Saggittarus is starting to scare me

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scorpdiva
@scorpdiva
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I went for a girls trip this last weekend which I told him about the weekend before that he was fine with it, come Saturday before I leave he ask why am I leaving when he needs me, how can I just change my plans at the drop of a dime when I was the one driving and two other girls were waiting on me also I wouldn't ask him to do that for me that unreasonable. So that Sat he was txting me all day saying he hope I was having fun, he doesn't understand why I can't sit down and why I am always on the go. I told him I like to travel and I always invite him but he doesn't want to go, and he say's that other things are more important than him which is not true so after my girls trip I had to go to another town for my job for training and we were on the phone and he told me something that scare me he said that a bar type karaoke place I go to on tues he though I went last week and he work 3 to 11pm and he said when he got off work he went up there and waited in the parking lot to see if he would see my car, he seen my sis car but I didn't go that night I was tired He seen a car like mine and he said he followed it 10 or so blocks then he notice that it wasn't me. He then inform me if I would have been in that bar that night and he would have seen my car he would have came in work clothes and all and ask me do I wanna walk up outta the place or be drag as he put it, he also said that if I would've said no he would pull me by my hair and put me in his truck and wouldn't care how I got back up there to get my car. I think he is trying to scare me so I won't do anything he also said if I pissed him off enough he would withold from me I guess he mean sex, but his words he wouldn't be laying up with me but he would make sure no one else would be either. That night I was speechless I think he was kidding but these are his thoughts.


Should I be worried
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scorpdiva
@scorpdiva
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I know its from his past and I tell him I am different, I don't like all the drama and I don't show my love with anger like I think women from his past have. I try not to dig too far in his past but I need to ask questions and he told me when we first met my mom would like u, you are different not like I guess u can say and excuse my french but one of those ghetto rough women he use to date in the past. He also told me about how one girl he dated stole his car and drove to ATL and he came to go get his car, I think he is use to women being highly aggressive with him, and him with them I told him before that is not love to me that's just game and drama. Tiki while I see ur point he is and can be a really good guy we have been dating for 15mths and he has never touch me its simply words to see how far he can take it or how far I will go. Another thing he even went as far to say he would knock me up then I would sit down, he is just fishing to get my reactions but sometimes what he says scare me cause I am like is this what u r really thinking or you are just trying to see my reaction ny things u say.
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tiki33
@tiki33
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But see that's an excuse that you are using to remain with him...Stop making excuses, step back and look at things objectively, no matter what happened in his past you shouldn't be talked to nor treated that way. If he's so insecure that he's threatening to pull you out of a karoake bar by your hair well to me that's a deal breaker and it's inexcusable behavior on his part, if he's threatening to get you pregnant so you'll be dependent on him that's very scary IMO. I guess I don't take things as lightly as some women, I counsel women who are in high risk relationships and I see the same patterns so maybe I'm being over zealous but I don't play that shit, I will check his ass real fast on that kind of talk or I'd have to walk, he really need to get some help with his issues or you'll most likely look up 2 or 3 years in and getting your ass beat for breathing too hard, he has all the tell tell signs of a potential abuser.
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westside
@westside
14 Years1,000+ PostsGemini

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Posted by scorpdiva
I went for a girls trip this last weekend which I told him about the weekend before that he was fine with it, come Saturday before I leave he ask why am I leaving when he needs me, how can I just change my plans at the drop of a dime when I was the one driving and two other girls were waiting on me also I wouldn't ask him to do that for me that unreasonable. So that Sat he was txting me all day saying he hope I was having fun, he doesn't understand why I can't sit down and why I am always on the go. I told him I like to travel and I always invite him but he doesn't want to go, and he say's that other things are more important than him which is not true so after my girls trip I had to go to another town for my job for training and we were on the phone and he told me something that scare me he said that a bar type karaoke place I go to on tues he though I went last week and he work 3 to 11pm and he said when he got off work he went up there and waited in the parking lot to see if he would see my car, he seen my sis car but I didn't go that night I was tired He seen a car like mine and he said he followed it 10 or so blocks then he notice that it wasn't me. He then inform me if I would have been in that bar that night and he would have seen my car he would have came in work clothes and all and ask me do I wanna walk up outta the place or be drag as he put it, he also said that if I would've said no he would pull me by my hair and put me in his truck and wouldn't care how I got back up there to get my car. I think he is trying to scare me so I won't do anything he also said if I pissed him off enough he would withold from me I guess he mean sex, but his words he wouldn't be laying up with me but he would make sure no one else would be either. That night I was speechless I think he was kidding but these are his thoughts.


Should I be worried




woa...woa....woa...this is some crazy shit...this is wrong on so many levels..this is a sign you definately need to take heed too, because i guarantee you this is the beginning of some type of abuse, not even playing. you need to reevaluate some things and should probably GTFO of this relationship. MEN do not do shit like this.
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scorpdiva
@scorpdiva
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Posted by MzSagittarius
I wish you knew his birth time. It sounds like he has a Taurus ASC.

From what I perceive he is:

Possessive

Jealous

Has Trust Issues

Committed

A Home-body

He Does Guilt Trips

All of these sound like some VERY Taurusish traits. Well at least the traits I've seen Taurans display. Or a Scorpio ASC... Hmmmm.





Right on point, I have tried to get his birth time he is not sure but those things describe him he never wants to do anything and he always does the guilt trip...
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scorpdiva
@scorpdiva
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Comments: 9 · Posts: 1333 · Topics: 76
Posted by everevolvingepithet
Posted by westside
Posted by scorpdiva
I went for a girls trip this last weekend which I told him about the weekend before that he was fine with it, come Saturday before I leave he ask why am I leaving when he needs me, how can I just change my plans at the drop of a dime when I was the one driving and two other girls were waiting on me also I wouldn't ask him to do that for me that unreasonable. So that Sat he was txting me all day saying he hope I was having fun, he doesn't understand why I can't sit down and why I am always on the go. I told him I like to travel and I always invite him but he doesn't want to go, and he say's that other things are more important than him which is not true so after my girls trip I had to go to another town for my job for training and we were on the phone and he told me something that scare me he said that a bar type karaoke place I go to on tues he though I went last week and he work 3 to 11pm and he said when he got off work he went up there and waited in the parking lot to see if he would see my car, he seen my sis car but I didn't go that night I was tired He seen a car like mine and he said he followed it 10 or so blocks then he notice that it wasn't me. He then inform me if I would have been in that bar that night and he would have seen my car he would have came in work clothes and all and ask me do I wanna walk up outta the place or be drag as he put it, he also said that if I would've said no he would pull me by my hair and put me in his truck and wouldn't care how I got back up there to get my car. I think he is trying to scare me so I won't do anything he also said if I pissed him off enough he would withold from me I guess he mean sex, but his words he wouldn't be laying up with me but he would make sure no one else would be either. That night I was speechless I think he was kidding but these are his thoughts.


Should I be worried
click to expand





woa...woa....woa...this is some crazy shit...this is wrong on so many levels..this is a sign you definately need to take heed too, because i guarantee you this is the beginning of some type of abuse, not even playing. you need to reevaluate some things and should probably GTFO of this relationship. MEN do not do shit like this.
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scorpdiva
@scorpdiva
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Comments: 9 · Posts: 1333 · Topics: 76
Posted by everevolvingepithet
Posted by scorpdiva
^^^^

Thanks Star

You all have brough up some very valid points and maybe because at this points its all words is why I am still even considering to continue dating him. I do however will have to think long and hard about this and some changes will have to be made.


I don';t think you need to think long and hard.
Put it this way, you could meet someone who wouldn't say or act like that.
Problem solved.
Rarely am I serious too, fwiw.🙂
click to expand






Thanks 🙂
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tiki33
@tiki33
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Scorpdiva look at it another way....Let's say you have a daughter, a beautiful precious daughter, someone you love and adore, she's simply one of a kind kinda diamond that you put all your energy, time, love, thoughts into and some guy talked to her that way....What would you say to your daughter? Would you be scared that words will eventually turn into fist some day?

You'd encourage her to get out just like so many of us are encouraging you to do...The day you stayed the first time he verbally attacked you was ONE DAY TOO MANY and I'm sure if you had a child you'd tell her the exact same thing. You've allowed this crap to go on too long, so much so you've normalized the behavior and that's how it starts, these creeps train women to take it, to take the verbal abuse and then they begin to ease in something like hitting or kicking the wall, then he'll ease in spitting on you, then he'll ease in a slap and/or a kick and then he'll begin to beat you, typically after he's gotten you isolated away from everyone through marriage or through living together and/or a child is brought into the picture, then your his glorified whipping girl, someone he can take all his anxiety and insecurities out on. These guys are experts at this grooming thing, they know how long it takes to groom a woman into believing it's okay for him to be aggressive albeit verbally or otherwise before they can shift into actual hitting, he has to convince you it's all talk before the first actual hit or choke is inserted into the relationship.

Call an abuse hotline or go to your local women's shelter and get some help creating a safe exit strategy, inform family and friends to get some support and get out now before it's too late.
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DMV
@DMV
15 Years25,000+ PostsSagittarius

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Posted by scorpdiva
Posted by MzSagittarius
I wish you knew his birth time. It sounds like he has a Taurus ASC.

From what I perceive he is:

Possessive

Jealous

Has Trust Issues

Committed

A Home-body

He Does Guilt Trips

All of these sound like some VERY Taurusish traits. Well at least the traits I've seen Taurans display. Or a Scorpio ASC... Hmmmm.





Right on point, I have tried to get his birth time he is not sure but those things describe him he never wants to do anything and he always does the guilt trip...
click to expand




thats a mars in scorp for ya....whats his moon sign again?
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DMV
@DMV
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Posted by scorpdiva
^^^^

Thanks Star

You all have brough up some very valid points and maybe because at this points its all words is why I am still even considering to continue dating him. I do however will have to think long and hard about this and some changes will have to be made.



all of the comments to leave and easier said than done.

hes a pisces moon...those dudes are mine readers. he feels like something is up with u. did u ever tell him about u dating another guy...

whats your birthday again?
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tiki33
@tiki33
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It's hard, of course it is but it's not something that can't be done if a woman values herself and cherishes her life...There isn't a valid excuse for any man to talk to a woman this way, there is no excuse for any kind of abuse be it verbal or physical or mental no matter what she's said or done, if he has to resort to verbal threats b/c he feel her being independent is a threat well it's time to go, this is only a prelude to what's to come and it will only get worse as time and years goes by.

It's time for scorpdiva to stop encouraging his creepy crappy behavior before it escalates into something more serious...
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DMV
@DMV
15 Years25,000+ PostsSagittarius

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Posted by tiki33
It's hard, of course it is but it's not something that can't be done if a woman values herself and cherishes her life...There isn't a valid excuse for any man to talk to a woman this way, there is no excuse for any kind of abuse be it verbal or physical or mental no matter what she's said or done, if he has to resort to verbal threats b/c he feel her being independent is a threat well it's time to go, this is only a prelude to what's to come and it will only get worse as time and years goes by.

It's time for scorpdiva to stop encouraging his creepy crappy behavior before it escalates into something more serious...



yeah no kidding, but dont expect this to happen overnight..

im thinking there may be a remedy for his behavior...if 2 people love each other, how can i assume that something cant be worked out.
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tiki33
@tiki33
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None of us can change a man no matter how strong the love is...An abuser does it because he can and that's who he is despite all his flimsy reasons for being that way, I know plenty men and women that have seen abusive, been exposed to some kind of abuse, been through some horrible abusive traumatic situations and never ever would dream of verbally assaulting and/or abusing another human being, all the reasons are just an excuse and her walking around on eggshells and modifying her words and behavior is not going to stop it but what it will do is enslave her to his moods and have her tap dancing around his feelings which will give him a certain level of control over her, I worked extensively with men that are psychologically trained to specifically deal with abusive men and the things I learned are priceless. No amount of love will ever heal an abuser, no amount of minimizing and rationalizing will make it go away nor will it change the behavior, the only person she can heal and save is herself, if she stay it's like saying to him it's okay to talk to me this way, she can talk to him about it now but that'll only serve for him to feel like he has to pretend, if he's a true abuser he'll only hide it until he's sure she's ALL IN, so in love she can't see straight or leave and then it'll start back up again but next time it'll be worse.
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tiki33
@tiki33
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He has to want to change, I highly doubt it, he's not a kid, he's a grown man with a set personality, the only way he'll change is if he feel he has to, no amount of you are scaring me, you need to seek help, you are hurting me will make a man change, yes he can but the odds of him actually doing it is low. There are men that go to counseling 2 or more times a week and still abuse there spouses and significant others, I've seen it with my own eyes, he'll come in and say I didn't abuse my girlfriend, we'll excuse ourselves from the group, call the girlfriend and she's saying the complete opposite, he's been abusive and it's escalating, he's just pretending so he can get out of mandatory counseling.

If he seek help, he agree to go to counseling with her and makes the tremendous effort to stop verbally abusing and threatening her I say go for it, try it but don't be disappointed by the futility of it all, he has to want to change for himself not her.
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scorpdiva
@scorpdiva
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Posted by justmeh
Tiki talks sense scorpdiva.
Wish i had her way of wording things but i dont.
This is just something i feel passionate about having witnessed it for 16yrs.
Please value urself and get out of this situation cos unless the guy seeks help for himself then u ARE gonna become his punching bag




Tiki speaks very well and I am taking everything she and others are saying to heart.

I would not have posting this just to ignore and make excuses for him, I always like and take advice that is good for me.

I also like you have never been physically or verbally abuse so this is new to me and I needed input for everyone.

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scorpdiva
@scorpdiva
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Posted by DMV
Posted by scorpdiva
^^^^

Thanks Star

You all have brough up some very valid points and maybe because at this points its all words is why I am still even considering to continue dating him. I do however will have to think long and hard about this and some changes will have to be made.



all of the comments to leave and easier said than done.

hes a pisces moon...those dudes are mine readers. he feels like something is up with u. did u ever tell him about u dating another guy...

whats your birthday again?
click to expand




My birthday is November 14, the last time we had a 2 month break I went on a date with an older gentlemen and I told him about that and yes he brings that still sometimes.

Honestly, since we came back together in May I have been on my best behavior because normally which is not easy for me I like to do what I like when I like so I am trying to compromise to find a happy meduim between us.

I do however like to go out a lot with my sis, who thinks is out doing lord knows what and he probably thinks when I go out I act wild however I really don't, I simply enjoy socializing which he doesn't.
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scorpdiva
@scorpdiva
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Posted by ellybd
Check out your abuse programs available to you. If he's this intent and frightening while you are doing nothing to compromise trust then he will assuredly escalate if you try to confront him with his behavior and/or end the relationship. And if he doesn't than endless apologies no matter how convincing or dramatic are all false until proven true. But no one should live in a relationship trying to prove themselves, you or him. And if he's demanding illogical proof of your devotion and wants your life to be curbed more towards his liking than he isn't loving you, he's trying to change you.

Have you been feeling limited lately? Has it seemed like something is swirling in you but you can't quite put a tangible emotion or adjective to it, all you know is its negative? Do you constantly worry about if your s/o is going to criticize you so you refrain from mentioning something? Do you find yourself feeling irritable or nervous in an unhappy way before seeing him? Do you ever feel envy towards others in relationships and wish he was more blah like so and so's boyfriend rather than finding joy in your own matches celebrated differences? Are you consistently always enjoying yourself more alone or with others who aren't your s/o? These are just a few of the many forewarning signs that you are unhappy, but not quite ready to realize or admit it. And honestly, that kind of behavior and language he exhibits is that of selfishness.

The minute you start to feel as if someone/thing is closing in around you even if there is seemingly nothing wrong in your sight is when you know it's time to evaluate whats truly the best for you. And a lot of times its an individuals choice to behave this way. Nature(astrology) might play into it a bit, but ultimately he chose to react when he had the availability to otherwise. My father is a sag with heavy scorpio influences, and the most he ever did in his lifetime of being married three times and raising three daughters was yell and cuss nonsense to himself in anger. Never did he threaten us, intimidate us or belittle us like that. There are other ways to work on naturally bad tempers.

The most important choice right now though is what are you going to DO about the situation. Not what you are going to think, say or theorize. Words, theories and thoughts are good but with no action you'll leave yourself stuck.



Good Informatin.....
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caligula
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any person, male or female, who provokes jealousy or insecurity into a relationship then sits back as if their partner is the one with the issue is full of shit.

you don't have to be an abusive person to fear that the person you love and care for is a (man-)whore.

this is the same guy that requested that she stay home more often and stop running the streets. at some point, grown ass people who are involved in committed relationships learn to stop hanging out at the club every weekend. she hasn't learned that and as a result, she gets what she deserves.
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scorpdiva
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Posted by caligula
any person, male or female, who provokes jealousy or insecurity into a relationship then sits back as if their partner is the one with the issue is full of shit.

you don't have to be an abusive person to fear that the person you love and care for is a (man-)whore.

this is the same guy that requested that she stay home more often and stop running the streets. at some point, grown ass people who are involved in committed relationships learn to stop hanging out at the club every weekend. she hasn't learned that and as a result, she gets what she deserves.




I am not at clubs every weekend, when we got back together in May I stop all the going out now I am down to maybe one weekend a month and other then that I travel when ever I get a chance so I have made improvements in that department.
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scorpdiva
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Posted by caligula
^add this to the fact that she has a toddler and still feels it necessary to party on the weekends, sorry, i'm finding it hard to embrace the man-bashing.



Yes I have a toddler who spends time with her father on the weekend, I have her all week so that allows me the time to go out on the weekend.

Your point is well taken though believe me, you sound a little like him now.......
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caligula
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you stopped being a clubrat after may? then, why were you still going to the club in june?


Posted by scorpdiva
So this week Mr.Sagg has been calling his self paying me back for my actions last weekend, thing are cool with us but he is just trying to prove his point that I need to stay home and read a book as he say's Lol...

Last weekend Sat I knew he had to wrk early Sunday so I plan on going out with my libra sister which is cool normally, where I mess up is that I told him, he normally doesn't care or mind if I go out but he doesn't want to know and that night I told him.
When I told him he said "Bullshit" as in no but I just took it like whateva since he is always joking and playing anyway so I told him what club I was going to so my siter and I get there, guess who is park in his truck right next to us of all people, my sister had to park right next to it was him and I didn't notice it was him till I got out the car...

So we get out and he is like "So you are going out anyway" and then my sister starts telling him yeah why can't she go out and he is like "Rules" and I chime in and said yes I follow the rules but she didn't want to go out alone and my sister starts saying we came from the same womb we can go out together and all this other stuff just playing ofcourse so he then said OK you have fun and he drives off. Honestly after he left I felt bad but I didn't know he would come up to the club to see if I actually went so I text him after an hour of being in the club and ofcourse he ignorned me to prove a point.

So the next morning at 6am when he went to work he txt me the word "RULES" I end up calling him at 2pm when he got off and we had a talk and got some things resolved about our social lives and what is acceptable and he came over later that day and all he talked about was me going out and he starting trying to whip my behing Lol, so that was Sunday and now everyday since we have been talking and txting and all that but his voice, txt, etc are vague so I ask why so vague and he says till I feel like you are sorry or you make that up to me this is how I will sound. I just thought Sunday when we had our talk I thought we were done with it but everyday he has brought Sat up and is using it to get his way and like I said in the topic I thought this was a typical scorp action but then again he is on the cusp 11/23 and he has a scorp mer and mars......
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caligula
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in essence, you provoke drama, you encourage physical violence, you engage in behaviors that incite jealousy and insecurity and YET, you're surprised when a man gives you exactly what you've asked for...exactly what you so lovingly believe you deserve?

you're a child in a woman's body.

is this the same sag that you were toying with while simultaneously FUCKING and trying to get back with your taurus ex on the side?

from the beginning you've been stepping out on this guy and where he MAY be an abusive bastard, his concerns, his paranoia are warranted.
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caligula
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look, YOU cheated on him before.

he may be crazy but how dare you invalidate his insecurity when you're the one who created it?

if someone tells you that they would prefer that you not hang out so much on the weekends and that you spend more time at home and "read a book" as he put it, they clearly are trying to let you know what they value in a relationship. you obviously don't give a shit about the fact that he doesn't want his woman running the streets because every opportunity you get, you're leaving your toddler "somewhere" and heading to the club.

you would like these people to believe that you're doing right. you've already lied and stated that you've stopped going to club in MAY and yet, JUNE 15th you were at the club...in this thread you were having a "girl's trip," you claim that you're away for work...fuck, once a cheat, always a cheat.

if you were a MAN and engaged in this behavior, you'd be read the riot act for not respecting your gf but hey, because you're a woman, i guess it's ok to flaunt your infidelity in the face of your boyfriend.

what's good for the goose is good for the gander and regardless of his behavior, YOU created this monster. now tell us more about how "sexy" it is to have a man "grab you up" and "slap" the shit out of you in public?
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tiki33
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You going to the club has nothing to do with him....I see you have already modified your behavior for him and that's a huge NO NO, don't do anything to keep a man happy and feeling secure, he should be happy and secure within himself with or without a woman in his life. If you cheated on him in the past and if that's part of the reason he's acting like an abusive creep well that's HIS PROBLEM, he took you back and if he took back after a few bad past events then he should be responsible enough to trust that you won't do that again or why else would he take you back? You jumping through hoops to prove your love will only lead you into a very abusive controlling situation with a man, were he's controlling every move you make, your entitled to live a little even with a child but what you don't want to happen is you modifying your life style so someone else will feel secure and comfortable, if that's what your doing then stop it b/c it'll only serve to give the other person power and control over you and that can only lead you into emotional slavery with a man which inevitably leads to abuse.

But yes I agree with Caligula that you have to get some adult education to help you understand how you think is a bit toxic and will attract bad men, wanting someone to be obsessed with you will only get your ass whooped or killed.

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tiki33
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Posted by everevolvingepithet
"people that want to know this guys chart WTF———??
This is when astrology is taken to serious Really!!!!!!!!!!
What does it matter what his chart is?
Does this make his behaviour excusable?
First and foremost he is a human being(apparently) and i would not accept this behaviour from anyone regardless of their chart."
+1



Can I +1 on this or is it +2 lol

but whatever the case she's ding ding ding right
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tiki33
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"So the next morning at 6am when he went to work he txt me the word "RULES" I end up calling him at 2pm when he got off and we had a talk and got some things resolved about our social lives and what is acceptable and he came over later that day and all he talked about was me going out and he starting trying to whip my behing Lol, so that was Sunday and now everyday since we have been talking and txting and all that but his voice, txt, etc are vague so I ask why so vague and he says till I feel like you are sorry or you make that up to me this is how I will sound. I just thought Sunday when we had our talk I thought we were done with it but everyday he has brought Sat up and is using it to get his way and like I said in the topic I thought this was a typical scorp action but then again he is on the cusp 11/23 and he has a scorp mer and mars....."

"That would have been HOT, he threaten to do that once before he said he would grab me by my neck and snatch me out of the cleub.... I wouldn't even get [mad] it would turn me on that he wants to be in control like that.

That night he wasn't dress correctly and he wouldn't be seen in his sweats in a club like that, when I had talk to him that night I knew he was hanging out but I didn't think he would drive up to the club.

True, I do like someone equally obssessed with me......."

Ya'll both need some damn help lol....Rules like he's your dad, he's punishing you like he's your dad and all this about you like getting slapped and snatched and it would turn you on....You are asking to get your ass beat, this is an ass beating in progress, the inevitable is you'll get what you want and it won't be that much of a turn on.
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