My Scopio is more Scorpio than me...Help please!

What benefit are you getting out of this relationship? You are not physically with each other (it's long-distance) - how is this even considered your boyfriend? He has told you he has never been in love, never come close to marrying. You are foregoing an actual real, in-person relationship with someone who is available for an unavailable man who you don't even see.

I know this is easier said than done, to just say forget about this stuff, but Scorpio or not, why would you accept a man that is offering you nothing except a few platitudes over a phone call or text message? Just enough to keep you hooked and give you false hope while he lives his own life.

I think people (and I've certainly been in this place) spend WAY too much time trying to "figure out other people" - oh, they've been hurt, they're scared, they're this, they're that - and they accept bad behavior and tiny crumbs of attention and affection. Don't you think you deserve better than that?

And yet that's what your long thread was about, Moimeme....trying to figure your guy out.

That's what this place is all about. **Sigh**

Yes, but my "guys" are men that I am actually, physically, face-to-face involved with - my husband and a (former) lover- and I've taken my own advice: letting go of someone (my lover) that wasn't a benefit to me to carefully deal with my main problem (my marriage) as honestly as I can for both my husband and myself, DESPITE the strong feelings for a man that couldn't (and shouldn't) be a part of my life.

Of course people are free to do what they want - I am not living their life. I just have appreciated when my friends have been straight with me about what they think is a benefit to me and what isn't. I may not always heed it, but it's food for thought.

Thanks everyone for your comments...

Ellybean,
Yes, we are in committed relationship. We talked about being exclusive when he first came over on Nov. His words and actions were all confirming this until recently when he got very busy with work. He told me he has been non-stop and is stressed. So I have been more patient with him because I know it would backfire if I pressure him to be more available. I got panicky, though, this past week when he did not respond to my text "call me I miss hearing your voice." He responded immediately before.

Yeah....long distance is hard...especially when there is ocean between us (CA and HI to be exact.) It is 5 hour flight but still we can not just drive. Like your guy, mine is horrible at phone. He is much better in person and he gets very frustrated.

Moimeme & Ladyscorp,
Benefit....? I was not thinking that when I entered this relationship. As I wrote I knew it was counter-intuitive to start a long distance when I was starting my new life away (Hawaii to be exact.) It just happened. I was married for 9 years and did not date anyone 2 years after that until I met this Scorp. He made me feel safe and feminine. That's all I knew and wanted to trust his words. And I still do...in my heart. What my brain is telling me is another story, however.

*************

I was hoping that he is "just" pulling his Scorpio thing "falling off the cliff" on me as someone described in the past post. This way I can justify his behavior...I thought..

Also guys, in general, have masculine energy which works very different from feminine energy. Masculine energy is rigid and can only focus on one channel where feminine energy can multi-task. Are you familiar with this concept?

Oh, long distance sucks..

I have read that some Scorpios can turn on and off their feelings for someone. They can go on w/o contacting for a while and when they are with you they are amazing. And for them it is not a big deal and they expect you to be ok with it. Have you heard this?

I almost wish he would contact me and break up with me which makes it easier than wondering and waiting!!!

It should not matter...I guess though, I need to figure out what I want for myself.

Hi piranhaparadiise,

That is the thing about Scorpio man/woman disappearing....they go days, months w/o contact.

Does it mean they love you less?

Does is mean they are not "invested" in you?

I think not....at least according to fellow Scorpios.

Also Loving someone can not be talked in terms like "benefit" or "investment" in my opinion, although I can see why people say that.

ScorpMe

Let*It*Be

Thank you for your advice. I consider this as a good time to reflect and become stronger.

I am realizing this is not my issue but his. Time will tell if he comes back from his cave I might be still here....I might not. He needs to resolve his fear of commitment or whatever issues he might be facing on his own. I don't want to make a mistake of sticking my nose into his cave and get burned, either.

At least I did my best loving us.... Easy to say.... of course. It's hard for me to let go of something I care.

LadyScorp

After all my Scorp WAS busy with work and lost track of his time. He was surprised when I asked him "Do you want us to stay together?." He said "Of course. I miss you." His voice sounded genuine and warm just as I remembered.

So I told him what I needed from him. How important it is for me to feel his presence. I felt much better that I had an honest conversation as he listened. We also talked about getting together soon.

Meanwhile I will keep reflecting what I am discovering about myself through this relationship with him and working on how to love someone without giving away too much of me. As a Scorpio myself I get obsessed about someone when I am in love. I know it is not healthy.

For now....

Ellybean,

I am so glad your post helped me step back and assess what's really going on, where everyone else was suggesting otherwise 🙂

True....he has Moon, Venus and Pluto (and a couple more) all in Libra! Perhaps I need to learn more about their influence rather than focusing on his Scorpio Sun sign. He does not like us to argue over things and it seems to affect him for a long time when we do.

Once he told me when I had a panic over us "you have nothing to worry about...you worry too much." Maybe I do worry too much... Now I am beginning to better understand how his mind operates, much simpler and more laid-back, I can relax and work on my other stuff.

LadyScorp

*chimes bells and whistles* 😄