Jumping the Gun

Why is it so many women get caught up in the future of a relationship instead of experiencing the relationship for what it currently is? We can't women live in the moment and enjoy what's in front of her instead of jumping the gun into the future before the foundations are established?

For instance:

1. After about dates 3-5, the woman decides things are going good with this guy and starts imagining the wedding in her head. I'm sure this changes the vibe of the relationship and she's kind of lost in the future instead of being in the moment. The guy senses this and starts to pull away from her, thinking she's not what she thought she was. It's the vibe that changed and he starts to feel like she's 'out to get something from him' and he gets that "icky" feeling and loses interest quickly.

2. A couple is talking on-line, skype, texting, phone calls, but they have not arranged to meet yet. She claims they have so much chemistry, know each other so well, are falling in love. She starts thinking about him more and more, secretly planning for a future. They haven't met yet. When he decides to slack off, she is heart broken - over a man she has never even been in the same proximity with.

3. Sex before a relationship. Sex on the first date or FWB, if you will. Then the woman develops feelings, wants a relationship. The man has not even considered her for a relationship and she gets her heart broken. It is like developing a relationship backwards. Usually and traditionally it's relationship then intimacy. But sex first puts the natural order of developing a relationship all out of whack. Intimacy before relationship. Sometimes men shut off from that intimacy because there is no foundation for which it was built on.

Why do women do this? Is it just a female thing? Are we so romantic that our day dreams take over our reality? Are women so desperate, they latch on to a future that hasn't even had the foundation established yet?

Why can't we, as women, slow down and take things one step at a time? Why do some women have to rush into it? Are we such victims of the 'self-gratification' generation that we want an instant relationship without taking the time and work a healthy relationship takes?

Please discuss.

Disclaimer: I'm not judging and I'm not saying that all women are this way. And I'm not saying there is anything wrong with the scenarios I painted. To each their own. It was just a couple of examples for when things don't work out

For some reason a lot of women feel this weird rush or time crunch when it comes to relationship.
The thought of rushing into marriage or things like that terrify me, but I admit to over thinking things or wanting things clearly defined in a relationship.
As far as fwb I think that works both ways. I'm a person who can easily separate emotional feelings from sex. I think most men expect you to get attached, and when you don't they get upset. I've had more issues with a guy developing feelings in a fwb situation than me.

I wonder if some people are just terrified of being alone? I have a friend who jumps from relationship to relationship, and each time puts way too much out too soon. Bad example because it's a guy ( but he acts more like a chick ). He plans their future a few days in. Says I love you around the same time.

Honestly I think too many women mistake infatuation and lust for love. I don't believe in love at first sight. It takes time and experiencing good times and bad to build a lasting relationship. How can you claim to love someone you barely know?
People get so caught up in the intense rush of good feelings that come from a new relationship that they can't see what they're doing.

I can't speak to the online relationship thing but after 4 or 5 dates, I am thinking about whether or not I can see a future with said person. If not why am I going to continue to date him? I have enough friends to go to the movies and out to dinner with. I also do not wish to be some "place holder" until some other woman comes along.

I wouldn't go as far as planning a wedding but to me dating someone for months without some sort of conversation about "what are we doing" usually doesn't end well.

Lastly, as a divorcee who has learned from her mistakes, I am no longer interested in trying to change someone. They are who they are and I have a choice on whether or not I accept them ain't no changin nobody.

I am dating with a purpose, the intent on finding my husband and procreating. I would like to have children.

I can certainly understand that not everyone wants to be married and have kids though. Each situation is so specific.

There will come a time when we'll live in the past.....

Surely there is nothing to do with being romantic...because it's not restricted to relationships.

The present "moment" is tiny compared to what we have ahead and behind.

Posted by AriesWoman87


Honestly I think too many women mistake infatuation and lust for love.

Bingo! Not just women, men also.

I like to know where a man stands and he should know where he stands. Why waste months, even weeks if you both want different things.

Same with a job interview. You ask questions so you dont get the raw end of the deal.

Posted by Arielle83
they are boring on their own and need a man to fulfill them, immature, lonely, hangs out with females who put the pressure on, co dependent, horny, useless with power tools...the list goes on

Did you come up with these all by yourself?

Picturing the wedding after only a few dates, is jumping the gun a little bit.

Could ladies' jumping the gun be due to the way they are raised.

I've always been under the impression that little girls grow up looking forward to marriage, family, and the house with the white picket fence.

Even little girls when I was a boy (long time ago) played house, had tea parties, easy bake ovens, and kitchen sets. It seems domestication is ingrained in them naturally -- from the get go.

—?

Posted by Gobshite

Posted by CapTenn
Could ladies' jumping the gun be due to the way they are raised.

I've always been under the impression that little girls grow up looking forward to marriage, family, and the house with the white picket fence.

Even little girls when I was a boy (long time ago) played house, had tea parties, easy bake ovens, and kitchen sets. It seems domestication is ingrained in them naturally -- from the get go.

—?

Yes, it's social brainwashing.

It's also another reason why all Disney Parks should burn to the ground...

click to expand

I have no doubt that some of the tendencies are manifested by societal expectations.

However, I also cannot deny the natural nurturing instincts displayed by little girls.

Probably 50/50.

This is funny.


Who knows why woman do what they do....

🙂

Posted by Undine
There will come a time when we'll live in the past.....

Surely there is nothing to do with being romantic...because it's not restricted to relationships.

The present "moment" is tiny compared to what we have ahead and behind.

Noo... the only thing we *ever* have is the present moment.

🙂

Disney.

Posted by CapTenn
Could ladies' jumping the gun be due to the way they are raised.

I've always been under the impression that little girls grow up looking forward to marriage, family, and the house with the white picket fence.

Even little girls when I was a boy (long time ago) played house, had tea parties, easy bake ovens, and kitchen sets. It seems domestication is ingrained in them naturally -- from the get go.

—?

that's it for the majority of girls. There are studies out there that prove little girls are treated differently to little boys in the same senario. Both fall over and scrap their knee, little girl is picked up and made a fuss over and little boy is picked up and told to man up, it didn't hurt that much. Little girls are treated as little princess's that will one day have their own. They will find their prince and get married and have the house & white picket fence in a lot of cases and live happily ever after. On top of that we also follow the examples of our parents. Some with parents still together hope and dream of that and for the others, they want what they never had.

So many differing factors but all with the same results, we aren't going to waste much time on someone that we can't see a future with and for most, finding that special someone is important!

I agree with not wasting time, but some move so dang fast and get way ahead of themselves.

and i suppose disney and fairy tales have a huge influence as well as rom com movies.

Oxytocin and estrogen vs oxytocin and testosterone. The high levels of testosterone decreases the effect of oxytocin in a man, and the high levels of estrogen increases the effect of oxytocin in a woman. I know no one was looking for the scientific answer lol but it is what it is. 🙂

Posted by CancerrifiC
Oxytocin and estrogen vs oxytocin and testosterone. The high levels of testosterone decreases the effect of oxytocin in a man, and the high levels of estrogen increases the effect of oxytocin in a woman. I know no one was looking for the scientific answer lol but it is what it is. 🙂

Yep.

*Looks around at the men in the vacinity*


Which explains why manly men are not in tune with their feelings and
why wimpy men are all about openly sharing their feelings.

high levels of testosterone = manly
low levels of testosterone = wimpy

Posted by Nala13
I can't speak to the online relationship thing but after 4 or 5 dates, I am thinking about whether or not I can see a future with said person. If not why am I going to continue to date him? I have enough friends to go to the movies and out to dinner with. I also do not wish to be some "place holder" until some other woman comes along.

I wouldn't go as far as planning a wedding but to me dating someone for months without some sort of conversation about "what are we doing" usually doesn't end well.

Lastly, as a divorcee who has learned from her mistakes, I am no longer interested in trying to change someone. They are who they are and I have a choice on whether or not I accept them ain't no changin nobody.

I am dating with a purpose, the intent on finding my husband and procreating. I would like to have children.

I can certainly understand that not everyone wants to be married and have kids though. Each situation is so specific.

I completely agree with this whole post!