I screwed up. What's my Scorp male thinking?

So, my SO and I are going through a rough patch. Last week he pretty much blew me off (not calling or returning my calls). By friday, with no contact, I was very concerned because even when he does one of his dissappearing acts, he still returns my calls....something. Now, just for clairification I only called him twice, once on tuesday and again on friday morning. I finally got a hold of him at work on friday. He told me that his phone and internet had been out all week and that he was just fine...not to worry. So we get together friday night and things are pretty much normal except I was a bit miffed that it never occurred to him to try and contact me at all that week. Saturday, we were supposed to meet up. When we didn't show up roughly around the time I expected him (there was no set time), I called him and he told me that he wasn't feeling well. I offered to bring him something to eat and did and we both fell asleep on the sofa.
Sunday, we got together and he started out normal but during the course of the day, grew more and more distant and pretty much made it clear that he was going home and not coming to my place like we usually do.
So, here's where I royally screwed up. When I got home (admittedly, I had been drinking) I called him and left a message telling him that is he is looking to end this relationship to get it overwith. I didn't hear back from him that night. Last night I sent him an email apologizing and tried to explain why I did that and asked for his forgiveness.

Now I'm not even sure he's read the email so the fact that I haven't gotten any response from him is not suprising. So, from you Scorps, what do you think is going on with him? Did I totally blow this? I will say, the couple times in the past where I've over reacted and "blew up", he has totaly blown it off.

Just a little background. We've been together almost a year and things for the most part have been good. I'm 48 and he's 56 so we are not kids. I can't say we've ever really had a fight. Just the week before, we spent the thanksgiving holiday together and he said it was his best thanksgiving and told me I was the "love of his life." So, it really confused me to go from one week being the love of his life to the next week not even worthy of a phone call for almost the whole week.

Help?

Cjmolly, was there something that happened..ie: more to this story? Fighting about something in particular to make him go into his cave? Something?

Don't think you "screwed it up" by making the phone call. BUT, should have said that in person. Drunk dialing is never a good thing.

Seems to me he is in analyzing mode due to whatever was going on with you two and needs some space. Leave him that space.

Also, it's the holidays. First one together? That could have something to do w/ it. I know I get more emotionally detached during these times

"Cjmolly, was there something that happened..ie: more to this story? Fighting about something in particular to make him go into his cave? Something?"

No. No arguement at all. The holiday weekend before we spent the whole weekend together and there was no tension at all. We were talking about the Xmas holidays, hinting about what gifts we were going to give each other. He had a lovely dinner sunday night. He spent the night at my place (which is pretty normal), we made love Monday morning before he left to go to work. Then....nothing until I got a hold of him on friday at work.

As for this weekend, again, friday, good. We had dinner, went back to his place. Made love both friday night and again saturday morning. He had some stuff to do so we talked about meeting up after.

As for giving him space, I'm planning to wait to hear from him before I do anything.

"i think that the holidays bring out all things in people for some reason"

Well, I certainly know it does with me which is part of my over reaction. He knows that the only relationship which was even remotely as serious as this one, ended with my SO deciding on Xmas eve to tell me he was breaking up with me. So Christmas and relationships are very tense for me.

The holidays ( ESPECIALLY NOW WITH THE ECONOMY!!) is a major stressor.
Irishlibra..total agreement...spending time with family, seeing the lights and hearing the holiday songs...ahh...makes me regress.

No calls, No TM's, no drunken VM's...leave him be. When you finally get together, just talk about it and explain to him how you feel w/o getting emotional.

I think now would be a really good time for you to take a trip by yourself over the holiday to visit family or something. Just give him some space and let him see what it would be like to be without you for a while. He may just have a lot of stress of how he is supposed to be acting on your first holiday together. Does he have children?? Is he possibly worried about how he is going to introduce you into his life during the holidays with his family?

I thought you said a couple months ago that you have to always spend the night as his house, and he won't come to your house to spend nights. I know you said this because you said you had to get up in the middle of the night to go home and let your dog out to potty.

Virgo's have this one huge relationship flaw, and until they figure this out, their relationships normally end up this way.

This way meaning ... the partner just drifts off, almost as if they are losing interest.

And it's because Virgo erroneously thinks that sex is what seals the deal with relationships. Once the Virgo sexes their partners up, they falsely believe that that is the resolution to relationship problems.

And once they've sexed their partners up ... then they are confused as to why their partner has a problem still, and the Virgo will NOT put forth any effort in recognizing that there may even be a problem that exists .... just fuck 'em and gloss everything over.


If you want to know what's wrong with your man, what issue he has, then I suggest that you don't sleep with him .. because then you will be forced to have to look at the problem with him to fix it, rather than ignoring it with sex replacement.

"I thought you said a couple months ago that you have to always spend the night as his house, and he won't come to your house to spend nights. I know you said this because you said you had to get up in the middle of the night to go home and let your dog out to potty."

Yes, that was how things were but we have a couple talks about it and we've been able to work it out so he's spending most of our nights together at my house.

"I think now would be a really good time for you to take a trip by yourself over the holiday to visit family or something. Just give him some space and let him see what it would be like to be without you for a while. He may just have a lot of stress of how he is supposed to be acting on your first holiday together. Does he have children?? Is he possibly worried about how he is going to introduce you into his life during the holidays with his family?"

His family already knows me. In fact, he and I cooked dinner for his parents on thanksgiving and I've spent a fair amount of time with his parents and brother. As for his 2 sons, neither one live in the area right now so he doesn't expect to be seing them.

As for going away, I already have plans with my family for Xmas eve (which he has been invited to and accepted) and we already had plans for us to do a Xmas day dinner for his parents again. I'm certainly not going to push him to uphold those commitments if he really doesn't want to.

""I screwed up. What's my Scorp male thinking?"

*reaches out for the crystal ball* "

So quit keeping me in suspense. What does your crystal ball say? j/k

I know. I know. I wouldn't feel like I needed to ask this question if I could have a conversation with him right now. I really don't feel like I can push him anymore to have this conversation until he's ready. So, I'm just trying to get some idea what the typical response would be to this situation until he decides he's ready to talk (or not).

"So you got drunk because you were too afraid to go to him in person and ask? I mean really, he claims you are the "love of his life"....why are you so damn afraid of him? What really gets me is you ARE older, this is how half these people in their 20's on the boards act. If you have any fear in any man you are in a relationship with...end it, before it blows up to butter."

No.

We were out together with a group of friends and we were BOTH drinking. I left before he did and I certainly was not going to "get into it" amongst a group of our friends. I'm not afraid to talk to him but I'm not going to embarass him or myself by bringing that stuff in public. Yes, the drunk dial was equally, if not more wrong.

As for the "love of my life", that was 2 weeks ago and pretty much since that time, he didn't even bother to call me for almost a week. So, it's hard to put too much stock into one comment when his actions the following week indicated something else.

"I really don't feel like I can push him anymore to have this conversation until he's ready.



Like I said......END IT! It's already dead if you can't communicate without being timid."

Maybe I'm not the "in your face" kind of person but that doesn't mean that I'm unwilling to confront issues. I said earlier that we don't argue and I feel that part of that is because I take my time and try to choose the right time to address them. As was mentioned about the "staying at his/my place" issue in the past. I found a good time. I presented the problem to him and gave him my reasons why I considered it a problem and asked him what he could do to help with the problem. We talked about possible solutions. Came to an agreement and that was that.

In an earlier post, my maturity was questioned. Sorry but part of being mature is not making mountains out of molehills. Today, I was concerned that I had created a mountain and came here looking for some perspective. You, obviously, think it is a mountain but luckily for me he doesn't. I just got off the phone with him and we talked about it and everything is fine. He accepted that fact that his behavior last week left something to be desired and understood my position and we agreed to make some changes in how we handle things like this in the future.

"Question answered. So, what are you waiting for? He's not going to kiss your feet. You walked & left him there, you don't think that was embarassing as all hell?..then called him later while drunk, added another punch in the gut. Now I see why you are so scared to GO to him and try to communicate."

Wow! I didn't just walk out on him. The group was already starting to disperse and I told them that I was ready to leave after I finished that drink. He said, he was leaving and going home after he finished his drink. I finished mine first.

He probably just simply wants some space. We scorps like our sapace and need it when we feel it is time. I know it can confuse our partners as we can be really intense and intimate and then want to be alone for awhile and most times it doesn't mean anything. We just want space.