haunted_attics
@haunted_attics
9 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 65 · Topics: 2
What Do Women Want?: Adventures in the Science of Female Desire
Of course, it should go without saying that enjoying fantasies about this in no way indicates a desire for it to actually happen in real life. As one insightful counselor put it, it can be compared to how a man's fantasy of rescuing a woman from danger is not an indication that he would enjoy actually, in real life, confronting armed criminals or rushing into a towering inferno.
Like the author and the scientists who's work he describes, I'm not exactly sure where to go with this. When I talked about it with my wife she became defensive and sarcastic. However, she did agree to read the book, and I'm hopeful that something positive may come of it. Anyway, I think it's useful for any heterosexual man to know that the courteous, respectful, solicitous, gentle, egalitarian husband she wants you to be most of the time is rarely if ever the man she wants -- and needs -- you to be in bed.
So imagine this, guys. You're having sex with your wife of several years, with whom you have a great relationship. Though she doesn't feel at liberty to tell you, for her to have an orgasm she's going to need to fantasize that a man quite different from yourself is forcefully having his way with her. Do you think it helps her when you are your usual courteous, respectful, solicitous, gentle, egalitarian self? I'll bet it doesn't. In fact, I'd guess that even hearing your voice breaks the fantasy. Imagine how frustrating it must be for her that the very niceness in you that she loves so much hinders her from reaching orgasm.
I read through all the reviews and I have some comments about the negative ones. First, some say the points made in this book are so obvious that everyone should already know them, while others say those same points are completely wrong. I suspect both factions did not read the book very closely or thoughtfully.
Second, they're right that the book does not answer the fascinating questions it raises, and it is certainly disappointing not have those answers. But a book titled with a question mark, with a subtitle beginning with "Adventures in", surely shouldn't be taken to be claiming to have much in the way of final answers. Anyway, the scientists themselves don't have the answers yet. Why wait until they do have all the answers to have this useful and fascinating information? It could be a long, long wait, and maybe this knowledge can help your marriage in the meantime.
Oh, one last point. I'd have to agree with another reviewer who said that some of the lengthy descriptions of real women's sexual fantasies was in places indulgent and approached softcore porn. The same essential information could have been conveyed in a bit more clinical form. And it does get fairly salacious in places. On the other hand, I did enjoy it!
Like the author and the scientists who's work he describes, I'm not exactly sure where to go with this. When I talked about it with my wife she became defensive and sarcastic. However, she did agree to read the book, and I'm hopeful that something positive may come of it. Anyway, I think it's useful for any heterosexual man to know that the courteous, respectful, solicitous, gentle, egalitarian husband she wants you to be most of the time is rarely if ever the man she wants -- and needs -- you to be in bed.
So imagine this, guys. You're having sex with your wife of several years, with whom you have a great relationship. Though she doesn't feel at liberty to tell you, for her to have an orgasm she's going to need to fantasize that a man quite different from yourself is forcefully having his way with her. Do you think it helps her when you are your usual courteous, respectful, solicitous, gentle, egalitarian self? I'll bet it doesn't. In fact, I'd guess that even hearing your voice breaks the fantasy. Imagine how frustrating it must be for her that the very niceness in you that she loves so much hinders her from reaching orgasm.
I read through all the reviews and I have some comments about the negative ones. First, some say the points made in this book are so obvious that everyone should already know them, while others say those same points are completely wrong. I suspect both factions did not read the book very closely or thoughtfully.
Second, they're right that the book does not answer the fascinating questions it raises, and it is certainly disappointing not have those answers. But a book titled with a question mark, with a subtitle beginning with "Adventures in", surely shouldn't be taken to be claiming to have much in the way of final answers. Anyway, the scientists themselves don't have the answers yet. Why wait until they do have all the answers to have this useful and fascinating information? It could be a long, long wait, and maybe this knowledge can help your marriage in the meantime.
Oh, one last point. I'd have to agree with another reviewer who said that some of the lengthy descriptions of real women's sexual fantasies was in places indulgent and approached softcore porn. The same essential information could have been conveyed in a bit more clinical form. And it does get fairly salacious in places. On the other hand, I did enjoy it!
Posted by scorpx3I can't take credit, it's from a review. but thanks.
Fantastic points you made. Thanks for sharing!
Posted by sadpopcornEvery little bit helps. 😄
nice of you to help out bless you
The author's TedTalk
Posted by blessyou
This just proves even more how sick and twisted and slutty women truly are. That love shit is just psychopath shit disguised as love. Lol I think women are the ones who need therapy because this is bullshit. I've never been so disgusted in my life. This whole post was a turn-off and a boner killer to the max. I can't even look at women in the face anymore. I can't look at them the same smh Idk .. I just want a good person but that's not women are at their core and this describes women at their core which proved me right from the beginning. Wow. I'm just I dont know what to say. Because I dont want to use females for sex. I dont care about that... It's just fake to me. Yeah I could probably get a girl but this book proves that the love is fake. Everything is fake. Women are fake. They don't teach you this in school because these bitches are right next to you in class like wow... wow. I hope women get offended when they see my words. They should be. Because if I was a father and I'm glad I'm not, I would be highly disappointed. Realizing that women are nothing more than animals who can fake shit is an eyeopener and maybe I hope I find a girl one day that can make me forget everything I just read. Girl Power! Whoo-Hoo!! .. yea fucking right
😉
Posted by blessyouMaybe you need to get over this idea that love= sexual fidelity. Sexual desire is just that and it comes and it goes. But love, real love, that can last a lifetime.
Heart officially just got colder. I have no respect for women anymore. It's gone.
Posted by haunted_atticsThis video is a misrepresentation though, because apparently in the wild, the female monkeys are the sexual aggressors. 🙂Posted by blessyou
This just proves even more how sick and twisted and slutty women truly are. That love shit is just psychopath shit disguised as love. Lol I think women are the ones who need therapy because this is bullshit. I've never been so disgusted in my life. This whole post was a turn-off and a boner killer to the max. I can't even look at women in the face anymore. I can't look at them the same smh Idk .. I just want a good person but that's not women are at their core and this describes women at their core which proved me right from the beginning. Wow. I'm just I dont know what to say. Because I dont want to use females for sex. I dont care about that... It's just fake to me. Yeah I could probably get a girl but this book proves that the love is fake. Everything is fake. Women are fake. They don't teach you this in school because these bitches are right next to you in class like wow... wow. I hope women get offended when they see my words. They should be. Because if I was a father and I'm glad I'm not, I would be highly disappointed. Realizing that women are nothing more than animals who can fake shit is an eyeopener and maybe I hope I find a girl one day that can make me forget everything I just read. Girl Power! Whoo-Hoo!! .. yea fucking right
😉click to expand
Posted by blessyouAhem, I have never messaged you..
I've always wanted to have a reason not to be money over bitches but now .. Getting that tatted on me was the best decision I ever made in life other than sticking to my craft. Because these bitches ain't saving shit. I'm so dumb to really think a female can save the world LMAOOOOOOO they cant even save themselves from their own psyche. They're nothing more than little white rats in a fucking maze doing dumb shit and eating each other alive and fucking their own kind.. What a fuckin mess. You should see how disgusted my face is right now while twitter fingering this paragraph right now. Fuck you bitches! Deadass. Dont hit me up no more in the inbox. I'm alright now. I'm good.
Anywho, this is good this is very good. You're hitting rock bottom now, letting all your expectations fade away. Let the healing begin! 😄
Posted by blessyouYes, we are ALL animals, But MEN are by FAR the most murderous, and rapacious of the sexes. Don't forget, most sexual child molestation is done by MEN.Posted by haunted_atticswomen are fucking animals thats why i dont blame dudes who put hands on them because they not right in they headPosted by haunted_atticsThis video is a misrepresentation though, because apparently in the wild, the female monkeys are the sexual aggressors. 🙂Posted by blessyou
This just proves even more how sick and twisted and slutty women truly are. That love shit is just psychopath shit disguised as love. Lol I think women are the ones who need therapy because this is bullshit. I've never been so disgusted in my life. This whole post was a turn-off and a boner killer to the max. I can't even look at women in the face anymore. I can't look at them the same smh Idk .. I just want a good person but that's not women are at their core and this describes women at their core which proved me right from the beginning. Wow. I'm just I dont know what to say. Because I dont want to use females for sex. I dont care about that... It's just fake to me. Yeah I could probably get a girl but this book proves that the love is fake. Everything is fake. Women are fake. They don't teach you this in school because these bitches are right next to you in class like wow... wow. I hope women get offended when they see my words. They should be. Because if I was a father and I'm glad I'm not, I would be highly disappointed. Realizing that women are nothing more than animals who can fake shit is an eyeopener and maybe I hope I find a girl one day that can make me forget everything I just read. Girl Power! Whoo-Hoo!! .. yea fucking right
😉click to expand
But a woman deserves to get beat because she likes a variety of dicks? k...
k
Posted by blessyou"I'm depressed but that's not enough, I want to be more depressed than the overly depressed person I am already" is your mindset...Posted by haunted_atticsI aint hit rock bottom.
Anywho, this is good this is very good. You're hitting rock bottom now, letting all your expectations fade away. Let the healing begin! 😄click to expand
#sadist
Posted by blessyouThat's laughable coming from someone who likes to suck his own dick...You like it. We get it. It's fine. Just stop spreading your negativity all over this board every single day, it's not that hard, really.Posted by PalerioNah I rather fight for my beliefs which make me not depressed. Eat a dick faggot.Posted by blessyou"I'm depressed but that's not enough, I want to be more depressed than the overly depressed person I am already" is your mindset...Posted by haunted_atticsI aint hit rock bottom.
Anywho, this is good this is very good. You're hitting rock bottom now, letting all your expectations fade away. Let the healing begin! 😄
#sadistclick to expand
Posted by blessyouThank me later.Posted by PalerioNah I wont stop because no one ever stopped for me. What makes anyone of you special? No one thought I was special so shut the fuck upPosted by blessyouThat's laughable coming from someone who likes to suck his own dick...You like it. We get it. It's fine. Just stop spreading your negativity all over this board every single day, it's not that hard, really.Posted by PalerioNah I rather fight for my beliefs which make me not depressed. Eat a dick faggot.Posted by blessyou"I'm depressed but that's not enough, I want to be more depressed than the overly depressed person I am already" is your mindset...Posted by haunted_atticsI aint hit rock bottom.
Anywho, this is good this is very good. You're hitting rock bottom now, letting all your expectations fade away. Let the healing begin! 😄
#sadist
click to expand
Okay, hijacking the thread back to topic...
Men trying to understand the whole ravishment thing....it makes me laugh. They always tend to associate it with rape which it's not. Don't get me wrong, there are women who take it to that extreme but they aren't the norm.
It's a power thing. I know it seems like a huge contradiction but it's really not. The fantasy is never about some random ugly stranger -the male is always hot, always someone the woman would have wanted to have sex with anyway. I can write a text wall about why it's a power thing but I'm at work so unless someone just absolutely needs to hear all the reasons I'm keeping this short.
Men trying to understand the whole ravishment thing....it makes me laugh. They always tend to associate it with rape which it's not. Don't get me wrong, there are women who take it to that extreme but they aren't the norm.
It's a power thing. I know it seems like a huge contradiction but it's really not. The fantasy is never about some random ugly stranger -the male is always hot, always someone the woman would have wanted to have sex with anyway. I can write a text wall about why it's a power thing but I'm at work so unless someone just absolutely needs to hear all the reasons I'm keeping this short.
Posted by blessyouIt's time to embrace the men world.
Heart officially just got colder. I have no respect for women anymore. It's gone.
Let them fill you with their "wisdom".
Let them seed you inner thoughts
You have to become the receptacles of the men.
You must absorb everything without question. Everything
Forget women. They just makes you feel awkward.
Change and turn to the world of men.
Posted by tizianiThis is strictly about the being ravished fantasy not the simulated rape thing.Posted by nyxxeeLay it on us when you have time.
Okay, hijacking the thread back to topic...
Men trying to understand the whole ravishment thing....it makes me laugh. They always tend to associate it with rape which it's not. Don't get me wrong, there are women who take it to that extreme but they aren't the norm.
It's a power thing. I know it seems like a huge contradiction but it's really not. The fantasy is never about some random ugly stranger -the male is always hot, always someone the woman would have wanted to have sex with anyway. I can write a text wall about why it's a power thing but I'm at work so unless someone just absolutely needs to hear all the reasons I'm keeping this short.
click to expand
I know saying it's a power things seems like a huge contradiction but you have to really look at what's happening .The woman is being forced to submit to a man sexually, made to do things she wouldn't normally do. The truth is she does want to do them but society has programmed her to disavow these deep, dark desires so she shoves them back in the dark corners and releases them only when she is forced to so the fantasy is also a way to circumvent the fear of being seen as a "whore" which society tells all women is a bad thing to be. She can be handcuffed, blindfolded, choked, etc, etc because it isn't her doing it, right? It's the man doing it -he's forcing her to do it. She's submissive in all this. He's taking her. Doesn't seem like a power thing for the woman, right? Wrong. In the fantasy, the man isn't usually some homeless psychopath serial killer...he's handsome or rich or he's something the woman wants on some level which makes this consensual -she does want him- and the fact that he desires her so much that he will throw aside the social contract of "no means no" to take what he thinks is his IS giving his power to her because in the fantasy he wants no one else but her. She holds the power when he gives up control of himself to his desire for her....even if she's completely submissive...his pleasure and happiness is dependent on her. It's a psychological thing -a man wanting you so much that he will do anything -even force himself on you- to have you and make you "his". You own him because he needs to own you.
Hope that all makes sense. Again...this is just my view and, as always, it's open for debate.
I think guys have some variation of this with giving up control/power but not really giving it up at all...most just won't admit it. lol
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I borrowed this book from the library hoping to learn something useful about women's sexual desires, and I believe I have.
Society teaches men two contradictory ideas about what women want in men. One side says women want gentlemen who treat them with respect, listen empathetically to her thoughts and feelings, are good friends with them, etc. The other side says that's all lies; what women really want is a man who is controlling, emotionally distant, and only really interested in her physically. Then the first side counters that women who want what the second side says they want are psychologically flawed or emotionally wounded, and best avoided.
Young men listen to both sides, wonder which side is right, then pick a side and wonder if they chose right.
After reading this book, now I understand that both sides are right. If the scientists who's work is described in this book are correct, normal women have a fascinating sexual duality that can be baffling not only for men but for women too. Normal women desire both types of men, at different times. For me it was an eye-opener.
When a woman who has a wonderful husband who treats her with respect etc. etc loses interest in him sexually though she still loves him dearly, while longing for the sexual attention of a distant, controlling man who is only really interested in her body -- going way beyond just periodical boredom with relationship routine -- it doesn't mean something is wrong with her. It means she's a sexually NORMAL woman.
The task for men, then, is to somehow help her with both sides of her sexual duality. Of course no one man can really be both; it doesn't make sense, even if he's a great actor. But the "bad boy" side can be addressed in sexual fantasy. After all, if you've been together for years, she's probably already fantasizing about such bad boys during sex anyway. She probably doesn't want to talk about it; she may feel ashamed about having such desires, or worried that you'll feel rejected for not being that type of man, or worried that you'll take it too literally or take it outside the bedroom, or maybe she just represses the whole thing right after sex each time.
Of course it's no surprise that some women (along with some men too) fantasize about being dominated or ravished. What's surprising is that it isn't just a titillating novelty fantasy that can be enjoyed or ignored at will. Rather, this research appears to clearly indicate that a NORMAL woman in a HEALTHY long-term heterosexual relationship often (or usually, or almost always) NEEDS to fantasize about being taken forcefully by a dominant, emotionally distant man, preferably one she doesn't know well or at all, to be sexually aroused and reach orgasm.