MEN, Y u so excited? Its only been a date or two?

I know, I float in & out of here w/ my b.s. as it comes up but last year I got out of serious LTR and dating is almost NEW to me so, here goes my question:

I probably shouldnt read the dating books etc as I've always done ok on my own but the advice I've seen to WOMEN is not to get so excited and to play it cool (esp in beginning) so as not to freak the dude out etc.

YET the last 2 guys I met that I REALLY liked were up my @. $ . $ . and giddy w/ excitement from date one. This made me more reserved as I questioned their motives and sincerity. I'll admit when I was younger I'd prob just have gone w/ the flow moreso than now and I'm surely overthinking but what's the deal? Is this likely sincere behavior or is it a ploy men use to create a false sense of closeness so they can move in for the 'deed'? I hate to think I'm throwing a wet blanket on some good prospects yet I recognize that I have to move at my own pace, too.

So.. what about it? Do men do this on purpose? ;P

Too much coffee?

Posted by ellessque
OMG it's so annoying, isn't it?

I'm new to dating too and I'm finding a flux of behaviour from one extreme to the next and it ALWAYS weirds me out, either way. It's as if there is no balance....

You have the guy who gets uber excited, blows up your phone, won't leave you alone........that will immediately turn me off and I'll start looking for the exit ASAP. Any hopes of a connection are completely blown. He could be great looking, we can carry on great conversation, have a great life, career, etc.....but that just freaks me the hell out.

OR

You have the guy who plays it super cool and aloof. You have great conversation and the interest seems to be there (or is even spoken on his part) and then he drops off the face of the planet only to pop up like a buoy weeks later.........that is a turn off too because it's like WTF—?!!!! Then you feel like it's a game and I'm AGAIN looking for the exit.

Seriously, they really need to teach the vitals of communication between men and women in middle school 😛

Whoa!!!! You are soooooooo, extremely RIGHT!!!!! OMG...met this guy nice looking, tall, texted him once and now he's in love with me...blowing up my freakin' phone, leaving messages, saying weird things...I'm like WTF to the third power, are you effing kidding me?...he freaked me the hell out and I cut ties imediately...smh.

*immediately

Posted by 69virgo
Some men just goofy..🙂 and they may be new too the dating scene outta long term relationships like yourself,,plus you must've been looking awesomely delicious..😛 a beautiful woman can trigger your goofyness sometimes,and you don't even realize it until you get home..lol ..

Goofy? Hell that makes me think they're CRAZY!!!! I don't care how long you've been out of the game...you NEVER, EVER contact someone like that. That should be something you won't forget...like riding a bike! If he's stalkerish now I could imagine what I'm in for once we start dating officially...I don't think so! GTFOH! 🙂

Soooo confusing!!! I know I'm a pretty cool chick and capable of deserving this attn 🙂 but sh*t...really? I just dont know how to respond. The first guy I liked ok and we dated several months but I know I messed up his momentum and his excitement from the very beginning.
My guys aren't stalkerish just VERY ENTHUSIASTIC.
Now this 2nd one I REALLY like(d) but all I could think was "playa" as he's quite hot and the chemistry was so great and it was just a bit too much..made me question the motives too much and once again I watered/fizzled it down (and now he's out of town on business for an extended period of time 😢 (really, he is!) I'm second-guessing my not being more open to it from the beginning b/c I really liked him too. We are keeping in touch til his return but he's defs followed my lead and cooled it down. ALOT.
I re-read his initial texts and emails and I think he was genuinely excited but I got scared & cold/lukewarm about things. hmph! I know- When its right I guess it will work but I seriously wonder what's the story w/ this behavior—? These guys are in their 40s! Are they just happy to meet an attractive woman w/in their dating range who's fun and not bitter/crazy? Now that I think about it there was another one before these who had similar behavior...
I'm flattered if they're so excited but I just dont get it....its so opposite of what I've read about male dating behaviors yet I guess that trash is written about younger less mature men? I really dont understand!!!!
and I'm trying to STOP READING THAT CRAP! LOL!

Posted by 69virgo
Some men just goofy..🙂 and they may be new too the dating scene outta long term relationships like yourself,,plus you must've been looking awesomely delicious..😛 a beautiful woman can trigger your goofyness sometimes,and you don't even realize it until you get home..lol ..

So...you think they take a look see at themselves after we respond in a cooler tone and see the error in their ways or do they feel rejected right off? I hate to discourage men that I like but I'm just not a 'fast woman' to warm up to and I don't throw out a loose sex vibe either. I'm a Virgo (too!) for heavens sake! LOL ;P

69virgo, I appreciate ur attn b/c I think u truly represent men (or at least as I'd like to see them!)
My latest dude is Sag (and I've read how they are so hit and run in bed I've held it against him to some extentand Iknow thats not entirely fair) but I have to say that once I gave the "slow it down/I dont do playas" speech, he's remained attentive and interested so I guess I'm doing ok?
Not going off on the astro thing b/c Ive had Pisces, Cancer and Sag do the same thing w/ me I just wonder if its an older guy thing or what?
Maybe they just want to make sure I know they ARE interested b/c apparently guys also have a disappearing act too and maybe they're just showing me that's not the deal?
btw.....I just told Candeh, if and when I get fave peeps she'll be one....so would u!

I think I like it. and in the "old days" it was genuine...just wondering wtf it means now.
tho I think I may have answered my own question when I said "in the old days" b/c those are the guys I'm dating now! maybe they're still the same—!!!
I dont remember games from back in the day...Were we playing them and didnt know it or were we more honest? I lean towards the latter..

I can't find it to quote it, so I will paraphrase what I thought I read. Give the guy the ol' "Control Thyself" speech, but still show some interest.

It is absolutely impossible for us to gauge what it is that you really want unless you talk to us. The shut them out completely without any explanation is as devastating to us as it is to you.

Never had a guy be THAT overwhelming, blowing up my phone and what not. Although I had one that said he was pissing on my tires and the corner of my house to stake his territory... that was kinda cute or flattering I guess, initially. Then reality set in! :/

I think I'd walk the other way... too quick, TOO scary for me!!

When guys do that I like to minic back what they are doing to make them as uncomfortable ahahaha

Maybe these guys that you have dated are excited because someones paying attention to them?

Not to say that all of us guys are like that lol.

Posted by 69virgo

Posted by MiaSangria
69virgo, I appreciate ur attn b/c I think u truly represent men (or at least as I'd like to see them!)
My latest dude is Sag (and I've read how they are so hit and run in bed I've held it against him to some extentand Iknow thats not entirely fair) but I have to say that once I gave the "slow it down/I dont do playas" speech, he's remained attentive and interested so I guess I'm doing ok?
Not going off on the astro thing b/c Ive had Pisces, Cancer and Sag do the same thing w/ me I just wonder if its an older guy thing or what?
Maybe they just want to make sure I know they ARE interested b/c apparently guys also have a disappearing act too and maybe they're just showing me that's not the deal?
btw.....I just told Candeh, if and when I get fave peeps she'll be one....so would u!

Hell,you been one of my fav..😉 I think you telling the guy what your about up front,is kinda fucking cool" I think a lot of women should do that,and not assume men know what they want...because sometime you may be looking for a guy too just date and have some fun every now and then..something not to serious...now if the guy knew that up front he will know what too expect...and that may be what he wants...or not...but atleast he will know..that's awesome,telling that guy that..if he's a playa,he's outta there..but if he's looking for something serious...he's in for the long haul...ps ...I'll be checking that profile for my picture..😉

click to expand

Sooooo glad to hear you say you think its cool b/c I was afraid I may have sounded crazy and effed things up but it had to be said, for my own peace of mind. My strategic thinking was exactly same as yours, playa will get mad and disappear. While I dont know how serious I want to be w/ anyone (i.e. marriage or w/e) I'm neither out there looking for straight up casual s.e.x. and feel the need to be clear on that especially when dating 'strangers' or new acquaintances.

They're probably excited because you're a new prospect and, yes, they are eager to get into your pants. It's not usually malicious though. It doesn't mean that they're gonna be a bad guy but of course they're looking forward to some possible sex. I mean, I do, and I'm a girl.

Posted by Aries_d00d
Maybe these guys that you have dated are excited because someones paying attention to them?

Not to say that all of us guys are like that lol.

I didn't want to be the one to say this, but Bingo!!!!

I have been myself which is cooler and calmer and slower to warm to people. It just caught me off guard that the last 2 were soooooo gung-ho I couldnt help but wonder if it was a tactic to create a feeling of 'closeness' or 'specialness' to rush into s.E.x...like a player tactic. As a matter of fact I've read some threads here where the guy moreso came right out and said "I feel so close to you...blah blah" and he ended up being a player so, I was just curious what people thought.
In the end,I know I have to go w/ my instincts yet I feel like I have slowed the excitement/momentum for them a bit, but, w/e....neither disappeared either.

btw...my guys didnt say all that bullshit, they just acted overly pleasant and eager. I'll just be flattered and continue to keep my head (and my pants!)

i have heard it's not to show too much on first date. makes sense i guess

^^^^skin??

No dumb asses. Too much of yourself. Save some for the other dates and stuff

like the op said, the guy gets too excited and whatnot and ends up telling everything leaving no mystery whatsoever. And i think i heard nothing good can happen after 2am