Need an advice

Before I start my long story I'd like to make a note that it's serious question that has me depressed and started even physically hurting so some good advices would be very much welcome cause it's becoming more and more overwhelming...If you're around just to make a joke please don't, really not in the mood for that recently.

So main problem is I can't decide what to do with 2 guys in my life. So starting my very confusing story...

First guy is my long term relationship, Virgo guy who I spent 8 years with, with many ups and downs. It was an instant attraction, we matched perfectly from the start but after some time I found out he has another woman in his life. That's when all the ups and downs started happening, it's been rough 3 years cause at first according to his words he couldn't get rid of her and I had an impression she's holding something on him or whatever and even felt sorry for him so decided to be patient and wait for him to resolve it...as time went on I was more and more in love with him it clouded my judgement and it lasted such a long time mainly because of that cause I was in love and he didn't end things so long with another woman. After he did honey moon phase came in, he was very affectionate, we spent all days together, traveled a lot together, even got apartment done together. Apartment partially belonged to me but as I couldn't pay off the other side we decided it's best he pays off the other owner and my part 2 and it was all his. And than God we did it that way...but after apartment came in the picture problems started, more and more issues appearing, I was often unhappy cause of his short fuse, his quick urge to walk away on any problem and I'd be always the one to try and make works thing out. Not to mention his and mine sexual drive are not balanced at all...he goes insane when he can't get what he wants and I ended up pleasing his needs so many time even on my own damage but I was simply too blind to see that we may not be right for each other and that we may find other people who fit us better.

Until this summer when I started talking to a Cap guy who appeared out of nowhere. He liked me and I liked him instantly somehow even though I never cheated Virgo guy and never will I strongly fell for this guy. His approach was hot at first and get colder later after some scenes from my side and issues that appeared in communication. We live on different continents, different but similar cultures, speak different languages...And he knew ofc that I'm in a relationship. I broke up with Virgo guy multiple times since I started talking to this guy cause I'm simply not a person who does that and I just can't lie or hide things, it's eating me from inside and really affects my emotions and psyche. I've been feeling so bad for all this time cause I constantly feel I'm lying to someone but problem is I can't decide what is right and what is wrong anymore. I don't have feelings that I had with Virgo guy anymore but he started being more affectionate than he ever been in really long time, keeps trying to please me and if my mod stays the same he'll go crazy again and keep blaming me for everything. Problem is we don't match for very long time but I was blind to see that until this Cap guy appeared and it's simply not because of him but because of my lack of feelings and dissatisfaction with Virgo guy. In the end I kept reconciling with him every time and keep being unhappy, having more and more desire for the Cap guy who after some time thinks I ended things for good with Virgo guy that actually isn't true...

Only thing I want is to hurt neither one of us so I'm trying to avoid telling anyone the truth but it only hurts me the most. Can't live with this anymore and don't know what to do. As things currently are I fight with Virgo guy on a daily bases and getting more and more distanced from him, Cap guy isn't talking to me for whatever reason now, simply disappeared and I feel worse and worse every day staying with Virgo and missing Cap.

Now why I even stay with Virgo? Because I can't believe I don't love him anymore and keep questioning myself is it really true cause I thought we'll be together for the rest of our lives. I also know myself that when I want someone I absolutely must have them and Cap guy being impossible to reach is driving me crazy. Again I wouldn't get into anything with Cap guy while I'm still with Virgo guy, would never cheat on anyone but I feel like I'm already cheating cause of my emotions.

What would you do in my place? Only skip a thing telling either one about the situation cause that's not going to happen because I simply believe that what on doesn't know can't hurt them. And all I want is to not hurt anyone and stop hurting myself too. So what I see are these options:

1.stay with Virgo and try to forget Cap, stay miserable probably for very long time as well.

2. quit with Virgo and try to make things happen with Cap if any way possible

3. try to forget about both, hurt for very long time in future and hope life brings something good

I'm clueless and option 2 is what I want the most but how could it possibly happen if someone distances themselves from you? I just can't see what's the right way to go anymore so some thoughts on this from other people would be appreciated...

Thanks for dedicating your time to read this...

Leave Virgo, that is a dead end. Whatever you had is gone. He is not making you happy and neither are you. Why stay? You will be miserable.

Leave the Cap, you haven’t been sincere with him so as you say that will make you guilty if things ever go well.

Time to move on.

Why do you feel the need to be loyal to the Virgo who hasn't given you loyalty??

Virgo is a habit I guess...we got too used to each other every day and when I tried to untie myself he tried to lock me down more. As Sag it ony turns me off even more...

Cap knows almost everything,I didn't hide things and said from the start that I want to end this before we start anything. But in a way he was forcing thibgs quite a lot and I went alobg with it cause I like him and would like to see where thibgs lead us when I'm clear with my situation. But later he started backing away so I have no idea where we stand at but am not liking situation.

Yes it's true they both put too much pressure on me. Virgo won't let go now and Cap looking for much more commitment than I could give atm. But I was fair and honest to him about situation,recently after last getting back to Virgo just couldn't say it anymore cause I know it's done from my side and if I continue telling him everything that's going on I'll start looking bad in his eyes.

I know what I want and it's him,I wouldn't look back for a second if things weren't so complicated about us too...not being able to see each other for months,he expressing him self very little later on, living so far away from each other...it all makes a big mess and I just keep thinking is it worth it?

I am over 30 and reaaon for staying with Virgo so long like I said was I was madly in love with him,planned everything with him bit his temper and stubborness sometomes are unbearable plus lack of intimacy since quite long time are what made me distant from him. He just tries now to prove he tries but it always ends up in showing his trus colors. And yeah,he's been completely loyal and faithful since we started as commited officially...

I've always been bad at breaking up and would rather be mean to make them leave me instead lol bit this is a though situation that has a lot to it and onlt way I see is to run away from it right now.

Regarding Cap guy again,ofc I'm not going to pursue him but also just expressing my feelings that he is who I want,I know that very clearly but complete situation is one huge mess...

Posted by gyrados
Firstly, what your sign?

I'm Sag and not usually in such mess lol I have always committed to the fullest to one person, and would do and give everything for that one

Darling, honey, baby!

Onenis a mess and must be left.

Another one...you can’t even find him you said! So he is out right— Why even hope for him?

All you have now is messed up Virgo right?

You aren’t a baby. You must break free.

Or this vicious circle will leave you old, alone and mental!

❤️

Well yes and no for the out part I'd say. We didn't talk for few days but we didn't end things either, I'm just not going to hunt him. He knows where to find me,if not yeah he's out.

Yes Virgo that keeps holding on too tight lately and ignores what I'm saying...

Well that part with him is mainly over,I guess I just can't believe yet I'm over him and am too used to him. He is caring and would help with anything but his mind just drives me crazy too often and adding to that other issues it just overfills already full cup

Posted by Malak
Well yes and no for the out part I'd say. We didn't talk for few days but we didn't end things either, I'm just not going to hunt him. He knows where to find me,if not yeah he's out.

Yes Virgo that keeps holding on too tight lately and ignores what I'm saying...

Well that part with him is mainly over,I guess I just can't believe yet I'm over him and am too used to him. He is caring and would help with anything but his mind just drives me crazy too often and adding to that other issues it just overfills already full cup

Honey, you describing marriage.

So...it’s your call!

Posted by tiziani
I'd go with option 3.

Watch her not!

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Malak
Well yes and no for the out part I'd say. We didn't talk for few days but we didn't end things either, I'm just not going to hunt him. He knows where to find me,if not yeah he's out.

Yes Virgo that keeps holding on too tight lately and ignores what I'm saying...

Well that part with him is mainly over,I guess I just can't believe yet I'm over him and am too used to him. He is caring and would help with anything but his mind just drives me crazy too often and adding to that other issues it just overfills already full cup

Honey, you describing marriage.

So...it’s your call!

click to expand

Except that married couples at least sleep in sae bed...and we don't...

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by tiziani
I'd go with option 3.

Watch her not!

click to expand

You know how Sags act right? lol

Actually it's for me more like when I want something I won't give up unless I did everything that's in my power. Then if it still doesn't work I know it's not my fault and can forget about and never look back...worst feeling ever for me would be "what if..." lol

Posted by gyrados
Are you already read Sextrology? If not, give it a look maybe will help.. https://m.vk.com/wall-48395307_3124

There are tons! Which one?

No haven't read that yet but can't hurt to give it a try.

So as things are real life friends say stay with Virgo, forum people all agree to leave Virgo lol

Although real life friends were all shocked when I started telling problems recently cause I always kept it to myself and never complained,everyone thought we're doing great together...

I agree with forum people on this one. I never asked about any of my dilemmas online before but this time have to try get more perspectives from every possible angle

Posted by Mariah
leave both for what they are

the only person you should focus on is YOU honey

i say this because i know years from now when you look back you will be glad that you chose YOU

go find yourself again

first one doesnt even love himself, how can he love someone else. thats not a healthy relationship you described sweety

get out of that mess prontoooo

number two: be honest...you are not gonna marry this guy. this may seem hard but somebody gotta say it....

next to number one most guys will look amaaaazing and like a breath of fresh air....doesnt mean they are keepers!!!

go get your strenght back honey!

leave both and start over and this time. when you are ready again...

make sure you have a man cause you can walk together...

not you running after,before or for someone else!!!

best of luck and hugss

i know how this must feel, but you are so much stronger!!! and deserve better!

Thank you for this appreciated very much 🙂

Option 3 it is in the end...Cap gave up on me and I gave up on Virgo.

Funny thing is I already got 2 another men interested in me...another Cap and Virgo lol guess I'm just Earth magnet or something lol

well I'm not going to rush into anything, need a break from men actually, maybe I got tired of being with someone 24/7 and didn't have time for myself at all. Been feeling exhausted in quite some time and unhappy with not having me time which essential for Sag btw! And now the 2nd one came into a picture and things got even worse! Best should really be taking some time of from all for sure!

Stay with your feelings a little while until you know and your feelings are clear. I don't think your feelings are clear right now.

BTW i LOVE your hair 🙂