Single parenting and dating...

Is it fair to your child or not?

What are your experiences?

There should be a separate dating website for single moms.

It should be called singlemoms.com.

That way, they can all centralize there and stop cluttering up the real singles websites.

For crying out loud, single moms do NOT belong on match.com or other singles websites.

It's annoying to click on some cute girl's photo on the singles page, only to read in tiny obscure print that she has a kid running around in her house.

What a nuisance that is.

((((Rant over)))))

As long as the mother in question handled herself and the situation appropriately I can't think of any reason why it would be "unfair" to the child. Just because a woman has become a mother doesn't mean she's any less of a human being with needs. I would go as far as to say that if she were to completely repress her own needs that could potentially have consequences for the child that could not be foreseen; possibly a lack of understanding in interpersonal fundamentals due to never having a constructive example to learn by.

A good experience for me, but when the kid gets attached to the ex it is bad

Oops, almost forgot about all the single dads out there. My bad.

And btw,

you guys rock!

I am torn on this. I tried dealing with an ex, didn't work out, which is fine. We are still friends. With that situation I only hung out with him when I knew my daughter was with family already. Never made plans to have her watched for a date, if that makes sense.

Anyways, this isn't about the ex. Torn between wanting to possibly date and feeling bad about taking time away from my daughter. She is only this age once and if I do end up finding someone than we will never have our time together (just her and I). Is it fair to divide your time like that? Plus, I have an issue bringing guys around her because I don't want her to get attached.

On the other hand, it would be good for her to have a decent man around (if it got to that point). Have a good male role model.

Single dads do rock. Nothing like seeing a dad that wants to be a dad; that actually appreciates his children.

Posted by christinelovessnickers
Is it fair to your child or not?

What are your experiences?

I believe it's only unfair when you continue to switch from one man, to another. That confused the child. Dating is cool; but if your not sure of the person you are dating and whether it's going to go beyond just the dating faze; I don't think the single mom or single dad should introduce the person to the child.
Because of the potential of the child getting attached.
That's really the only way I see it as unfair. Other then that; you shouldn't stop because you have a child. There's no rule that says you can't date cause you have a kid. It's not a handicap.

Date, but keep your love life separate from your mommy life.

My son was 7 when we got divorced. I dated right away. But I did not date when I had my son. I went out on dates only when my son was at his dad's house. I did not expose him to any of the men I was dating, except for 2: a Leo I dated for almost a year, and the Scorp (current bf and he lives here).

But even when he met them, we did not hang around the guy all the time. We maybe saw the Scorp once a week when I had my son, after the Scorp and I got serious.

Continue to have your special mommy time when you have it. I didn't talk on the phone with men until after my son went to bed, for example. I think this was best for my son, because he didn't have to get attached to anyone who didn't stick around, and also he was not neglected/ sharing attention at all while I was dating.

Posted by capgirl69
Date, but keep your love life separate from your mommy life.

My son was 7 when we got divorced. I dated right away. But I did not date when I had my son. I went out on dates only when my son was at his dad's house. I did not expose him to any of the men I was dating, except for 2: a Leo I dated for almost a year, and the Scorp (current bf and he lives here).

But even when he met them, we did not hang around the guy all the time. We maybe saw the Scorp once a week when I had my son, after the Scorp and I got serious.

Continue to have your special mommy time when you have it. I didn't talk on the phone with men until after my son went to bed, for example. I think this was best for my son, because he didn't have to get attached to anyone who didn't stick around, and also he was not neglected/ sharing attention at all while I was dating.

+1

Yeah, not a fan of bringing gifts around just to have them leave. Never have been.

I could take it or leave it with dating. Today I could take it.

I don't view having a child as a dating handicap. I really do enjoy being single and spending time with my girl. I am just more concerned of the whole attachment thing and then him not sticking around or trusting someone that I shouldn't (I.e. not realizing someone is a pedophile until its too late).

I guess if something is going to happen it will happen. No rush or worries. Just curious about other people's views.

Djbuck thanks for the single dad insight too. Thanks everyone else for your insights/ opinions, as we'll

The fact that you have dating concerns already shows where your priorities lie. It will happen when the time is right, just don't rush into any relationships just for the sake of having one, and don't let them rush you. I hear you on the mommy guilt trip though...I would feel like that too. When I was home I would want to be out w/my bf and then when I was out w/him I would think about my kids 😢

As said above, if you don't go out and have fun once in a while you can go bonkers..and you tend to appreciate your kids more lol. But if you're not feeling it, then don't do it.

Posted by Sagittarius2315

Posted by christinelovessnickers
Is it fair to your child or not?

What are your experiences?

I believe it's only unfair when you continue to switch from one man, to another. That confused the child. Dating is cool; but if your not sure of the person you are dating and whether it's going to go beyond just the dating faze; I don't think the single mom or single dad should introduce the person to the child.
Because of the potential of the child getting attached.
That's really the only way I see it as unfair. Other then that; you shouldn't stop because you have a child. There's no rule that says you can't date cause you have a kid. It's not a handicap.

click to expand

I Co sign this statement. Nothing wrong with dating, just don't have revolving door of people in and out of your life

Hmm, I never really thought about the consequences of bringing your s/o and kids together. My bfs kids didn't like the people he dated in the past but I'm sure they'd be upset to see me go since they always ask where I am. You're not just breaking one heart in that situation. I suppose that might teach the child to avoid attachments, which isn't good, either.

As for the topic question, I think as long as you put some boundaries up and spend a good amount of time with your kids, it's fine. I suppose you have to be careful not to bring bad influences into your house/life accidentally. Single parents deserve to be happy just as everyone else does and if being happy means dating and finding a partner, then do it.

Posted by ScorpioFish
There should be a separate dating website for single moms.

It should be called singlemoms.com.

That way, they can all centralize there and stop cluttering up the real singles websites.

For crying out loud, single moms do NOT belong on match.com or other singles websites.

It's annoying to click on some cute girl's photo on the singles page, only to read in tiny obscure print that she has a kid running around in her house.

What a nuisance that is.

((((Rant over)))))

Uhmmm, most people your age have kids. It should be a given. Assume they do until they tell you they don't.

Unless you are chasing the 20 somethings.

I don't see a problem with dating. How you handle it with children depends on the kids and their age.

After my divorce I began dating and my 18 year old daughter helped me dress. My 14 yo son insisted on meeting the guy so he would feel better I wasn't out with some psycho. It was like dating in my parents house! lol!

There are some guys I dated they did not meet. They only met the ones I dated for any length of time.

I think if you conduct yourself with morals then everything is proper. They do need to see examples of how dating should be done and the positive interaction between you and someone. The only example before they saw were of an unhappy marriage.

I've been with my guy over a year and a half and we don't spend the night together in front of our kids, we don't feel like we'd be setting a good moral example if we did. I know some women who have different men overnight, in and out. I know one who have had men practically living with her and her 19 yo daughter now thinks that's okay behavior and her 17 yo son doesn't respect her.

Small children get attached and don't understand if you break up. Teens can get attached too, but they have more of an understanding.

I think there should be some boundaries & rules for single moms

1. If a woman just has a child, she has no business putting herself out there in the dating world. She needs to be at home, resting, allowing her body to heal, focusing entirely on her newborn and/or making sure that things are kosher with the father of the child 1st before she starts dating again & allowing any new prospects to interfere

2. Once a child has gotten a little older, things have calmed down & the mother is back to her right mind, then maybe it may make sense to go back out there in the dating realm again. BUT she, like everybody else, should stay home & away from good potentials if she's got any unfinished business/unresolved issues with the father of her child OR with her past, any ex's, etc. It's already bad enough for women w/o children to looking for love when they are emotionally unavailable; it's even worse when a single mom steps into the dating world with all her baggage/toxins attached b/c if things go wrong, she won't be the only 1 suffering the consequences; her child will

3. Up your standards. You may have used bad judgment with men before as we all have at some point. You may have slept around or went about love carelessly, but all of that should change the minute you become a mom. Your love life is no longer just about you. Your love life & it's ups and/or downs will no longer just affect you. B/c your children will face the brunt of your love life decisions, it's especially important to up your standards after you've had children. They stand more to lose if you have a rough love life than you do!

4. And for goodness sake ladies, stop bringing home every man that you date! Pick one, get to know him, determine if he's a good fit in terms of compatibility with 1st the goals you have for yourself & secondly, the goals/vision you have for your children. If everything is looking up, then go for it but your children shouldn't be exposed to your "trial & error" or "experimental" dating antics. Children not only get attached to whoever you bring home, but they also feel resentment & hurt any time their mama comes home crying, irritable & seeming broken all b/c of yet another failed relationship. Put your children's best interest above your own

Posted by christinelovessnickers
Single dads do rock. Nothing like seeing a dad that wants to be a dad; that actually appreciates his children.

Good dads are sexy to me. A man who treats his children with love and respect, appreciates their company and is involved with their activities says a lot about the character of the man.

Posted by christinelovessnickers
Is it fair to your child or not?

What are your experiences?

Why would your child be involved? That's an adult issue, and unless you have been seeing someone for six months or more, it is only then the child should be introduced. Women don't seem to grasp that concept, or understand how much it affects the child involving them in adult issues.

Posted by truecap

Posted by christinelovessnickers
Single dads do rock. Nothing like seeing a dad that wants to be a dad; that actually appreciates his children.

Good dads are sexy to me. A man who treats his children with love and respect, appreciates their company and is involved with their activities says a lot about the character of the man.

click to expand

OOH yes. Hot hot hot! LOL

Posted by capgirl69
Date, but keep your love life separate from your mommy life.

My son was 7 when we got divorced. I dated right away. But I did not date when I had my son. I went out on dates only when my son was at his dad's house. I did not expose him to any of the men I was dating, except for 2: a Leo I dated for almost a year, and the Scorp (current bf and he lives here).

But even when he met them, we did not hang around the guy all the time. We maybe saw the Scorp once a week when I had my son, after the Scorp and I got serious.

Continue to have your special mommy time when you have it. I didn't talk on the phone with men until after my son went to bed, for example. I think this was best for my son, because he didn't have to get attached to anyone who didn't stick around, and also he was not neglected/ sharing attention at all while I was dating.

Applauds women who get it 🙂

Oh, I get the whole stay at home with your child thing. That's exactly what I do.

I know to continue Having time with her....I wouldn't change that for anyone.

I guess where I am coming from is that in the past I would always plan around when she was visiting her dad's family. If I get involved with someone is it fair to have someone babysit her to go on a date/hang out, just for that reason. That is why I am asking about dividing time.

I don't bring random guys around her specifically for the attachment reason. I have this one guy that has been trying to date for awhile. He is nice enough to say we can do stuff with my daughter, but that thought makes me uncomfortable and I have known this guy for years. Not the guy himself that makes me uncomfortable, but the situation of bringing a man around her that has an intention of dating. I am not just randomly hooking up with people either. I went years before giving an ex a shot again...which was my first experience with dating in over two years.

Maybe I am just weird.

Posted by christinelovessnickers


I guess where I am coming from is that in the past I would always plan around when she was visiting her dad's family. If I get involved with someone is it fair to have someone babysit her to go on a date/hang out, just for that reason. That is why I am asking about dividing time.

Maybe I am just weird.

Personally, for me, I did not get babysitters for my son just to go on dates.
I only went out when he was scheduled to be with his father.

I just felt it was a slippery slope; I have time scheduled with him, and time scheduled off, so it just made sense to me. I felt like if I left him with a babysitter when I was scheduled to have him, that it cut into our already limited time together and I just didn't want to do that.

I think it actually helps with your dating life, anyway. You have this time with your kid, it's non-negotiable so you can never be too available and you have an excuse.

In hindsight, I wished I hadn't exposed him to the Leo guy. He had a son too, so the few times we got together we made it a play date, which we thought was good, but then my son was upset when he lost his playmate.

I just told everyone I dated that I'd have to be serious with them before introducing them, and we'd have to date a minimum of 3 months.
I found it helped me because I was always thinking, "would I want this person to meet my son?" I ended some relationships because the answer was no.

It has always bothered me hearing stories about men and women letting anyone into their child/rens's lives. I was talking to a guy friend of mine the other day. He told me his five your old daughter was being forced to talk to this guy, who is in jail and has never met, on the phone. She told him he said he was moving in, marrying her mom, and to call him dad. WTF!!!—

I would never ever do that to my girl. Let alone my baby's dad, who, in all honesty, I can't stand and is a poor dad by choice.

I may not get along with him, but he is still her dad and I need to respect that relationship whether he does or not. I would be furious if he brought women in and out of her life. Luckily (and unluckily), he isn't really involved.