memyself
@memyself
12 Years500+ Posts
Comments: 2 · Posts: 641 · Topics: 43
pros and cons of being married
For me...
Pros:
Being #1
Providence
Devotion
Protection/Security
Sex
Sexual freedom - no more fornication, guilt, doubt, etc.
Wealth building
Help/Support
A Confidant
Time
Best Friendship
Tolerance
Health
Sharing
Cons:
Responsibility*
Accountability*
Financial decisions*
Reaching a consensus
Planning
Sacrifice
(*These things just intensify)
—After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.?? ?? Mark Twain, The Diaries of Adam & Eve
Pros:
Being #1
Providence
Devotion
Protection/Security
Sex
Sexual freedom - no more fornication, guilt, doubt, etc.
Wealth building
Help/Support
A Confidant
Time
Best Friendship
Tolerance
Health
Sharing
Cons:
Responsibility*
Accountability*
Financial decisions*
Reaching a consensus
Planning
Sacrifice
(*These things just intensify)
—After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.?? ?? Mark Twain, The Diaries of Adam & Eve
I am divorced, but I did like being married (just not to him! lol!).
Pros:
Partnership
Companionship
Someone is always in your corner and has your back
Financial benefits
Confidant
Someone to lean on in bad times
Someone to share good things with
You always have a date
Someone you can count on to be there
Shared life experiences
Someone to do the manly chores (you don't realize how much you miss that one!)
Sex and sexual freedom
Unconditional love
Laughter, shared jokes
Warm body in the middle of the night
Cons:
Accountability
Can't just get up and go where you want
Can't spend on whatever you want
Sex can get boring
Arguements and differences in viewpoints on spending/planning/child rearing/chores, etc
Can't get away from them
I would be willing to get married again, just want to be careful to choose the right person this time.
Pros:
Partnership
Companionship
Someone is always in your corner and has your back
Financial benefits
Confidant
Someone to lean on in bad times
Someone to share good things with
You always have a date
Someone you can count on to be there
Shared life experiences
Someone to do the manly chores (you don't realize how much you miss that one!)
Sex and sexual freedom
Unconditional love
Laughter, shared jokes
Warm body in the middle of the night
Cons:
Accountability
Can't just get up and go where you want
Can't spend on whatever you want
Sex can get boring
Arguements and differences in viewpoints on spending/planning/child rearing/chores, etc
Can't get away from them
I would be willing to get married again, just want to be careful to choose the right person this time.
Partnership
snuggles
somone to kiss good night
sex
Companionship
Someone is always in your corner and has your back / knows that you have theirs too
sex
cuddles
someone to ravage in the middle of the night when you feel frisky
Someone to share good things with
your buddy
Someone you can count on to be there
Sex and sexual freedom
Unconditional love
Laughter, shared jokes
Warm body in the middle of the night
someone to kiss just for no reason at all
snuggles
somone to kiss good night
sex
Companionship
Someone is always in your corner and has your back / knows that you have theirs too
sex
cuddles
someone to ravage in the middle of the night when you feel frisky
Someone to share good things with
your buddy
Someone you can count on to be there
Sex and sexual freedom
Unconditional love
Laughter, shared jokes
Warm body in the middle of the night
someone to kiss just for no reason at all
All the pros and cons above sum it up quite well... that little piece of paper changes everything. I did the marriage thing... I'm no longer a believer in it... and I am not sure the 'why' behind my believing in it in the first place. Maybe it was Disney or Hollywood that created the illusion... that 'Happily Ever After' ending that everyone seems to search for in seeking to be married.
In my personal experience... the sex stopped upon the signing of THAT paper... there after only having sex once or twice a month, whether I needed it or not. It wasn't the waiting that bothered me... I would have waited... I did... but a stupid 10-20 minute session was the prize for waiting... and the knowing that at least two more weeks would pass by before the next time, made me rather bitter. I found it interesting that it was easier to 'get laid' when I was only labeled as a single. Oh yes... we talked about it... again and again... years and years... but somehow I was the one that was the bad communicator.
Wait... it gets better. After 5 years of marriage (we were together for 2 years prior... 7-year itch ?), we had a really bad argument. Some days before, we had bumped into a mutual acquaintance we had known before getting married. Looking back, the arsenal that she used to spark our conflict was to clear the road. I stayed with my sister while she and this man began their affair. After 6 weeks, I took an apartment. After 5 months of chaos, we got back together... but somehow... the same pattern emerged a couple of weeks after I moved back in. It was something I was not able to understand. 'Partnership', 'Devotion', 'Tolerance', 'Responsibility', 'Companionship', 'Accountability'... words that are all both pro and con. Inside... I never got over the ordeal.
In total, 10 years of marriage (legally), 12 years of being together. I moved out almost a year before the 'contract' was burned. At the end, I decided that I would see how long SHE could actually go without having sex... I instigated nothing. 3-1/2 months passed by before she propositioned me. I was done... I said 'no'... I moved out 2 weeks later.
THE EX-in-laws are another story entirely... the list can go on and on... not at all what I thought I had signed up for.
In my personal experience... the sex stopped upon the signing of THAT paper... there after only having sex once or twice a month, whether I needed it or not. It wasn't the waiting that bothered me... I would have waited... I did... but a stupid 10-20 minute session was the prize for waiting... and the knowing that at least two more weeks would pass by before the next time, made me rather bitter. I found it interesting that it was easier to 'get laid' when I was only labeled as a single. Oh yes... we talked about it... again and again... years and years... but somehow I was the one that was the bad communicator.
Wait... it gets better. After 5 years of marriage (we were together for 2 years prior... 7-year itch ?), we had a really bad argument. Some days before, we had bumped into a mutual acquaintance we had known before getting married. Looking back, the arsenal that she used to spark our conflict was to clear the road. I stayed with my sister while she and this man began their affair. After 6 weeks, I took an apartment. After 5 months of chaos, we got back together... but somehow... the same pattern emerged a couple of weeks after I moved back in. It was something I was not able to understand. 'Partnership', 'Devotion', 'Tolerance', 'Responsibility', 'Companionship', 'Accountability'... words that are all both pro and con. Inside... I never got over the ordeal.
In total, 10 years of marriage (legally), 12 years of being together. I moved out almost a year before the 'contract' was burned. At the end, I decided that I would see how long SHE could actually go without having sex... I instigated nothing. 3-1/2 months passed by before she propositioned me. I was done... I said 'no'... I moved out 2 weeks later.
THE EX-in-laws are another story entirely... the list can go on and on... not at all what I thought I had signed up for.
There is nothing one can do married that one cannot do without being married... except for maybe that tax-break thing. I will attest to everyone here that the cost imposed on your well-being in life, far out-weighs any proposed or imaginary benefit. My last example of what a happy marriage looked like, died last year... 30+ years they were married. Afraid to be alone ? It can happen at any stage in life. Don't let your end-all-be-all from your pipe of dreams be that of getting married... there is no 'they lived happily ever after' to be found in any institution. Familiarity breeds contempt... the only forever is when one meets their death. NO ONE can ever feel the same about anyone or anything for the whole of time. Our flaw is that we keep believing in the belief that we can prove that it won't be the same case for the 'US' we have become.
So think... think twice... think thrice. As for myself, I do not believe that human beings were ever meant to mate for life. All I see are people that stay together because of words mentioned in this thread... but they are just words presenting ideas and ideals that we were reared to honor. I am not saying that it cannot be done... with a lot of work, a lot of compromise, a lot of dedication, et cetera... but to me, love is just supposed to flow naturally... much like water. It is when water becomes stagnant for a time when it can breed maladies... and the flow can then be interrupted and contaminated by them. How much work is it worth to purify that which flows after is anyone's guess... it depends on the one. or the other, or even the both of whom partook of it.
So think... think twice... think thrice. As for myself, I do not believe that human beings were ever meant to mate for life. All I see are people that stay together because of words mentioned in this thread... but they are just words presenting ideas and ideals that we were reared to honor. I am not saying that it cannot be done... with a lot of work, a lot of compromise, a lot of dedication, et cetera... but to me, love is just supposed to flow naturally... much like water. It is when water becomes stagnant for a time when it can breed maladies... and the flow can then be interrupted and contaminated by them. How much work is it worth to purify that which flows after is anyone's guess... it depends on the one. or the other, or even the both of whom partook of it.
David,
I'm sorry for your experience. But, let me clarify something that people who know me here already know. My husband and I were divorced for approximately 4 years and we are back together. Without going into too much detail David, the divorce was an epic war. I am defensive like a mutherfucker and my husband is aggressive like a fucking gorilla. We both know this about each other so, it was like BRING IT mutherfucker. We know it so well David that although in most case one would imagine domestic violence in my description of events; however, there was not because he knew not to fuck with me. He knows me. He was fighting for the marriage and I was fighting against it. I just wanted a separation, he was strongly opposed to even a separation to where I had to file for divorce.
He is my bestfriend. Our friendship IS the strongest element of our relationship. I can't begin to tell you how strong our friendship is a male/female friendship, it is really, really deep. No matter what the hell happens in this world or with us, nothing, nothing in this world can kill that friendship. It runs deep as hell. He is my homie and I'm his little homie. We're like the "Duddle Brothers" in wrestling. So, under the title of "marriage" or not, we are forever #1 in each other's lives - paper or not. We communicate like friends. People say we act like brother and sister. We are like family, not because of the piece of paper but because our friendship is that deep. If you hear our conversation, you would be bewildered like is this his sister? or his wife?
We met at age 20. So, we grew up together. That's why I added time to my list. When two people develop together, there's not much one can hide. There's no place to hide. I guess the same would apply for any long length of time no matter what age it began. The four years of divorce with absolutely no contact, except him leaving me a note on my car every 4-6 months, is a testament of the bond, not the marriage. He refuses to love anyone else which mad me insatiably angry and I saw it as emotional blackmail but, it's not because he is sincere (Venus Aqua vs. Venus Libra). He thought that because we were married it was forever and forever meant that no matter what happens but, he had an attitude about.
I'm sorry for your experience. But, let me clarify something that people who know me here already know. My husband and I were divorced for approximately 4 years and we are back together. Without going into too much detail David, the divorce was an epic war. I am defensive like a mutherfucker and my husband is aggressive like a fucking gorilla. We both know this about each other so, it was like BRING IT mutherfucker. We know it so well David that although in most case one would imagine domestic violence in my description of events; however, there was not because he knew not to fuck with me. He knows me. He was fighting for the marriage and I was fighting against it. I just wanted a separation, he was strongly opposed to even a separation to where I had to file for divorce.
He is my bestfriend. Our friendship IS the strongest element of our relationship. I can't begin to tell you how strong our friendship is a male/female friendship, it is really, really deep. No matter what the hell happens in this world or with us, nothing, nothing in this world can kill that friendship. It runs deep as hell. He is my homie and I'm his little homie. We're like the "Duddle Brothers" in wrestling. So, under the title of "marriage" or not, we are forever #1 in each other's lives - paper or not. We communicate like friends. People say we act like brother and sister. We are like family, not because of the piece of paper but because our friendship is that deep. If you hear our conversation, you would be bewildered like is this his sister? or his wife?
We met at age 20. So, we grew up together. That's why I added time to my list. When two people develop together, there's not much one can hide. There's no place to hide. I guess the same would apply for any long length of time no matter what age it began. The four years of divorce with absolutely no contact, except him leaving me a note on my car every 4-6 months, is a testament of the bond, not the marriage. He refuses to love anyone else which mad me insatiably angry and I saw it as emotional blackmail but, it's not because he is sincere (Venus Aqua vs. Venus Libra). He thought that because we were married it was forever and forever meant that no matter what happens but, he had an attitude about.
Love is a saga with many ups and downs. We have to expect there will be ups and downs and some will be tremendous downs but, you gotta hold on, it is an amusement ride on the biggest, baddest rollercoaster in the fair called life. Some people have to beg another to join them on the ride. Some get to the fair and now out the gate, shit I aint?? get on that and don't even ask me. Some people run straight to it. Some people enjoy the ride, get off, throw —up, and say never a fucking gain. I am one of the brave ones that love the ride so much, I will stay right there at the ride using all my tickets, wait in the long line and ride, and ride, and ride??_ coming off smiling each time and yelling, —YEAH! HELL YEAH!?? and laughing.
Is your love strong enough to ride the storms, is all. Are you strong enough in yourself to survive and dear to engage? And no harm, no fowl, if you are not. And no harm, no fowl, if the partner you chose was not. Loving someone for life requires a tremendous amount of strength that not everyone has and it's okay. Love is the toughest thing I ever had to endure in my life — no matter who it is that I'm loving. Love requires so much strength. It is #1 in the toughest things to do in life. I don't blame anyone for it not being a successful endeavor. Matching up the strength to love between two people? One strong, one's weak? What to do? All the various possible categories of weaknesses and strengths are endless.
I'm sorry about your sexual experience too David but, I kid you not, me and my husband had sex at least every day for 14 years. We had the most spiritual good-bye sex that we ever had. I completely soaked the entire bed to which he used to demonstrate that we should not get divorced which mad me want to vomit (Venus in Aquarius). Our taming down of our bestial sex is a joint and natural thing that we both naturally submerged to. We still have sex often but, what we did before and for how long was extraordinary. Now, we are normal. I imagine in our elder age with nothing to do, we will go back to extraordinary everyday sex — nah, I almost certain of it really.
Is your love strong enough to ride the storms, is all. Are you strong enough in yourself to survive and dear to engage? And no harm, no fowl, if you are not. And no harm, no fowl, if the partner you chose was not. Loving someone for life requires a tremendous amount of strength that not everyone has and it's okay. Love is the toughest thing I ever had to endure in my life — no matter who it is that I'm loving. Love requires so much strength. It is #1 in the toughest things to do in life. I don't blame anyone for it not being a successful endeavor. Matching up the strength to love between two people? One strong, one's weak? What to do? All the various possible categories of weaknesses and strengths are endless.
I'm sorry about your sexual experience too David but, I kid you not, me and my husband had sex at least every day for 14 years. We had the most spiritual good-bye sex that we ever had. I completely soaked the entire bed to which he used to demonstrate that we should not get divorced which mad me want to vomit (Venus in Aquarius). Our taming down of our bestial sex is a joint and natural thing that we both naturally submerged to. We still have sex often but, what we did before and for how long was extraordinary. Now, we are normal. I imagine in our elder age with nothing to do, we will go back to extraordinary everyday sex — nah, I almost certain of it really.
That title, that piece of paper is not for us, it's our —Bat Signal?? if you will. People have to recognize. With as tight as he and I are, we have to let the world know in words and symbols that they understand and recognize, that this shit is bonafide. I see it as a caution tape for the world. He and I are giving the world a boundary line with that title, that paper. It would be a safety hazard not to let people know what's going on here. This love is an endless journey. It's a saga and the saga continues??_ The only question here is how will this saga end — how, why or when, be it death? Neither he nor I know. But, no matter how long he or I live whether apart or together, we are THE loves of each other??s lives that cannot be denied. That's why with people marry for the second time late in life, there's an understanding of that in the new marriage, like two widowers marrying or in a romantic affair or commitment — there are in essence four people in that marriage.
When I was dating, I hid as long as possible the details of my marriage. I sensed that it would be intimidating to new lovers. So, I waited until they asked. Telling someone I was married since age 20, etc., etc., nobodies dumb. But, I was presently surprised that the men were up for the challenge. Some saw me as fresh meat. When I explained that nothing was wrong with the marriage, he (and I) was just going through, in laymen terms transcribed in astrology terms here for brevity, —his Saturn return,?? really left the door open. He, on the other hand, told females out the gate that he wanted his wife back and left the family pictures everywhere including the nightstand next to his bed which mad me insatiably angry to know.
When I was dating, I hid as long as possible the details of my marriage. I sensed that it would be intimidating to new lovers. So, I waited until they asked. Telling someone I was married since age 20, etc., etc., nobodies dumb. But, I was presently surprised that the men were up for the challenge. Some saw me as fresh meat. When I explained that nothing was wrong with the marriage, he (and I) was just going through, in laymen terms transcribed in astrology terms here for brevity, —his Saturn return,?? really left the door open. He, on the other hand, told females out the gate that he wanted his wife back and left the family pictures everywhere including the nightstand next to his bed which mad me insatiably angry to know.
Posted by Sutekh
"Pros:
Partnership
Companionship
Someone is always in your corner and has your back
Financial benefits
Confidant
Someone to lean on in bad times
Someone to share good things with
You always have a date
Someone you can count on to be there
Shared life experiences
Someone to do the manly chores (you don't realize how much you miss that one!)
sex and sexual freedom
Unconditional love
Laughter, shared jokes
Warm body in the middle of the night"
Financial benefits are the only thing that marriage is needed for in this whole list.
Okay. More pros:
Tax break
Medical decision making for each other
Buying a house together where it legally belongs to BOTH of you
Children are not bastards
Inheritence
Social security benefits
Health insurance
Discounts on family auto insurance
Conjugal visits if you go to jail
Married people live longer
Married men make more money than single men in the same job (statistically)
Your spouse can't testify against you in court
Heaven for bid if you SO, dies, if you are not married you have NO rights
If your SO becomes sick, you can take off work with the Family Leave Act if you are married. Doesn't qualify if not.
To each his own. Isn't this thread about listing pros and cons and not really about your personal beliefs marriage?
Well....it IS true! lol!
Posted by truecap
To each his own. Isn't this thread about listing pros and cons and not really about your personal beliefs marriage?
You can get even more literal by reviewing the title of the thread.
Or you can imply that the essence of pros and cons are personal beliefs.
Posted by SutekhPosted by VenusAquarius
Or you can imply that the essence of pros and cons are personal beliefs.
Which I thought would be the case. Personal beliefs have to fall under pro and con.
click to expand
When constructing my list, I had items that were in the pro and the con section but decided that that nullifies the item as an issue for me - thinking mathematically, so removed the item from both lists.
@BikerCh1ck
Don't be... I'm not... just water under the bridge ! 😉 I've been happily divorced for years !
@VenusAquarius
Nothing to be sorry about ! As for your 'roller coaster ride'... I guess if it works for you then you should stick with it this time ! Personally... I prefer going to amusement parks only periodically. In spite of what the advertisements used to say... DisneyLand was NOT the happiness place on earth ! Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
Don't be... I'm not... just water under the bridge ! 😉 I've been happily divorced for years !
@VenusAquarius
Nothing to be sorry about ! As for your 'roller coaster ride'... I guess if it works for you then you should stick with it this time ! Personally... I prefer going to amusement parks only periodically. In spite of what the advertisements used to say... DisneyLand was NOT the happiness place on earth ! Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
Posted by David13
@VenusAquarius
Nothing to be sorry about ! As for your 'roller coaster ride'... I guess if it works for you then you should stick with it this time ! Personally... I prefer going to amusement parks only periodically. In spite of what the advertisements used to say... DisneyLand was NOT the happiness place on earth ! Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
LOL!
Posted by BikerCh1ck
Pros: only if the wedding is good and with the right person then you have some company and you share everything from happiness to sadness and that makes you feel better
+1 so true..
Posted by BikerCh1ck
Cons: if the wedding is unsucessful then you end up doing double effort for everything while when you were single you would have done half and worry less. Also when you are single you don't have to compromise. An example is the remote control.. :/
And other things like.. if you go to work earlier than your partner you don't have to be as quite as possible not to wake him up or having HIM waking you up because he is such a pig and can't get it that people want to sleep more.
*sigh.. I am seriously thinking if I would ever get married to get a single bed and sleep in a different room. That way I will avoid the farts, the snoring and someone pulling off me the covers in a cold night.. OH! and the sweaty, wet feeling during summer time when you wake up and you stink because someone else was not bothered to remove the covers when they were sleeping.. YUCK!click to expand
lol! but yeah, this mundane is the scary part.
Posted by David13
There is nothing one can do married that one cannot do without being married... except for maybe that tax-break thing. I will attest to everyone here that the cost imposed on your well-being in life, far out-weighs any proposed or imaginary benefit. My last example of what a happy marriage looked like, died last year... 30+ years they were married. Afraid to be alone ? It can happen at any stage in life. Don't let your end-all-be-all from your pipe of dreams be that of getting married... there is no 'they lived happily ever after' to be found in any institution. Familiarity breeds contempt... the only forever is when one meets their death. NO ONE can ever feel the same about anyone or anything for the whole of time. Our flaw is that we keep believing in the belief that we can prove that it won't be the same case for the 'US' we have become.
So think... think twice... think thrice. As for myself, I do not believe that human beings were ever meant to mate for life. All I see are people that stay together because of words mentioned in this thread... but they are just words presenting ideas and ideals that we were reared to honor. I am not saying that it cannot be done... with a lot of work, a lot of compromise, a lot of dedication, et cetera... but to me, love is just supposed to flow naturally... much like water. It is when water becomes stagnant for a time when it can breed maladies... and the flow can then be interrupted and contaminated by them. How much work is it worth to purify that which flows after is anyone's guess... it depends on the one. or the other, or even the both of whom partook of it.
David13, sorry that your marriage had to end! but do you see yourself marrying again? and what do you think would be a happy marriage?
i mean really even when two people are deeply in love, what can keep their marriage from getting dull with time. how do you stay happily forever after, even when both are willing to work for it.
Posted by VenusAquarius
David,
I'm sorry for your experience. But, let me clarify something that people who know me here already know. My husband and I were divorced for approximately 4 years and we are back together. Without going into too much detail David, the divorce was an epic war. I am defensive like a mutherfucker and my husband is aggressive like a fucking gorilla. We both know this about each other so, it was like BRING IT mutherfucker. We know it so well David that although in most case one would imagine domestic violence in my description of events; however, there was not because he knew not to fuck with me. He knows me. He was fighting for the marriage and I was fighting against it. I just wanted a separation, he was strongly opposed to even a separation to where I had to file for divorce.
He is my bestfriend. Our friendship IS the strongest element of our relationship. I can't begin to tell you how strong our friendship is a male/female friendship, it is really, really deep. No matter what the hell happens in this world or with us, nothing, nothing in this world can kill that friendship. It runs deep as hell. He is my homie and I'm his little homie. We're like the "Duddle Brothers" in wrestling. So, under the title of "marriage" or not, we are forever #1 in each other's lives - paper or not. We communicate like friends. People say we act like brother and sister. We are like family, not because of the piece of paper but because our friendship is that deep. If you hear our conversation, you would be bewildered like is this his sister? or his wife?
VenusAquarius, i can see how being best friends can help above anything else in keeping a relation going. you can hang out forever with your partner, as you would with friends. i am curious to know if you don't mind sharing, how you guys ended up gettin back together (married?) again? did the love ever go away between you two anytime?
Posted by CluelessCancer
That's your WIFE...Sex once a WEEK...look i'm a prude...i haven't had sex in years prior to the recent X..let me tell you if he put a ring on it...i'll sex him every night.
i love sex, but only with soulmate material. Otherwise its not interesting to me.
Correction ! That WAS my wife ! Actually, I said 'once or twice a month'... a bit different. You know... after a couple of years of this, I started putting smiley faces on the calendar in the kitchen... an idea for women that I had read in one of her magazines. I started to wonder what a 'normal' married sex-life was. I became rather obsessed with keeping track after some more time... marking the dates in Excel. In one of our conversations about the problem, I even used a graph !
Um... put a ring on what ? 😉
Posted by memyselfDavid13, sorry that your marriage had to end! but do you see yourself marrying again? and what do you think would be a happy marriage?
i mean really even when two people are deeply in love, what can keep their marriage from getting dull with time. how do you stay happily forever after, even when both are willing to work for it.click to expand
No apologies ! I think a happy marriage would be two individuals that choose to be together... allowing each other to remain as individuals. It is just that I think that the piece of paper permits one or both within the couple to take the other for granted... thinking that the other will always be there no matter what the other does or does not do. Without the certificate... everything is easier to lose... and they try because they want to, not because they have to. The first marriage was actually about property... not love. The dowery and the inheriting of the others assets upon death. No one really has assets anymore... just a lot of debt... things that they SAY they own, but that actually still belong to the bank... and people are not for others to possess. But to answer your question, no... I don't see myself marrying again.
How to keep a marriage from becoming dull ? No one ever teaches this ! I once heard that a relationship is worth 100,000 miles. It is a strange philosophy... but it does make one think. There is routine maintenance of course... designed to prevent problems. If the dash warning lights come on we address them faster... but this might cost much more. Maybe it is a just simply a matter of driving less and walking more... but I don't really know... and likely not the best person to ask.
Schools offer driver's education, sex education, physical education... but how to treat people respectfully, lovingly, empathetically, or anything else, THIS is never even touched... let alone marriage.
Posted by BikerCh1ck
Dave, I don't think it was a matter of putting a ring on..
I was with a prick for two and a half years. We used to be like a married couple. We were living together.
He was cheating though behind my back. And every time he was sleeping with the other woman he was not having sex with me.
Sex had disappeared and I was just like you. Once or twice a month that was great that you had there!
Sex life for me went from almost everyday to once every month and at some point it took him 3 months to decide that he wanted to have sex with me.
And it was horrible as well! and he was making it as horrible as possible so I don't want it.
When the relationship was over I had to go home and split the things and pack them up. It was feeling like a divorce.
There were also a court involved because there was DV ( I think we had talked about it on a PM in the past).
It was like a proper divorce.
I never got the paper of marriage or wore the beautiful white dress but I got "divorced".
I am not blaming the wedding. I just blame myself for seeing the signs and let that person walk over me.
I learned my lesson though and I hope KARMA gets back to him and her..click to expand
I'm so glad you posted this for people who think they are avoiding something by not getting married. I have tried to explain this. You can live with someone for 5, 10, 20 years and it will still feel like a divorce.
Memyself,
The love never went away. Being divorced made it truly clear that it was unconditional. He told me that he would love me 'til the day he dies and I knew I felt the same. While divorced, I would often worry about his well-being and say prayers to God for him to include that he find love again. We got back together because he would never let go of hope, took responsibility for himself and his problems, and completely evolved to a man that I love even more. It was important to me that he made these changes on his own and, not because of or, for me or, with the hopes of winning me back. There was a time that I was scared I might not like this "new man."
Over the years, memyself, my hubby and I spent inordinate amount of time together. We still do. At the beginning family members would complain that he was isolating me but, we got better. There are a lot of people that do not want their partner to be their friend. They see a separation there that makes them more comfortable. If my partner is not my friend, I feel a little objectified.
The love never went away. Being divorced made it truly clear that it was unconditional. He told me that he would love me 'til the day he dies and I knew I felt the same. While divorced, I would often worry about his well-being and say prayers to God for him to include that he find love again. We got back together because he would never let go of hope, took responsibility for himself and his problems, and completely evolved to a man that I love even more. It was important to me that he made these changes on his own and, not because of or, for me or, with the hopes of winning me back. There was a time that I was scared I might not like this "new man."
Over the years, memyself, my hubby and I spent inordinate amount of time together. We still do. At the beginning family members would complain that he was isolating me but, we got better. There are a lot of people that do not want their partner to be their friend. They see a separation there that makes them more comfortable. If my partner is not my friend, I feel a little objectified.
Posted by VenusAquarius
The love never went away. Being divorced made it truly clear that it was unconditional. He told me that he would love me 'til the day he dies and I knew I felt the same. While divorced, I would often worry about his well-being and say prayers to God for him to include that he find love again. We got back together because he would never let go of hope, took responsibility for himself and his problems, and completely evolved to a man that I love even more. It was important to me that he made these changes on his own and, not because of or, for me or, with the hopes of winning me back. There was a time that I was scared I might not like this "new man."
Truly beautiful and moving love story you two have!
I'm curious........could you associate his unconditional love and devotion with some particular synastry/composite aspects? Or perhaps more with his personal traits?
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