Update how do u act when u find out— (Page 2)

lol...I know... i came off dramatic but i just thought..that she wasn't actually tryna get what i had to say...but its ok...

and i get what your saying... thanks for your input

Posted by aPiscesPrincess
His baby should be his #1 (and of course he has to deal with the baby's mother in the meantime because of it), you should be #2. If you can't handle that then you should go. Not trying to be blunt, but that's just how it should be. I just read your OP, not the rest of the comments.. so I'm just going off of that.

ok...thanks for your opinion

Posted by P-Angel
Keeping in mind for all those to be aware .... when this originally was posted (see below the OP), once the situation was presented, a consideration was also presented as a condition in which we should base our thoughts on what we would do.

Posted by awesomevirgyal
The guy you have dated for six months has a young baby born couple months after you guys start dating....When you approach him about it he didn't deny it his excuse is that he wanted to tell you but he was afraid that he would have lost you and you mean alot to him and that they baby came into play but that doesn't mean life ends...Take into consideration he has been of great help to you in any way he can... What would you do ??

This consideration, which must be huge since relating with a person has many factors to consider .. but, none of them were worth mentioning, which obviously means none of the other factors outwiegh that he has been of great help in any way he can.

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+1

Posted by lildol
So, let's review:

He didn't have as much time to spend with YOU as he used to because he became more involved with his child's life and you got jealous — nope, not selfish at all.

You even broke it off with him because the baby was taking time away from YOU — again, not selfish in the least bit.

You disregard him as a parent and consider it an inconvenience for YOU — yup, you totally get what parents do and no selfishness present.

And, because you are complaining to him about how YOU don't get any time alone with him, he is pushing his obligations off. It's not that he NEEDS a babysitter, it's that you are insisting it is cutting into YOUR time with him — no, I don't see where that is selfish on your part.

Let's not forget that you resent his child and him for doing the right thing or shall I say —baby thing?? — that's loving your man alright!

+1

Posted by lildol

Posted by awesomevirgyal


Maybe my choice of words were wrong

It's not the words you use, it's HOW you use them that sends a very clear message!

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+1


she is still young though

Posted by awesomevirgyal

Posted by Amandus
Can you handle it when he can't be with you because of the baby?

Yes i can and i have been..

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What I want to know is what changed your mind all of a sudden.... Because before you were saying no, no, no, no....
and everyone had your back.....

but now your saying yes,yes,yes.......so people are not totally on the same page with you......

I'm confused....it hasn't even been a month......

Posted by brianafay
Also, I don't blame you for wanting to dip out when you found out about the baby. I probably would have.
I'm not ready to be a step mom...fuck that.

But since you did choose to give it a go...you really need to get a better attitude about that baby.
Stop looking at him/her as a "thing" (you clearly do, and it's not due to "bad word choice" you never once mentioned the baby's gender...)






Did you have a father growing up?
Curious

+1

Posted by brianafay
& don't get all emotional and dramatic on me either it's completely unnecessary...I am not attacking you.
I just knew a Taurus girl in a similar situation as you and I know how it ended.

+1

Posted by awesomevirgyal
I truly wasn't ready for a step mom role..i actually adore his son , he is a sweetheart i always play with him...

Im not a drama queen and i wont go off on you , i just hate to be misinterpreted..Im actually a nice person...

Yes i had a dad when growing up but my mom was not there when i needed her most and when asked about it she gave me a petty excuse ...
This thread however has made me put some things into perspective..

all I have to say to this one is dont be so harsh on your mom. What are excuses to you can be something else to her....You really dont know what she went through until you yourself become a mother.
It's hard to be a parent........

so think about what your doing...
because in the end.....the one that gets hurt is the child.....
from the comment you made about your mother, you should at least understand that much

Posted by CrabbyTwins

Posted by awesomevirgyal

Posted by Amandus
Can you handle it when he can't be with you because of the baby?

Yes i can and i have been..

What I want to know is what changed your mind all of a sudden.... Because before you were saying no, no, no, no....
and everyone had your back.....

but now your saying yes,yes,yes.......so people are not totally on the same page with you......

I'm confused....it hasn't even been a month......

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Have you read my previous thread that i posted a couple months ago—? if you read it maybe you would have a clearer understanding of what is actually going on...

I think you guys are misunderstanding what i am trying to say hence all i am getting in most of the feed backs is negativity...I appreciate each and everyone's comment but i rather you not post anything if you don't have anything positive to say

Posted by awesomevirgyal

Posted by CrabbyTwins

Posted by awesomevirgyal

Posted by Amandus
Can you handle it when he can't be with you because of the baby?

Yes i can and i have been..

What I want to know is what changed your mind all of a sudden.... Because before you were saying no, no, no, no....
and everyone had your back.....

but now your saying yes,yes,yes.......so people are not totally on the same page with you......

I'm confused....it hasn't even been a month......

Have you read my previous thread that i posted a couple months ago—? if you read it maybe you would have a clearer understanding of what is actually going on...

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You forget that I have very throughly, I remember and left comments on it as well.

and has it been a few months already....geez how time flies...

Posted by awesomevirgyal
I think you guys are misunderstanding what i am trying to say hence all i am getting in most of the feed backs is negativity...I appreciate each and everyone's comment but i rather you not post anything if you don't have anything positive to say

dont get mad at us for trying to give you sound advice boo.
you have to remember that the thread you posted way back was negative to begin with, hence the continuation of some of the negativity....and to tell you the truth I think your just taking it that way....

I can speak for myself when I tell you that Im not being negative but in fact respecting a lot of the points of views that are being stated.

You shuold be taking all of this in as constructive criticsm. You can not tell peole what to do by saying not to post what we think or feel about your situation just because you feel its negative.

If you have thought it thru and convinced yourself it is worth it great! But keep in mind that it has to be for the long hall. you are going to be apart of this childs life...you will break his heart if you get attached and then later down the line, say hey you know what, I dont want this anymore...You have to be very family orientated and want a family eventually to be with someone who has children.....

Please just think about everything everyone is saying.....

One more thing, if he lied to you once, what makes you think he wont again....and I read that once you smell something funny your gone, but keep in mind again that there is a child involved. It's bad enough his parents are seperated, and now he has to take in step parents. I mean people are going to be in and out his life.....

Look as long as you know you are ready for this.....and all it comes with....

Posted by aquaj
Mothers are always going to feel inherently threatened by single women with free time to devote to a man and no piles of baby weight on their ass. It's a knee-jerk thing, you're going to be a Jezebel to them. It is what it is.


I read your post and I could see from the initial post that you stated very clearly that he HID THE BABY FROM YOU and that he VOLUNTEERED TO GET A BABYSITTER TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU, so all the immediate vitriol directed at you after that, like his choices were somehow YOUR fault ("you didn't ask" if he had a newborn at home, LMFAO)... well, you know what it is. Just shrug it off, babygirl.

That is a very bold statement you just made about mothers and baby weight....
you really must like to hear yourself talk or you think you have everything figured out in life...
and I dont believe that anyone is blaming her for him hiding shit or getting a babysitter.
It's the way she is re-acting that they are trying to point out and by you being an enabler is not helping the situation either....When she was right, it was all good, but when some things she says are wrong.... everyone on here is an asshole.....

Nice....

i think i am very much entitled to air my opinions just as much as you are...Why was the thread that i posted way back negative?? Because i asked for the opinion of others in a time when i was confused...Constructive criticism....meaning criticism or advice that is useful and intended to help or improve something, often with an offer of possible solution...there is a difference in bashing someone and giving constructive criticism... Do you think that all the thread posted was actually constructive criticism...I beg to defer...

They are more than one way to communicate something and the tone of some of what is typed speaks volumes...

And no one says he wouldn't lie again...doing the stats how much man don't lie?...can you count how much...and as i said I am on my guard...As well as posting this thread has put alot of things into perspective for me...

My Taurus friend went through something similar, like I said.
She met this guy, he was really adorable, I really liked him too...such a gentleman to her and seemed like he had his shit together (owned his own business.) I don't know what his sign was but I'm betting Capricorn.

Anyway, they had only been dating a couple months, but she was just smitten.
Then he drops the bomb...."I'm sorry, I didn't tell you before, I was scared you wouldn't give me a chance if you knew...my ex is pregnant." TWINS too btw.

She was like idk what to do...I've never dated someone with kids, I don't even want kids myself, I'm only 21...etc.
But he "assured her" he wanted nothing to do with his ex or really the babies either. He didn't want them, he was only going to do the responsible thing and support her.

She seemed content with this, and actually stuck with him until after the babies were born. She actually broke it off with him after he went and spent 2 weeks at his ex's helping her after she gave birth. (She had a really traumatic birth I guess and needed to recover while taking care of twins) She was mad when she found out he had to help her dress/undress etc.


Anyways, my thoughts: what kind of person would even feel assured and want to be with someone who says he doesn't "want" his children, or anything to do with them really. That just reeks of selfishness and immaturity.
& for someone who grew up without a dad present in her life I was appalled that she was rejoicing in this, like oh don't worry, he's not gonna have anything to do with them anyways....! FML
I'm glad they broke up...and I think she should have the moment she found out about the babies because she clearly was not ready for it. Not saying I blame her...she's only human.

But prime example of how people need to get their minds right and stop looking at children like they are objects.
Stop reproducing !!!! Please do the world a favor.

Posted by aquaj

Posted by Wynter
Weird. You keep talking about the guys kid like it's some sort of nuisance you have to put up with.

It's not wrong for her to hang out with her boyfriend when he is volunteering his time. If his involvement is lacking, let the mother communicate that to him. NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND'S PROBLEM.

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All I have to say to this statement is

It takes a village to raise a child. Everyone should be involved with all the decision making....

a good girlfriend wouldn't mind getting involved and letting her man know that he should not take time away from his child....

It's called being a family....

and no it's not wrong for her to hang out with him....
^^^ the only statement you have made that has value.

Posted by awesomevirgyal
i think i am very much entitled to air my opinions just as much as you are...Why was the thread that i posted way back negative?? Because i asked for the opinion of others in a time when i was confused...Constructive criticism....meaning criticism or advice that is useful and intended to help or improve something, often with an offer of possible solution...there is a difference in bashing someone and giving constructive criticism... Do you think that all the thread posted was actually constructive criticism...I beg to defer...

They are more than one way to communicate something and the tone of some of what is typed speaks volumes...

And no one says he wouldn't lie again...doing the stats how much man don't lie?...can you count how much...and as i said I am on my guard...As well as posting this thread has put alot of things into perspective for me...

No one said that you weren't entitled, but you weren't stating an opinion you were giving a demand.
And the thread was negative because of all the negative things you said about the man you are now defending.
It has nothing to do with you asking for anything.An i'm glad you can research words in the dictionary. Congratulations on pegging the definition to the tee.The tone of this message and others is why not all of the threads posted on here are constructive to you, you really need to calm your tude down. Your making enemies for no reason. Again, with your reactions. And I can find a solution within all these threads that have been posted thru the criticisms/advices they have given, are you that closed minded? But hey you already begged to defer so that's all you. So why post anything anymore if you dont like what you are getting?

"They are more than one way to communicate something and the tone of some of what is typed speaks volumes..."
(you should really take this in because this is what I have been telling you.)


And no one says he wouldn't lie again...doing the stats how much man don't lie?...can you count how much...and as i said I am on my guard...As well as posting this thread has put alot of things into perspective for me...


(so now you are ok with his lies, when you dumped him for them. Why do I need to count how much men lie? And it's nice to know your on guard, but do you know how many men dont lie....where you dont have to live your life constantly on guard an

I am not defending him because he lied or he has done some shady things in the past...All of us lie and makes mistakes hence we all want to be forgiven and we all wanna get another chance to come clean and do the right thing... the fact that he can acknowledge his mistakes means he is mature hence he can either change for the better or remain the same ... That doesn't mean he must not be given another chance to redeem him self..

Some of us lives our lives on guard, while some of us are in denial, and some of us are lucky to get an almost perfect person...I have choose to be on guard not because i am stupid or naive...but for the mere fact that I love him and if i messed up or lied about something i would wanna be given a second chance as well...

I am not defending him because he lied or he has done some shady things in the past...All of us lie and makes mistakes hence we all want to be forgiven and we all wanna get another chance to come clean and do the right thing... the fact that he can acknowledge his mistakes means he is mature hence he can either change for the better or remain the same ... That doesn't mean he must not be given another chance to redeem him self..

Some of us lives our lives on guard, while some of us are in denial, and some of us are lucky to get an almost perfect person...I have choose to be on guard not because i am stupid or naive...but for the mere fact that I love him and if i messed up or lied about something i would wanna be given a second chance as well...



I get that people go thru trials and tribulations but no one is perfect and almost doesn't count. I can respect your decision and I wish you the best with your new family. But really this has been the most sincere thing I have heard you say thus far. Very well spoken.

@awesomevirgyal, regardless of this thread, you're going to do what YOU want to do anyway. It's YOUR life right? If you allow people to have strong opinions about it, it's not really YOUR life is it? Especially on a forum. Please. I gave you my opinion, so has others. It all boils down to you. You have the final say, & you already know what you're going to do. Whatever it is, I hope it works out.