Not sure what happened or how to proceed.

I don't think he was treating you like a bitch.


When were you born?

Wow, three months? Did he get in contact or after that did you talk to him and he picked up the phone and talked to you?

Should I reach out?



No, you should move on to a person who isn't going to test you .. next time, be honest up front and then you wont' have any guilt to carry.

P-Angel, he was treating me like a bitch, I couldn't fit it all into the window for comments. He would ignore my calls, he'd be hostile after I asked him something, once I asked him to pick me up and he did and then left me standing out in the middle of nowhere to wait for a bus. And after all this, I would call him and pretend to be all cheery as if I wasn't bothered by all this because I wanted to be the "good" woman and as I said, part of me felt I deserved it because of being dishonest at the beginning. In fact, during one of our arguments he shouted "I wasn't the one who lied at the start of this relationship." Then later he calmed down and said the lie wasn't the issue but I was pressuring him to continue a conversation he didn't want to have and he needed me to back off so he hurt me.

But I think the point was, I allowed this behavior that I would normally not take from any man. I think he saw that as insincerity and distanced himself. But I really don't know the Scorpio nature. Reading around, it seems like I should have made more effort to contact him and maybe after not talking to him for a month, he thinks I never really cared?

Oh, I was born in 1977, I will be 31.

Yes, P-Angel, if nothing else, I know that I will NEVER lie again. It is NOT worth it!

"He would ignore my calls, he'd be hostile after I asked him something, once I asked him to pick me up and he did and then left me standing out in the middle of nowhere to wait for a bus."


Now THAT sounds like he treated you like a crap.


So, why exactly do you want to be with him if that's how he treats women?

I wouldn't. But in reading about Scorpios, I hear there are tests they do to see what you will put up with? In honesty, I have never followed astrology but a lot of what I have read about Scorpios in general makes me think there is something to it.

I feel that by not speaking up and saying it was unacceptable, he felt I was not being genuine. I am used to dealing with Pisces who are very ambiguous about feelings and then head off. My last bf told me three months after we split everything he hated about our former relationship, and some of the things he hated he told me he'd loved. It was weird.

Yes, well .. we both love and hate the same things simultaneously, so that's not surprising about Pisces.

Back to Scorp .... it's in your best interest to walk away from any man who will leave drop you off in the middle of nowhere to find your own way home, regardless of sun sign. If this man did this then he isn't worth anything.

It's true that Scorpios are secrative and will test you .. but, NOT like that .. that's just evil. If you allow him access to you to treat you this way, then you've just set a precidence that it's acceptable.

I can't help you with this .. 1) I'm a Pisces, and 2) My opinions or guidance will be to tell you to casterate any man who would abandon a woman out in the middle of nowhere like that.

And that's not what you want to hear .. you want to know how to get a man like that to love you ... sorry, I can't help. 😢

Yes I know, the guilt has eaten me up inside. I am acting very un-Libralike, you are right.

Oh gosh, P-Angel, no, I don't want you to tell me anything except your honest opinion. I have feelings for him but I understand you can't MAKE anyone do shit. I just wanted some opinions is all.

And he didn't exactly leave me to find my own way home. I had some items of his and I used giving them back to him as an excuse to see him and maybe spend time together. He seemed to see righ tthrough that and seemed to resent it because when I gave him the items he thanked me for them and then said he had to get going because he had plans. I wasn't going to barricade myself in his car, so I left and I had to wait for the bus. It's in the middle of nowhere as far as location, but there were people around and an actual stop. Sorry if I made that unclear.

Still he should have either dropped you off at your home or waited for the bus with you. I would be pissed if someone I was involoved with didnt have the curtisy to wait for me in a situtation like that. I hope he felt bad for that. I think you should of said something to him about it.

But past that, you do need to chill out a bit. Scorpios will come to you if they want you. They will get moody. My scorp ignored me for 3 months before he came back and from then we grew together. You will never have a smooth sailing with a scorp. BELIEVE ME lol. You will have to have moutains, no oceans of patiences to handle him.

Just about everything that everyone else said.

But, i also think he was testing you to see how needy you are. Speaking your mind was probably respected by him, but appearing needy would not be (all that much). He's said he will call you, so i think you need to get on with your life and if he calls, he calls. If he doesn't, he doesn't.

You're still not getting it: "I used giving them back to him as an excuse to see him and maybe spend time together."

It seems honest this man wants honesty. If he can't trust you now, when will he?

Don't take this the wrong way, but i would've been pissed off if somebody used an excuse to see me too. It's human nature.

Sorry, i mean: " It seems this man wants *honesty*"

Well, he stated very clearly from the beginning that he wanted everything to be on the 'up and up'. LapsedLibra made it clear she was at a bustop and that there were other people around, so perhaps this guy perceived she was safe? I am not standing up for him, i am saying that little white lies turn in to big ones. Perhaps lying is a pet hate of his?

It seems he has been honest from the start, particularly in regard to his need for space.

"He said no, he just needed to back off for right now, and the calls stopped completely. Terrified, I backed off, but called him once a week or so"

Ah, now i am seeing that LapsedLibra smothered him in a way. If i asked for space, it means i want space. I'm not trying to be blunt here, but he said it straight out. The other stuff was him trying to let you down gently.

It seems like you keep pushing the envelope and he doesn't like that, because he likes to stay in control.

To be honest, it sounds like he's playing the field now. No contact, probably no interest. He might come back in a month or two if the others don't turn out. In this case, i would say "don't take him back" and would then agree with Sagigoat that he is an arsehole 😛

............he should have dropped you safely at home as a man should


Yes.

LapsedLibra, did you tell him to drive you home; that you wanted/needed a ride home?

Or, did he not know that? LapsedLibra, how did you get to the meeting place?

Listen, LL ..... all this going on in here is for the purpose of you trying to understand him so you can figure out a way to relate to him in a way in which he will now trust you because you feel guilty about the original lie, and so now feel like everything he is doing at this point is treating you like you deserve to be treated because you were a bitch in the first place for lying to him, so his actions from that point forward = this is the station in which you believe you should take and now work to prove to him that you are worthy of him.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^ that is what this is about, and it's fucked up !!!!!!




You don't HAVE to place yourself beneath ANYBODY just because you screwed up. Hell, we all fucking screw up, LL. Don't be desperate, don't make yourself look like this is something you deserve to have happen to you.

This all boils down to ...... this is what you want.

People have responded in here saying that HE was a bad boy for doing what he's done .... and this simply isn't the truth.

Like I tell everybody ... a person can ONLY treat you how you allow them to treat you. He isn't doing anything wrong to you that you aren't accepting and approving of him to do .... for IF you disapproved then you would have walked away with pride and dignity.

This is about YOU ... YOU ARE WANTING A MAN LIKE THIS because if you didn't want a man like this, then you wouldn't even be here discussing it. So, if this is the kind of man you want and accept, then by him behaving within his character in his treatment of you is NOT WRONG.


Why?

Why do you want a man like that? You said you have feelings for him and that's understandable for a reason why your heart would be in pain, but, I can't see why that's a reason to allow yourself to be abused.

do your very best to move on and don't contact him anymore. you made the 1st moves and you let him know that he means a lot to you. that's admirable and takes a lot to do. now the ball is his court. if he wants to be with you he will make efforts to do so. if he doesn't then it's not going to happen. it's not a huge deception and you came clear about it. if he can't handle this what's going to do if there are some really serious issues happen? think about it and see what's right for you. i'm sorry it's cruel and straight to the point.

"now the ball is his court. if he wants to be with you he will make efforts to do so."



See, I just don't even understand this reasoning (not anything against you ariesgirl, just the psychology of it) ...

Ball in his court? To see if he wants her?

This leaves all decision of how she is to be treated up to another person .. what about personal integrity?

If a person is treating you like crap .. then why in the world would you sit back and await his decision on whether you "deserve" his presence in your life? If you do await for him to bestow upon you his proven abuse .. then this is a position you've allowed for yourself to happen.

I dont' get that .... I don't get why any person does this to themselves. We see it in here everyday.


.... He abused me .. I love him so much, why doesn't he want me.

Am I the only person who can see how fucked up that ^^^^ is?

pa- apperantly she still wants him even after he's treating her like crap. "Ball in his court? To see if he wants her?"- that way she can figure out and see for herself whether or not he wants her and draw her conclusions.
.... He abused me .. I love him so much, why doesn't he want me. - i think she wants to "get him" and can't accept the rejection here. everyone's been through that.
the best thing for her would be to get a closure and move on. if she sees that "he doesn't want her" after all the efforts that she's made towards him maybe she'll rationalize it and let it go. maybe, if he doesn't "respond to the balls in his court" then she'll realize that it's done and move on.
does it make some sense?
not everybody can handle things so black and white. all we can do here is offer advice and be supportive.

I understand what ball in his court means, ariesgirl .. but, thanks for clarifying anyway 🙂

What I meant was .. I don't understand why people would WANT to live by this at all. I realize that people are jaded by gray areas and cannot see black from white .. Rox has preached this to me enough times, lol.

I'm just saying ..... it's about self-pride and dignity here and that just doesnt' seem like it should be a gray area for people to get lost in ... for what benefit does it bring to the self-esteem to be wanting a man who abuses you, and plays games with you to test you?

It brings no benefit .. it brings apathy of the soul, while the ego gets a good stroking ... "Look, he wants me", without any consideration that the "he" that wants her is somebody who is a negative in her life for he brings pain, rather than joy, if he abuses her.

Thanks again, though, for answering .... eventhough I get ball in court concept .. I just don't get why this concept is valuable to a person if this bouncing ball doesn't bring a positive benefit.

just being a know it all smart arse aries🙂
It brings no benefit .. it brings apathy of the soul,- absolutely right!!!
while the ego gets a good stroking ... "Look, he wants me", without any consideration that the "he" that wants her is somebody who is a negative in her life for he brings pain, rather than joy, if he abuses her.- again absolutely right!!! unfortunately, ppl are more conserned about their egos then happines and what's right or wrong in the relationship. i used to be concerned with what i did in return of what he did and vice versa and it's all about ego and such. now, i don't care about my ego or his ego and concentrate on what's right for the relationship and my well being overall. and things got sooooo much better and easier and happier. ppl thing that ego=self esteem. i don't agree about that.
I just don't get why this concept is valuable to a person if this bouncing ball doesn't bring a positive benefit.- because no one wants to admit that the other person doesn't want her/him. again ego come out and plays. we all want to be wanted by someone we want. it's a vicious circle until we truly meet someone who wants us without head games and "balls in the court"

How many people actually find it, though .. it seems that 99% of the time, we are unhappy because we cannot find that one person to whom is just perfect so there won't be any bouncing balls 😢

Sometimes, times like this .. I think there are no soulmates in life because if there were, we would all have found him/her by now.

Just think about how powerful our energy is .. we know with LOA that we can bring anything to our life .. now that's some strong and powerful energy, isn't it?

So, now .. let's take TWO people with this energy working together as one force (soulmates) .. shouldn't this power be so friggin strong that nothing .. ASOLUTELY NOTHING .. can stand in it's way to bring these two people together?

But, it doesn't .. we can't find each other .. why not?

So, logic would dictate that it doesn't exist ... but, the heart so wants it to be, so it deludes itself into believing.

::: sighs :::

i'm not sure if i believe in the "soul mate" theory. i believe you should find someone who you love, can be yourself, that makes you happy or content most of the time, makes you laugh and makes you feel wanted and accepted. and you should be able to do the same for your partner. then you have a great relationship. unfortunately, the uphoric i love you and you love me all the time and happy soul mate thing is as real as unicorns. ppl chase after soul mates and expect the next person to be better and perfect for them. and then they get dissapointed and get rid off the person. then get a new one and so on and so on. no one wants to take responsibility and work on things. it's too easy to give and too hard to actually make it work.
"So, logic would dictate that it doesn't exist ... but, the heart so wants it to be, so it deludes itself into believing." - and that sounds like one of my post "which relationship is better logical or emotional"
::: sighs :::

very romantic and spiritual. i wish we would all get to that point in our lifes. wish the unicorns were around too🙂
Based on my readings and calling on Scorpio insight to ?connect the dots?- anything specific that you're reffering to?