String along

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MsTeeq1974
@MsTeeq1974
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Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by MsTeeq1974
On the rare occassion that I did this, I was really afraid of commitment and didn't know what I wanted OR needed in a partnership. I had zero clue as to what inherent qualities or talents my mate should have.
Did you finally tell them or let it fizzle?

click to expand

I did let it fizzle with a Pisces guy once. He was like...the second guy that I was involved with when I first started dating again. The rest, eventually I said something or I said something at the beginning...you know the "I'm never getting married again and am not looking for anything long term" disclaimer. But when things seemed like they were getting serious or they mentioned something serious like getting married or having a baby together, I'd do the very thing that they said an ex did or acted the way I knew they didn't want me to so that they would leave me alone. Most of the time I would switch up and demand more time, etc to turn them off. Men who chase women who are commitment phobic are not emo available themselves. I knew this, so I would call/text excessively and get them to run off. This was like....almost 2 years into my dating phase that I did this. I started actively dating again 5 years ago after 5 and a half years of no dating and no sex. I needed to find myself and cultivate my skills/passion/career.
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MsTeeq1974
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The bottom line is that the string along is done because the person stringing isn't available. Period. It would take an act of Congress or God and a WHOLE lot of time to get them to change their minds. Mine happened when I was single, took a break from dating and after reviewing my dating success...I'd dated some pretty nice guys...I decided to become more serious about it. Then over the next year or so, I started putting guys in categories of what level of relationship was appropriate. Then in 2014, I decided to get very serious about dating and taking men serious. I met my ex Aries Oct of 2104. We were together almost every single day for 6 months and moved in together a month before we broke up. Then I met my Scorp May of this year.

I had a couple of harsh dating/heartbreak disappointments in 2014 before meeting the Aries, but it was cool.
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christinelovessnickers
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Posted by MsTeeq1974
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by MsTeeq1974
On the rare occassion that I did this, I was really afraid of commitment and didn't know what I wanted OR needed in a partnership. I had zero clue as to what inherent qualities or talents my mate should have.
Did you finally tell them or let it fizzle?
I did let it fizzle with a Pisces guy once. He was like...the second guy that I was involved with when I first started dating again. The rest, eventually I said something or I said something at the beginning...you know the "I'm never getting married again and am not looking for anything long term" disclaimer. But when things seemed like they were getting serious or they mentioned something serious like getting married or having a baby together, I'd do the very thing that they said an ex did or acted the way I knew they didn't want me to so that they would leave me alone. Most of the time I would switch up and demand more time, etc to turn them off. Men who chase women who are commitment phobic are not emo available themselves. I knew this, so I would call/text excessively and get them to run off. This was like....almost 2 years into my dating phase that I did this. I started actively dating again 5 years ago after 5 and a half years of no dating and no sex. I needed to find myself and cultivate my skills/passion/career.
click to expand

When I was younger I would let stuff fizzle. I actually stopped dating/sex for four years, three thr first time and 1 the second. However, now that I am older I believe in just being up front.
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christinelovessnickers
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Posted by aquarius09
It's an incredibly selfish thing to do. People do this when they're afraid of being alone, so they have a user mentality thinking "you'll do until someone better comes along." I have never strung anyone along because I wouldn't want this done to me.
I wonder if someone has strung someone along and once it needed realized the person was actually worth the time.
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christinelovessnickers
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Posted by aquaboy84
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by aquaboy84
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by aquaboy84
I never did this.
You were honest, huh?
yes and naive and in my own world. my downfall.
How were you naive. I think honesty is appreciated, though maybe not always right away.
I was just so in my own world. I still am in a sense. I think I was naive, thinking I wouldn't lose my girl to another guy because I thought once a girl says "I love you" I figure she means it and it's for life. It's not like I was abusive so I didn't are the reason why I would get cheated on but I don't want to talk about this bad memories
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Nothing wrong with being focused. Talk about what? ๐Ÿ™‚
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christinelovessnickers
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Posted by aquaboy84
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by aquaboy84
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by aquaboy84
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by aquaboy84
I never did this.
You were honest, huh?
yes and naive and in my own world. my downfall.
How were you naive. I think honesty is appreciated, though maybe not always right away.
I was just so in my own world. I still am in a sense. I think I was naive, thinking I wouldn't lose my girl to another guy because I thought once a girl says "I love you" I figure she means it and it's for life. It's not like I was abusive so I didn't are the reason why I would get cheated on but I don't want to talk about this bad memories
Nothing wrong with being focused. Talk about what? ๐Ÿ™‚
about the past. Im still a little bitter.
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I had known what you meant...I was just moving past it ๐Ÿ™‚
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Gooober
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Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by Gooober
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by Gooober
I did this once. I didn't want to disappoint him.
And stringing along someone wouldn't disappoint them?
Yes but eventually. I wanted to make him happy for that time being.
Why?
click to expand

Because I cared about him and I wanted to pick a better time to let him down easy. Those times weren't the right times.
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christinelovessnickers
@christinelovessnickers
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Posted by Gooober
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by Gooober
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by Gooober
I did this once. I didn't want to disappoint him.
And stringing along someone wouldn't disappoint them?
Yes but eventually. I wanted to make him happy for that time being.
Why?
Because I cared about him and I wanted to pick a better time to let him down easy. Those times weren't the right times.
click to expand

Hmmmm....do you think that was harder for him with waiting to do it? I
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MsTeeq1974
@MsTeeq1974
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Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by MsTeeq1974
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by MsTeeq1974
On the rare occassion that I did this, I was really afraid of commitment and didn't know what I wanted OR needed in a partnership. I had zero clue as to what inherent qualities or talents my mate should have.
Did you finally tell them or let it fizzle?
I did let it fizzle with a Pisces guy once. He was like...the second guy that I was involved with when I first started dating again. The rest, eventually I said something or I said something at the beginning...you know the "I'm never getting married again and am not looking for anything long term" disclaimer. But when things seemed like they were getting serious or they mentioned something serious like getting married or having a baby together, I'd do the very thing that they said an ex did or acted the way I knew they didn't want me to so that they would leave me alone. Most of the time I would switch up and demand more time, etc to turn them off. Men who chase women who are commitment phobic are not emo available themselves. I knew this, so I would call/text excessively and get them to run off. This was like....almost 2 years into my dating phase that I did this. I started actively dating again 5 years ago after 5 and a half years of no dating and no sex. I needed to find myself and cultivate my skills/passion/career.
When I was younger I would let stuff fizzle. I actually stopped dating/sex for four years, three thr first time and 1 the second. However, now that I am older I believe in just being up front.
click to expand

Same here, but it wasn't an age thing. I just wasn't ready for commitment. Now that I am, I don't mess around either way. I don't string along and I don't tolerate it. Don't get me wrong...when I didn't want commitment, a man was free to do whatever he pleased as long as he didn't ignore me. I expected respectful communication exchanges. Like, just let me know that you're unavailable and plan time with me in advance. Don't hit me up at the last minute with high expectations and I won't do it to you either.
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Gooober
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Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by Gooober
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by Gooober
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by Gooober
I did this once. I didn't want to disappoint him.
And stringing along someone wouldn't disappoint them?
Yes but eventually. I wanted to make him happy for that time being.
Why?
Because I cared about him and I wanted to pick a better time to let him down easy. Those times weren't the right times.
Hmmmm....do you think that was harder for him with waiting to do it? I
click to expand

What's the question? I think you got cut off too btw.
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christinelovessnickers
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Posted by MsTeeq1974
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by MsTeeq1974
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by MsTeeq1974
On the rare occassion that I did this, I was really afraid of commitment and didn't know what I wanted OR needed in a partnership. I had zero clue as to what inherent qualities or talents my mate should have.
Did you finally tell them or let it fizzle?
I did let it fizzle with a Pisces guy once. He was like...the second guy that I was involved with when I first started dating again. The rest, eventually I said something or I said something at the beginning...you know the "I'm never getting married again and am not looking for anything long term" disclaimer. But when things seemed like they were getting serious or they mentioned something serious like getting married or having a baby together, I'd do the very thing that they said an ex did or acted the way I knew they didn't want me to so that they would leave me alone. Most of the time I would switch up and demand more time, etc to turn them off. Men who chase women who are commitment phobic are not emo available themselves. I knew this, so I would call/text excessively and get them to run off. This was like....almost 2 years into my dating phase that I did this. I started actively dating again 5 years ago after 5 and a half years of no dating and no sex. I needed to find myself and cultivate my skills/passion/career.
When I was younger I would let stuff fizzle. I actually stopped dating/sex for four years, three thr first time and 1 the second. However, now that I am older I believe in just being up front.
Same here, but it wasn't an age thing. I just wasn't ready for commitment. Now that I am, I don't mess around either way. I don't string along and I don't tolerate it. Don't get me wrong...when I didn't want commitment, a man was free to do whatever he pleased as long as he didn't ignore me. I expected respectful communication exchanges. Like, just let me know that you're unavailable and plan time with me in advance. Don't hit me up at the last minute with high expectations and I won't do it to you either.
click to expand

Makes sense...
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MsTeeq1974
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Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by aquarius09
It's an incredibly selfish thing to do. People do this when they're afraid of being alone, so they have a user mentality thinking "you'll do until someone better comes along." I have never strung anyone along because I wouldn't want this done to me.
I wonder if someone has strung someone along and once it needed realized the person was actually worth the time.
click to expand

I can't recall that ever happening....oh yes! The Cap Sun, Venus in Scorp. Ouch. I did do that to him, but when I came clean, I ate A LOT of humble pie. Then he did it to me, twice. Lol...the last two years have been with us consistently staying in touch and hooking up when I'm single. I swear to heaven that I better not end up with that man....five years of the BS? If that's the case, we could have just cut to the chase and did the damn thing. LMBO!!!
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christinelovessnickers
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Posted by MsTeeq1974
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by aquarius09
It's an incredibly selfish thing to do. People do this when they're afraid of being alone, so they have a user mentality thinking "you'll do until someone better comes along." I have never strung anyone along because I wouldn't want this done to me.
I wonder if someone has strung someone along and once it needed realized the person was actually worth the time.
I can't recall that ever happening....oh yes! The Cap Sun, Venus in Scorp. Ouch. I did do that to him, but when I came clean, I ate A LOT of humble pie. Then he did it to me, twice. Lol...the last two years have been with us consistently staying in touch and hooking up when I'm single. I swear to heaven that I better not end up with that man....five years of the BS? If that's the case, we could have just cut to the chase and did the damn thing. LMBO!!!
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The time would have been needed to make it last if you do lol.

I just got the string along with a scorp.
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christinelovessnickers
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Posted by Gooober
Posted by christinelovessnickers
^^^do you think the longer you strung him along the harder it was on him? I don't remember the rest of the questiom, sorry lol
I didn't tell him I was stringing him along but he did seem to take it hard.
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I am sure he probably knew...just didn't want to admit it to himself. I think we do that about alot of things...hope for thr best when we know it isn't going to happen.
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Gooober
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Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by Gooober
Posted by christinelovessnickers
^^^do you think the longer you strung him along the harder it was on him? I don't remember the rest of the questiom, sorry lol
I didn't tell him I was stringing him along but he did seem to take it hard.
I am sure he probably knew...just didn't want to admit it to himself. I think we do that about alot of things...hope for thr best when we know it isn't going to happen.
click to expand

Yeah, I agree. I also have a feeling that he just wanted to get as much as he could out of me.
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christinelovessnickers
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Posted by Gooober
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by Gooober
Posted by christinelovessnickers
^^^do you think the longer you strung him along the harder it was on him? I don't remember the rest of the questiom, sorry lol
I didn't tell him I was stringing him along but he did seem to take it hard.
I am sure he probably knew...just didn't want to admit it to himself. I think we do that about alot of things...hope for thr best when we know it isn't going to happen.
Yeah, I agree. I also have a feeling that he just wanted to get as much as he could out of me.
click to expand

Draing.....Probably best you cut that cord
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christinelovessnickers
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Posted by capricornmoon
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by capricornmoon
Greed.
Greed for attention ? People? Emotions? What's your experience?
Not sure of you., so they hold on until their ideals or symbolism of true love falls magically falls into their lap. Basically, when you're a second option.
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Makes sense. No one wants to be a second option
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christinelovessnickers
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Posted by capricornmoon
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by capricornmoon
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by capricornmoon
Greed.
Greed for attention ? People? Emotions? What's your experience?
Not sure of you., so they hold on until their ideals or symbolism of true love falls magically falls into their lap. Basically, when you're a second option.
Makes sense. No one wants to be a second option
But one will always love the other more, if not, everything would be in perfect balance, and relationship focused threads like DXP wouldn't exist.
click to expand

I have always been told to make sure the guy loves you more...

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MsTeeq1974
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Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by MsTeeq1974
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by aquarius09
It's an incredibly selfish thing to do. People do this when they're afraid of being alone, so they have a user mentality thinking "you'll do until someone better comes along." I have never strung anyone along because I wouldn't want this done to me.




The time would have been needed to make it last if you do lol.

I just got the string along with a scorp.
click to expand

I'm SO sorry Dear! Grrrrr....FYI. When I went back to the Cap, I was actually walking around the store with a Cap man and his Aqua wife. They were telling me what kind of man they felt would be good for me. We were like family and STILL are...so they had rights to have this convo with me. Anyways, everything they talked about described the Cap. I told them that I needed to excuse myself, I contacted the Cap...told him that it was imperativethat I see him that night. It was already like 7pm. I also told him that if he said no or didn't want to see me, that I completely understood. He said he was curious at how urgently I desired to see him. Long story short, I bodly laid my shit bare. I apologized profusely, let him know what was going on in my mind, and asked him if he would be open to us seeing each other again. Like...I pretty much just like, no bullshit put myselfon the sacrificial slate. From then on for about a year I dealt with him yanking me around, talking shit, and pretty much the relationship was on his terms until he abruptly cut me off the way I did him right after I said these words to him over the phone, "I adore you". Ouch! But one good turn deserves another, right? Lol

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christinelovessnickers
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Posted by MsTeeq1974
So...if his ass EVER comes back and you FEEL like dealing with him....let the entire relationship be on YOUR terms. You know?
Ouch with the Cap.

Who knows. I actually really liked him, but the situation was weird anyways. Plus, I shouldn't have been suprised since he told me the next woman would have a task of taking down his wall.

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christinelovessnickers
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Posted by capricornmoon
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by capricornmoon
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by capricornmoon
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by capricornmoon
Greed.
Greed for attention ? People? Emotions? What's your experience?
Not sure of you., so they hold on until their ideals or symbolism of true love falls magically falls into their lap. Basically, when you're a second option.
Makes sense. No one wants to be a second option
But one will always love the other more, if not, everything would be in perfect balance, and relationship focused threads like DXP wouldn't exist.
I have always been told to make sure the guy loves you more...
Me too. But you can't help who you fall in love with.





Wait, yes you can

But if it's super duper "true" love, all you can do is hope the person puts in as much energy as you do over them.
click to expand

Yeah, seems to be hard to find.
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MsTeeq1974
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Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by MsTeeq1974
So...if his ass EVER comes back and you FEEL like dealing with him....let the entire relationship be on YOUR terms. You know?
Ouch with the Cap.

Who knows. I actually really liked him, but the situation was weird anyways. Plus, I shouldn't have been suprised since he told me the next woman would have a task of taking down his wall.

click to expand

Oh Honey...it was good for me. Lol...whenever a man talks about someone taking down walls, or he's difficult for any woman to handle...gracefully decline his company. I had a beautiful specimen of a man proudly proclaim that he was a "puzzle" when we were just chit chatting. He never saw me again and I never told him exactly why. I only told him that I didn't see us making it in the long run. This was of course after I started taking my dating endeavors serious. I can get puzzles from the store. No thanks.
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MsTeeq1974
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When I chit chatted with my Scorp online for the first time, I asked him why he was single and he said, "trust me, I don't want to be". I tested his theory and replied with, "I'm sure thst you're single because you want to be." He was like, "nope". I said, "Ok then...be my man." After laughing and asking me if it was a set up and telling me that he actually didn't know what to do next....he asked me to meet him that night.

I did and we talked in his truck for two hours. We've been together ever since. Give a man your time who knows at the very least that he WANTS partnership, is ready for it, and actually acts like he wants partnership.
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christinelovessnickers
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Posted by MsTeeq1974
Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by MsTeeq1974
So...if his ass EVER comes back and you FEEL like dealing with him....let the entire relationship be on YOUR terms. You know?
Ouch with the Cap.

Who knows. I actually really liked him, but the situation was weird anyways. Plus, I shouldn't have been suprised since he told me the next woman would have a task of taking down his wall.
Oh Honey...it was good for me. Lol...whenever a man talks about someone taking down walls, or he's difficult for any woman to handle...gracefully decline his company. I had a beautiful specimen of a man proudly proclaim that he was a "puzzle" when we were just chit chatting. He never saw me again and I never told him exactly why. I only told him that I didn't see us making it in the long run. This was of course after I started taking my dating endeavors serious. I can get puzzles from the store. No thanks.
click to expand

Lol puzzles from thr store....so true!
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christinelovessnickers
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Posted by MsTeeq1974
When I chit chatted with my Scorp online for the first time, I asked him why he was single and he said, "trust me, I don't want to be". I tested his theory and replied with, "I'm sure thst you're single because you want to be." He was like, "nope". I said, "Ok then...be my man." After laughing and asking me if it was a set up and telling me that he actually didn't know what to do next....he asked me to meet him that night.

I did and we talked in his truck for two hours. We've been together ever since. Give a man your time who knows at the very least that he WANTS partnership, is ready for it, and actually acts like he wants partnership.
Well, I wasn't going into it expecting to like him. He was cute and figured it would be fun to date a little. Realized it felt easy to be around him and the chemistry was there, or so I thought.
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MsTeeq1974
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Posted by christinelovessnickers
Posted by MsTeeq1974
When I chit chatted with my Scorp online for the first time, I asked him why he was single and he said, "trust me, I don't want to be". I tested his theory and replied with, "I'm sure thst you're single because you want to be." He was like, "nope". I said, "Ok then...be my man." After laughing and asking me if it was a set up and telling me that he actually didn't know what to do next....he asked me to meet him that night.

I did and we talked in his truck for two hours. We've been together ever since. Give a man your time who knows at the very least that he WANTS partnership, is ready for it, and actually acts like he wants partnership.
Well, I wasn't going into it expecting to like him. He was cute and figured it would be fun to date a little. Realized it felt easy to be around him and the chemistry was there, or so I thought.
click to expand

It sounds like you weren't really looking for a partner, but rather an experience....no? Like I said...been there, done thst. The biggest risk in that is that when you're only looking or expecting an experience rather than a relationship, details can get overlooked (which already happens organically)...I guess I'm trying to say that details that shouldn't be overlooked end up being overlooked, because you're not necessarily looking to set up residence there. Kind of like a short stay vacation accommodation. You don't feel like you have to inspect the other. My advice is that if you go into for the sake of experience, don't change your mind. Get your experience and move on. I mean, there are always exceptions and serendipity is real. However, I wouldn't change my mind...unless something tangible and HUGE happened. I wouldn't change my mind based on the attraction/chemistry only. When we go into it with the intent of discovering partnership, while the risk of disappointment is higher, at least you're level of observation is on point. You won't miss as many details and/or red flags. That way when you see the red flag, you can analyze whether or not you should bounce.
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