OK- I have been taking some time to try to think about things. This should not be so hard. I sat down and talked to my husband about me leaving. His eyes filled with tears. I cannot bear to hurt him. He deserves better than what I am. I feel so guilty and stupid for letting myself be with someone else (who really isnt worth it) The bad part is I can not stop thinking about the lover. I know there is no future there- he has even backed off some. We use to have fun out in our social scene- now it seems tense. I try to act normal while he acts guarded. (probably because the lover has to face the husband physically every week there) I hope that is it. Because I am starting to feel so rejected. He plays me so well- one week cold-one week hot... I wish I never met him. All I do is think of him and it is not even worth it. I think sex is all that is on his mind and why wouldnt it be. In the meantime, I have a husband whom I have loved 4 ever and I cant figure out how the devil got such a hold on me. I will not tell my husband about this. If he finds out it will be bad. I will deserve whatever happens. If I stop this casual affair with this pro-dawg I would end up ok. Thing is my thoughts and days are taken up with thought of him. Nice verses angry. I never thought I would be interested in this type of guy. WTH was I thinking. It is not easy to get thru thru this without someone noticing the hurt I am dealing with. Now I havent been with this guy for 3 weeks now. We try to get together but something always comes up. Mostly on his part. I am starting to think that maybe the things he tells me are the things he tells other potential lovers. I am hoping that will convince me. I have got to find a ways to get on with this and be a better wife. How do I do that when I feel so low?
