The Disappearing Act

SO, things just sparkle up. You start to get to know eachother. It's good. It's all good. Very casual and cool. A few phone calls, a date or two. Nothing far too seriouse. Maybe you kissed him too. Maybe you haven't. But he says he's into you. He tell you you're adorible. You can tell he's into you from body language.

And then *poof* GONE.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who's experienced this. Tell me about it.


My first love left just like that. Took my virginity and then disappeared, literally, off the face of the planet. I guess I shouldn't call him my first love since we knew so little about eachother and it wasn't a very long relationship, but he made me feel loved, so I loved. Yup. In fact, after he left, without a goodbye, not even an email!, I found out he had a facebook. A little after a while that also disappeared. No I didn't try to add him! But he desided to vanish. His MSN, I had another user name and, well, he had never signed on again. Yea, there are two sides to the story and I made my share of mistakes, but my virginity? Knowing that it is(was) important, naive girl just turns 18, comes from an abused childhood, using the word love to blind me into something that... makes no sence what so ever?! And no, no I haven't moved on. Not all of me. Part of me will always have a little painful area with his name sowed on.

What makes you still hurt?

Holding on to pain like that will kill you.

First thing for you is to realize he isn't responsible for taking your virginity away from you unless he raped you .. if you gave it to him willingly, then it's your responsibility that you chose the wrong person, not his responsible that you have a terrible sense of judgement.


Face yourself and claim your own responsiblity on the things you've done .... and you will be able to move on.



I carry no pain, everything gets put into perspective straight-away.

I'm sorry that this happend to you. And hey, don't take this the wrong way, but one of the things that stuck out to me the most in your post was that you claimed you knew "little about eachother." THAT factor right there is why so many women AND men find themselves feeling hurt, alone and/or resentful after it's all over.

I don't know the age of this guy but if he's young just like you are, I'm not surprised what he did. Alot of younger men (OR men in generalwho purposely prey on the weaknessess/vulnerabilities of young women) tend to "get in & get out." It sucks for the woman b/c she often falls for all his sweet lines & promises. But for the man, the minute he can sense that a woman is going to give it up w/o thoroughly getting to know him, it makes his job that much easier.

There's a reason he disappeared. He knew exactly what he was doing & he is perfectly aware of how damaging the effects of his actions can be. And hey, some men can't handle the effects they've created. He can't handle or deal with the guilt of having to face you and/or face the hard questions/concerns that you validly have. So it's easier for them to just run. To take off & act as if it never happend. The lesson to be learned is that men like this won't/don't have any power if the woman takes the time to get to know him. 9 times out of 10 (not always though), if a woman takes the time out to truly get to know who she's investing her time AND body into, she'll discover alot of a man's flaws & shortcomings BEFORE she gives it up. A man like that's goal is to get all the "goodies" before she even remembers to get to know him.

And since it's easier for them to avoid guilt by running, it makes it all the easier for them to go do the same things to other women.

"I carry no pain, everything gets put into perspective straight-away."

Maybe not STRAIGHT-AWAY as in minutes, but QUICKLY as in days or a few weeks. With me, I hurt at first, I'm a PISCES for Pete's sake, I FEEL SOOOO MUCH... I mourn, move through the grieving process (rather quickly, usually). Then I take the lessons learned, knowing they were given to me for my future needs... and I sift through the ashes for the good bits and carry those with me into my future. I do not have regrets, I value EVERY experience I have, good and bad, lovely and ugly, even if it hurt me in the end - and I do not martyr myself or blame others for my own choices, and I face the consequences of those choices.

I fly, I soar. I fall, I plummet. I burn, I am reborn.
I will rise again as many times as it takes.


No, not to belittle you, Diana.. you simply grieve differently than me, you process differently. You aren't wrong, just different. But P's right -- that shit will kill you. Obviously. I feel sad for your pain, but sadder still that you cannot fully heal from it yet. *hug*

It takes a little while for me to process pain & to begin the healing process. Of course it all depends on the situation/circumstance for which why I'm even hurt in the 1st place.

In regards to me getting over or moving on from some A hole that I truly loved & that took advantage of me, of course there's always the process of self doubt: wondering what exactly went wrong? Wondering if I could've done anything differently to possibly change the outcome of the situation? Wondering if I was more a part of the problem or the solution? Wondering if I could've/should've seen any of the "red flags" or "signs" that a breakup or betrayal was coming, earlier than I actually did? Of course there's always those inner questions that I ask.

But sometimes you get to a point when you start seeing the bigger picture. In my younger days, I was so concerned with the Who's, what's, whens, where's & whys, so much so that I was staying & wasting my time alone just by wanting to know all of the answers to the questions that truly didn't even matter at the end of the day. Sometimes we'll never know "WHY" things turn out the way they do or why people hurt us or even perhaps why we hurt other people. Sometimes you just have to look at the bigger picture, accept the outcome & find ways to find any kind of wisdom/learning you can in/from the situation to avoid it happening again. Or atleast try your hardest to see the positives so that the negatives & "What if's" don't tie you down longer than necessary.

Of course hurt is always one of those things that aren't easy for people to move through. It's always "easier said than done" when everyone is telling you to move on. But hey, emotions don't switch on & off like light switches. If anything, it's highly unusual for someone to be very emotionally attached to something/someone, lose it but yet move on too quickly. There is nothing wrong with feeling the pain or even from acknowledging what's happend. Sometimes those realizations play a key role in you growing & learning from yours OR their mistakes