Is he cheating with his ex? or is she stalking us?

Hi Everyone, Needing some advice.

Ive been with my current boyfriend for almost 10 months. Previously, He was in a relationship with a girl for four years, they lived together and everything. Well after almost a year of fighting and mutually hurting each other, his ex broke up with him, made him sleep on the couch, and ultimately he moved out. He tried tirelessly to get her back for 3 months, but she started dating someone else. Towards the end he told me he eventually gave up and that is when, WITH A BOYFRIEND, she tried pursuing him.

Fast forward 6 months, He started dating me. I asked him if he was over her completely and he showed me almost a dozen text of her consistently texting him (before we started dating) to which he ignored her. Once we started dating he called her up and told her he had a gf and I wasnt comfortable with her contacting him. I guess this opened up a can of warms because almost every month since she has contacted him. Below are all the text.

February: So who is this girl, do you like her? Where did you meet her?
March: So you took your girlfriend to malibu huh?
May: I just want you to understand that you and I didn't have the best relationship, you need to openly discuss things if you and her are going to work
July: She called him twice, he responded via text tell her to go away, in response she stated "This on you if you would just answer my questions you and your girlfriend can live in beach
August: So do you like plan on marrying this girl?
Sept: I don't know if you phone is off or if you ignoring me??

Now after this countless emails and phone calls, I finally confronted her with his permission, very respectfully I might add, she responded off the handle, calling me a little girl and saying that I dont need to tell her what she should do. She then went on to state that she was not disrespecting my relationship and that MY BOYFRIEND WAS INITIATING CONVERSATION WITH HER AND SHE HAD PROOF, WHICH ONCE SHE FOUND OUT MY BOYFRIEND WAS WITH ME DURING THIS CONVERSATION SHE WAS LIKE OH ASK HIM AND EVENTUALLY BACK DOWN!!! MEANWHILE SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND THROUGH EVERYTHING!!! I asked my boyfriend several times for honesty and he stood by his story of never responding to anything she's sent.

I am just not sure what her problem is, is he being truthful or am I caught in a love triangle

You do realize that someone can delete their own responses in a text thread, right?

However, she needs to back off, regardless. She's clearly in a relationship and so is he. Nobody owes her answers anymore. She made her choice to break it off with him.

Shes not the issue. Your boyfriend is. He has obviously not established clear boundaries.

Posted by DMV
Shes not the issue. Your boyfriend is. He has obviously not established clear boundaries.

+1
Why isn't his ex on BLOCK? Not to mention it wasn't your (talking to OP) place to have words with his ex...it was HIS with you present. smh

You sound very dramatic .... there's no doubt in my mind that you're getting off on it

They're not completely done with each other.

They've still got unfinished business. In the least, he's giving her the impression that they do.

Sounds like he deleted his own sent messages. Sounds like she keeps bringing you up as an issue b/c although he's talking to her behind closed doors, he's not willing to discuss you. To an extent, that's good, but to her, she knows him probably better than you & is taking his unwillingness to be honest about you as him holding back info b/c he somehow still cares about her feelings.

She's not talking to him b/c she just HAS to keep him as a friend in order to survive. She's being nosy & he's making her more and more curious the more he deflects & refuses to answer her questions. And she's right. If he's gonna break boundaries & talk to her, he might as well tell her what's up. Him not willing to tell her what it is tells me that he's hiding you.

He's afraid to let his ex know that he's serious about someone else b/c he still sees her as plan B & doesn't want her thinking that he's completely gone and over her mentally....just in case they decide to go another round in the future, some ex's do just enough to find small manipulative ways to keep the other at bay, "just in case."

If you're just insistent on getting to the bottom of this & since you've decided not to fully trust him, ask her for screen shots. Can't fake those. If it turns out he's been lying, get out early & move on. I'd be willing to bet you though that you're sharing him. If not sexually, definitely mentally, which is actually worse

Actually, forget all that I just said. You and I both know your gut already gave you the answer to your questions. Follow that thing called 'intuition' & 'warning bells' that you keep trying to ignore.

One thing you need to remember with guys who have "crazy" girlfriends- there's a really, really good chance he's causing the "crazy."

Are there crazy ex/girlfriends out there? Sure. But don't forget, that's also a way a lot of guys deal with fucking around- they blame it on the chick. He does/says stupid things to string her along leading her to believe things are one way, when they really aren't. When he fucks around and she calls him out on it, suddenly she's "crazy." It's a tactic some losers use, unfortunately.

That said, I agree with what else has been said here- I don't think he's being entirely honest with you. I think he is texting her, he just deletes his responses in the text threads, and he has not set up boundaries at all. I feel sorry for you and her boyfriend for being sucked into their immature drama. Neither should be dating, tbh.

You need to get to the bottom of this and write him off if you find he hasn't been entirely forthcoming. You don't need to start off a relationship battling against an ex for emotional space.

Three options:

1. Break it off and dump the drama.

2. Don't comment on it. Ignore it and observe. If he keeps bringing it up, then he's not over her and that actually gives you more information than what you would get by asking questions. No comments, just let him talk and see how often he brings it up.

Or,

3. You can be bold and aknowledge and support their friendship and suggest a double date. Then you can really observe their interaction.

Option 3 is like calling the bluff. Lays the cards out on the table for everyone to see - including her new boyfriend.

Posted by krysrenee7
They're not completely done with each other.

They've still got unfinished business. In the least, he's giving her the impression that they do.

Sounds like he deleted his own sent messages. Sounds like she keeps bringing you up as an issue b/c although he's talking to her behind closed doors, he's not willing to discuss you. To an extent, that's good, but to her, she knows him probably better than you & is taking his unwillingness to be honest about you as him holding back info b/c he somehow still cares about her feelings.

She's not talking to him b/c she just HAS to keep him as a friend in order to survive. She's being nosy & he's making her more and more curious the more he deflects & refuses to answer her questions. And she's right. If he's gonna break boundaries & talk to her, he might as well tell her what's up. Him not willing to tell her what it is tells me that he's hiding you.

He's afraid to let his ex know that he's serious about someone else b/c he still sees her as plan B & doesn't want her thinking that he's completely gone and over her mentally....just in case they decide to go another round in the future, some ex's do just enough to find small manipulative ways to keep the other at bay, "just in case."

If you're just insistent on getting to the bottom of this & since you've decided not to fully trust him, ask her for screen shots. Can't fake those. If it turns out he's been lying, get out early & move on. I'd be willing to bet you though that you're sharing him. If not sexually, definitely mentally, which is actually worse

Actually, forget all that I just said. You and I both know your gut already gave you the answer to your questions. Follow that thing called 'intuition' & 'warning bells' that you keep trying to ignore.

this.all.damn.day

you knew it from the getgo but maybe your curiosity got the better of you.

whats your boyfriends sign?

Posted by rockyroadicecream
One thing you need to remember with guys who have "crazy" girlfriends- there's a really, really good chance he's causing the "crazy."

Are there crazy ex/girlfriends out there? Sure. But don't forget, that's also a way a lot of guys deal with fucking around- they blame it on the chick. He does/says stupid things to string her along leading her to believe things are one way, when they really aren't. When he fucks around and she calls him out on it, suddenly she's "crazy." It's a tactic some losers use, unfortunately.

That said, I agree with what else has been said here- I don't think he's being entirely honest with you. I think he is texting her, he just deletes his responses in the text threads, and he has not set up boundaries at all. I feel sorry for you and her boyfriend for being sucked into their immature drama. Neither should be dating, tbh.

You need to get to the bottom of this and write him off if you find he hasn't been entirely forthcoming. You don't need to start off a relationship battling against an ex for emotional space.

+1