Phoenix

Hey Phoenix,
I was cruizing around the 'writing forum' and came across your post with Mayson and it really struck me. I can so relate to this.

"I didn't necessarily say that he posts here. Of course, I didn't necessarily say that he doesn't post here. I didn't really say anything about who he is. And the only time I make a move on a guy is......never......what's a "move", anyway? You mean tell him how I feel? I honestly have no idea what it means to make a move. I've never made a move. You're a guy, you've probably made a lot of moves, tell me what a move is.

My whole problem is the idea of being rejected, yuck, that would be terrible. And then my whole other problem is that I'm not thinking very practically at all by liking him."

You sum it up really well. What is a 'move'? It all seems so sleazy to me. Why do we feel we have to capture someone? I like to let it happen by fate. There are some people who have you in mind and hone in like you are an object. That is the conundrum (my favourite word at the moment, can you not tell?). I think if you like someone, the most dignified thing you can do is let them know and if they are interested, they will reciprocate, and if they are not, well they won't. Rejection hurts. I know this, believe me, i know this!

The other conundrum is - do I tell that person and live with the fact that I might get rejected? Or do i forever keep it to myself, hope that he will come clean first, but also risk him never knowing and therefore missing out on the opportunity.

If you really like someone, I personally believe you are better off telling them, if you feel you have nothing to lose, and only when you feel you have nothing to lose because once you tell them, you can feel like a real dickhead if you change your mind later or something.

I'm over it. I don't even have faith in 'love' anymore. I think we are animals out for survival and i am quite happy to have sex, that's when i can find someone who just wants to have sex too, without all the rigmoroll that goes with it. I think love and romance are a socially constructed phenomena that we create to get a root. Let's face it. Why don't we just go up to a person and say, "i really want to treetrunk you". I'm over it. Away with the bullbutter.

How are you anyway?

PS.

You asked how i was feeling about that scorpio girl a while ago. Well, i feel like s h i t about it, because i feel like i made a fool of myself, feel like i played into some sort of game she was conducting. I didn't see her for 2 1/2 months and felt really good about it. I really felt like I had moved on but then she turned up last weekend and i felt really horrible, like, I have moved on, why does she have to drag me down again? I then caught her talking to a work colleague of mine, and thought 'yep, she only wants to know all the staff here' and suspected that she was only interested in me for all the wrong reasons. That's cool, I can deal with that, but next time someone starts eye-balling me, I am going to go straight up to them and ask them straight out, "why are you looking at me"? As my friends say, I am a reference point where I work, and people look to me for inspiration, approval, leadership, whatever. I suppose I don't play that game, so niavelly, I think that when someone looks at me, they are interested in some way, even if it's just for friendship. I am so dumb!

I think she might have been hedging at a job because she has made friends with this guy who knows all the DJ's, and it's like, "honey, if you just wanted a job, why didn't you say so"? I think she was jealous of me and my job to be honest. Oh, I wish I could meet someone sincere and genuine.

But anyway, my question still stands. How are you? How's the job (those arseholes!)?

Libragirl (good lord, I was *thisclose* to posting and asking where you'd gone to! Glad you're back! I still wonder where Lawgoddess is though...)...I like that you are being very real about what you want out of other people, I think there's nothing better than when people are just REAL. TRUTHFUL. So you know what? If right now you aren't into the love/romance thing, then feel free to go after what you do want. It's better than pretending to be all about lovey dovey crap if you are not in a frame of mind to be there right now. It's better for you AND whoever you're involved with.

Scorpio chick=good riddance. You are not dumb!! You may have been a little naive, but jesus christ, I am naive all the damn time about all kinds of things--we are not stupid people. We are just this side of too trusting, and too willing to give something or someone the benefit of the doubt before judging them. I understand you.

My job, thank you for asking, I will give you the link to the latest development: Click Here!

Don't be a stranger LG! 😛

"If right now you aren't into the love/romance thing, then feel free to go after what you do want".

Phew, I was a bit worried this (lack of love vibe) was going to last for ever, lol! So unlibran like of me.

Yeah, I haven't been around for a while because I haven't been able to get onto the internet. It's just this strange thing that happened to my computer. It kind of worked out well though because I had so much work to do and if I had have spent the amount of time I used to on here, I would have been in BIG trouble 😉

You know, I've decided not to 'give' anything anymore. I've taken a good look around me and have realised that it is the people that are damn selfish that get everything/everywhere in life. It's like they are a vortex that sucks in everything around them. I'll still be nice to my friends though 😉 But seriously, don't you find that?

I was also thinking about how you were saying that you carry on romances in your 'head'. I am here to let you know that I am able to date, have a relationship, and break up with a person all without them ever knowing! I mean, I do this all in my head. I don't know how many times I have been somewhere, seen someone I like and when they're not giving me enough attention, have text messaged (you do this on a mobile phone) a friend to say "its all over...". When I see the friend the next day, they're like... "What did you mean it's all over? Who are you talking about?", and I have to make something up because I don't want to tell them I have just broken up with someone I didn't even go out with. Gee I make myself laugh sometimes. I wish I wasn't a libran, maybe I'd be sensible...

On a more twisted note, I was thinking today how good it is that I am being rejected at the moment. It is so good for my soul. I'm sick aren't I?!

Anyways, I'm going to your "click here" to see the latest info on the job front.

Speak to you soon,

M.