Advice needed from Scorpio Parents

I need advise from Scorpio Parents

My ex and I are rekindling our relationship BUT we have a big problem. When we were initially together, we agreed to not have children. Granted I was about 18 and him 22 at the time. When I was 25, we had our first daughter. He initially was upset but tried to work his feelings out and be there for us. When I was 28, we had our 2nd daughter. I was deliberate and selfish when I got pregnant with her. I didn't want multiple fathers for my children and worst, I didn't want him. Our original break up was brutal. His ambivalence about parenting and my desire to find the best environment to raise them in steered me in the direction to leave Brooklyn and move down south.

He has always been there but more like a shadow figure. He had come down to visit but their interaction was awkward and guarded. It's been 8 years since we moved down and he initially expressed interest in getting to know them better and now in us getting back together. The issue is that my oldest daughter is angry, guarded and stand offish about the entire prospect {justifiably}. The three of us are very close and I have allowed them to share their feelings openly. She has vividly described wanting acknowledgement and an apology for his lack of participation {she should have it}. I have incessantly explained I am the one who left, not to diminish his absence but to try to get her to see things in a less black and white way.

When I told him of their feelings, he initially said nothing. I pulled back from interacting with him so much and waited a couple of days to bring it up again. I didn't want to betray my daughters confidence or trust. I didn't want them to think their feelings didn't matter.

When I finally confronted him, he admits he is scarred. Both of us were abused as children by our parent hence the pact in our early years. He feels awkward around them. I had told him earlier this year, the person I marry has to have a strong relationship with them. He has asked me for help but I'm afraid I may put what I want in front of everyone to quench my guilt in creating this situation

My personal feelings: Choose my daughters and their security first and always.

What I'm willing to do: Continue the conversation on both ends and schedule more visits. That their father, this has to be fixed especially since he is willing

What I'm posting for: I had a Scorpio mother who was cold, withholding, manipulative and never accepted responsibility for any part of her life. She was cruel, told me I would never be loved and did terrible things to pit my sibling and I against each other. I know all Scorpios are not the same, but how can I approach this situation in the least harmful way possible. This his insecurity. I don't want o exploit it but seeing both sides suffer at the same time is torement

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by livictori
I need advise from Scorpio Parents

My ex and I are rekindling our relationship BUT we have a big problem. When we were initially together, we agreed to not have children. Granted I was about 18 and him 22 at the time. When I was 25, we had our first daughter. He initially was upset but tried to work his feelings out and be there for us. When I was 28, we had our 2nd daughter. I was deliberate and selfish when I got pregnant with her. I didn't want multiple fathers for my children and worst, I didn't want him. Our original break up was brutal. His ambivalence about parenting and my desire to find the best environment to raise them in steered me in the direction to leave Brooklyn and move down south.

He has always been there but more like a shadow figure. He had come down to visit but their interaction was awkward and guarded. It's been 8 years since we moved down and he initially expressed interest in getting to know them better and now in us getting back together. The issue is that my oldest daughter is angry, guarded and stand offish about the entire prospect {justifiably}. The three of us are very close and I have allowed them to share their feelings openly. She has vividly described wanting acknowledgement and an apology for his lack of participation {she should have it}. I have incessantly explained I am the one who left, not to diminish his absence but to try to get her to see things in a less black and white way.

When I told him of their feelings, he initially said nothing. I pulled back from interacting with him so much and waited a couple of days to bring it up again. I didn't want to betray my daughters confidence or trust. I didn't want them to think their feelings didn't matter.

When I finally confronted him, he admits he is scarred. Both of us were abused as children by our parent hence the pact in our early years. He feels awkward around them. I had told him earlier this year, the person I marry has to have a strong relationship with them. He has asked me for help but I'm afraid I may put what I want in front of everyone to quench my guilt in creating this situation

My personal feelings: Choose my daughters and their security first and always.

What I'm willing to do: Continue the conversation on both ends and schedule more visits. That their father, this has to be fixed especially since he is willing

What I'm posting for: I had a Scorpio mother who was cold, withholding, manipulative and never accepted responsibility for any part of her life. She was cruel, told me I would never be loved and did terrible things to pit my sibling and I against each other. I know all Scorpios are not the same, but how can I approach this situation in the least harmful way possible. This his insecurity. I don't want o exploit it but seeing both sides suffer at the same time is torement

How about explain to ur daughter it was ur fault for taking them so far away making difficult for him to establish normal contact

U were somewhat selfish in that way

Had kids disregarding his feelings n picked up n moved south disregarding his input. So start with that

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I have and continue to. The hard part for them is perceiving me differently. I have never lied or tried to hide my actions. I think it's too complicated for them to see/accept me as the bad person AND nothing trumps their feelings of loss. I think when they get older they may accept with better clarity the root of our issues is my fault.