AriesGirl74
@AriesGirl74
12 Years500+ Posts
Comments: 8 · Posts: 678 · Topics: 22
Let the Man Be the Man...
Finally a good a question concerning relationships. Guys should sense it honestly and usually "he should be a man." I'm using the cliche but I don't know how long. It depends on how into him she is . It should start around the week to two week window for her to make the first move I would think. I have always been a proponent of a female asking to go out for coffee or even her house (this is super obvious), is perfectly fine and doesn't make her look like a slut. There are too many shy dark age women who think it's slutty to move first if the man doesn't. If he's worth it and doesn't pick up on it don't let him get away.
Posted by AriesGirl74
I see this comment A LOT on here, especially when people are having a "relationship crisis" which usually equates to the woman starting to panic about not hearing from a guy she has started seeing after a great date or whatever.
People say "relax, you gotta let the man be the man" but what does this actually mean in practical terms for a potential relationship? Is it harder for the modern woman to sit back and wait for the man to come along and sweep her off her feet with dates and requests to spend time together? How long should the woman wait? Some guys on here state that they like to know if a woman is into them, so how should this be balanced?
Any thoughts??
In this context, it means for a woman to wait for the man to contact her first after a great date. If the man was truly interested, then he would no doubt reach out (especially the very same night of or if not the very next day). I think it's fine for a woman to show interest and contact the man first from time to time but this should only be done after a few dates.
Posted by size zero superhero
In principle, "let the man be the man" is increasingly less applicable modern-day. Women(not all)are submissive to men in instances where the guy is the sole breadwinner of the household--scratch that, PEOPLE are more likely/willing to submit when they're being provided for by someone else.
Nowadays, as opposed to, say, the 1950s and before; most adult females pull their own weight in a financial sense, and are not "kept women" by and large. If you're raking in the dough, you have a say as to how it is spent, managed & how you choose to spend your leisure time.
Well-adjusted men are not threatened by this. Keep that in mind 🙂
Well said.
Usually when someone says the title of the thread, I respond by asking...well...what is a man. I get a bevy of answers and struggle mightily to do so...suggesting that they haven't seriously thought about it. Its the same the other way around.
Truth is, there is no clear definition of either sex; and there shouldn't be. One need only look to astrology and natal charts and see we are all a mix of masculine and feminine energies and are way more complex than our gender. There is no sure fire way to be a man or woman. Simply, let him/her be themselves and see if you can be together. The problem comes in wanting someone to fit a certain gender role and not letting them live and express who they are as a person and hopefully an adult.
Truth is, there is no clear definition of either sex; and there shouldn't be. One need only look to astrology and natal charts and see we are all a mix of masculine and feminine energies and are way more complex than our gender. There is no sure fire way to be a man or woman. Simply, let him/her be themselves and see if you can be together. The problem comes in wanting someone to fit a certain gender role and not letting them live and express who they are as a person and hopefully an adult.
When you find an answer let me know, the universe might explode in the mean time.
Posted by Arielle83
according to john gray, he is in the cave. You can knock and wait at the cave door, but the man will come out when he is ready. So best to keep busy. Read 'men r from mars, women r from venus' hehe
lol sounds like he's got women bothering him while he's busy. 😛
so he wrote the book hoping women will "get it" lol
When I hear "let a man be a man," I subliminally hear "Let him have his own pace & his own timing."
It means, let him go about dating the way he wants to. The way he feels comfortable and according to how he wants things to go.
Ironically enough, women are always preaching the same things too. They may not like that they can be overly emotionally analyzing creatures, but they've accepted that they are and would appreciate it if men just accepted it too. Men have their own behaviors/traits that are unique to the male species too, but it seems that when it comes to pace/timing, women feel that their ideals of how fast they want things to move should trump a man's own separate pace/timing.
And that's where women get into trouble. I'm not saying that women should accept flakiness, inconsistency or signs that she perceives to be a lack of interest. Just that women have to remember that men are different & that just b/c he doesn't react on emotional impulse doesn't mean that he wants to apologize for it. A lot of men don't react on emotional impulse. Doesn't mean it's not there within them though.
A lot of men have always been that way. So when I hear the phrase, "Let him be the man," I take that as advice to a woman to STOP assuming that her frustration alone with some of the things the average man may do, is gonna make him change who he is or how he goes about things.
Let a man be. If he can be into you but yet only call you once a day, don't try to change him or guilt him for that. If you want a man who thinks more similar to you when it comes to communication, fine BUT go find the guy who's like that. And if not, don't be so closed-minded in thinking that just b/c a man doesn't express himself or go about things in the exact fashion that you do that it must mean something bad or negative.
So yes, let a man be a man. And if you don't like the 'man' that he is, fine. You don't have to stay. But 1 way or another, you've gotta allow people to be who they naturally are. And if you don't like it or if it's too much trouble for you to let the man be the man, then fine, move on. But don't stay & biiiiiiiiiiitch about everything. Doing that is how you turn off & lose a potentially great catch that actually would've been into you had you just stfu!
It means, let him go about dating the way he wants to. The way he feels comfortable and according to how he wants things to go.
Ironically enough, women are always preaching the same things too. They may not like that they can be overly emotionally analyzing creatures, but they've accepted that they are and would appreciate it if men just accepted it too. Men have their own behaviors/traits that are unique to the male species too, but it seems that when it comes to pace/timing, women feel that their ideals of how fast they want things to move should trump a man's own separate pace/timing.
And that's where women get into trouble. I'm not saying that women should accept flakiness, inconsistency or signs that she perceives to be a lack of interest. Just that women have to remember that men are different & that just b/c he doesn't react on emotional impulse doesn't mean that he wants to apologize for it. A lot of men don't react on emotional impulse. Doesn't mean it's not there within them though.
A lot of men have always been that way. So when I hear the phrase, "Let him be the man," I take that as advice to a woman to STOP assuming that her frustration alone with some of the things the average man may do, is gonna make him change who he is or how he goes about things.
Let a man be. If he can be into you but yet only call you once a day, don't try to change him or guilt him for that. If you want a man who thinks more similar to you when it comes to communication, fine BUT go find the guy who's like that. And if not, don't be so closed-minded in thinking that just b/c a man doesn't express himself or go about things in the exact fashion that you do that it must mean something bad or negative.
So yes, let a man be a man. And if you don't like the 'man' that he is, fine. You don't have to stay. But 1 way or another, you've gotta allow people to be who they naturally are. And if you don't like it or if it's too much trouble for you to let the man be the man, then fine, move on. But don't stay & biiiiiiiiiiitch about everything. Doing that is how you turn off & lose a potentially great catch that actually would've been into you had you just stfu!
Posted by AriesGirl74
I see this comment A LOT on here, especially when people are having a "relationship crisis" which usually equates to the woman starting to panic about not hearing from a guy she has started seeing after a great date or whatever.
People say "relax, you gotta let the man be the man" but what does this actually mean in practical terms for a potential relationship? Is it harder for the modern woman to sit back and wait for the man to come along and sweep her off her feet with dates and requests to spend time together? How long should the woman wait? Some guys on here state that they like to know if a woman is into them, so how should this be balanced?
Any thoughts??
This is why I believe, until there is an agreement to date exclusively or to commit into a relationship, NEITHER party should limit themselves. It should also be communicated at the start. Until the right person comes along...date and get to know people. The longer you take "dating" and getting to know people/someone the more likely you are to get a better understanding on what you are looking for in someone. It has also saved me the grief from putting all my eggs into one basket. they call they call. They don't...then next and oh well. But that also comes with personal confidence. If you are crying over one great first date and no response...wow.
Posted by AriesGirl74
I see this comment A LOT on here, especially when people are having a "relationship crisis" which usually equates to the woman starting to panic about not hearing from a guy she has started seeing after a great date or whatever.
People say "relax, you gotta let the man be the man" but what does this actually mean in practical terms for a potential relationship? Is it harder for the modern woman to sit back and wait for the man to come along and sweep her off her feet with dates and requests to spend time together? How long should the woman wait? Some guys on here state that they like to know if a woman is into them, so how should this be balanced?
Any thoughts??
First of all, great thread. Unfortunately some jumped right in and twisted this thread into what it's not about. Clearly they didn't read what you shared and asked about. They saw the word "man" and instantly went into "I wish I had a penis because I burned my bra" mode...
I don't know when women thought they had a right to DEMAND from a man when it comes to the first couple of dates the man's schedule or DEMAND what the man thinks of them or DEMAND another date. It's pretty damn disgusting to watch women do this and make asses out of themselves. Yet...even still when the man tells these same women he doesn't want a relationship they DEMAND to know why, or better yet, don't listen and still try.. lol...it's ridiculous.
If women would just relax, have a life of their own and go with the flow, things would be so much less dramatic for them. What the hell is the rush anyway— If a man is into you HE WILL FIND YOU because he WANTS TO BE WITH YOU.
That's it...there's no analyzing involved at all here. If you don't hear from him again...MOVE ON. The end.
Most men don't like aggressive women unless they have a hard-on every 30 minutes and are looking to just get laid.
Why is it so hard to understand that the man's role (and what a man loves to do) is to be the hunter? (so to speak)...why women blow it and throw themselves at men? What's the damn rush? Desperation? Is it that women are so insecure being independent or insecure about themselves and have this desperate need to throw themselves at a man? It's fucking ridiculous. 12 year olds do this in elementary school.
You don't see deer and bear jumping in front of a hunter and say SHOOT ME do you? Takes the mystery, the challenge and everything away from the chase. Shit, men who hunt respect animals more than they do the women who refuse to let a man be a man.
Women somewhere along the way decided I want that..and I'm going to get it. GO BUY SHOES.
Now again...and this is for the boys just looking to get laid...all the more power to you. Free sex for the lazy guy who doesn't want to spend a dime or time with a woman other than a hump...kudos to you all. 😉 95% of the women who service you come bitching here in dxp about that whine & WONDER..."why doesn't he text meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"? lol...and I just love answering those posts. 🙂
You don't see deer and bear jumping in front of a hunter and say SHOOT ME do you? Takes the mystery, the challenge and everything away from the chase. Shit, men who hunt respect animals more than they do the women who refuse to let a man be a man.
Women somewhere along the way decided I want that..and I'm going to get it. GO BUY SHOES.
Now again...and this is for the boys just looking to get laid...all the more power to you. Free sex for the lazy guy who doesn't want to spend a dime or time with a woman other than a hump...kudos to you all. 😉 95% of the women who service you come bitching here in dxp about that whine & WONDER..."why doesn't he text meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"? lol...and I just love answering those posts. 🙂
Brilliant responses and discussion points people 🙂
The thing is, women have always played a part in the courtship process. Back in the day, it was the drop of the handkerchief, the smile, giggle, or bat of the eyes to encourage the man of your interest in him. It still carries today. There is nothing wrong with sending a text after a great date and say I really enjoyed myself. But I will fall back with my subtle cues of interest and let him take the lead in the beginning.
Posted by AriesGirl74
I see this comment A LOT on here .....
I don't see that comment a lot in here.
You remind me of Krys .... she too will take one instant, and apply it across the board to make assumptions.
Posted by TheLioness79
The thing is, women have always played a part in the courtship process. Back in the day, it was the drop of the handkerchief, the smile, giggle, or bat of the eyes to encourage the man of your interest in him. It still carries today. There is nothing wrong with sending a text after a great date and say I really enjoyed myself. But I will fall back with my subtle cues of interest and let him take the lead in the beginning.
Well hell, I must be a friggin freak because here's how I ALLOW the men to wear pants:
1.) I'd make sure he knew that the NIGHT of the date looking him in the eyes and making sure he knew that I really enjoyed myself.
2.) If I still felt a NEED to let him know I had a great time, (I wouldn't) I'd dial his damn number and call him to repeat what I already said.
(but I wouldn't do that, because after I tell a man I had a great time, ..if he calls he calls for another date great, if he doesn't...HE'S NOT INTERESTED!!!)
No need to find excuses to (of all things) TEXT the guy.
....and what the hell is all this needed text communication b.s.?
Posted by TheLioness79
The thing is, women have always played a part in the courtship process. Back in the day, it was the drop of the handkerchief, the smile, giggle, or bat of the eyes to encourage the man of your interest in him..
Regarding that^^^
Are you saying dropping a hanky, smiling, giggling and batting the eyes is equivalent to stalk texting a guy to encourage the guy? Not so much..
I don't understand why people want to make it so complicated.
You know if you two clicked or not ... so what's up with all the over-thinking of ways to manipulate the situation?
The things that really stands out to me when I read things like this is ..... what the fuck are you going on a date with a person to whom you dont' know if you're interested in, or not?
Serial dating?
If you are into the dude, and he likes you too ... that is when you go on a date. It sounds to me like this question comes from a place where the woman hops on any date offer that comes in, and so then is left with not knowing where she stands with him, and whether he actually likes her or not.
so, the answer is to stop being dating whore, and only go out with men who actually like you, and you them.
Why are they dating whores?
My Gem believes that women go on dates for an ego boost. They like to be taken out, entertained, wined and dined and showered with compliments .... That is the opinion of someone who has been on dating sites twice, for several months. I think he found it refreshing when I contacted him first, decided the meeting place, and then asked to pay the bill for every second date.
I'm looking for a relationship between equals and I'm confident enough in my femininity, to allow myself to be different.
My Gem believes that women go on dates for an ego boost. They like to be taken out, entertained, wined and dined and showered with compliments .... That is the opinion of someone who has been on dating sites twice, for several months. I think he found it refreshing when I contacted him first, decided the meeting place, and then asked to pay the bill for every second date.
I'm looking for a relationship between equals and I'm confident enough in my femininity, to allow myself to be different.
Fuck men, let the women be women! E.g. not constrained by old practices and silly rules.
When I feel like an Amazon, I act like an Amazon!
When I feel like a mermaid, then...well, he's in trouble 😉.
When I feel like an Amazon, I act like an Amazon!
When I feel like a mermaid, then...well, he's in trouble 😉.
Posted by Undine
Why are they dating whores?
My Gem believes that women go on dates for an ego boost. They like to be taken out, entertained, wined and dined and showered with compliments .... That is the opinion of someone who has been on dating sites twice, for several months. I think he found it refreshing when I contacted him first, decided the meeting place, and then asked to pay the bill for every second date.
I guess if one got ego boosts, entertained, showered with compliments along with much more positive feedback and reinforcement from parents, a woman wouldn't have a desperate need to go on dates with men she doesn't know. But that's just me...upbringing really IS everything. I don't care what anyone says.
Posted by Undine
Fuck men, let the women be women! E.g. not constrained by old practices and silly rules.
When I feel like an Amazon, I act like an Amazon!
When I feel like a mermaid, then...well, he's in trouble 😉.
Old practices/silly rules = CLASS..nothing but 😉
Posted by LetltBPosted by Undine
Why are they dating whores?
My Gem believes that women go on dates for an ego boost. They like to be taken out, entertained, wined and dined and showered with compliments .... That is the opinion of someone who has been on dating sites twice, for several months. I think he found it refreshing when I contacted him first, decided the meeting place, and then asked to pay the bill for every second date.
I guess if one got ego boosts, entertained, showered with compliments along with much more positive feedback and reinforcement from parents, a woman wouldn't have a desperate need to go on dates with men she doesn't know. But that's just me...upbringing really IS everything. I don't care what anyone says.click to expand
Perhaps you got the cause right, but the effect wrong.
She might become desperate, if that is the way she used to be treated by her parents. Now she is on her own and misses it.... Since men spoil mainly as part of the courtship, the only way to get what she craves is to become a serial dater.
Posted by LetltBPosted by Undine
Fuck men, let the women be women! E.g. not constrained by old practices and silly rules.
When I feel like an Amazon, I act like an Amazon!
When I feel like a mermaid, then...well, he's in trouble 😉.
Old practices/silly rules = CLASS..nothing but 😉click to expand
Nothing as classy as an independent, intelligent and educated woman, who know what she wants and speaks her mind whenever she chooses.
Posted by tiziani
Tears of sorrow? Nay, mermaids be too tough for that... but tears of joy? Aye, they say those be the more potent anyway.
You crying, Tiz...?! Come here, give a cuddle 🙂
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
I am a Cancer woman dating a Scorpio man for 6 months now. It is so hard to get him to open up, and I think it's because
Ladies, when do you think it's too much when a woman relies on her boyfriend? My brother's girlfriend calls him for p
I meet a man, he starts flirting and asks me out. I ask if he is single, he says yes. I flirt back but take things slow.
Are you divorced and dating again? Divorced and re-married? Dating someone who has been married before? What are the
ok, I want to get back into the dating game (I've been on the bench for almost 7 years). I live in a city where it's co
Every time I start to like someone or see any dating potential there the universe is just like nope. And it's pissing
I have been friends with this man for many years. We had a best friend thing going on, but we always knew it was more, e
our comfort zone. I found the below quote today... has this happened for you? —A true soul mate is probably the mo
I am curious...what do younger guys think of dating a woman 20 years older than him? What would you do if someone older
It just seems like everyone is having the same problems lately. For women, I think monogamy comes easily for most. Men o
Oh boy, so my very good friend and I had sex after we had both been drinking. I can't stop thinking about it, I want mor
Men hear all the time that It's the little things that make a big difference and make a woman feel loved/appreciated.
This is addressed to the guys - curious to what your biggest relationship complaints about women. What can women do
So, I wrote a thread a bit ago about my date with a Virgo, and well... it appears to have fizzled. I have listed the se
A woman dresses provocatively. She lets all her goods hang out. She leaves nothing to the imagination. And in doing all
Flipping channels on TV came across a movie and a couple were having sex. Well one of them said the wrong name and the o
Let's all cut to the point. It should go like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsxQLYjwN2g
So some of the board members will know that I have very long standing bouts with a very special individual in my life. I
I have a friend who I, personally, feel that I don't know too well, but he told me that he liked me. He knows I'm not in
Last night at work, I had a couple celebrating the guy finishing school. The girlfriend added that they were also celebr
People say "relax, you gotta let the man be the man" but what does this actually mean in practical terms for a potential relationship? Is it harder for the modern woman to sit back and wait for the man to come along and sweep her off her feet with dates and requests to spend time together? How long should the woman wait? Some guys on here state that they like to know if a woman is into them, so how should this be balanced?
Any thoughts??