Not Everybody Will Love You ...

I agree with a few things & disagree with a few things.

I agree that you don't have to be broken to be loved. I also agree that understanding the other person's & one's own love language can make/break a relationship or marriage. Everybody's definition of what it means to give love & receive love are different. And not knowing the difference, even if it's a small difference, can cause an otherwise great potentially long-lasting relationship to fail miserably.

However, I don't like the mixed messages within the context. When you start preaching to young people that love in all forms will hurt at some point, you're in danger of sending the message that they shouldn't necessarily run or break loose from toxic situations. After all, you should expect love to hurt b/c there's some level of pain in love, right?!

That may be true in some cases, but not in all.

No one is perfect. However, the best way to tell how much someone loves you is in what they WON'T do to you. I wouldn't dare encourage a woman to stay with a cheating man b/c "all people make mistakes" or b/c "you can't expect love to be perfect," or b/c "they can cheat & still love you."

That's a dangerous message. A message many people received. A mentality that landed many people in toxic friendships/relationships/marriages that they're now willing to pay to get out of.

When people hear that love WILL hurt, they don't differentiate the difference b/w "oops" & "deal breakers." Blurred lines. There IS a difference b/w "ooops I made a stupid mistake once" vs. "I keep making the same choices & will guilt you for not putting up with it b/c hey love is supposed to hurt & you're supposed to be loyal no matter what I do/say to you."

I would've preferred the author acknowledge that all forms of pain/hurt are NOT acceptable. Your partner eventually pissing you off or saying something they don't mean is 1 of those "stuff like that will probably happen & when it does, you shouldn't be so quick to run" type of things. Small disagreements can technically bring "pain." But when the pain starts to become deal-breaking, I'd rather not throw the definition of love all in their face as if doing so suddenly makes the deal breaker ok or manageable.

But the whole, "Yeah he cheated & hit me, but I love him & I know he loves me" is bullsh**t & sends the wrong message. 9 heartbreaks, & 5 bruises later, you realize that that kind of love wasn't love at all

Very well said, I totally agree! "The best way to tell how much someone loves you is in what they WON'T do to you"...yes, yes, yes!!!

Thank you for your insightful input 🙂

Posted by MissLibra
Very well said, I totally agree! "The best way to tell how much someone loves you is in what they WON'T do to you"...yes, yes, yes!!!

Thank you for your insightful input 🙂

Thanks! :-)

Although I admire, appreciate & respect the fact that my husband does all the right things, I am just as grateful & respect the things he WON'T/DOESN'T do. The ways that he WON'T betray me reflects his love for me too.

Yes he buys me flowers, is very attentive to me, puts me 1st & does what he can to make my days better. I love all of those things! However, I am grateful that he doesn't cheat on me, disrespect me, abuse me, & make continuous excuses for mistakes like some men/women do.

He's def. not perfect, BUT he's not an abusive, cheating, disrespectful azzhole either lol Gotta look at all sides of the story. Gotta appreciate/look at things from all angles

I respect that he hasn't sold out like some men.

I respect that his definition of love doesn't include an "I should be able to say/do anything to you & you sit there & take it like a loyal woman should) claus lol

I respect that he defines his manhood by how happy his woman & family are and not by following the trend & being the "bad guy" just b/c it's popular and b/c temptation is everywhere!

Being a good partner & person period is sometimes harder & takes more hard work than being a bad person does. I get it, we shouldn't necessarily reward someone for doing what they technically should be doing anyways. However, in a world where so many women/men are messed up and mess up some many of their blessings, I have a lot of respect & give props for the men/women who go against the grain & put in the hard work/effort to be good people/partners in this cold toxic world

Positive reinforcement goes a long way. When a man loves you & sees that you respect what he does for you + what he WON'T do/say to you, it gives him the incentive to continue being a good guy. Many men clock out of their relationships b/c they don't feel appreciated for the little or big things. Understandable.

Although I don't go around the house saying, "Thanks for not hitting me today baby!" lol doesn't mean that I haven't noticed how good to me he is vs. the husbands of a lot of women I know.

Sounds like you have a wonderful husband!! I agree with everything you have said. Respect and acknowledgment are HUGE in a relationship.