Toxic friend...keep her or lose her?

Hi guys. So I wanted to rant and get some perspective on this friend of mine whom I've known for the last 4 years now. We used to be a group of 4 girlfriends, very close and never would even gossip behind each other's back and we were hanging out every weekend for around 2 years, then one of them got a man and totally disappeared on us as if there was no friendship or something, which honestly shocked me, then the second one, knowing how we felt about the 1st one disappearing, got a boyfriend/fiance and did the same LOL, then when both ended their relationships, they suddenly remembered the group. Anyways, so when we first became friends, they were all single and I had met a man and I felt so close to my girlfriends that I organized a meet up where I invited the guy whom I was seeing just 3 weeks at that time just so that my girlfriends would meet him....stupid me! After that, we broke up for reasons unrelated to the hangout, but I say stupid me because when the other two friends of mine had fiances (but never go to the point of marriage, but one much later met someone new and is now engaged again), not once did I meet their fiances whom they were seeing nearly a year. Seems like I was the one who genuinely wanted my 3-week boyfriend meet my close. This isn't even the issue as it's just a background.

So now it's me and another girl left from the group. Over time she has acted and said stuff that made me lose interest in her and I'll give you some examples. It was a different story when we were a group of more than two, but now that its just the two of us, I have to deal with just her and I have noticed that over time I started to dislike her and lose interest in our friendship. She leaves nearby and every weekend when we used to hang out she always expects me to drive her around when we would go out. I can only count on my fingers the times she actually offered to pick me up herself and even then I would tell her to pick me up. There were a few times she did ask me 'do you want to drive or me?" but considering that I always pick her up and it had turned into 'custom' for her, I was expecting that instead of asking me, she would say "i'll pick you up at 9 pm'. Also, when I pick her up, I have to wait like 10 minutes for her to get out and no matter how many times I call her to ask her to hurry up she doesn't care. When once I was putting on my lipstick when she arrived, which would take me a few minutes and I didn't bother to move my ass faster, because if I wait for her each time for 10 minutes, she could have waited once for me to put on my lipstick for a minutes without me running out, she kept calling 3 times and later gave me an attitude about why I wasn't picking up my phone lol. Some unrelated acquaintance once told me that the girl has some type of repellence in her that repels people from her and that's exactly how I feel. At first, I didn't understand what it was, but it's all her shit she says that kills any desire to be friends with her. I must say that she does have some good qualities in her, but I guess I decided to concentrate on these annoying things that bother me and don't want me to continue the friendship. She wants me to hang out like before every weekend and I just don't want to. My mom tells me that I overreacting that I should be nice and not pay attention to stuff like that otherwise I will end up without friends, but when someone is rude to you yet due to your personality you don't want to retaliate the same way to not make a fuss out of what she says and not to stir things up, it's a build-up inside me that sometimes I just want to put her in her place yet something is holding me and I think it's how I was brough up. She is also very selfish and self-absorbed...she will ask for help or hand from you, but she will never lift a finger for you so that's another annoying trait I've noticed in her and I have stopped doing anything for her.

I married a while ago for the 2nd time and she recently told me (which startled me) that after my 1st divorce, I should have gone to a law school in NYC several years ago (im 36) and that way I would have met an attorney and would have been happy now.......i was thinking in my head after she said that 'Huh? ummm I AM happy and I have an amazing husband who isn't an attorney. Not sure what made her think that im not happy as I never discuss my husband with her" lol Also, who says that marrying an attorney will make you happy. I don't know where such a comment came from. She is 30 unmarried and some guy is only sleeping with her up tot eh point that she has no hope of getting married herself and decided to have a child on her own in the next few years. Some years ago I had a flood at my house and had to relocate for 2 months and her parents had purchased a house that they then demolished and rebuild from concrete up while we were just renovating my house after the flood and it happened that our homes were ready to move into at the same time, so in our facebook group chat she announced that she was moving into her home on Tuesday so I mentioned that I was moving too but on Wednesday so that our group of friends would now that I was moving back home, so once I also announced to everyone that I was moving back and once I announced my news too which I shared with happiness since my renovation was finally over, she wrote to us all "correction Jane (me), while I am moving to a brand new house which was built from scratch, you are just moving to your renovated home." I was like wow...what a dumbass. Is it like a competition or something, what does it matter who is moving where if the news we both shared had to do with moving to new home? It's like she wanted to say "don't get too excited" lol Also, she constantly talks about random people I don't even know like her co-workers and forces me to listen to her stories about these people when I try to change the subject after 5 minutes of listening about them. Anyways, I lost interest in her over this type of things and I was wondering if my mom is right about me saying that im overdramatizing it as if to ignore the negative stuff and be above all that as mom thinks that if we concentrate on every negative trait of friends, we will end up without any. What do you think based on her behavior vs whether I should get over myself and not pay attention to her bad behavior? Thanks!

Posted by Arielle83

Meh,

I ghosted a friendship of 8 years cuz the chick got too self absorbed and thought her advice should be written on stone.

I make new friends all the time.

Your mom might value the history of friendship, but some ppl just project their shit on their frievds to bring them down, because they compete.

Those ppl are just downers

thanks for the advice....i guess it's hard for me to make friends but i get your point and will definitely keep that in mind. I have just 2 friends lol so perhaps that's the reason why im not sure whether i should follow my mom's advice or just cut things off.

Posted by nanobot

Nothing I read here is too bad, it seems pretty typical behaviors of female friends. You have a right to not like her and not want to be friends with her though. You don't seem like the type who would check her on these small instances of pettiness/bitchiness so its probably for the best to end the friendship before you blow up. It seems as if you already made up your mind about it, yea?

i guess i have but wanted to get some advice 🙂) u have no idea how many times I have held myself from blowing up and saying something for her rude behavior...i started to change overtime by mirroring her behavior and i've noticed that it bothers her LOL I do know that it's more or less a typical female friendship behavior as I never have this happen with guy friends and my relationship with guy friends is chill and drama free, but my husband will ahve issues if I start making guys frineds left and right ))