"So I can show off my gold chain, gold ring. Roll through the hood on them gold thangs"
@VenusAquarius
13 Years10,000+ Posts
Comments: 4341 Ā· Posts: 13269 Ā· Topics: 69
The Psychology of Loves That Last A Lifetime
Makes sense.
Love blindness:
I like the subject of love blindness. May be another topic. We see it when a person tells you how attractive their partner is and the you met or see a picture of them and go " okaaaaay?"
Preserving independence:
This concept is one that I never, ever see understood in these love posts online. The article tries to show how sexy and arousing it can be but people just won't give it a chance or doesn't even occur to people. So much ownership.
I like the subject of love blindness. May be another topic. We see it when a person tells you how attractive their partner is and the you met or see a picture of them and go " okaaaaay?"
Preserving independence:
This concept is one that I never, ever see understood in these love posts online. The article tries to show how sexy and arousing it can be but people just won't give it a chance or doesn't even occur to people. So much ownership.
What if you are:
1. Introspective
2. Routine loving
3. Needy
4. Laid back
5. Homey
No chance for lasting love š?
1. Introspective
2. Routine loving
3. Needy
4. Laid back
5. Homey
No chance for lasting love š?
Posted by tiziani
What personal quality/skill would match up with number 5?
I imagine some sense of religion or piety. But I'm not sure how someone works on that in themselves.
For me, it's like my husband shares his dreams and I love him so much, I want him to have them.
I can't imagine me being at his funeral knowing he had dreams unfulfilled... it would add to my pain. Whereas, if we did it all to our best, I will feel peace.
Posted by Undine
What if you are:
1. Introspective
2. Routine loving
3. Needy
4. Laid back
5. Homey
No chance for lasting love š?
It's about romantic love.
You can still love for life and have that companionship love. Romantic love just encompasses more.
Posted by LittleStarPosted by VenusAquarius
Love blindness:
I like the subject of love blindness. May be another topic. We see it when a person tells you how attractive their partner is and the you met or see a picture of them and go " okaaaaay?"
Preserving independence:
This concept is one that I never, ever see understood in these love posts online. The article tries to show how sexy and arousing it can be but people just won't give it a chance or doesn't even occur to people. So much ownership.
The love blindness is the hardest part of all of those, IMO.click to expand
I wonder why?
I do see it today and often. Don't you?
Posted by VenusAquariusPosted by Undine
What if you are:
1. Introspective
2. Routine loving
3. Needy
4. Laid back
5. Homey
No chance for lasting love š?
It's about romantic love.
You can still love for life and have that companionship love. Romantic love just encompasses more.click to expand
So...if I am all the above, I only have a chance at companionship, but not romantic love?
Posted by tizianiPosted by VenusAquariusPosted by tiziani
What personal quality/skill would match up with number 5?
I imagine some sense of religion or piety. But I'm not sure how someone works on that in themselves.
For me, it's like my husband shares his dreams and I love him so much, I want him to have them.
I can't imagine me being at his funeral knowing he had dreams unfulfilled... it would add to my pain. Whereas, if we did it all to our best, I will feel peace.
I can relate to that in my life.
But do you feel like you always had that perspective within you, even before you met your husband? Or was it something that you noticed after you both met? Or is it more like a skill someone can work on even when they've never felt that way?click to expand
Yes, this is a characteristic of my love style and language. I love people as individuals not possessions. So, I value their individual plights in life. I want to help.
It's so funny. I'm so cognizant of my partner's dreams, that I will single-handedly take-over certain aspects in the background. Like I did my husband's job searches and he'd be surprised by phone calls for a start date. I heard him, I did it.
Even done to helping each other with wardrobe... like finding him old school navy blue Pumas.
Or, like carrying health insurance on him through the divorce.
Posted by UndinePosted by VenusAquariusPosted by Undine
What if you are:
1. Introspective
2. Routine loving
3. Needy
4. Laid back
5. Homey
No chance for lasting love š?
It's about romantic love.
You can still love for life and have that companionship love. Romantic love just encompasses more.
So...if I am all the above, I only have a chance at companionship, but not romantic love?click to expand
It's risky. Only time will tell right?
Posted by LittleStarPosted by VenusAquariusPosted by LittleStarPosted by VenusAquarius
Love blindness:
I like the subject of love blindness. May be another topic. We see it when a person tells you how attractive their partner is and the you met or see a picture of them and go " okaaaaay?"
Preserving independence:
This concept is one that I never, ever see understood in these love posts online. The article tries to show how sexy and arousing it can be but people just won't give it a chance or doesn't even occur to people. So much ownership.
The love blindness is the hardest part of all of those, IMO.
I wonder why?
I do see it today and often. Don't you?
People are disappointing. Itās easy to start adoring someone without knowing who they actually are.
Perhaps itās better to be disappointed at the start.
š
It seems hard to maintain at any rate when youāve become so intimate.click to expand
I hope my husband has love blindness for me still. I've looked awful after babies and he still wanted to do me all the time. I've nursed his hemorrhoid and seen his ass inners are darker. He called me at work to describe the details of it bursting. We laughed.
I really think a good sense of ignorant vulgar street humor helps too.
This one is probably the scariest for me. Just physically. My personality he loves. I might loose all my teeth and hair one day.
Posted by tizianiPosted by VenusAquariusPosted by tizianiPosted by VenusAquariusPosted by tiziani
What personal quality/skill would match up with number 5?
I imagine some sense of religion or piety. But I'm not sure how someone works on that in themselves.
For me, it's like my husband shares his dreams and I love him so much, I want him to have them.
I can't imagine me being at his funeral knowing he had dreams unfulfilled... it would add to my pain. Whereas, if we did it all to our best, I will feel peace.
I can relate to that in my life.
But do you feel like you always had that perspective within you, even before you met your husband? Or was it something that you noticed after you both met? Or is it more like a skill someone can work on even when they've never felt that way?
Yes, this is a characteristic of my love style and language. I love people as individuals not possessions. So, I value their individual plights in life. I want to help.
It's so funny. I'm so cognizant of my partner's dreams, that I will single-handedly take-over certain aspects in the background. Like I did my husband's job searches and he'd be surprised by phone calls for a start date. I heard him, I did it.
Even done to helping each other with wardrobe... like finding him old school navy blue Pumas.
Or, like carrying health insurance on him through the divorce.
Ok, it makes sense to me then. It I felt like this was innate within me (1 and 3 for me) I wouldn't know what to say either.
2. is something I didn't feel to do until I met the Taurus, so it's not something I knew how to do by myself.
3. In some ways that comes naturally, but sometimes I had to learn the hard way
4. I had to get beat up by life before I saw how I can do this, or even the need to do itclick to expand
To me, it's really caring. I have to show I care. I care so much, I have to express it beyond words because words do not match the intensity to which I care.
I am sympathetic in love and sex... had to control myself with sexual sympathy.
Posted by sagaciouscorpPosted by VenusAquariusPosted by Black-Mamba
This is all I dream about
You think you can have love blindness tho?
Yes a lot of forgiving taking placeclick to expand
To me, love blindness is not seeing anything to forgive in the first place.
Posted by Undine
What if you are:
1. Introspective
2. Routine loving
3. Needy
4. Laid back
5. Homey
No chance for lasting love š?
Can you describe to me being needy and laid back. I've been pondering personality characteristics that appear incongruent. Was going to do a topic.
I met a lady that acts like Mary Poppins but is quite machiavellian.
Posted by LittleStarPosted by VenusAquariusPosted by LittleStarPosted by VenusAquariusPosted by LittleStarPosted by VenusAquarius
Love blindness:
I like the subject of love blindness. May be another topic. We see it when a person tells you how attractive their partner is and the you met or see a picture of them and go " okaaaaay?"
Preserving independence:
This concept is one that I never, ever see understood in these love posts online. The article tries to show how sexy and arousing it can be but people just won't give it a chance or doesn't even occur to people. So much ownership.
The love blindness is the hardest part of all of those, IMO.
I wonder why?
I do see it today and often. Don't you?
People are disappointing. Itās easy to start adoring someone without knowing who they actually are.
Perhaps itās better to be disappointed at the start.
š
It seems hard to maintain at any rate when youāve become so intimate.
I hope my husband has love blindness for me still. I've looked awful after babies and he still wanted to do me all the time. I've nursed his hemorrhoid and seen his ass inners are darker. He called me at work to describe the details of it bursting. We laughed.
I really think a good sense of ignorant vulgar street humor helps too.
This one is probably the scariest for me. Just physically. My personality he loves. I might loose all my teeth and hair one day.
Itās less physical for me. Though I can understand wanting to be beautiful and desirable. I donāt feel 100% satisfied with my own appearance but Iāve never had a partner that wasnāt okay with it so I donāt think thatās been something Iāve ever been afraid of.
More so Iāve always been let down and lost respect in people. And once that happens everything else falls apart and I canāt recover it so I have to move forward because there is no point torturing people by pretending.click to expand
This sounds similar to forgiveness... just similar but not quite.
We've been divorced. I think I would have lost respect for him if I wasn't already fully acquainted with his darkside. I can't fully commit until I know and can accept a person's darkside and faults.
Excessive reading about love and listening to music about love before actually loving made me come to this conclusion. No one's perfect, so find the imperfections you can actually like/love.
For me, this is paramount to lifetime commitment.
It's like our first experience of love is our parents and if... IF you can loose respect and be let down by them, and still love them, you might be able to do it in romantic love.
But, overall, I feel I discover this in dating.... being let down and losing respect and in a category or characteristic that is a deal breaker. But, I have been let down and lost respect in ways that were recoverable.... a way, that is not fatal to the relationship.
Also, there's like a give and take or an equalizing exchange where the person does stupendous in another category/characteristic of value that offsets a doing poorly in an area that is not maybe of a similar value.
I was thinking the other day about this... how we might compensate in relationships if we were more self-aware... like openly admitting faults and stating where we excel as a take it or leave it type thing.... all cards on the table.
Posted by LittleStarPosted by VenusAquariusPosted by sagaciouscorpPosted by VenusAquariusPosted by Black-Mamba
This is all I dream about
You think you can have love blindness tho?
Yes a lot of forgiving taking place
To me, love blindness is not seeing anything to forgive in the first place.
That would have to be mutual.click to expand
Another good point.
But, can we always be "mutual" down the dividing line of things?
It feels petty and unrealistic.
My husband is more committed to me than I am to him. We both know this. I am more giving.
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There have been 2 scenarios that have created some frustratio
Apparently something is wrong with you according to this article - https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/still-single-after-40-sounds-suspicious/article20405849/
I just cant today. Good god, people bringing the stupid. Im 39 and never have been married.
Why do people do this? And how do you diffuse the situation when they pull it on you?
It was an odd conversation
He didn't actually say it, but he said it.
What zodiac sign/placement is most likely to break up on impulse?
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He is very busy moving this weekend so I wasn't expecting m
You have a list of people to apologize to. Who do you apologize to first and why? Who would be last and why?
So I feel like this may become an issue once I start working full time again. For some time I was out of job and my boyfriend really liked the existing schedule. However I can't be jobless too long and I have to take care of myself and my finances, after
But this article: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/psychology-of-lasting-love_n_5339457/amp
states that lifetime romantic love equals...
ā¢ intense love,
ā¢ sexual desire (not necessarily activity), and
ā¢ long-term attachmentĀ
So, all things equal... longterm romantic love has a few attributes:
1. They maintain a sense of "love blindness."
2. They're always trying new things together.
3. They avoid neediness by preserving their independence.
4. Their passion for life carries over into their relationship.
5. They see their relationship as a journey together towards self-fulfillment.
I tend to agree that this is how longterm romantic love is sustained - that is not, naturally devolving into companionship after 30 years have gone by.
The article points out the difference from seeing marriage as safety and security vs. the new school of marriage as an avenue for individual-fulfillment."The average marriage today is weaker than the average marriage of yore, in terms of both satisfaction and divorce rate, but theĀ bestĀ marriages today are much stronger, in terms of both satisfaction and personal well-being, than the best marriages of yore,"Ā
Eli J. Finkel, a professor of social psychology at Northwestern University wrote in a New York Times op-ed, describing this shift from companionate to self-expressive marriages.
But, if people don't have these qualities within themselves....?