I definitely allow myself to feel and process pain. I'm not one who stuffs it deep down. That ish NEVER works, anyway. However, I want to work through it and get over the pain asap. I cannot stand being in emotional turmoil. It's the worst!
Male scorpio suddenly mean after being so loving. What in the world—? (Page 2)
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Posted by SensitiveBluesI know. I struggle with this big time, and it's something I think about on a daily basis. I really need to find a new job. We work together. If I could get away from him, it would be easier to move on. I've already applied to a new job.
That's wonderful. I think your scorpio will need to mature, before he loses such a wonderful woman
yet your 33, time is wasting, your clock is ticking.
don't waste your time on an endeavor that will not give you marriage or babies.
no man is worth that, i learned the hard way.
you really need to think logically about this. Ignore the emotions. Ignore the connection.
Think very hard on this. This is your life. Every decision matters.
The ironic part is that he says he wants to be with me forever. I don't see him being my forever because we have different beliefs, and because of this stuff. Yet, I'm the one trying to work on things.
My problem is I want to be happy in the now. (I guess it goes back to me hating emotional pain.) When we are together, and things are happy, we are very happy. He is my best friend. It doesn't help that I'm always around him in some capacity. Unfortunately, it's much easier said than done to say--hey, this is best in the long run. It will hurt like hell right now, but do it. 😢 I wish I were stronger...
May I ask what your experience is with life (marriage, kids, age)? I'm just wondering because you said you learned the hard way.
@SensitiveBlues, "for me it's the lack of communication that makes me Wallow in misery" ....SAME.
Posted by SensitiveBluesI'd rather be bored to tears with an earth sign than deal with all the water sign crying and shit.Posted by Quantumits real dude, stick to your ritalin and your virgo
That Water Sign Connectionâ„¢ though....
leave the rest of us beclick to expand
That's just me though.
Posted by SensitiveBluesUgh.Posted by Quantumwe only cry together after a passionate night of love makingPosted by SensitiveBluesI'd rather be bored to tears with an earth sign than deal with all the water sign crying and shit.Posted by Quantumits real dude, stick to your ritalin and your virgo
That Water Sign Connectionâ„¢ though....
leave the rest of us be
That's just me though.
wowzers
click to expand
The only time I cried during sex is that one time this chick told me to bust into a washcloth not on her boobs.
@busyeyes88--I am not moody, even to people who have known me for years and years. Just because you've had experiences with crabs being moody, that doesn't mean they all are that way. Also, I want to talk and work things out to get over being hurt asap because I DO get over the hurt when we talk. When we talk, we both feel better. Your rude responses make YOU seem moody. 0_o
Scorpios, how long does it usually take you to retreat and be without contact before you can clear your head, and talk again? He told me I could offer support and give him space. He said he cannot handle this right now and to show him I can be patient. I told him I won't text him anymore and that I'm not trying to annoy him or cause him stress. I apologized for my texts and said I'll give him space and he can come to me when he is ready.
This is so opposite of how I handle conflict. It's difficult to cut off contact with someone I love and feel at odds with them. 😢
Scorpios, how long does it usually take you to retreat and be without contact before you can clear your head, and talk again? He told me I could offer support and give him space. He said he cannot handle this right now and to show him I can be patient. I told him I won't text him anymore and that I'm not trying to annoy him or cause him stress. I apologized for my texts and said I'll give him space and he can come to me when he is ready.
This is so opposite of how I handle conflict. It's difficult to cut off contact with someone I love and feel at odds with them. 😢
Okay, my over-analytical Cancer mind is back with another question...(Sorry)...
We had flights to go on a trip together. Our flight leaves Wednesday night. Sunday, he texted me and asked where the flight lands in the state we are visiting. I had already emailed him the itinerary before (he knows this) and we discussed going to see the city we are landing in before going other places. So, he definitely knew. Why would he ask me that?? My guess is that maybe he was going to make some excuse about going and hanging out by himself or he is playing mind games and wanted me to think he was going to go. But, I have no clue. He definitely did it for a reason.
Today, he texted me and asked how I was doing. I replied, "Fantastic. You?" He said he didn't know if my response was sarcastic or not with the "fantastic," but he hoped I was doing well. He said he's been better. I told him it wasn't sarcastic, that I'm over being sad and I'm deciding to be happy. I asked what was wrong. He said he admired my positive attitude and said he was going through some things. Immediately, it hurt my feelings that he hasn't told me about things, but I get that we're not communicating. It's just weird to go from being best friends and knowing everything to being nothing. Anyway, I just replied, "Sorry to hear." I later asked when he could pay me for the flight, he said tomorrow, and I said thanks. No communication since then.
Part of me feels he notices I'm not asking him to talk and not being super friendly anymore. There's a fine line with how to respond to him. I don't want him to push him away into not trying (he is NOT a fighter for things; he gives up. He's too scared to put his heart out there if there's a risk.). However, I also don't want him to take me for granted and just think I'll be there no matter how he treats me.
Why do you think he asked me what city the plane lands (when he already knew)??
Should I ask if he is free tonight or tomorrow, or just go on the trip and say nothing?
Help. Thanks!
We had flights to go on a trip together. Our flight leaves Wednesday night. Sunday, he texted me and asked where the flight lands in the state we are visiting. I had already emailed him the itinerary before (he knows this) and we discussed going to see the city we are landing in before going other places. So, he definitely knew. Why would he ask me that?? My guess is that maybe he was going to make some excuse about going and hanging out by himself or he is playing mind games and wanted me to think he was going to go. But, I have no clue. He definitely did it for a reason.
Today, he texted me and asked how I was doing. I replied, "Fantastic. You?" He said he didn't know if my response was sarcastic or not with the "fantastic," but he hoped I was doing well. He said he's been better. I told him it wasn't sarcastic, that I'm over being sad and I'm deciding to be happy. I asked what was wrong. He said he admired my positive attitude and said he was going through some things. Immediately, it hurt my feelings that he hasn't told me about things, but I get that we're not communicating. It's just weird to go from being best friends and knowing everything to being nothing. Anyway, I just replied, "Sorry to hear." I later asked when he could pay me for the flight, he said tomorrow, and I said thanks. No communication since then.
Part of me feels he notices I'm not asking him to talk and not being super friendly anymore. There's a fine line with how to respond to him. I don't want him to push him away into not trying (he is NOT a fighter for things; he gives up. He's too scared to put his heart out there if there's a risk.). However, I also don't want him to take me for granted and just think I'll be there no matter how he treats me.
Why do you think he asked me what city the plane lands (when he already knew)??
Should I ask if he is free tonight or tomorrow, or just go on the trip and say nothing?
Help. Thanks!
Posted by SensitiveBluesPosted by busyeyes88its not being clingy COW, its wanting the DRAMA to be over with. We are cardinal, we like to take care of issues and be DONE WITH IT so we can move on to greener pasturesPosted by NeedScorpAdviceCancers are very clingy and your energy is more than likely draining him of his energy... Give him the space he needs and let him come to you.... If you have both been "back and forth" "on and off" throughout the time you have known each other, perhaps this time... It's meant to be PERMANENTLY OFF... ie realising that your relationship does not ultimately work and there is no "longevity" here and go your separate ways....
He texted me yesterday telling me I probably wouldn't believe him, but he has a stomach bug and even canceled on hanging out with one of our friends for the night. I thanked him for letting me know calmly, offered to bring him meds and gatorade to leave at his door, and said feel better. He never responded, but at least he let me know and wasn't mean about it.
I really think his stomach is messed up just from his nerves, but maybe not. This has happened before when we've gone through something similar.
I'm still curious as to why he seems scared or unwilling to talk or see me. I don't mean when he is sick, I'm just saying in general. This is his MO. Every time we talk, things improve.
Crabs hate staying in a conflicted situation without any solution/conclusion
click to expand
Dammm you said this days ago but I had to quote this shit..cancer like to get to the bottom of things .get to the problem in move on. I think people forget cancers are a cardinal sign. Not saying cancer are perfect but in heated situation it's like fuck the games what's the problem ...what's the solution . What you want to do.
Posted by NeedScorpAdvice
Okay, my over-analytical Cancer mind is back with another question...(Sorry)...
We had flights to go on a trip together. Our flight leaves Wednesday night. Sunday, he texted me and asked where the flight lands in the state we are visiting. I had already emailed him the itinerary before (he knows this) and we discussed going to see the city we are landing in before going other places. So, he definitely knew. Why would he ask me that?? My guess is that maybe he was going to make some excuse about going and hanging out by himself or he is playing mind games and wanted me to think he was going to go. But, I have no clue. He definitely did it for a reason.
Today, he texted me and asked how I was doing. I replied, "Fantastic. You?" He said he didn't know if my response was sarcastic or not with the "fantastic," but he hoped I was doing well. He said he's been better. I told him it wasn't sarcastic, that I'm over being sad and I'm deciding to be happy. I asked what was wrong. He said he admired my positive attitude and said he was going through some things. Immediately, it hurt my feelings that he hasn't told me about things, but I get that we're not communicating. It's just weird to go from being best friends and knowing everything to being nothing. Anyway, I just replied, "Sorry to hear." I later asked when he could pay me for the flight, he said tomorrow, and I said thanks. No communication since then.
Part of me feels he notices I'm not asking him to talk and not being super friendly anymore. There's a fine line with how to respond to him. I don't want him to push him away into not trying (he is NOT a fighter for things; he gives up. He's too scared to put his heart out there if there's a risk.). However, I also don't want him to take me for granted and just think I'll be there no matter how he treats me.
Why do you think he asked me what city the plane lands (when he already knew)??
Should I ask if he is free tonight or tomorrow, or just go on the trip and say nothing?
Help. Thanks!
he ask you dum ass questions because he want you to talk. Which you should stay cold. Don't ask him shit . The guy is playing games. My answer to his questions would be one word replies. Don't repeat your feeling to him because he already no them. You said what u said leave it as that. Move on..it's so unhealthy to do this to yourself. As soon when you move on you will get the closure you need.
I wonder, what their planets are? anybody knows? Busy, it cant be only the cancer bit..... she must have some other planets responsible for this... as well the scorp...
moons especially
moons especially
@butterfly30--Exactly. Why drag out drama? Be an adult and come to a solution or tell me you're done. I can't stand the being in limbo, attempt at emotional control bs.
@busyeyes88, He is the one who is overly sensitive. You don't even know me, yet your responses seem like you know everything. It doesn't even warrant a response, but he has already agreed to pay me, as he did in the beginning. So, no, you don't know it all. I don't understand your need to snap at people on the internet you don't even know. It doesn't hurt my feelings; I don't know you. I just find it odd. But, you do you.
@Pandora101
Me:
sun in Cancer
moon in scorpio
Mercury in Leo
Venus in Virgo
Mars in Cancer
Jupiter in Sag
Uranus in Sag
Pluto in Libra
Lilith in Aquarius
His:
Sun-Scorpio
Moon-Cancer
Mercury-Scorpio
Venus-Scorpio
Mars-Aquarius
Jupiter-Pisces
Uranus-Sag
Pluto-Scorpio
Lilith-Gemini
What does that even mean as far as compatibility? I find it funny that my Moon is Scorpio and his is Cancer, although I'm not 100% sure what all that means.
@busyeyes88, He is the one who is overly sensitive. You don't even know me, yet your responses seem like you know everything. It doesn't even warrant a response, but he has already agreed to pay me, as he did in the beginning. So, no, you don't know it all. I don't understand your need to snap at people on the internet you don't even know. It doesn't hurt my feelings; I don't know you. I just find it odd. But, you do you.
@Pandora101
Me:
sun in Cancer
moon in scorpio
Mercury in Leo
Venus in Virgo
Mars in Cancer
Jupiter in Sag
Uranus in Sag
Pluto in Libra
Lilith in Aquarius
His:
Sun-Scorpio
Moon-Cancer
Mercury-Scorpio
Venus-Scorpio
Mars-Aquarius
Jupiter-Pisces
Uranus-Sag
Pluto-Scorpio
Lilith-Gemini
What does that even mean as far as compatibility? I find it funny that my Moon is Scorpio and his is Cancer, although I'm not 100% sure what all that means.
@Sunrays, that is good advice. Thank you.
We talked a little bit. He said he wants to take baby steps. I said I'm okay with that, but his baby steps mean no communication, and that's not taking any steps. He said we could go see a movie or something, but he doesn't want to talk. He said the reason he doesn't want to talk is because he isn't ready to talk about specific issues and he feels pushed into a corner. I told him that's not how I want him to feel; I felt the need to talk to make peace so that we are able spend some time together without feeling hurt. So, he agreed to go to dinner with me. I noticed when I told him I missed him, he immediately softened. He admitted to being scared of getting hurt. We discussed what we wanted, which were the same things. I said if we want the same things, why can't we just work towards that? His expression was as if that had not even occurred to him because he's been so busy just keeping away/being scared. I said we just need to come up with better ways of responding to things.
Anyway, we ended up holding each other and kissing...a lot. So, I think it went well.
I'm writing this in case there's another Cancer woman who comes on here worrying about her Scorpio boyfriend who just did a 180. I'm sure it will happen. lol
We talked a little bit. He said he wants to take baby steps. I said I'm okay with that, but his baby steps mean no communication, and that's not taking any steps. He said we could go see a movie or something, but he doesn't want to talk. He said the reason he doesn't want to talk is because he isn't ready to talk about specific issues and he feels pushed into a corner. I told him that's not how I want him to feel; I felt the need to talk to make peace so that we are able spend some time together without feeling hurt. So, he agreed to go to dinner with me. I noticed when I told him I missed him, he immediately softened. He admitted to being scared of getting hurt. We discussed what we wanted, which were the same things. I said if we want the same things, why can't we just work towards that? His expression was as if that had not even occurred to him because he's been so busy just keeping away/being scared. I said we just need to come up with better ways of responding to things.
Anyway, we ended up holding each other and kissing...a lot. So, I think it went well.
I'm writing this in case there's another Cancer woman who comes on here worrying about her Scorpio boyfriend who just did a 180. I'm sure it will happen. lol
Posted by NeedScorpAdvice
@Sunrays, that is good advice. Thank you.
We talked a little bit. He said he wants to take baby steps. I said I'm okay with that, but his baby steps mean no communication, and that's not taking any steps. He said we could go see a movie or something, but he doesn't want to talk. He said the reason he doesn't want to talk is because he isn't ready to talk about specific issues and he feels pushed into a corner. I told him that's not how I want him to feel; I felt the need to talk to make peace so that we are able spend some time together without feeling hurt. So, he agreed to go to dinner with me. I noticed when I told him I missed him, he immediately softened. He admitted to being scared of getting hurt. We discussed what we wanted, which were the same things. I said if we want the same things, why can't we just work towards that? His expression was as if that had not even occurred to him because he's been so busy just keeping away/being scared. I said we just need to come up with better ways of responding to things.
Anyway, we ended up holding each other and kissing...a lot. So, I think it went well.
I'm writing this in case there's another Cancer woman who comes on here worrying about her Scorpio boyfriend who just did a 180. I'm sure it will happen. lol
Good luck sweetie..I hate to be negative because I really hope you get positive things out of this but I just see a big problem. He comes off immature . Emotionally immature
I cant see how you going to be able to grow if he can't even discuss his issues. How is it ok to act like this. I just feel like he thinks it's ok to not deal with his own emotional bullshit. How can you grow when you can't tackle the problem. It's like he saying ..this is the way I am and it's ok . I don't think he can handle if you do the samething. I just see a more of a power trip in this. I get why people distance themselves to think and deal with there feeling but to come out from hiding with really no answers or conclusion is really crazy to me. And to hide and not be clear on why he is hiding is crazy to me too. Isn't this a relationship . He is selfish. I think you should create some type of boundaries because this isn't right for any relationship. Again I am not trying to be negative. I just think the way he handle this is fuck up.
Posted by NeedScorpAdviceCancer and Scorpio are usually a good match, you have to learn to not get upset though every time he isn't loving cause not everyone is going to be up your ass 24/7 and tbh that would be pretty annoying anyways, like you've mentioned you should just explain you want attention and he would have given you it. I am a cancer too and my boyfriend is a scorpio, extremely affectionate and I can tell he truly loves me but he has seemed not into me or not affectionate at times and I just let it go or let him know I want attention or cuddles and he gives me what I want. He will even mention sometimes if other girls are attractive in front of me which kind of bothers me but I notice other girls and guys too so don't take it too personally usually. It'll be hard but you're going to just have to leave him be to get him back, he will think about it and if he really loves you will come back to you. You guys just have to work on communication.Posted by scorplyCancer
What's your sign?click to expand
Posted by SunraysThank you. This post is helpful because sometimes I question--is he a narcissist who is unconsciously playing games with me?? I wonder because the way he deals with his emotions makes ZERO sense to me. For example, he misses me and is sad apart from me to the point where he won't come to work for days (he has missed three days this week), yet it seems he relishes in his pain. It makes more sense to just communicate and work the issue out if you miss someone so much. Yet, we waste all this time being apart and missing out on things. But, then I remind myself--No, he really DOES love you, and he just handles things VERY differently. I honestly think he's just terrified of being hurt and he thinks the solution is to stay away. If any Scorpio has a better insight, I'd love to hear it. lol
OP - Glad to know things are better.
"feel like he thinks it's ok to not deal with his own emotional bullshit. How can you grow when you can't tackle the problem. It's like he saying ..this is the way I am and it's ok "
people deal with emotions differently. Some like to talk the bejeesus out of issues and some dont.
From dealing with scorps i feel you will be able to tell if they are making an effort at handling the issues even if they dont talk about it (most times they dont talk about it)
What is difficult with a scorp is reaching an understanding of the person and also being comfortable and accepting of their ways of handling things.
Most people feel stuck because there is no talk ....but you are not stuck, you can reach for understanding in myriad other ways.
I accept that he retreats, and is extremely emotional. However, when it gets to the point where he retreats and is breaking us up over something that could so easily be squashed and forgiven, that's when it's a problem. It's just very hurtful.
I really do wish he would agree to get some counseling with me. I really do think something happened to him, maybe as a child, that has him TERRIFIED of being hurt or rejected. I have my own issues, but I know where they stem from, and I'm working on them. I don't think he knows why he reacts so harshly, so I'm not sure he knows how to help himself to not do it anymore.
ANYWAY...any other suggestions on how we can reach an understanding? He is completely allergic to even hearing the world talk right now.
Posted by crabbykayceeHe is more so the one wanting to be smothered all the time. Part of our issues is that thinks I'm not clingy enough, although I'm very affectionate and spend almost ALL of my fee time with him. lol So, it's very confusing and hurtful when he goes from being extremely loving to no communication at all.Posted by NeedScorpAdviceCancer and Scorpio are usually a good match, you have to learn to not get upset though every time he isn't loving cause not everyone is going to be up your ass 24/7 and tbh that would be pretty annoying anyways, like you've mentioned you should just explain you want attention and he would have given you it. I am a cancer too and my boyfriend is a scorpio, extremely affectionate and I can tell he truly loves me but he has seemed not into me or not affectionate at times and I just let it go or let him know I want attention or cuddles and he gives me what I want. He will even mention sometimes if other girls are attractive in front of me which kind of bothers me but I notice other girls and guys too so don't take it too personally usually. It'll be hard but you're going to just have to leave him be to get him back, he will think about it and if he really loves you will come back to you. You guys just have to work on communication.Posted by scorplyCancer
What's your sign?click to expand
I really wish I had it in me to just stop caring enough or not be hurt enough to not contact him for a few days. I come on here for reminders. ha
We really do need to work on communication. I'm not sure how to get him to actually do it, though.
Posted by Arielle83Hahaha...
I can't believe theirs a 50 year old shellac bytch living with flat mates, calling a young ingenue "moody" just cuz she's having scorpio communication problems.
Hey cancer babe, he just needs some time to self reflect, so I wouldn't worry.
Just do what a cancer woman does best and get yourself all wet and hungry for his love gun when he's back.
Cancer and scorpio make up in bed. Grr
I worry too much. :/ I think he would come back in half the time if I could just STOP worrying and let him be. Damn sensitive cancer! 😢
Yes, we are a great match in bed. 😉
Not that anyone cares, but here goes, and apologies for the length, in advance:
We had dinner. He was nervous at first. I finally point blank asked him--You scared, or what? He said yes. lol He relaxed a bit and was very chatty. Things were going well until I asked if we could watch a movie after dinner. Our original dinner plans were for last Friday, and we had discussed maybe watching a movie afterward. He was really tired Friday and was supposed to go out of town after dinner and asked if we could do Sunday instead. (He was going to take a nap instead of dinner so he didn't fall asleep driving.) I said, sure, no problem. Anyway, he said no to the movie. I instantly felt butt hurt (dumb, I know). I asked why, he said because that wasn't the plan. I reminded him it was. He said that was Friday, not Sunday. He said he had things to do. I said, do you really, or do you just not want to? You can tell me if you don't. (He always "has things to do" when he just doesn't want to see me when we've been at odds.) He said I would think he's lame if he told me what his plans were. I said no, I won't, what? His plans were to go home and play video games online with a friend. I immediately took it personally and felt I was second. I know this happened because it made me think of the past when he DID place me second. I got really quiet because I was hurt. That turned into him getting mad that I was upset, and long story short, the night ended up being awful. 😢
Before anyone tells me I'm an idiot--I know I shouldn't have taken that personally, as he said he wants to take baby steps and he's just scared right now. I shouldn't have shown I was hurt so we could have had a good time together, which would have made him feel more comfortable. I texted him an apology after he left, and no response. On the flip side, I wish he wouldn't react so harshly to me saying I just got hurt feelings. We both overreact, which is the problem. We need to work on that. There also needs to be some room for error in the relationship, though. He has stormed out on me so many times, over almost nothing. However, I never reacted the way he did. I try to understand why he's so upset and calm him down. This is something I need to address with him once he starts talking again.
So, he has stopped talking again. SIGH.
I sent some loving texts Sunday night and Monday with no response. He stayed out of work Monday and Tuesday. Tuesday, I didn't contact him at all. Wednesday, he came in, passed my desk, and smiled. He never even looks at me when he passes me when he isn't talking. So, when no one was around, I went to his desk and hugged him. We chatted a little bit, and I joked around. I could tell me joking around made him relax. He was trying not to smile, but he was smiling the whole time...and red. lol I felt that was a good sign...
We had dinner. He was nervous at first. I finally point blank asked him--You scared, or what? He said yes. lol He relaxed a bit and was very chatty. Things were going well until I asked if we could watch a movie after dinner. Our original dinner plans were for last Friday, and we had discussed maybe watching a movie afterward. He was really tired Friday and was supposed to go out of town after dinner and asked if we could do Sunday instead. (He was going to take a nap instead of dinner so he didn't fall asleep driving.) I said, sure, no problem. Anyway, he said no to the movie. I instantly felt butt hurt (dumb, I know). I asked why, he said because that wasn't the plan. I reminded him it was. He said that was Friday, not Sunday. He said he had things to do. I said, do you really, or do you just not want to? You can tell me if you don't. (He always "has things to do" when he just doesn't want to see me when we've been at odds.) He said I would think he's lame if he told me what his plans were. I said no, I won't, what? His plans were to go home and play video games online with a friend. I immediately took it personally and felt I was second. I know this happened because it made me think of the past when he DID place me second. I got really quiet because I was hurt. That turned into him getting mad that I was upset, and long story short, the night ended up being awful. 😢
Before anyone tells me I'm an idiot--I know I shouldn't have taken that personally, as he said he wants to take baby steps and he's just scared right now. I shouldn't have shown I was hurt so we could have had a good time together, which would have made him feel more comfortable. I texted him an apology after he left, and no response. On the flip side, I wish he wouldn't react so harshly to me saying I just got hurt feelings. We both overreact, which is the problem. We need to work on that. There also needs to be some room for error in the relationship, though. He has stormed out on me so many times, over almost nothing. However, I never reacted the way he did. I try to understand why he's so upset and calm him down. This is something I need to address with him once he starts talking again.
So, he has stopped talking again. SIGH.
I sent some loving texts Sunday night and Monday with no response. He stayed out of work Monday and Tuesday. Tuesday, I didn't contact him at all. Wednesday, he came in, passed my desk, and smiled. He never even looks at me when he passes me when he isn't talking. So, when no one was around, I went to his desk and hugged him. We chatted a little bit, and I joked around. I could tell me joking around made him relax. He was trying not to smile, but he was smiling the whole time...and red. lol I felt that was a good sign...
That same night, there was a bday celebration for a co-worker. The co-worker is pretty good friends with him (more so than with me). I thought FOR SURE he would go, and I was dreading it. There's a girl whom I don't care for and is a reminder of pain to me (I'm working on getting over it), who definitely would have gone, too. He dated briefly to attempt to get over me, and then came running right back to me. It absolutely broke my heart, and the girl was a huge betch to me. I'm pretty sure she always knew he always cared a lot more for me, so her response was to try to make my life difficult. She's young. Anyway. He knows I don't care for her and when we decided to get back together, he had made it clear he would cut all ties with her. I didn't ask him to, but he knew it was a source of pain for me and he didn't want me talking to my ex either. He has been super loyal and gone out of his way to make sure I know he is for me, and I've given him credit for it. Anyway, I figured since he isn't talking to me, and it was one of his friends' birthdays, he would go. Surprisingly, he didn't. I KNOW he didn't go because of me. He knew she would be there, too, and didn't want to upset me. I know this because I know he would have gone otherwise. In the past, he would have gone. So, we have made progress in trying not to hurt each other when hurt. That made me feel VERY relieved.
I asked him that night if he would see me Friday and he said, I'm sorry, I just don't think I'm ready for that.
I've sent him a few texts since, and no response, so I'm just going to let him be. I did tell him to please let me know if he prefer I not contact him, and told him it would be okay. I think he does like to hear from me, but he doesn't want to respond. In the past, when he has been upset, he will let me know when I'm annoying him. lol
I'm not sure what to do aside from just let him be. It just really sucks because my birthday is in a few days, and I want to spend it with him. 😢
Sorry for the long-winded post.
I asked him that night if he would see me Friday and he said, I'm sorry, I just don't think I'm ready for that.
I've sent him a few texts since, and no response, so I'm just going to let him be. I did tell him to please let me know if he prefer I not contact him, and told him it would be okay. I think he does like to hear from me, but he doesn't want to respond. In the past, when he has been upset, he will let me know when I'm annoying him. lol
I'm not sure what to do aside from just let him be. It just really sucks because my birthday is in a few days, and I want to spend it with him. 😢
Sorry for the long-winded post.
Posted by LuckyLibra979I 100% agree with you. I think he is very insecure, deep down. He has told me more than once he doesn't believe he deserves me. He is so afraid of losing me that he CREATES ways to lose me. Like, if one small things happens, he blows it out of proportion and ices me out. It's exhausting and emotionally draining. What makes it so damn hard to walk away is, being the cancer I am, I understand the gist of him, and I want to help him. I also do love him a LOT. We also work together. (I will NEVER date a co-worker again. Worst. Idea. EVER.) I'm really considering changing jobs just because I think it will help me move on from him.
You won't get far with him. He'll just resort to Infant games and break ups and further icing you out. This is not a man, this is an emotional wreck of a male who can't accept his own happiness. You are very sweet to him, he is just being a bitch
Ideally, I'd love for him to go to counseling, either alone or with me. He could be really wonderful, consistently, if he could get passed whatever is making him feel so insecure. :/
I've been doing a LOT of soul searching, because I realize something is also wrong with me to not be able to walk away. I've never been like this before. I read a great book that talks about how we tend to unconsciously attract partners who have both positive and negative traits of our parents. HUGE epiphany for me. He does exactly what my mom did to me as a child. The book talks about how once we get into a relationship with a person who fits the bill, we try to save the relationship because we're trying to heal our past hurts with this person. The problem is, it doesn't work, because they have similar problems to the person who hurt us. I've also come to realize I'm a bit of a co-dependent (also due to my past). So, I'm working on NOT being these things. lol
Wow. That's a lot for a message board. This MUST get deleted later. haha
You must take emotional dominance here. The point is that you will always love him. BUT you cannot live like this. Is this what you want for the rest of your lifr? You're a cardinal sign, damnit. We must make decisions outside of the ocean sometimes, as crabs exist on shores. Even though your emotions are keeping you in this state of torture, you must think of your emotional wellness and the future of it. Either he takes a leap of faith and accepts the chance at getting hurt, because, if he wants to be in a relationship, he must make sacrifices. It sounds like you are sacrificing in this relationship, and he is not.
Thanks, guys. I really appreciate the input.
Question --When Scorpios retreat like this, do they know they are hurting the other person in their silence, or are they only focused on themselves? It seems to me if you loved someone so much, you would do what you could not to hurt them.
He said he wasn't trying to hurt me, yet I've told him his refusal to communicate hurts. Sigh.
Also, will be saying my feelings are hurt and I wish he would just spend some time with me for a bit further push him away and make him even more afraid?
He says he is afraid we will argue, but doesn't realizethat us not talking is what's harming us.
Question --When Scorpios retreat like this, do they know they are hurting the other person in their silence, or are they only focused on themselves? It seems to me if you loved someone so much, you would do what you could not to hurt them.
He said he wasn't trying to hurt me, yet I've told him his refusal to communicate hurts. Sigh.
Also, will be saying my feelings are hurt and I wish he would just spend some time with me for a bit further push him away and make him even more afraid?
He says he is afraid we will argue, but doesn't realizethat us not talking is what's harming us.
Will me*, not will be
Posted by Impulsv
He said he's trying to walk a away from the person that causes him pain( u)
How do u keep causing him pain?
I know I know...him being in love with OP causing him pain.
But he can be with her unless he is unavailable.
Hon if he is available and it's all bull
Posted by Shaun1994
You must take emotional dominance here. The point is that you will always love him. BUT you cannot live like this. Is this what you want for the rest of your lifr? You're a cardinal sign, damnit. We must make decisions outside of the ocean sometimes, as crabs exist on shores. Even though your emotions are keeping you in this state of torture, you must think of your emotional wellness and the future of it. Either he takes a leap of faith and accepts the chance at getting hurt, because, if he wants to be in a relationship, he must make sacrifices. It sounds like you are sacrificing in this relationship, and he is not.
Shaun
Can you please e plain it to me why you had stated she will always love him?
Thanks
Ok OP. Shaun is absolutely right. If you want to put him on altar
and worship him and enjoy your sweet torture.
But you can't change him. It's like if he didn't have a limb - you
Learn how to not to go skiing.
If you love him the way you say you do - relax and let you 2 be.
Like I am always told by my torturer 'take it easy would you?'
Good luck. You can pm me. I have 8 years of dealing with this.
I am willing to share. I need your age though.
and worship him and enjoy your sweet torture.
But you can't change him. It's like if he didn't have a limb - you
Learn how to not to go skiing.
If you love him the way you say you do - relax and let you 2 be.
Like I am always told by my torturer 'take it easy would you?'
Good luck. You can pm me. I have 8 years of dealing with this.
I am willing to share. I need your age though.
Posted by exoLol Why do you care? Just simply don't read it.
why is this still a thread?
I can't tell if texting him helps to soften him and ease his fears or if it makes him stay away longer. I told him to tell me if he prefers I don't text him, and he didn't respond.
Posted by LuckyLibra979Yes..to aww the shit you had wrote..the scorp is playing games..and you said in another post already how he push away when she come forward. The more she goes after him when he disappear the more he gets off on it. He gets pleasure out of it because he is insecure.
Yea just read some more of your post....he is insecure. The day you make your mind up to leave for good he is going to flip his shit and you'll will see some waterworks, begging and the traditional Scorpio stalking
Posted by NeedScorpAdviceHe is not your master. He will continue to act like this if you make any more room for his harmful and, for lack of a better word, pathetic ways of control. He is putting himyself utterly first in this relationship and you are taking it. He is bringing you down to his level of emotional, if not general insecurity.Posted by exoLol Why do you care? Just simply don't read it.
why is this still a thread?
I can't tell if texting him helps to soften him and ease his fears or if it makes him stay away longer. I told him to tell me if he prefers I don't text him, and he didn't respond.click to expand
Take charge here. He is not emotionally mature enough to maintain emotional dominance in a way that isn't harmful.
You are doing NOTHING wrong here except accommodating and validating his harmful methods of dealing with his emotions. You are not only hurting yourself in doing so. You are also hurting him by allowing his toxic methods to continue.
If you love him, you must give him what he needs, not what he wants. He needs to stop this behaviour immeadiately: for your sake, his sake, and for the sake of this relationship.
Posted by GemitatiTbh, I was projecting my own emotional situation with the Scorpio I love and was tired. So, no, she will or will not always love him. I have no clue.Posted by Shaun1994
You must take emotional dominance here. The point is that you will always love him. BUT you cannot live like this. Is this what you want for the rest of your lifr? You're a cardinal sign, damnit. We must make decisions outside of the ocean sometimes, as crabs exist on shores. Even though your emotions are keeping you in this state of torture, you must think of your emotional wellness and the future of it. Either he takes a leap of faith and accepts the chance at getting hurt, because, if he wants to be in a relationship, he must make sacrifices. It sounds like you are sacrificing in this relationship, and he is not.
Shaun
Can you please e plain it to me why you had stated she will always love him?
Thanks
click to expand
Posted by Shaun1994Posted by GemitatiTbh, I was projecting my own emotional situation with the Scorpio I love and was tired. So, no, she will or will not always love him. I have no clue.Posted by Shaun1994
You must take emotional dominance here. The point is that you will always love him. BUT you cannot live like this. Is this what you want for the rest of your lifr? You're a cardinal sign, damnit. We must make decisions outside of the ocean sometimes, as crabs exist on shores. Even though your emotions are keeping you in this state of torture, you must think of your emotional wellness and the future of it. Either he takes a leap of faith and accepts the chance at getting hurt, because, if he wants to be in a relationship, he must make sacrifices. It sounds like you are sacrificing in this relationship, and he is not.
Shaun
Can you please e plain it to me why you had stated she will always love him?
Thanks
click to expand
I am actually agree with you.
I don't think you can stop loving them.
It's like there no matter what, right?
Good if it is mutual. Makes you feel
Awesome!
So, is it best to just remain silent or do I need to send him a text saying I love him, but I thought we were passed being off and on, and I want a consistent love?
Thank you for everyone's advice!
Thank you for everyone's advice!
@Gemitati, I sent you a pm.
Posted by NeedScorpAdviceDon't have one yet
@Gemitati, I sent you a pm.
Posted by NeedScorpAdvice
@Gemitati, I sent you a pm.
Posted by NeedScorpAdviceI have nothing. Resend
@Gemitati, I sent you a pm.
Posted by NeedScorpAdviceTell him every single thing you feel about the situation. About what you are doing, what he is doing, the relationship--everything. It is not you who should be asking for advice--it is him. He needs it desperately morE. Let him know how deeply he is hurting you. And, if even after that he doesn't respond, is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?
So, is it best to just remain silent or do I need to send him a text saying I love him, but I thought we were passed being off and on, and I want a consistent love?
Thank you for everyone's advice!
Also, please PM me. I have taken an interest in this and would like to be a part of this journey as best I can.
Posted by Shaun1994She will lose himPosted by NeedScorpAdviceTell him every single thing you feel about the situation. About what you are doing, what he is doing, the relationship--everything. It is not you who should be asking for advice--it is him. He needs it desperately morE. Let him know how deeply he is hurting you. And, if even after that he doesn't respond, is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?
So, is it best to just remain silent or do I need to send him a text saying I love him, but I thought we were passed being off and on, and I want a consistent love?
Thank you for everyone's advice!click to expand
Not that I am opposed to that
She can try and save relationships
by treating him with patience but
Unloading it is all on him will make
Him run. Don't you think?
I will pm you two in a bit...
See, that's my dilemma. As a cancer, I think it makes logical sense to tell him how I feel. However, as a scorpio, he may stay away even more if I do that, and that isn't what I want.
I just need him to be willing to talk. Once he is open to listening, I will tell him all this back and forth has to stop. Im not willing to get back into a relationship with him if things don't change.
It's the getting him to listen that's the hard part. I dont know if letting him think I'm really over the back and forth will work, or if staying silent will work.
See, that's my dilemma. As a cancer, I think it makes logical sense to tell him how I feel. However, as a scorpio, he may stay away even more if I do that, and that isn't what I want.
I just need him to be willing to talk. Once he is open to listening, I will tell him all this back and forth has to stop. Im not willing to get back into a relationship with him if things don't change.
It's the getting him to listen that's the hard part. I dont know if letting him think I'm really over the back and forth will work, or if staying silent will work.
Posted by GemitatiIf he runs, then he runs. And, if they are meant to be, he will come back. He needs to understand that just because there is a lot of fear, uncertainty, and insecurity in his heart, that does not excuse what he is putting her through (even if he himself is going through just as much pain). I am a Cancer as well, and I empathize with the emotional submission she is going through. Our self-respect is replaced with uncertainty and tortured thoughts. An extremelly emotionally insecure and immature individual is leading this relationship and it is hurting now both of them.Posted by Shaun1994She will lose himPosted by NeedScorpAdviceTell him every single thing you feel about the situation. About what you are doing, what he is doing, the relationship--everything. It is not you who should be asking for advice--it is him. He needs it desperately morE. Let him know how deeply he is hurting you. And, if even after that he doesn't respond, is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?
So, is it best to just remain silent or do I need to send him a text saying I love him, but I thought we were passed being off and on, and I want a consistent love?
Thank you for everyone's advice!
Not that I am opposed to that
She can try and save relationships
by treating him with patience but
Unloading it is all on him will make
Him run. Don't you think?
click to expand
Posted by NeedScorpAdviceStay silent until he contacts you, then unload.
I will pm you two in a bit...
See, that's my dilemma. As a cancer, I think it makes logical sense to tell him how I feel. However, as a scorpio, he may stay away even more if I do that, and that isn't what I want.
I just need him to be willing to talk. Once he is open to listening, I will tell him all this back and forth has to stop. Im not willing to get back into a relationship with him if things don't change.
It's the getting him to listen that's the hard part. I dont know if letting him think I'm really over the back and forth will work, or if staying silent will work.
Posted by Shaun1994Posted by NeedScorpAdviceStay silent until he contacts you, then unload.
I will pm you two in a bit...
See, that's my dilemma. As a cancer, I think it makes logical sense to tell him how I feel. However, as a scorpio, he may stay away even more if I do that, and that isn't what I want.
I just need him to be willing to talk. Once he is open to listening, I will tell him all this back and forth has to stop. Im not willing to get back into a relationship with him if things don't change.
It's the getting him to listen that's the hard part. I dont know if letting him think I'm really over the back and forth will work, or if staying silent will work.click to expand
Totally agree. I would not come to him..that's the power he have. I also wouldn't come to him and tell him all the shit I feel. In my experience this don't work with them ..well the Imature ones. Most likely when he contact her it's because he ready to hear.
Op...for your scorpio to get it he would have to understand that his hiding doesnt help. The only way he would know that is by letting him see that it's not going to affect you. I understand the way you feel.Cancers like to dig deep and understand there emotions and to understand others. Cancers like to know why I FEELING this way. Scorpio like to understand others while hiding thiers. Realize the difference...you started to read a book to understand your problems while your scorp don't want to deal with his own bullshit. I been here. In my pass dating scorps I realize the only way they got it ..is when I disappear ..I walk away. I completely did nothing. What happen was the scorp would show up but would try to act like there's no problems..which would piss me off because I wanted to jump right into the issue instead he wanted pretend then soften me up then do the heart felt shit...finally he release the tears and feeling. I wouldnt say shit unless he is willing to get into the problems. Eventually he ready to dive in. But if I would push him or coming to him trying to get to the bottom ..telling him how I feel it would do nothing. The best thing to do is step back and be nonchalant aboUT it. I tell you the more you back away the more you realize that this is some bullshit. The more you see this is about some bullshit power trip ..control freak and don't want to share there emotions because it give them power.
I really, really appreciate everyone's advice. I need to come on here and read this every time I feel like reaching out to him.
Posted by NeedScorpAdviceOf course, my dear
I really, really appreciate everyone's advice. I need to come on here and read this every time I feel like reaching out to him.
Anytime you need it, I'm here. Love is fucking tricky.
Thank you, Shaun!!
I'm almost at the point where I'm starting to hate him. 😢
I'm almost at the point where I'm starting to hate him. 😢
Posted by DastardWhy is that? Because everyone who dates a male scorpio ends up needing advice? ?Posted by NeedScorpAdviceI've been wanting to tell you that I find your name absolutely hilarious.
Thank you, Shaun!!
I'm almost at the point where I'm starting to hate him. 😢
click to expand
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