Girl messing with us

Before my husband and I got married, when were dating, an old high school friend of his, a female, talked to him on Facebook to be roommates with another friend, also from high school. They started talking after years of no contact, it quickly turned into some serious flirting, mostly from her, but he responded. He never told her about me. He told me about her, their plan and presented her as an old friend from HS. One day, she messaged me, told me about my at the time boyfriend and her. Told me they were online dating. When I learned about it and saw how vile she was, I got upset and told my boyfriend and he stopped talking to her immediately. They didn't talk for years.

If you read or have read what I posted before. My husband and I are currently doing couple's therapy and it's going very well. We're back together, we're living together again and we're heading in the right direction. His depression is what affected us and our therapist is helping us. We're in love again, the sex is great. We're happy, working on our recovery but it's still fragile.

The old high school friend he flirted with however, is back. Last night, she contacted me. Telling me they were talking again and asked me to back off this time. She even gave me her Instagram to show me how serious they are. On it, a pic of a conversation. My boyfriend asking what's up, him playfully calling her a loser after she told him she was watching Netflix and drinking alone.
He didn't tell me about her this time. I learned it from her.
I got upset, we talked about her. He told me she added him on Facebook a week ago and he talked to her without adding her, asking why she wanted to be friends after what happened. They've been talking. He told me he barely talks to her anymore, not since it's started going so well between us. Except, the Instagram pic is from tonight.

Husband and I got in a fight. He called me crazy for overreacting about him talking to her, told me I ruined all our therapy. Told me tonight's fight reminded him of why he wanted out in the first place. When I told him I wanted to talk to her, he said no. He didn't want me talking to her at all. As something happened with her, I'm uncertain about her intentions. She's recently divorced.

At this point, I don't know what to do. I messaged her and I politely asked her to respect our marriage. I want to write something under her Instagram pic, but then I will be really crazy. I just want her to understand he's taken. I'm wo

Your husband sounds like a child for trying to blame you for the therapy thing not working.

This woman sounds like an arsehole.

You sound like you're handling it much better than I would. I'd probably have stabbed him in the head by now!! Yeah blame my Scorp Sun and Venus for that extreme!

I'm not sure what to say to be fair. It's easy to say if you're not happy then leave him but it's not always that simple.

I'd say keep level headed and try to find out as much as possible about their contact. He should probably ignore her totally but maybe he's just being polite and responding to her and keeping it light. Maybe there's more to it. My point is it's hard to judge when you only have part of the story.

Well, is this something you can bring up at your next therapy session?
Because having a third party in the room to mediate this will definitely help.

I'm sorry, I like to think hard work is key in a relationship but yes, if my partner was like this he wouldn't be my partner for long!
Part of the issue and the key to growth is taking responsibility for your own actions and he is responsible for his actions here with her and the chatting, the online flirting- basically the fact that he's established this type of relationship with her in the past...
and there are no degrees of grey and black and white when you are working on your marriage.

He should know by now that this behaviour is a trigger for your conflicts and although it's not healthy to avoid conflict it is very easy to pinpoint some of the situations that have led to a breakdown in an intimate situation and he KNOWS that she would be a sore point, so as an adult man with a WIFE I really think he's not being very smart here...
As an aside I don't think you should be talking to her about this or reaching out to her or otherwise explaining yourself to her or even remotely involving yourself with her...
She is not your problem. Yes it would be a wonderful world where you could smack that biotch down and take her out in your own way but that is more grief you do not need.
Focus on your husband and you, and it is his job to sort her out -out of his life or whatever. I really don't think she cares about your side of this story at all. It's sad, but I guess some women are like that and I feel very sad that that is the case 😢

It's time for a divorce. Life is too short to be stuck with a miserable man-child.

Pack your bag and start living again. I'm positive it's much harder than words make it seem, but it cost absolutely nothing get up and leave. Let him hang himself in his misery WITHOUT YOU. He made a choice to engage a woman that is actively trying to destroy you and his union with a care in the world about how much it would hurt you. With out a care about how hard you've been working to mend broken pieces and keep love alive. He does not deserve you. He does, however, deserve the depression he's battling.


I hope you leave sooner than later. I believe in fighting for love, but the minute your partner seeks out other women (especially women that are telling YOU, his significant other, to BACK OFF after all the shit you've been through with him!!!?!?!) the battle is lost and the love is gone. I'm sure you thought therapy would make things better, and in some instances it does, but this is not one of them.


He does not care for you in the same way you care for him.

Hey there Car- Hm I had a few situations like this with my ex bff. He ended up cheating on me with an attention seeker home wrecker. This reminds me of your bff's friend.. Guess what he was telling the women, that he was my roommate, not gff.. So they didn't see me as a threat of any kind, lol.. But guess what he had sex with all of them. I only found out through the women. Because he denied it all.I am pretty sure she is a home wrecker that wants some kind of attention after her divorced. He being secretive like that is a red flag...Oh I am a jealous bitch too, I fought my ex all the time.. Not the women.. The women had no clue. This women will try.. Be careful and it's never too late to leave. Can't fix the broken..

So this women will try to get some from your bff if she hasn't already. Maybe he is emotionally cheating on you with her..He's over reacting because he may be guilty of something.. Meet with her by yourself, if you really want to know. Just do it for closure.

Posted by CarRiderGirl
My boyfriend asking what's up, him playfully calling her a loser after she told him ...

You mean your husband?

'...asked me to back off this time. She even gave me her Instagram to show me how serious they are. '

It's not just talking or just flirting.

If she threatened you like this he needs to stop talking to her. She is one psycho bitch.

But if he doesn't stop talking to her soon, and he is calling you crazy instead, then that means there is something going on between them and you have every right and reason to be mad or to leave him.

She isn't the problem. He is. If he were truly committed to working on your marriage, he wouldn't even aknowledge her.

When I was married we had a girl messing with our marriage much like this, though she didn't have the balls to approach me in such a way. I told my ex (the gemini) that I expected him to man up and do something about her. He did not. He enjoyed the flirtation with her which led to them sleeping together. All of a sudden I was the bad guy and she was the good guy. I asked him to leave and we are not divorced.

A man can't be taken if he doesn't want to be. So my advice, let her have him because he isn't worth keeping.

I meant we are NOW divorced.

I do agree with wagtail though. Bring it to your next therapy session and talk it out there with a mediator.

Hopefully, he steps up and tells this girl to hit the road.

Posted by truecap
She isn't the problem. He is. If he were truly committed to working on your marriage, he wouldn't even aknowledge her.

When I was married we had a girl messing with our marriage much like this, though she didn't have the balls to approach me in such a way. I told my ex (the gemini) that I expected him to man up and do something about her. He did not. He enjoyed the flirtation with her which led to them sleeping together. All of a sudden I was the bad guy and she was the good guy. I asked him to leave and we are not divorced.

A man can't be taken if he doesn't want to be. So my advice, let her have him because he isn't worth keeping.

I would listen to this advice and get out now, so it doesn't turn into this heartwrenching betrayel. At least if he sees you moving away hes not gotten the best of you first.

I mean the emotions... its not only heartbreaking but brutal and just plain mean.

CapRidergirl, according to your previous posts, your relationship was getting from bad to worse long before this girl's shenanigans. One of your early posts was "Are we heading for divorce?" Since then, you've got plenty of answers from us saying "yes, you are!" If you are not really married, that would be the only good news here.

Please stop imagining that you are his saviour. It could be equally true that you are suffocating him and he would get better once out of the relationship!

Let the Gem be, get on with your life and don't look back! How many time do you have to hear from a man that he does NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU any longer...? You are in your twenties, FFS! Free yourself and find someone to suit your needs better.

Update: We saw the therapist yesterday and she ripped him a new one. She made him message that girl in front of us asking her to leave us alone, saying he had a moment of weakness that won't happen again, asked that this girl respect our relationship. Our therapist completely took my side and she explained that his actions are his responsibility. Not mine, not my fault and that it was all his. Said my reaction was normal. He started crying and asked for my forgiveness. She told him that it's his duty as my husband to take my side.

The therapist also asked me to message that girl and confront her. Which I have yet to do because I don't know what to say to her. What do you say to a girl who doesn't care about marriage?

Really? instead of being a "therapist" who helps you "BOTH" work through what is right and wrong in your relationship, to understand why your husband is acting in this manner and to work out if you should stay together she counsels him to resort to teenage texting behaviour and advises you the same, and you think this is good? You need a new therapist amongst other things

Posted by CarRiderGirl
Update: We saw the therapist yesterday and she ripped him a new one. She made him message that girl in front of us asking her to leave us alone, saying he had a moment of weakness that won't happen again, asked that this girl respect our relationship. Our therapist completely took my side and she explained that his actions are his responsibility. Not mine, not my fault and that it was all his. Said my reaction was normal. He started crying and asked for my forgiveness. She told him that it's his duty as my husband to take my side.

The therapist also asked me to message that girl and confront her. Which I have yet to do because I don't know what to say to her. What do you say to a girl who doesn't care about marriage?

Posted by CarRiderGirl
Update: We saw the therapist yesterday and she ripped him a new one. She made him message that girl in front of us asking her to leave us alone, saying he had a moment of weakness that won't happen again, asked that this girl respect our relationship. Our therapist completely took my side and she explained that his actions are his responsibility. Not mine, not my fault and that it was all his. Said my reaction was normal. He started crying and asked for my forgiveness. She told him that it's his duty as my husband to take my side.

The therapist also asked me to message that girl and confront her. Which I have yet to do because I don't know what to say to her. What do you say to a girl who doesn't care about marriage?

If he were forced to do it, did he really mean it?

^^+10

I have no pity for you, and believe this is all your fault. He's been telling you for months now that the marriage is finished ... but, you are making him hang on because you can't handle it.

Title: are we heading for divorce?
Gemini board, 9/24/2014
- he's talking to other people about how miserable he is with you, but, you refuse to accept that with him and attempt to make him believe he's not unhappy with you.

Title: divorce 2
Gemini board, 10/13/2014
- he's telling you that he's bored with you and wants to go out to enjoy his life, but you refuse to accept that and try to continue forcing upon him that he IS happy with you.

Title: divorce part 3
Gemini board, 10/26/2014
- he's not being kissy face and cutesy with you any longer and forgot that you wanted to talk to him about something you deemed important (car shopping) - yet, this whole car shopping situation is second hand information that you talked about with someone else. He never told you that he wouldn't go shopping with you. You assumed that you knew his mind and then got upset with him without any facts. so, you came in here to cry about how you still try to be cutesy with him, but, he isn't interested.

Title: Gemini man starting fights
Gemini board, 12/9/2014
- the 1st paragraph says that because of dxp, he wants to renew marriage vows with you. Yet, he's never been to dxp, so really it's you who wants to renew marriage vows in which you are projecting onto him. While the rest of the OP talks about how he likes to fight with you so he can get out of the house because what he really wants is to hang out with his friends. You end the OP saying that you can't understand how a man who is happy in love with you, would want to fight with you.

Title: Depression & Freedom
Gemini board, 12/22/2014
- He wants out of the marriage and tells you he is not happy with you. Your question to us was: do you let him leave and mess up your marriage and how do you make him snap out of it.

Title: Gem Husband doesn't know what he wants
Relationship & Astrology board, 12/23/2014
- He tells you that he doesn't know what he wants any longer and wants to go out with his friends, have more freedom. You say, "I told him that we would take care of everything together as a couple, that I wouldn't let him ruin 10 years. That we would resume life and face the music." He tells you again that he doesn't know any longer and then you tell us, "He still wants me in his life"

Title

Title: Gemini & Mental Issues
Gemini board, 1/7/2015
- You say that he's been secretly dealing with issues like depression, so you've taken the two of you to therapy to work on him going back to what he wants (which you believe should be you). You say that the therapy is making him worse and yet you still make him do therapy until he gets back to how it was before.

You are in total denial, and completely ignoring all the signs.

He's finished with you, and has been expressing this to you for months.

Certainly, you probably need therapy or some kind of support to help you let go .... but, as it is now with you, you haven't faced reality, so the only thing are accomplishing here in expressing to you that he's fucked up is enabling you in your delusion.


wake the fuck up and YOU face the music .... he wants out. Now the shut the fuck up with all your whining and face reality.

oh and btw, if your partner is depressed and you don't know .. then you're a lousy partner. It would mean that you're not paying attention. I suspect the only person you are paying attention to is YOU and what YOU want.

I don't feel sorry for you in the least bit. Now, if you were talking about your grief in how you aren't dealing with divorce very well and needed support than I shut the fuck up and let all of these people coddle you. But, you're not doing that. You are ignoring him and his needs and only focused on what you want.

Fuck that ... fuck you

what she said ^^

But I think your story is complete and utter bullshit, its not up to a therapist to get the other lady involved by getting him to msg her to sate your insecurities and for you to confront her which could create a situation that could lead to who know what.

Something seems off about you.

Your relationship wasn't built on trust, therefore it was never really honest to begin with and you played just as big a role in this as he did.

Both of you have your allies and that stunt with the therapist shows that. You even have them here. Everyone is showing up and is privy to bits and pieces as it is impossible to know the whole story. Neither of you know as well because you remain in your respective corners, regardless of what is said by both of you and some of your actions.

The third wheel is playing you both but you guys are so locked into the blame game, because it has become a means of communication. Your relationship is a tornado littered with bandaids.

He checked out a long time ago, he might love you, but doesn't like you. But you are determined not to lose anything and you don't want to accept that letting go is also about gaining something.

Posted by CarRiderGirl

We're in love again ....



The old high school friend he flirted with however, is back.
.... how serious they are. On it, a pic of a conversation. My boyfriend asking what's up, him playfully calling her
He didn't tell me about her this time.
.... she added him on Facebook a week ago and he talked to her
They've been talking.
.... the Instagram pic is from tonight.

And now look at this thread.

By you saying, "we're in love again", is evidence of your delusion. Because you are in denial of reality, you make that statement attempting to convince us (and yourself) that he's in love with you.

when in reality, the rest of the quote (in snippets) proves that he's NOT in love with you. He's talking to another woman.


But, you're so completely submerged in a fantasy that you cannot even see what is right in front of your face.


Every person who is telling you that you're ok and he's fucked up ... is hurting you, they are enabling you to continue down the road of pain.

You need to wake the fuck up.

Posted by CarRiderGirl

...They've been talking. He told me he barely talks to her anymore, not since it's started going so well between us.

At this point, I don't know what to do. I messaged her and I politely asked her to respect our marriage.

That's really something you should tell your husband since he's the one that has vowed to stay committed and loyal to you.

I guess it's a good thing your relationship started going well since this appears to be the only reason he "barley talks to her anymore". Sorry, but she isn't the only part of the problem here.

Posted by CarRiderGirl
Update: We saw the therapist yesterday and she ripped him a new one. She made him message that girl in front of us asking her to leave us alone, saying he had a moment of weakness that won't happen again, asked that this girl respect our relationship. Our therapist completely took my side and she explained that his actions are his responsibility. Not mine, not my fault and that it was all his. Said my reaction was normal. He started crying and asked for my forgiveness. She told him that it's his duty as my husband to take my side.

The therapist also asked me to message that girl and confront her. Which I have yet to do because I don't know what to say to her. What do you say to a girl who doesn't care about marriage?

What utter bullshit ^^^^^^


You're making shit up. Probably the whole time.

You really think you have fooled, don't you?

So if therapy is usually the last straw for couples? Which is very expensive, what are you going to do if he does continue and doesn't change?

When do you just walk away from everything and start over... are you a Taurus btw holding on— Cause it is very mentally, and physically exhausting and it just causes more stress than happiness. There's alot of pent up feelings, emotions, and deceitful lying going on.. only you know when it's time to let it go..

1. well, it's an indiviual choice. The woman can give up first. Or she waits until the man gives up.


2. I would not say, "... therapist ... made him message that girl in front of us asking her to leave us alone...". The therapist can only let him choose the clear or the ambigious way. And he decided for the clear case.


3. The husband had chosen ambiguity until this session. Because he is the sum of his Cancer and Gemini parts. Tending to have the cake and eat it. Now he has learned to make a choice which may have been a little bitter for him.

"are you a Taurus "

Cap sun.
but he and she both have Cancer placements with involvement of sensitive houses (Idk, 7, 8 or 4).

http://s1365.photobucket.com/user/veronica28feb/media/Screen% 20shot% 202015-01-24% 20at% 2020.24.20_zpsjlxenp7s.png.html" target="_blank">

That's how I imagine her relationship. Car included 🙂.

Posted by feby
Who doesn't like that—! 😛

Errrr....the slave?

Since we've been having problems, I asked my husband at least 10 times if he wanted to get a divorce and every single time he said no.

I left our home 3 times. I packed my bags and went to friends for a few days. Each time he asked me to come home.

We talked about taking a break. I told him I would let him live his life. Told him I would fine with it, which I am. I love him and want him to be happy even if it means to leave him and get a divorce.

Every. Single. Time. He said no. Told me he love me and want me in his life.

Posted by Undine
http://s1365.photobucket.com/user/veronica28feb/media/Screen% 20shot% 202015-01-24% 20at% 2020.24.20_zpsjlxenp7s.png.html" target="_blank">

That's how I imagine her relationship. Car included 🙂.

Hahahaha that picture is making me laugh. You know Geminis can be wild in the bedroom. Mine is. He actually likes being under my control sometimes. 50 shades of grey is tamed compared to what we do.
Thanks, I needed that 🙂

That's what you think. Why ever would you think that what happens in the bedroom can transfer to daily life. Would you really walk around with a ball gage in public.

He doesn't want to hurt you so you being out of your home seems wrong to him. He probably thinks that you need him more that he needs you and that is why he is having a difficult time sticking to what he really wants. He mirrors you but his true desires come out in other ways that lead to your confusion.

You won't have peace as long as you keep fighting for control. A gems will rarely smack you in the face, you'll just feel it later.

Why even bother with therapy? He's using that as an excuse to continue to speak to the girl. He knows it's not right and it hurts you and he still continues to do it. In my opinion, I think he likes her and doesn't want to let her go. Teach him a lesson. Let her have him, because he's going to communicate with her one way or another. Regardless of what you say. His actions is showing that he doesn't care about me. Fuck him and fuck and that whore. Only a whore would mess up someone else's relationship. I say move on.

You*

Posted by Noreallynow

Why even bother with therapy? He's using that as an excuse to continue to speak to the girl. He knows it's not right and it hurts you and he still continues to do it. In my opinion, I think he likes her and doesn't want to let her go. Teach him a lesson. Let her have him, because he's going to communicate with her one way or another. Regardless of what you say. His actions is showing that he doesn't care about me. Fuck him and fuck and that whore. Only a whore would mess up someone else's relationship. I say move on.

Considering you said (the bolded) .... the conclusion is made that you didn't actually read this.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by Noreallynow

Why even bother with therapy? He's using that as an excuse to continue to speak to the girl. He knows it's not right and it hurts you and he still continues to do it. In my opinion, I think he likes her and doesn't want to let her go. Teach him a lesson. Let her have him, because he's going to communicate with her one way or another. Regardless of what you say. His actions is showing that he doesn't care about me. Fuck him and fuck and that whore. Only a whore would mess up someone else's relationship. I say move on.

Considering you said (the bolded) .... the conclusion is made that you didn't actually read this.

click to expand

I did. What did I miss?

It irritates the fuck out of me that people are so dense and caught up in their own bullshit that they cannot disconnect themselves long enough to rationalize.

Posted by CarRiderGirl

I just want her to understand he's taken.

Posted by CarRiderGirl
Update: We saw the therapist yesterday and she ripped him a new one. She made him message that girl in front of us asking her to leave us alone, saying he had a moment of weakness that won't happen again, asked that this girl respect our relationship. Our therapist completely took my side and she explained that his actions are his responsibility. Not mine, not my fault and that it was all his. Said my reaction was normal. He started crying and asked for my forgiveness. She told him that it's his duty as my husband to take my side.

The therapist also asked me to message that girl and confront her. Which I have yet to do because I don't know what to say to her. What do you say to a girl who doesn't care about marriage?

This cannot be true. Just saying.

And only a few people were able to put two-and-two together to get that ^^^^


Now THAT's fucking scary

Posted by gemeliorist
That's what you think. Why ever would you think that what happens in the bedroom can transfer to daily life. Would you really walk around with a ball gage in public.

He doesn't want to hurt you so you being out of your home seems wrong to him. He probably thinks that you need him more that he needs you and that is why he is having a difficult time sticking to what he really wants. He mirrors you but his true desires come out in other ways that lead to your confusion.

You won't have peace as long as you keep fighting for control. A gems will rarely smack you in the face, you'll just feel it later.

What about when I tell him I will leave for him to be free and happy and he says no, what about when I ask him if he wants a divorce and he says no? When I ask him if he wants a break, same thing. No!

Does he also do that to make me happy?

Posted by Noreallynow

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by Noreallynow

Why even bother with therapy? He's using that as an excuse to continue to speak to the girl. He knows it's not right and it hurts you and he still continues to do it. In my opinion, I think he likes her and doesn't want to let her go. Teach him a lesson. Let her have him, because he's going to communicate with her one way or another. Regardless of what you say. His actions is showing that he doesn't care about me. Fuck him and fuck and that whore. Only a whore would mess up someone else's relationship. I say move on.

Considering you said (the bolded) .... the conclusion is made that you didn't actually read this.

I did. What did I miss?

click to expand

Ok.... I read what I missed...

"At this point, I don't know what to do. I messaged her and I politely asked her to respect our marriage. I want to write something under her Instagram pic, but then I will be really crazy. I just want her to understand he's taken."

whatever reason has made you "fight for your marriage", be it
religious background,
obsession,
common sense,
dedication/commitment,

that will make you be proud of yourself that you did your best. That you was a woman. A wife. A committed partner.


Adding to it that most of the background cultures/philyosophies have a page for divorce TOO.
When you land on that page, you have to file for divorce.


So check your background values. What drives you? What are your wishes and tasks? Is this situation or what comes after it good for your plans/wishes/tasks?

If this was his last time and the girl was the last girl, then you can say counseling did help.
If there's another Girl next month, what then?

Posted by GG

Posted by Arielle83
If it's all made up, what is the goal or purpose?

Prolly to get truecap and all the other Gemini male haters fired up, lol.

I noticed a lot of Capricorn women troll dxp on a regular basis. Remember the chick that stole some other person's pic from fb and claimed it was her? then the one that had model pics she claimed was her and had that whole thing with potheadvirgo? Then the one chick that kept saying she was married to an Arab prince or something lol. I'm sure theres more i dont know about.

These types of threads are always interesting to me. A lot of scorn and bruised hearts on DXP. *Hugs*

click to expand