When is it too much?

Ladies, when do you think it's too much when a woman relies on her boyfriend?

My brother's girlfriend calls him for practically everything. Often, I can't help but wonder why the hell she can't grow up and handle shit on her own?

Issues with a school field trip? She calls him to come help and sign shit for her.

Sick at work? She calls him.

...sick at any time, she calls him.

When she was still with her parents, if she was home alone, he'd use that as an excuse to bring her over to stay the night because omgz she's aaalll alone!!

Every time he makes excuses for her, I'm coming up with several ways that she can remedy the situations on her own. But noo, she's so helpless and stupid at 24!! My mom, the ultimate enabler, sees nothing wrong with it. I think it's ridiculous how often she runs to him for help. It's like, Jesus Christ, grow up already and be an adult.

Their relationship has always been him being her shoulder to cry on and her rescuer, even when she was married (shock and surprise, they started dating before the divorce was finalized).

But my wtfery makes me a bitch.

So ladies, when is it too much when a female relies on the S.O.?

And she'll keep her man because she needs him and he loves feeling wanted/needed to fix things for her.

Unlike the rest of us that are so god damn Independent and aren't needy of a man to do everything, in fact we make him feel inadequate so he easily let's go.

I had a friend like this. He can't stand his gf now. His gf lived across town and shed ask him to buy her food from where he lived and take it to her. Shed say my mother needs rollers, can you bring it.

And I would say wtf is wrong with you!!

But like Impulsv said, some men want to feel needed!!!
Until it becomes overbearing.

It'd only be a prob when ur bro starts feeling merely obliged to do so. Healthy boundaries need to be placed.

Posted by rockyroadicecream
Ladies, when do you think it's too much when a woman relies on her boyfriend?

Wtf is it to you? If that dynamic works for them who's anyone to say it's wrong. She's clingy and needy, and she's found someone who complements her. And I don't think she'll change much at the age of 24 either way. It's just how she is. Better needy that some cold bitch who uses a pet as substitute for human relationships and to keep people away. IMHO

Posted by size zero superhero
The individual you're describing sounds like a Stage-9000-Clinger in general, probably not limited to intimate relationships. Something tells me she probably drives her friends insane as well, what with the extreme neediness & all.

I've known similar people, who were terrified of being isolated in any sense of the definition & didn't feel secure without the company of others at all times. Naturally, those tendencies often bleed into romantic relationships.

Perhaps that's part of what attracted your brother to this woman? Feeling like he's of the utmost importance to someone, so much so that she requires his input for everything that comes up.

That's exactly it. He's very insecure and so he's total white knight syndrome here. It's why I have a big issue with their relationship. It was founded on some bs and overall I find it weird. I feel he can do better, no offense to her. She's a nice girl, but she's never been single since high school. I don't think she can really grow as an individual if she doesn't know how to be on her own.

Nevermind it's a bitch to get my brother to help out with my mom and he's jumping to the girlfriend's problems far more often without hesitance. Leaves me totally wtf. I'm like Jesus Christ, this is just not sane. :/

Posted by enfant_terrible

Posted by rockyroadicecream
Ladies, when do you think it's too much when a woman relies on her boyfriend?

Wtf is it to you? If that dynamic works for them who's anyone to say it's wrong. She's clingy and needy, and she's found someone who complements her. And I don't think she'll change much at the age of 24 either way. It's just how she is. Better needy that some cold bitch who uses a pet as substitute for human relationships and to keep people away. IMHO

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Thanks for the useless post. Be gone.

Posted by Impulsv
What sign is ur brother maybe he likes to feel needed. I was shocked when thread need vs wanted was discussed. Some men need to Feel needed

Dun dun dun, he's a Sag.

It's that fricken ego, that guys love that needed shit. But it also creates an unhealthy balance because relationships shouldn't be about fulfilling needs like that.

I generally wouldn't care, but his relationship has been an absolute burden because his priorities are fucked. He got with this chick when my mom was diagnosed with her cancer. Since then, it's been a struggle to get him to help out when needed, but can magically find time to come to her rescue.

Anyway, I brought up the example because it's what got me thinking of it as a whole. I'm always pointing out the wtfery, how self centered I think she is that she's doing this shit because we clearly have a lot going on our plate (even her parents tried to pawn her off on us, which pissed me off). The last thing my family needs to worry about is taking in some chick who can't grow up. But the reactions I get made me wonder where the line is drawn between normal relationship stuffs and just overkill. There's a difference from occasional help and needing your hand held.

If he's not complaining, why are you?

Seems like his way of coping with his life, the things that she needs taken care of are doable and empowers him now and maybe longterm. Her requests are probably so basic individually yet might eventually become burdensome as they interfere with his progress. You're going to be painted as the bad person because only you seem to be critical as everyone's praying that it will all get better 😢

Posted by Nemesis
everybody is different and so are relationships, if that is their dynamic and it's not hurting anybody and your brother is not suffering or pressured by it - then what is the problem?

has he complained about this to you?

I agree with Nem.

If the two of them don't have a problem with it, then neither should you?

It's their business.

Posted by SpiceNSugar

Posted by Nemesis
everybody is different and so are relationships, if that is their dynamic and it's not hurting anybody and your brother is not suffering or pressured by it - then what is the problem?

has he complained about this to you?

I agree with Nem.

If the two of them don't have a problem with it, then neither should you?

It's their business.

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Read the rest of it, sweetcheeks.

It is a problem and it's my business because it impacts my family. You don't ditch your family like he has ours over some pair of boobs, sorry.

If I didn't need his direct help in the current situation, I wouldn't give a shit.

Again, that said, this was a generalized question and the tardos of DXP missed that bit and focused solely on the example given, not the question asked.

Posted by Impulsv
Op hope ur mom is doing good btw.

Thanks. 🙂

Posted by size zero superhero
I hope your mom pulls through & beats this, even if your brother isn't as present as he should be right now. Having an ill family member is rough & I'm sorry to hear 😢 my condolences.

While I can understand where some folks are coming from when they opine that if it doesn't directly impact your personal life, then you shouldn't be concerned with his--however, it IS a member of your immediate family we're talking here.

Furthermore, nobody could honestly argue that the way your bro has been willfully preoccupied with his g/f ISN'T questionable, esp during a time where the obvious priority should be tending to his mother alongside yourself.

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Thanks.

Well I get that too, and I wouldn't even care if the situation wasn't what it is. I was just merely using it as an example, as the situation itself got me wondering when it really goes too far. I mean, I'm pretty independent and would rather try to do things on my own and only ask for help when it's obviously necessary, so I seriously cannot understand why some of this would be normal to do. The shit she calls about sometimes, I'm like wtf why can't she do anything herself? Is it still 1950 where the female comes a running to her boyfriend for EVERYTHING? "OH NOES, I'M SO HELPLESS, I BROKE A NAIL, COME SAAVE ME!!"

It makes me wonder how often this still happens and if others think it's weird to see in 2014.

Coping with illness of a close family member is one of the highest levels of emotional stress there is, it must be very difficult for you. However, I think you're more angry that your brother has an outlet, escape from family stress.... and you don't.

If he was pre-occupied with a sport or hobby would you feel the same? The bashing of the gf's character is misguided...

You're actually sounding like an interfering inlaw. You've complained several times about this girl and at the end of the day the more you push against her the more he will stand by her. You need to learn to live with her if you want your brother around.

Now, tell me that if someone In your family had problems with the person that you have fallen in love with that you would dump them because of it!

Yeah.. Not going to happen!

Posted by shellshocker
Coping with illness of a close family member is one of the highest levels of emotional stress there is, it must be very difficult for you. However, I think you're more angry that your brother has an outlet, escape from family stress.... and you don't.

If he was pre-occupied with a sport or hobby would you feel the same? The bashing of the gf's character is misguided...

...no. Just...no.

Nice try though.

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by shellshocker
Coping with illness of a close family member is one of the highest levels of emotional stress there is, it must be very difficult for you. However, I think you're more angry that your brother has an outlet, escape from family stress.... and you don't.

If he was pre-occupied with a sport or hobby would you feel the same? The bashing of the gf's character is misguided...

...no. Just...no.
Nice try though.

you sure bout that?

Posted by rockyroadicecream
It is a problem and it's my business because it impacts my family. You don't ditch your family like he has ours over some pair of boobs, sorry.

If I didn't need his direct help in the current situation, I wouldn't give a shit.

Posted by rockyroadicecream
Nevermind it's a bitch to get my brother to help out with my mom and he's jumping to the girlfriend's problems far more often without hesitance. Leaves me totally wtf.

click to expand

Today's 24 year old is yesterdays 12 year old. Clueless, self righteous, selfish, needy and still a child.

TRUTH

If she was pulling this shit since high school and never has been without a boyfriend, she is a victim of POOR PARENTING.

Say hello to our future leaders. 😐

Posted by LetltB
Today's 24 year old is yesterdays 12 year old. Clueless, self righteous, selfish, needy and still a child.

TRUTH

lmao

Posted by BrightLights

Posted by LetltB
If she was pulling this shit since high school and never has been without a boyfriend, she is a victim of POOR PARENTING.

Say hello to our future leaders. 😐

Maybe she was just born that way. You can parent two children in the same household in the same manner, and still, they may turn out differently.

I don't have children but this is what my mom told me and I believe her. Seeing how different my brother and I are. Like night and day.

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No debate here, the female depicted here has issues that started in the home a long time ago. Someone taught her it was ok to behave this way, or simply didn't give a rats ass. Pick one.

Posted by BrightLights
Your brother sounds like a major asshole (sorry to say).

Choosing some needy babychick/adult wanna be over mom and sister in such difficult family times is just wrong on so many levels. I can't even....

I completely symphatize with you. I hope he spends rest of his life tending to her needs and being her puppy-dog slave. As he will. Karma will make sure of that.

Gawd no. I don't want her around that long. She's a nice enough girl, but both my mom and I aren't thrilled he's with her.

I also can't stand women who can't be single. Seriously?
Most of my time, I have been single and I am just fine.
I can't remember the last time I called anyone for any help.....

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Me neither. I find it absolutely sad when someone cannot manage to be single/alone for any amount of time without relying on others so much. I have a friend who just broke up and she's running around, finding anyone to occupy her time (friend wise) and is already attempting to date, when she just ended a 5 year relationship. It leaves me kinda o.O a bit. To each their own, but you can't help but wonder wtf they're doing to themselves. It's so self destructive. :/

His girlfriend did the same thing, and when she told me about all the bullshit baggage she had with her, I asked her why the hell she pursued a relationship with my brother given it was so much drama to bring along. "Well, I warned him..."

Omg talk about trying not to throat punch. It was such a selfish response. When you have a psychotic ex assaulting any guy you date, you should not be dating!

People be crazy. :/

Posted by Rabbit
It's their relationship...not yours.

Stop trying to tear other people's relationships down because YOU are miserable.

This.

And I agree with Sweethearts too.

Rocky, you sound very CONTROLLING.

what the fuck man, stop controlling other people's lives and happiness.

Her frustration is because she has No Control and never will have! People don't do what they are told by the family because they are told to. He is a grown man and his choice is his own, it surprises me how opinionated a lot of people here are. The best way to deal with a situation like this is to keep out of it because if it is as toxic as you feel eventually things will change.

I personally don't see that she's doing anything wrong, her man is looking after her as a man should!

Posted by sweethearts
Her frustration is because she has No Control and never will have! People don't do what they are told by the family because they are told to. He is a grown man and his choice is his own, it surprises me how opinionated a lot of people here are. The best way to deal with a situation like this is to keep out of it because if it is as toxic as you feel eventually things will change.

I personally don't see that she's doing anything wrong, her man is looking after her as a man should!

i agree with you.

But i also feel sorry for Rocky. She needs a man to love her and see that being in a loving relationship will make her stop looking at other people's relationships and trying to tell them how to live. If only that libra man didn't treat her like shit (I'm just presuming this is what happened cause she's always at the libra board)

I've noticed that women in general who are lonely and alone and embittered, because of past relationships and are still single for a long time tend to feel really pissed off at other women who are in relationships. NOT all of course, but maybe they feel like deep down they want to CONTROL. cause they are losing control of their own.

@Rocky, he's your family, let him be and let him love on his own.

If i did that to my sisters or if they did that to me, we'd have WAR on our hands because we are not accepting of our family's love life and business.

@rocky, if you are proud and happy of the fact that you can ENJOY singlehood and being without a partner then GREAT! fucking awesome. But, it defeats the purpose when you go around hating on other people's relationships. (he's not beating her up, or cheating alot, and vice versa so i don't see any problem)

and shellshocker said something very good, in that he has an outlet, a stress free life ....his woman probably gives him nurturing and care and love and happiness.

If people need to be ultra independent, there's absolutely no problem with that, but there's also nothing wrong with a couple taking care of each other.

All those examples about being sick or wanting company at night is totally reasonable to me, if not expected, tbh. That's part of being a team, if not basically family eventually. Part of loving each other. You take care of each other, because you want to. And you're not afraid to rely on them when you need help.

The problem lies if one party is doing all the legwork for the other, and the other never reciprocates when needed.

Or if they're taking advantage of them, constantly demanding that their partner drops everything they're doing to do something really trivial, like buy her a Prada purse or paying her cell phone bill or w/e. But if your bro is happy, I doubt this is the case.


Other than that, I just don't understand why everyone nowadays in this country is so obsessed with being as 100% independent as possible when in relationship. 😕

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with the couple taking care of eachother bit. It's how ridiculously immature and needy that his gf is that I have an issue with. She selfishly thinks about her and her own problems when we have plenty of our own to deal with.

She and her family are trying to pawn her off on us like she's our responsibility just because she's riding my brother's dick.

You all can kindly fuck off with your pop psych bullshit and passive aggressive mentalities here. I do not owe any of you the entire story or the entire 3 year history of why this is an issue.

And you selfishly think that your brother owes you his life.. Guess your wrong!

Deal with it!! Not much you can do is there??

That's way too much. I'm like that George Michael song Freedom. I would rather handle my own messes. The relationship is for companionship and to enjoy another's company not replace my parents apron strings I cut loose when I was 16.

But she could have been enabled to have everything done for her by family. He contintues to be her crutch because he likes it? I don't know. This is weird. Not saying she's a weakling but she has him jumping through hoops of fire haha!

seems your bro likes it . lol

People like her have it easier. They "take advantage" of people wanting to be needed. At the end of the day, it is unclear who takes advantage of whom. It's a symbiosis.

My sister has been the " helpless youngster" for her entire life. At our home, she depended largely on our domineering mother, who was very grateful to have a child like her, after her "difficult, decretive and stubborn" eldest (me). When I was having some issues at school, mum usually found out after they were solved. She told me off for creating the issues, however I had the feeling that she was more frustrated because she wanted to have helped. If the same issues happened to my sister, mum would be the first to know and talk to her teachers. Some people need to be in charge!

Some other people are plain jealous! After my sister married, she became dependent on her husband for all their common life decisions. The fact that her Leo husband dotted on her and adored her, stirred up the jealousy of her mother-in-law, who saw my sister as stupid and wanted to get rid of her! My brother in law stood by his wife. He said that if he has to choose between his wife and his mum, his mum has to go!

Funnily, my sister is not stupid at all, she had little problem doing a job with high responsibility and earning more than her husband! However, privately she's always like this 🙂:

Sister: *phones husband at work*: Honey, I'm in the car in front of a beer factory!
Husband: Great! Please bring as much beer as you can! I'm hot and thirsty!
Sister: I can't. I'm lost!
Husband: Can't you use sat nav?
Sister: I'm still running in circles.
Husband: OK, honey, tell me what you see out of the window and I'll guide you!
Sister: A beer factory, I've told you.
Husband: OK honey, I'll be googling beer factories from the region and help you out in a minute!
Sister: Thank you, my darling!