How we confuse men

How men read women's signals

While discussing a breakup story with a co-worker, I learned yet another scary lesson about women for me to add to the existing volumes of scary women lessons that grace my mental bookshelves:

Women don't always mean what they say, and they expect us guys to know when they meand something and when they don't.

Now, my co-worker (Alison) explained tht the event that kicked off her descent in breakup was her boyfriend missing an afternoon flight to visit for Valentine's weekend. The bf is older, and she was gradually getting fed up with his irresponsible ways. Missing an afternoon flight wasn't the best thing for his relationship resume.


Then a defining moment: during the conversation, Allison's bf apologized for missing his flight. Allison angrily told him:

"You know what? Don't even come here. Don't worry about getting another flight."

So, he did what he was told, and didn't visit her in NYC. In fact, on Valentine's Day, he went "radio silence" as Allison put it. I guess he figured he was already in the doghouse after the blowup over the missed flight, so he thought it best to lay low.

A few days later Allison broke up with him. She told me:

"Obviously I did't mean for him not to visit. I meant the opposite. He should have known that. And when he didn't make the effort to visit anyhow, that was it."

Somehow he was supposed to know that "don't come up here" meant get your butt up here somehow, some way." I couldn't figure out the logic behind this. The correct thing to do is the opposite of what she's telling him to do?

I've complained that men are a disadvantage in the dating world because women are totally confusing. But how are we supposed to know when disobeying is the right thing to do?


I can tell you what men think: "When in doubt, just do what she says." But nearly every women I've spoken with regarding this story admits she has meant the opposite of what she said, and expected the guy to know this. You have to understand, if I'm in trouble and my gf tells me not to do something, logic tells me I'll anger her even more mad if I go against her wishes.

Do you ever say anthing and mean the opposite, and expect guys to know what you mean?
-Rich Santos

Sad to say I have told guys "Don't ever call me again" and not meant it!!!!! And wanted to him to call and say, "Oh whats wrong...what did I do to p*ss you off?" That's what I really wanted..def not for him to not call

I agree that women (or really anybody) shouldn't expect for others to read their minds.

Even a person who knows you in & out & whom can finish your sentences won't always know what you want unless you sometimes verbally AND literally come right out & say it

However, some things are common sense. And by common sense I mean that if I've got tears in my eyes, I shouldn't have to verbally say, "Yes I'm crying & I'm hurt" in order for a man to process that yes I'm crying and hurting.

And men can be so conveinant when they want to be. Sometimes they'll pay more attention to a woman's body language & to what she's NOT saying & use that as a basis to make a decision, even though the woman never verbally opened her mouth.

And then other times, men use the line that they stalled or didn't do something b/c they need verbal permission/confirmation to do so 1st.

I think it all just depends on the situation. Any time a person has a deal-breaking need, that need should always be verbalized, if anything for the sake of knowing that the other person can't come back & accuse you of not making them aware of that need. Other times, what a person wants you to do/say or how a person is feeling oughta be obvious.

I say what I mean and mean what I say, which doesnt always wok well for me as men who think they have "worked out women" assume that "leave me alone" means please constantly text and ring me lol.