Do you feel sad when you end a mediocre relationship?

I just broke up with my bf today. We only dated for 9 months. He chased me. I like him, but I don't think I ever loved him or fell in love with him because he is SUPER BORING. All he does is eat, sleep, study, and play video games. And he can eat the same exact thing for a whole month because he's too lazy to think of what to eat. I think he just doesn't know how to keep things fun and exciting and he is TOO LAZY to put any thoughts into our relationship. I broke up with him because I am just tired of having to be the one that tries to spice things up and keeps this relationship going. I also feel resentful that he got lazy once I agreed to be his gf and stopped doing anything (eg. rarely called, rarely took me out on dates, etc.). I should feel relieved but I feel sad. Maybe I am sad that I wasted my time on him. Maybe I am sad because I was hoping it could work out with him because he is a nice guy. I don't know. I feel sad, but I also feel it is not rational to feel sad because I should be happy that I get myself out of a relationship that I was constantly bored and unsatisfied. Have you ever felt sad ending a mediocre relationship? Why do you think is that that I feel sad?

Posted by bae

i don't think you feel sad... i think you feel lonely.

the comfort of "being" in a relationship is no longer there...

you don't miss him, you miss the idea of having someone.

That's probably true.... especially it is still New Years day here and I am all alone.

I feel so confused about how I feel right now.

Posted by tiziani

It's pretty normal to feel like it's a loss.

But I think being judgy is always going to make it sadder.

Better to accept this is your life and what you want to do about it.

Have you ever broken up with someone because you were bored? Just curious.

Posted by Ellygant

I was drvestated when I ended a five year relationship with a man I deeply loved, because the relationship had atrophied tonthe point we were both unhappy. Mediocre described it well at the end. I was most sad because of how phenomenal it had been, and that two people who love each other so much still couldn’t get on the same page.

That’s kept me single for three years I think. I’ve dated and loved, but couldn’t really commit.

I recently decided to actually commit to work on something with someone for the first time since, and I’m already regretting it. I’m noticing differences in the dynamic already since agreeing to be committed which give me pause. If we break up, I’ll be a little sad that I wasn’t compatible with a great guy. But I can’t be in a relationship where my spirit feels stifled anymore.

As far as your situation, it sounds like you’re really upset that you just haven’t found a match that really gets you. That happens to me frequently. I get sad when I think about how there’s so many great people to love but ultimately a lasting and compatible connection is hard to cultivate for the long term.

5 years is a long time! My longest relationship is 3 years and I had depression for 2 years after that ended. I would feel very very sad if I found someone I deeply loved but we grew apart.

Your last paragraph sounds about right! Maybe deep down I am just upset because I cannot find a compatible partner. And yes, there are so many great people out there but it is hard to find someone who I can be with for long and not feel smothered or neglected. It's hard to find someone who wants the same things in a relationship, wants to talk at the same frequency, wants to hang out at the same frequency, wants to show you affection based on your love language not on theirs.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by tiziani

It's pretty normal to feel like it's a loss.

But I think being judgy is always going to make it sadder.

Better to accept this is your life and what you want to do about it.

Have you ever broken up with someone because you were bored? Just curious.

Can't say I have, if anything I'm the boring one.

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hahaha. you so funny. has anyone complained? :p

Posted by bae

Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by bae

i don't think you feel sad... i think you feel lonely.

the comfort of "being" in a relationship is no longer there...

you don't miss him, you miss the idea of having someone.

That's probably true.... especially it is still New Years day here and I am all alone.

I feel so confused about how I feel right now.

it's ok. it's totally natural. things take time.

this too shall pass...

keep your head up boo.

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Thanks! I do hope this will pass soon. I don't like to feel sad and lost and disappointed.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by tiziani

Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by tiziani

It's pretty normal to feel like it's a loss.

But I think being judgy is always going to make it sadder.

Better to accept this is your life and what you want to do about it.

Have you ever broken up with someone because you were bored? Just curious.

Can't say I have, if anything I'm the boring one.

hahaha. you so funny. has anyone complained? :p

I definitely got the "you don't treat me like you used to" in a couple of relationships

Does that count?

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It does! So what went through your mind when you heard that? Did you feel annoyed, indifferent, or did you actually think about it and try to be more attentive?

Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by Ellygant

I was drvestated when I ended a five year relationship with a man I deeply loved, because the relationship had atrophied tonthe point we were both unhappy. Mediocre described it well at the end. I was most sad because of how phenomenal it had been, and that two people who love each other so much still couldn’t get on the same page.

That’s kept me single for three years I think. I’ve dated and loved, but couldn’t really commit.

I recently decided to actually commit to work on something with someone for the first time since, and I’m already regretting it. I’m noticing differences in the dynamic already since agreeing to be committed which give me pause. If we break up, I’ll be a little sad that I wasn’t compatible with a great guy. But I can’t be in a relationship where my spirit feels stifled anymore.

As far as your situation, it sounds like you’re really upset that you just haven’t found a match that really gets you. That happens to me frequently. I get sad when I think about how there’s so many great people to love but ultimately a lasting and compatible connection is hard to cultivate for the long term.

5 years is a long time! My longest relationship is 3 years and I had depression for 2 years after that ended. I would feel very very sad if I found someone I deeply loved but we grew apart.

Your last paragraph sounds about right! Maybe deep down I am just upset because I cannot find a compatible partner. And yes, there are so many great people out there but it is hard to find someone who I can be with for long and not feel smothered or neglected. It's hard to find someone who wants the same things in a relationship, wants to talk at the same frequency, wants to hang out at the same frequency, wants to show you affection based on your love language not on theirs.

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you need to find someone who shares your love language, way better than someone willing to just do your way all the time, that's mostly gonna end the same way, with someone dissatisfied.

I know a guy who's boring and predictable is pretty much my type, as long he's also a little open minded from time to time ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

but some other people need a little more fire than that.

Sometimes you feel sad because you know them, and you just can’t feel comfortable around them, like you really just feel sorry for them, but you feel sad about the whole situation.

Stop rationalizing your feelings

Posted by Endless

Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by Ellygant

I was drvestated when I ended a five year relationship with a man I deeply loved, because the relationship had atrophied tonthe point we were both unhappy. Mediocre described it well at the end. I was most sad because of how phenomenal it had been, and that two people who love each other so much still couldn’t get on the same page.

That’s kept me single for three years I think. I’ve dated and loved, but couldn’t really commit.

I recently decided to actually commit to work on something with someone for the first time since, and I’m already regretting it. I’m noticing differences in the dynamic already since agreeing to be committed which give me pause. If we break up, I’ll be a little sad that I wasn’t compatible with a great guy. But I can’t be in a relationship where my spirit feels stifled anymore.

As far as your situation, it sounds like you’re really upset that you just haven’t found a match that really gets you. That happens to me frequently. I get sad when I think about how there’s so many great people to love but ultimately a lasting and compatible connection is hard to cultivate for the long term.

5 years is a long time! My longest relationship is 3 years and I had depression for 2 years after that ended. I would feel very very sad if I found someone I deeply loved but we grew apart.

Your last paragraph sounds about right! Maybe deep down I am just upset because I cannot find a compatible partner. And yes, there are so many great people out there but it is hard to find someone who I can be with for long and not feel smothered or neglected. It's hard to find someone who wants the same things in a relationship, wants to talk at the same frequency, wants to hang out at the same frequency, wants to show you affection based on your love language not on theirs.

you need to find someone who shares your love language, way better than someone willing to just do your way all the time, that's mostly gonna end the same way, with someone dissatisfied.

I know a guy who's boring and predictable is pretty much my type, as long he's also a little open minded from time to time ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

but some other people need a little more fire than that.

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Haha, thanks! You are right. It's better to find someone who shares the same love language so I won't have to teach him how to speak my love language lol. It's good that boring and predictable is your type. I thought I would rather be with someone who's boring but loyal than be with someone who's romantic but manipulative... I am not so sure anymore lol

Posted by tiziani

Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by tiziani

Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by tiziani

Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by tiziani

It's pretty normal to feel like it's a loss.

But I think being judgy is always going to make it sadder.

Better to accept this is your life and what you want to do about it.

Have you ever broken up with someone because you were bored? Just curious.

Can't say I have, if anything I'm the boring one.

hahaha. you so funny. has anyone complained? :p

I definitely got the "you don't treat me like you used to" in a couple of relationships

Does that count?

It does! So what went through your mind when you heard that? Did you feel annoyed, indifferent, or did you actually think about it and try to be more attentive?

It depended where it was coming from at the time.

I'd say most times I felt defensive.

But with time, and this goes with what I was sharing in my first post, I accepted it and did what i wanted to make sure they see I'm into them.

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Thanks for the elaboration. I guess this confirms that my ex was just not that into me haha. He got defensive too but he didn't put in much effort to make things better afterwards.... :p

Posted by BathHouseCulture

For me personally I move on with break neck speed if it was mediocre. Time is our most precious resource.

I am so jealous! I used to be able to move on pretty quickly when I was young, but not anymore lol

I still feel surprised that I feel sad.

Posted by Haruuka

Sometimes you feel sad because you know them, and you just can’t feel comfortable around them, like you really just feel sorry for them, but you feel sad about the whole situation.

Yes, I feel sad about the whole situation. He is a nice person but I don't stay friends with my exes so he can't be in my life anymore. Also, I recently moved to another state so I guess he and I will never see each other again.

Posted by AneemA11

Stop rationalizing your feelings

I still am trying to find out why I feel sad haha

Posted by RooSagicorn

Yes. I’m sad cuz I miss certain things about the relationship. It doesn’t mean the relationship worked, but i wouldn’t have been in it if there wasn’t something good.

It just takes a bit of time and then I’m over it.

That is reassuring. I feel when I tell my friends about it, they don't really allow me to feel sad. They think I made a great decision and should just be happy about that decision. There are qualities I liked about him that's for sure, but too bad that's not enough to make me happy.

Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by AneemA11

Stop rationalizing your feelings

I still am trying to find out why I feel sad haha

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Where did you go?

Posted by Haruuka

Sometimes you feel sad because you know them, and you just can’t feel comfortable around them, like you really just feel sorry for them, but you feel sad about the whole situation.

+1

Maybe you feel sad out of sympathy? You know he's a good person but it's become idle and you feel sad/bad because it didn't work out with someone with such good traits. If the relationship became redundant, then there's really nothing you can do about it; it happens. If you can tell yourself that you tried your hardest to make it work, then you shouldn't feel bad.

Posted by UrsaMediocre

Maybe you feel sad out of sympathy? You know he's a good person but it's become idle and you feel sad/bad because it didn't work out with someone with such good traits. If the relationship became redundant, then there's really nothing you can do about it; it happens. If you can tell yourself that you tried your hardest to make it work, then you shouldn't feel bad.

I like how you put it 🙂

Posted by BathHouseCulture

Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by BathHouseCulture

For me personally I move on with break neck speed if it was mediocre. Time is our most precious resource.

I am so jealous! I used to be able to move on pretty quickly when I was young, but not anymore lol

I still feel surprised that I feel sad.

You have some difficult Pluto aspects to your personal planets?

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I am not sure... What are some examples of difficult Pluto aspects?

Posted by tiziani

Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by tiziani

Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by tiziani

Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by tiziani

Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by tiziani

It's pretty normal to feel like it's a loss.

But I think being judgy is always going to make it sadder.

Better to accept this is your life and what you want to do about it.

Have you ever broken up with someone because you were bored? Just curious.

Can't say I have, if anything I'm the boring one.

hahaha. you so funny. has anyone complained? :p

I definitely got the "you don't treat me like you used to" in a couple of relationships

Does that count?

It does! So what went through your mind when you heard that? Did you feel annoyed, indifferent, or did you actually think about it and try to be more attentive?

It depended where it was coming from at the time.

I'd say most times I felt defensive.

But with time, and this goes with what I was sharing in my first post, I accepted it and did what i wanted to make sure they see I'm into them.

Thanks for the elaboration. I guess this confirms that my ex was just not that into me haha. He got defensive too but he didn't put in much effort to make things better afterwards.... :p

He probably just didn't know what to do with himself in those moments.

It's normal to not be into someone at the cost of feeling helpless.

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Thanks. He's not very experienced in dating and he doesn't have many female friends either so these probably didn't help...

Posted by ScorpioTruth

My emo ass feels a little “sad” when I leave a job, or move out of an apartment. I have sentimental attachment to nearly everything, but thankfully it passes pretty quickly. Lol

I remember I was very sad when my grandparents decided to sell their house when I was little. I felt sad to have to say goodbye to the house. I was not as attached to people when I was little, but as I grow older, I am more attached to people than to anything else...hmmm.

Posted by vivi4656

Posted by whatisthisallabout

I just broke up with my bf today. We only dated for 9 months. He chased me. I like him, but I don't think I ever loved him or fell in love with him because he is SUPER BORING. All he does is eat, sleep, study, and play video games. And he can eat the same exact thing for a whole month because he's too lazy to think of what to eat. I think he just doesn't know how to keep things fun and exciting and he is TOO LAZY to put any thoughts into our relationship. I broke up with him because I am just tired of having to be the one that tries to spice things up and keeps this relationship going. I also feel resentful that he got lazy once I agreed to be his gf and stopped doing anything (eg. rarely called, rarely took me out on dates, etc.). I should feel relieved but I feel sad. Maybe I am sad that I wasted my time on him. Maybe I am sad because I was hoping it could work out with him because he is a nice guy. I don't know. I feel sad, but I also feel it is not rational to feel sad because I should be happy that I get myself out of a relationship that I was constantly bored and unsatisfied. Have you ever felt sad ending a mediocre relationship? Why do you think is that that I feel sad?

Kind of sounds like my fiance at times! What's your boyfriends placements? My fiance is a scorpio sun with his moon in libra! But Yes!! I do! I do feel guilty whenever I broke up with people in my past! I'm a cancer sun though and we always have a difficult time letting go! But, just remember, you'll feel better in a month! You did the right thing for yourself! You deserve a man who is going to put as much effort into the relationship as yourself. This allows you to find the right person in your life and he will meet the right woman for his life. With time, things will become clear ❤️! Best of luck

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Thank you! This is reassuring. I need someone who is attentive and he probably needs someone who doesn't need a bf lol He is Libra sun, cancer moon, scorpio Venus... I think it is more his Libra sun that makes him so aloof, unconcerned, and detached most of the time. It is very bizarre that he wants a gf but doesn't want to do any maintenance work around the relationship. He treats it more like a one time payment. I just don't get it....

Posted by vivi4656

Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by AneemA11

Stop rationalizing your feelings

I still am trying to find out why I feel sad haha

Because you cared for him! You caused him short term pain (which is normal), so of course you're going to feel sad and guilty! It doesn't mean you're a bad person! You just feel pain because the thought of hurting someone else is painful! With time, things will heal : )! I promise! I kind of stalked you a bit and I found out your ex is a libra sun! Libras can be like that! They can just be lazy and go with the flow people! They are super kind and loyal; however, they are fine with just chillen in life! I do not know your relationship; however, I think he cared for you. They just can be lazy! But, you deserve a man you are compatible with! You will find that man < 3! I promise! You also gave him the chance to find the right woman for him! So, in the end, you did him and yourself a favor. It's better to do it now than get married and miss out on your Mr. Right. I know it's hard, but you are so brave for following through regardless of your guilt! It will all pull through soon! I promise

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I really appreciate your positivity. Yes, he is very lazy and yes, he is very kind. That's why I said he's a nice guy. Too bad it couldn't work out between us. I was hoping that it could work out with a nice guy, but I guess I need a nice guy who is not too lazy to do anything. He did tell me that to him he thinks it is enough to just keep the person on his mind and he doesn't think he should say or do anything to show the person that the cares. How weird is that!

Posted by vivi4656

Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by vivi4656

Posted by whatisthisallabout

I just broke up with my bf today. We only dated for 9 months. He chased me. I like him, but I don't think I ever loved him or fell in love with him because he is SUPER BORING. All he does is eat, sleep, study, and play video games. And he can eat the same exact thing for a whole month because he's too lazy to think of what to eat. I think he just doesn't know how to keep things fun and exciting and he is TOO LAZY to put any thoughts into our relationship. I broke up with him because I am just tired of having to be the one that tries to spice things up and keeps this relationship going. I also feel resentful that he got lazy once I agreed to be his gf and stopped doing anything (eg. rarely called, rarely took me out on dates, etc.). I should feel relieved but I feel sad. Maybe I am sad that I wasted my time on him. Maybe I am sad because I was hoping it could work out with him because he is a nice guy. I don't know. I feel sad, but I also feel it is not rational to feel sad because I should be happy that I get myself out of a relationship that I was constantly bored and unsatisfied. Have you ever felt sad ending a mediocre relationship? Why do you think is that that I feel sad?

Kind of sounds like my fiance at times! What's your boyfriends placements? My fiance is a scorpio sun with his moon in libra! But Yes!! I do! I do feel guilty whenever I broke up with people in my past! I'm a cancer sun though and we always have a difficult time letting go! But, just remember, you'll feel better in a month! You did the right thing for yourself! You deserve a man who is going to put as much effort into the relationship as yourself. This allows you to find the right person in your life and he will meet the right woman for his life. With time, things will become clear ❤️! Best of luck

Thank you! This is reassuring. I need someone who is attentive and he probably needs someone who doesn't need a bf lol He is Libra sun, cancer moon, scorpio Venus... I think it is more his Libra sun that makes him so aloof, unconcerned, and detached most of the time. It is very bizarre that he wants a gf but doesn't want to do any maintenance work around the relationship. He treats it more like a one time payment. I just don't get it....

Oh yeah! It's def that libra energy! Being the virgo moon I am, I like to work on things and try and make them better. I will literally work on the relationship until it is past overdue (one of my flaws). My fiance on the other hand hates conflict to the point it pushes him away when we have one. It's like, even if I bring up something he thinks I'm a nag (when most of the time I'm looking out for his best interest). Anyways, I'm not trying to put my fiance's dirty laundry out there, but I guess I'm just trying to relate to you! My fiance is the most amazing man in the world to me and that's why I'm with him. But, I definitely think it's his libran energy that makes him just so comfortable with life. He's just comfortable and he's fine just where he is in life. And everytime I try and rock the boat, he gets angry. But on the other hand, he is soooo selfless and such a giving person in a relationship. If something is making me mad, he will do anything to make me feel better. But yes... he is not the affectionate type and he doesn't really show his feelings often. He actually hates big displays of affection (which is hard for me being the cancer I am! LOL). But anyways, best of luck to you! In a year, you will not be in pain. You will actually see why you made the decision you did and you will be very happy with yourself!

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Thank you! You are so understanding and encouraging! Your fiancé is so lucky to be with you! 🙂

Never. Always happy to move on and find something better.

@tiziani I think you have a point. Change really is hard and people want to be accepted as is, without having to change a thing. I guess in an ideal relationship, people won’t need to change to make the other person happy. On the other hand, I should be with someone who makes me happy without having to change himself. It should not be so hard. I guess this unsatisfying relationship I just got out off just says we are not compatible. Maybe he did love me but he just wanted to be himself and didn’t want to change anything.

Posted by pisceswoman123

Never. Always happy to move on and find something better.

Lucky you! I used to be that way, but as I age, it becomes harder to move on. I do feel a lot better now compared to a few days ago. I feel I’m getting over it. I still feel very disappointed, but I don’t feel sad anymore. Just feel really disappointed that it couldn’t work out.

Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by pisceswoman123

Never. Always happy to move on and find something better.

Lucky you! I used to be that way, but as I age, it becomes harder to move on. I do feel a lot better now compared to a few days ago. I feel I’m getting over it. I still feel very disappointed, but I don’t feel sad anymore. Just feel really disappointed that it couldn’t work out.

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Umm I never feel disappointed. If’s not right is not point to feel disappointment about something that I cannot change. But I am a terrible positive person that even when things go horribly wrong see a positive thing out of it.