Mother in law

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Eris
@Eris
15 Years1,000+ PostsScorpio

Comments: 1 · Posts: 3043 · Topics: 38
For a couple months we have been living with her (waiting to buy a home).

I'm not working at the moment. I was on bed rest for a little while during pregnancy... Also had terrible morning sickness for a while, so for a few weeks there I wasn't doing much.

Normally we get a long very well, but the last couple of months she has been making remarks that make me think she's angry with me.

These are the kinds of comments/actions she has been making...

" what did you do today?.... Oh yeah same thing you do every day nothing"

"Do you think you could turn on the dishwasher?"
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Eris
@Eris
15 Years1,000+ PostsScorpio

Comments: 1 · Posts: 3043 · Topics: 38
Posted by Shruikan
He verbally, needs to punch her in the mouth. She has no right to talk the person that bringing his child into the world that way. Fuck that.



I keep insisting if he does that he do it when she's sober because she has a terrible time listening to anything anyone says (if her opinion differs) at the best of times. But catching her sober is a hefty task.

Think he still should while she's drinking?

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AbbyNormal
@AbbyNormal
12 Years5,000+ PostsTaurus

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oh babe im so sorry.
whats her sign?
you know im living with my bf and his mother and stepdad.
shes taurus like me but i think virgo moon so more serious but we get along. her husband is leo of 20yrs who she still considers leaving but they never will lol id his moon or but i pretty much can't stand him. me, virgo, and taurus mom sat downstairs playing yahtzee and talking last night. she used to have a family night with her, now deceased, leo son and capricorn youngest son. long story short, cap doesn't live with her anymore bc of behavioral problems and her middle son died about two years ago. now that virgo lives back with mom, he and i make time to spend with her especially on Sundays her family night but leo cant ever be bothered to play a game or take her out or anything. ever.

did his mommy dearest ever think that maybe a constructive comment may make you want to visit with her more in her own home? did she think insulting you would make you feel comfortable being there? and does she even care about your comfort? she should... you are carrying her grandchild. just keep your chin up. keep doing your best which i knooow you are.
i cant wait to get out of here myself eris.... like omg.....
lol sorry i kinda ran with it. anways, I'll listen if you wanna vent :-P
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AbbyNormal
@AbbyNormal
12 Years5,000+ PostsTaurus

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Posted by Eris
Posted by Shruikan
He verbally, needs to punch her in the mouth. She has no right to talk the person that bringing his child into the world that way. Fuck that.



I keep insisting if he does that he do it when she's sober because she has a terrible time listening to anything anyone says (if her opinion differs) at the best of times. But catching her sober is a hefty task.

Think he still should while she's drinking?

click to expand




LET HIM AT HER. he needs to make her ass feel bad and cry seriously. but be ready for her response. dont know her sign but she could be like "dont like it? get out!" but its better to let him deal with it head on with his mother rather than you probably.
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Shruikan
@Shruikan
11 Years1,000+ PostsScorpio

Comments: 0 · Posts: 1528 · Topics: 33
Posted by Eris
Posted by Shruikan
He verbally, needs to punch her in the mouth. She has no right to talk the person that bringing his child into the world that way. Fuck that.



I keep insisting if he does that he do it when she's sober because she has a terrible time listening to anything anyone says (if her opinion differs) at the best of times. But catching her sober is a hefty task.

Think he still should while she's drinking?

click to expand




I guess it would be for the best to wait till she's sober. I wouldn't be able to wait. I'd just go after her because that's not right. Knock the drink out of her hand, sit her down and tell her how she is going to act from now on. Period.
Profile picture of AbbyNormal
AbbyNormal
@AbbyNormal
12 Years5,000+ PostsTaurus

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Posted by Eris
She's a Gemini with a Leo Moon. Like I said, before this we got along. I don't understand. We have lived together on a previous occasion as well.

Btw, in his opinion she def. isn't mommy dearest . Now I'm picturing that movie and the whole metal hangers thing lol



ack! gem leo moon mom for a bull.... i cant even imagine lol leos in general seem to try to bully me or are very harsh verbally with me. idk why is there anything major going on in her life to make her maybe project onto you bc... idk...you're just there?
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Eris
@Eris
15 Years1,000+ PostsScorpio

Comments: 1 · Posts: 3043 · Topics: 38
Posted by AbbyNormal
Posted by Eris
Posted by Shruikan
He verbally, needs to punch her in the mouth. She has no right to talk the person that bringing his child into the world that way. Fuck that.



I keep insisting if he does that he do it when she's sober because she has a terrible time listening to anything anyone says (if her opinion differs) at the best of times. But catching her sober is a hefty task.

Think he still should while she's drinking?



LET HIM AT HER. he needs to make her ass feel bad and cry seriously. but be ready for her response. dont know her sign but she could be like "dont like it? get out!" but its better to let him deal with it head on with his mother rather than you probably.
click to expand




Stepmom... Don't think it makes a difference tho.

Honestly, she could tell me to gtfo and I'd gladly go sleep in my car at this point lol
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Eris
@Eris
15 Years1,000+ PostsScorpio

Comments: 1 · Posts: 3043 · Topics: 38
Posted by AbbyNormal
Posted by Eris
She's a Gemini with a Leo Moon. Like I said, before this we got along. I don't understand. We have lived together on a previous occasion as well.

Btw, in his opinion she def. isn't mommy dearest . Now I'm picturing that movie and the whole metal hangers thing lol



ack! gem leo moon mom for a bull.... i cant even imagine lol leos in general seem to try to bully me or are very harsh verbally with me. idk why is there anything major going on in her life to make her maybe project onto you bc... idk...you're just there?
click to expand




It's striking me as a control thing... Im not going to lie and say I'm not a door mat at times.
Profile picture of Eris
Eris
@Eris
15 Years1,000+ PostsScorpio

Comments: 1 · Posts: 3043 · Topics: 38
Posted by Shruikan
Posted by Eris
Posted by Shruikan
He verbally, needs to punch her in the mouth. She has no right to talk the person that bringing his child into the world that way. Fuck that.



I keep insisting if he does that he do it when she's sober because she has a terrible time listening to anything anyone says (if her opinion differs) at the best of times. But catching her sober is a hefty task.

Think he still should while she's drinking?



I guess it would be for the best to wait till she's sober. I wouldn't be able to wait. I'd just go after her because that's not right. Knock the drink out of her hand, sit her down and tell her how she is going to act from now on. Period.
click to expand




That's what he said he wants to do... I guess I should just let him or I'm going to keep bottling it till I explode.

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AbbyNormal
@AbbyNormal
12 Years5,000+ PostsTaurus

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Posted by Eris
Thank you, Shruikan.

I think I'm going to tell him to go ahead and he can use his Aries moon and mercury and just give her the talking to that he wants to.





oh yeah? stepmom? bull with aries moon? aries merc? over baby? *pulls out popcorn*
yeah i have the same problem here. you cant win... you just gotta do your best to not let her get under your skin til he can talk to her. just keep thinking in your head "oh you just wait...." lol
and the relationship will probably improve after all this anyway.
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Eris
@Eris
15 Years1,000+ PostsScorpio

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"...also, expect a big blow up right before you move out. you'll get the "Nobody loves meh!" speal from her for sure...to make the taurus feel bad."

I'll keep that in mind! I think she's already working towards that because her husband talked to my guy about how she is stressed with her OCD because she is used to her house being clean (even though we are the ones keeping up the housework lol).
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AbbyNormal
@AbbyNormal
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Comments: 14265 · Posts: 5321 · Topics: 61
Posted by Eris
"...also, expect a big blow up right before you move out. you'll get the "Nobody loves meh!" speal from her for sure...to make the taurus feel bad."

I'll keep that in mind! I think she's already working towards that because her husband talked to my guy about how she is stressed with her OCD because she is used to her house being clean (even though we are the ones keeping up the housework lol).



ok ok so yes the bull will have to have tact, but i still believe something should be said. it's not conducive to the environment of a baby in the womb. to anyone. you just talk to your bull about what you would both like her to hear. whether she listens or not is up to her but you guys can make the effort to bridge some kind of gap. ocd individuals can be very hard to live with as the perception of clean and dirty is skewed. my last roommate was bad ocd and i almost moved out over it once. she was a cap cancer moon god love her. anyway i tried to point out where she was being unreasonable but her scorpio mother was the one who somehow got her to relax and apologize. idk my ex scorpio hated getting in the middle of anything which upset the hell out of me bc while i knew he was upset, nothing was being done about it but sitting and stewing and making me feel uncomfortable. maybe thats just where we differ. i got a problem i head on try to solve it.
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AbbyNormal
@AbbyNormal
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Posted by e11e
Posted by Eris
Also, at this point I'm sure there is nothing she can say that will make Taurus pity her. He is pissed.



he doesn't have to actually pity her....it's all about her oscar winning performance.

she will be extremely dramatic.

if you know it's coming in advance.....you can change her nomination from best dramatic actress...to best comedic actress...and actually enjoy watching the show. 😛
click to expand




LOL well i dont know gemini well or leo mooners well sooooo whatever you decide lady, good luck! *fingers crossed* a month is nothing you can do it! 😉
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AbbyNormal
@AbbyNormal
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Posted by e11e
I have a story.....*aries moon*

A few holidays ago, I had my mother, father and brother at my house. First time the four of us had been together in years. My father is sickly...and it was quite the effort for him to get to my house (I'm eight hours away). I knew it was going to be a drama infested event....so I prepared myself in advance (breathing in a paper bag does wonders for anxiety)

Well, sure enough....the even of Thanksgiving she started. Geminis do not understand how deep their words go when they are being nasty and then later they blow it off with "I was just kidding!".

She was going on and on, sitting at the dining table, getting nastier and nastier....nobody was paying her no mind (my dad is a scorp with aqua moon....he's learned to just let it roll off his back and he's not really paying attention half the time anyways...lol)

I was in the kitchen loading the dishwasher and I overheard her say she was going to break the dishwasher because I wasn't listening to her. She was living with me at the time.....and things did have a mysterious way of 'breaking' when she got pissed off.

I calmly went into the dining room after hearing that.....walked over and quietly said...."If my dishwasher breaks, you will need to find a new place to live." and gave her a big bear hug (LOL).

She froze....I swear that woman was so stiff she could have shattered into a million peices if I would have squeezed a little tighter (I probably shoudl have 😛). Then the waterworks began and how nobody understood her and that we were all just 'jealous'.

It was completely irrational....but that's just the way they are when they are pissed. Mean, nasty, cutting words and just downright intolerable.

She never did say she was sorry. *shrugs*



awww *hugs elle* lol not funny but the dramatic nature makes me uncomfortable. idk what to do with it... so i laugh. i frankly like how you handled that and wouldve rolled my eyes at a grow woman making a display like that.
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PhoenixRising
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Posted by Rambunctious76
What does your husband say to all this?



Posted by Eris
He is pissed and hoping to catch her when she isn't drinking.



Posted by Eris
He kept getting angry and ready to tell her when she gets home from work, but I kept telling him not to say anything. I am trying to keep the peace and avoid conflict.
click to expand



Umm, which is it?

In any case, either you address it have him address it. Or...continue to vent away.
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MoonArtist
@MoonArtist
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I hate to say it, but she's unlikely to change, or to respect you. She's an alcoholic, and a very unhappy, selfish person. She probably sees that you're "trapped" with no current options to get away until the house is done, so you're the fly in her web....the scapegoat.

I do hope your husband sticks up for you and tells her off, not for her sake, but so he shows where his loyalty lies (and it should be with you and the baby).
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AbbyNormal
@AbbyNormal
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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by AbbyNormal

he needs to make her ass feel bad and cry seriously.








wow

You pretend not to be nasty very well.
click to expand




i believe some people wont learn til they get their ass kicked once either. right now, thatd be my virgo bfs capricorn half bro whos now 18 and boy....
but thats neither here nor there...
im sorry that came across nasty, must be my own personal issues bleeding through as i am in an extremely stressful living condition myself. its just hard all around.
i am the type to let things go and let things go and let things go til...
ok you made me cry, how would it feel?
childish i know...
so usually i hide in the room 😉
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P-Angel
@P-Angel
20 Years25,000+ PostsPisces

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It's pointless for people to response to the reactions. In telling you that she should do (this) or she should do (that) ... is so pointless, I don't even know why people actually clutter their brains with such stupid things. But, they do.

Why even venture down that road? The only thing you control is you, so what she should be doing is completely out of your control ... so why dramatize over the "shoulds" ?


Posted by Eris

.... I kept telling him not to say anything. I am trying to keep the peace and avoid conflict.







The first thought out of your lips (fingers) came from your rational mind .... listen to it.

A person is feels (what ever it is), isn't going to stop just because you don't like it. You know this. So, you just bite the bullet, and deal with it.

It's her house, her son, her territory .... the only thing your mind should be concerned with is moving forward.

If you want out of a situation, then you put your energy in that direction ..... you're not suppose to exert energy grumbling about something you can't do anything about.

Really ... you had it right the first time. Just let the shit roll off your back, and put your thoughts on your future.
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AbbyNormal
@AbbyNormal
12 Years5,000+ PostsTaurus

Comments: 14265 · Posts: 5321 · Topics: 61
Posted by P-Angel

It's pointless for people to response to the reactions. In telling you that she should do (this) or she should do (that) ... is so pointless, I don't even know why people actually clutter their brains with such stupid things. But, they do.

Why even venture down that road? The only thing you control is you, so what she should be doing is completely out of your control ... so why dramatize over the "shoulds" ?


Posted by Eris

.... I kept telling him not to say anything. I am trying to keep the peace and avoid conflict.







The first thought out of your lips (fingers) came from your rational mind .... listen to it.

A person is feels (what ever it is), isn't going to stop just because you don't like it. You know this. So, you just bite the bullet, and deal with it.

It's her house, her son, her territory .... the only thing your mind should be concerned with is moving forward.

If you want out of a situation, then you put your energy in that direction ..... you're not suppose to exert energy grumbling about something you can't do anything about.

Really ... you had it right the first time. Just let the shit roll off your back, and put your thoughts on your future.
click to expand




+1 very good advice i could implement myself. thats why i love water signs.
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P-Angel
@P-Angel
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Let me tell you something ..... you'd be utterly surprised at what I let roll off my back. I've bet I've been told the worse things in here than any other person.

Power, true power ... is gained from NOT reacting.

listen .....


The moment the other person realizes that you are NOT reacting to them ... is the moment you took the upper hand.

You can't change her, but, you can change the way you react to her ... and there is where your power is.
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FixedWater
@FixedWater
12 Years1,000+ PostsScorpio

Comments: 23 · Posts: 2298 · Topics: 37
I really feel for you, I was in a position similar to this many years ago. My ex-husband was terrified of his mother and never stood up to her in my defence. I spent years trying not to rock the boat but she always found something that she could pick on. The proverbial straw that broke the camels back were her comments the day I miscarried our child, Christmas Day some 20 years ago now.

Looking back on it my advice to you would be this: Don't come between him if he chooses to stand up to her whether she is an alcoholic, or not. You are setting ground rules right now and not understanding that these ground rules can have either negative or positive influences on your marriage and your family in future. Let them fight it out and allow him to do what he feels he needs to do.

I assume from what you've said that you have done little to deserve this behaviour from her and my advice is based on that information. If you are enticing her, or drawing her out while under her roof and her rules then you would need to question your behaviour... and make some changes.

Stay focused on getting a house and moving out of there as soon as is feasible. While it is important to save money and buy a house to start your life with it is also important that your health, the health of the baby, and the health of your marriage not suffer because of material desires. You have choices and options ... in the mean time, do your best to ignore her and her negative energy.

Good Luck and Congratulations!
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LetltB
@LetltB
13 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 1 · Posts: 9186 · Topics: 179
Posted by Eris
For a couple months we have been living with her (waiting to buy a home).

I'm not working at the moment. I was on bed rest for a little while during pregnancy... Also had terrible morning sickness for a while, so for a few weeks there I wasn't doing much.

Normally we get a long very well, but the last couple of months she has been making remarks that make me think she's angry with me.

These are the kinds of comments/actions she has been making...

" what did you do today?.... Oh yeah same thing you do every day nothing"

"Do you think you could turn on the dishwasher?"

This is HER home, if you don't like it, move your ass out. OR..be grateful you have a roof over your head and stop whining. Damn..........
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LetltB
@LetltB
13 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 1 · Posts: 9186 · Topics: 179
Posted by AbbyNormal
Posted by P-Angel
Posted by AbbyNormal

he needs to make her ass feel bad and cry seriously.








wow

You pretend not to be nasty very well.



i believe some people wont learn til they get their ass kicked once either. right now, thatd be my virgo bfs capricorn half bro whos now 18 and boy....
but thats neither here nor there...
im sorry that came across nasty, must be my own personal issues bleeding through as i am in an extremely stressful living condition myself. its just hard all around.
i am the type to let things go and let things go and let things go til...
ok you made me cry, how would it feel?
childish i know...
so usually i hide in the room 😉
click to expand





Poor thing 😭 Get a sippy cup and suck on that while you are hiding.
Profile picture of Eris
Eris
@Eris
15 Years1,000+ PostsScorpio

Comments: 1 · Posts: 3043 · Topics: 38
Posted by P-Angel

It's pointless for people to response to the reactions. In telling you that she should do (this) or she should do (that) ... is so pointless, I don't even know why people actually clutter their brains with such stupid things. But, they do.

Why even venture down that road? The only thing you control is you, so what she should be doing is completely out of your control ... so why dramatize over the "shoulds" ?


Posted by Eris

.... I kept telling him not to say anything. I am trying to keep the peace and avoid conflict.







The first thought out of your lips (fingers) came from your rational mind .... listen to it.

A person is feels (what ever it is), isn't going to stop just because you don't like it. You know this. So, you just bite the bullet, and deal with it.

It's her house, her son, her territory .... the only thing your mind should be concerned with is moving forward.

If you want out of a situation, then you put your energy in that direction ..... you're not suppose to exert energy grumbling about something you can't do anything about.

Really ... you had it right the first time. Just let the shit roll off your back, and put your thoughts on your future.
click to expand




I agree with what you're saying and that's how I've been dealing with it... It was only the last comment that really pissed me off and made me want to deck her and I really didn't like the feeling.

Profile picture of Eris
Eris
@Eris
15 Years1,000+ PostsScorpio

Comments: 1 · Posts: 3043 · Topics: 38
Posted by FixedWater
I really feel for you, I was in a position similar to this many years ago. My ex-husband was terrified of his mother and never stood up to her in my defence. I spent years trying not to rock the boat but she always found something that she could pick on. The proverbial straw that broke the camels back were her comments the day I miscarried our child, Christmas Day some 20 years ago now.

Looking back on it my advice to you would be this: Don't come between him if he chooses to stand up to her whether she is an alcoholic, or not. You are setting ground rules right now and not understanding that these ground rules can have either negative or positive influences on your marriage and your family in future. Let them fight it out and allow him to do what he feels he needs to do.

I assume from what you've said that you have done little to deserve this behaviour from her and my advice is based on that information. If you are enticing her, or drawing her out while under her roof and her rules then you would need to question your behaviour... and make some changes.

Stay focused on getting a house and moving out of there as soon as is feasible. While it is important to save money and buy a house to start your life with it is also important that your health, the health of the baby, and the health of your marriage not suffer because of material desires. You have choices and options ... in the mean time, do your best to ignore her and her negative energy.

Good Luck and Congratulations!



Sorry for your loss! What a terrible situation.

Thank you 🙂
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Eris
@Eris
15 Years1,000+ PostsScorpio

Comments: 1 · Posts: 3043 · Topics: 38
Posted by LetltB
....and what the hell is this horseshit ungrateful 30 year olds living with parents anyway?

WTF? Yet they think they can act like the problem is with the person supplying the roof over their heads...SMFH

GROW THE HELL UP!



Lol when did you turn into such a rude and nasty person? I don't remember you being like that years ago...

Anyway ... You obviously only read part of it or ignored some of what I wrote, so I'm not even going to reply to you after this.

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