleStar
I would be surprised if he actually had a mother.

What makes you say that? I did see his Facebook post about her being in the hospital. His brother and a lot of his close friends commented. I doubt he'd go through that much of an elaborate ruse, especially if it was before we were even Facebook friends.

Posted by Impulsv
Mmm or actually married. If life is so dramatic with mother almost dying why be in dating site. Something seems off with his story.

Nope. We work in the same industry and know a lot of the same people. It's not like his mother had been ill for a long time. The heart attack was sudden and she needed to have surgery.

Posted by exoskeleton

Posted by SuperGroverGirl
He said this weekend was booked for him. No details. Just booked. I didn't pry. He did say that if we did follow-through with my suggestion I may have to meet his friends who would definitely want to join in. Not sure how serious he was on that. I asked to make sure I wouldn't get to see him at all this weekend. His response —You are, indeed, free of me.??

you're trippin' and questioning everything because of this?

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Initially yes. It was a response I wasn't expecting. I thought maybe a sorry or something. In my head it sounded like he was basically saying he didn't want to see me again. But I have since, as I mentioned in the sentences that followed after the quoted statement, I gathered my wits and calmed down because I realized I was over-reacting. I just feel like I'm overthinking everything and need a second opinion or two.

Posted by Impulsv
Then it sounds like you have it covered. Keep yourself busy and yes expect he's dating others

Thanks. That kind of makes me feel better. I mean, not the fact that he's dating other women. We aren't exclusive and I'm fine with that. I wouldn't be ready for that until I knew him better. But just hearing that I'm doing the right thing at the moment is a comfort.

I believe he is dating and you should to. You like him but, don't really know him yet, as you acknowledge. So, you can't be certain.

evaluate whether you could possibly like him when you don't know him or, whether you like the good times you've had... and let that be that.

Keep looking forward to a good time and don't get confused.

Posted by VenusAquarius
I believe he is dating and you should to. You like him but, don't really know him yet, as you acknowledge. So, you can't be certain.

evaluate whether you could possibly like him when you don't know him or, whether you like the good times you've had... and let that be that.

Keep looking forward to a good time and don't get confused.

Thank you. That's actually really great advice and will help me keep things in perspective.

Thanks Cancerdreamer9 for your input. I appreciate it. I'm not a fan of multi-dating either but I understand it. If a guy is multi-dating he's a player. But if a woman does it she's keeping her options open. Dating only one person at a time in the early stages seems natural but it also puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on everything. Why do we feel the need to be someone's one and only when we're just getting to know them? It's kind of an unrealistic expectation.

I was thinking about the last guy I dated who actually put me off of dating for a few months. He was way more into me than I was into him. After our first date he called and texted me everyday. Asked me what I was doing. If I wanted to meet up right this second or later. It was too much too soon. We only made it to a second date where he kept taking pictures of us together. I broke it off with him the next day.

Now granted the guy I'm seeing now is the opposite. Taking his time. Which I'm fine with. He can't be dating too many other women as he does own his own business which does take up a lot of his time. I'm in no rush. I'm also not into getting too physical before being exclusive. If it ends in heartbreak it ends in heartbreak. At least I got the chance to use my heart if only for a little bit.

Posted by SuperGroverGirl
Now my question to you, good people of dxpnet, how do you handle this kind of situation?

There isn't really anything to handle you have created the "situation" and it's all in your head.

You have expectations. He has not lived up to those expectations and thus they have turned into resentments.

I am sure he had expectations too. Perhaps he expected to be invited in on the second date.

My point is we all have them and it's ok. Try to minimize them and be aware they are your expectations which have more than likely not been presented to him. How can he be expected to live up to or perform in a way he knows nothing about?

Since you have said you are unfamiliar with the world of dating and he sounds to be quite familiar with it, proceed with caution. This is a mismatch.

It does not have to end badly or end at all.

Thanks for pointing that out, Nala13. You are completely right. This is exactly what I needed to hear to bring me back down to Earth. Based on my past experiences I had a completely different set of expectations and I was disappointed when they didn't come to fruition.

So I've brought myself out of my head and back into reality and we shall see what develops from here.

Posted by tiziani
I think it's a bit strange you started to have feelings for someone after 2 dates. It's your responsibility.

True, it is my responsibility and I never denied that. But is there really a set time frame for when you are supposed to feel a connection with someone? Every interaction is different. You can't plan chemistry.

Posted by SuperGroverGirlLike any rational woman who is starting to build feelings for someone I took offense. All rationality flying out the window. Does he mean I'm free of him for good? What the hell does that mean?

Am I dating other people? Yes and no. I'm not actively looking but I haven't said no to anyone I was attracted to who asked me out. Am I waiting for this guy? No. I'm living my life as it was before I met him.

ugh..another drama queen... Your weekend was free because his wasn't, very simple and he stated so. My guess is based on the title you don't plan on telling this guy you are dating others right? Or will you just post that crap on facebook in hopes of making him jealous so he frees up some weekends for you and speeds thing up. smfh

Posted by

ugh..another drama queen... Your weekend was free because his wasn't, very simple and he stated so. My guess is based on the title you don't plan on telling this guy you are dating others right? Or will you just post that crap on facebook in hopes of making him jealous so he frees up some weekends for you and speeds thing up. smfh

Woah! Dude. Calm down. I don't know what kind of issues you have with women but I am not that type of girl. I'm as honest and straight forward as they come. If I was dating someone else I would tell him. I have nothing to hide. The last thing I want is to trick someone into being with me. That's desperate and childish and not how I roll.

Yes exactly lol I was trying to be helpful by pointing that out. A lot of what you've said suggests you're not satisfied this isn't happening within your expected time frame. So break free of the contradiction in your approach, and you won't feel pressure anymore.

Thanks, Tizani. I've come to that conclusion since my original post yesterday. Was too much freaking out in my own head that has now subsided. Thank you for adding your perspective.

Posted by SuperGroverGirl

If I was dating someone else I would tell him. I have nothing to hide.

Oh...so you shared this with him right?

"Am I dating other people? Yes and no. I'm not actively looking but I haven't said no to anyone I was attracted to who asked me out. Am I waiting for this guy? No. I'm living my life as it was before I met him."

Posted by LetltB

Posted by SuperGroverGirl

If I was dating someone else I would tell him. I have nothing to hide.

Oh...so you shared this with him right?

"Am I dating other people? Yes and no. I'm not actively looking but I haven't said no to anyone I was attracted to who asked me out. Am I waiting for this guy? No. I'm living my life as it was before I met him."

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If there was anything to tell him I would. But I haven't gone out with anyone yet so there is nothing to tell.

Posted by SuperGroverGirl

Posted by VenusAquarius
I believe he is dating and you should to. You like him but, don't really know him yet, as you acknowledge. So, you can't be certain.

evaluate whether you could possibly like him when you don't know him or, whether you like the good times you've had... and let that be that.

Keep looking forward to a good time and don't get confused.

Thank you. That's actually really great advice and will help me keep things in perspective.

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That is a great post. How can you like him when you don't really know him. You've had two dates so maybe 8 hours of time spent with each other... That's not enough. Try not to over invest in him, after all, you can spend 8 hours with someone on a shift at work and you'd still not know them enough to start over thinking everything.

Posted by SuperGroverGirl

Posted by VenusAquarius
I believe he is dating and you should to. You like him but, don't really know him yet, as you acknowledge. So, you can't be certain.

evaluate whether you could possibly like him when you don't know him or, whether you like the good times you've had... and let that be that.

Keep looking forward to a good time and don't get confused.

Thank you. That's actually really great advice and will help me keep things in perspective.

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I'm sorry, but I think that he has lost interest in you. Or he actually had another woman, but he does not know how to tell you this.I don`t think it makes sense to spend time on it. Try to go on a date with someone else for example on http://kovla.com/datings/us/new-york-city/</a> and get away from thinking about him!

Posted by cancerdreamer9
It's weird to have feelings after two dates? You people are nuts.

I was wtf to that comment as well. Considering who that ridiculous statement came from, I'd take it with zero seriousness.

Maybe he meant to have THIS level of feeling after two dates...?

Posted by cancerdreamer9
This is why you shouldn't multi-date. I was going to say something is missing until you said he is multi-dating. There you go. You got your answer.

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