Please help me understand this Scorpio man! (Page 2)

And no, sorry, I don't believe people were trying to make me see my wrongs and I was not willing to accept it.

If you read back...anyone who said to me that I was being clingy, overhtinking, needed to be honest etc...was listened to and I actually took that advice (hence the convo I had last night). What I was not willing to accept was the blanket and unfounded judgements on me.

It twisted the story.

He grew on me. No I did not like him at first. So? I wasn't trying to be evil...I can't be expected to date every person who wants to date me just to make them feel better. In fact it would be cruel to do that if I felt I had no possibility of developing feelings. I DID want to ramp up intimacy and continue dating and ipen up and get intimate. But by ignoring me, evading answers, acting very diferrent he was making me feel unsafe in doing that.

Oh yeah, I am a Scorp, and believe me, I protect my ego. I will walk away from anyone to save myself pain...sure...this is a character flaw that I own fully. But the point here is this man was sending mixed messages. And when I WAS finally there, ready to give him what he wanted he didn't want it anymore.

to some degree we should protect our feelings, and we should have expectations. I could have carried on sleepign with and dating this jerkoff for months and months and ended up with a badly broken heart.

Trust isn't given freely. It is earned, and inconsistency is the worst way to earn it.

Sure...I did not want him to start with but I NEVER gave mixed messages, I never tortured him and left him wondering why I was behaving a certain way. I care way more about how people feel to do that.

you said you had a certain handle on all the other men you’ve ever dated, you had the upper hand sort to speak… so think long and hard on why that was. Think about it. Now think about this, this guy is you with a penis. He feels deep, he’s scared, HATES to feel vulnerable, secretive, mysterious(sexy) doesn’t like losing in any form, needs space, he’s moody and expects his love interest to understand all of this and love him in spite of all this. You are dating yourself hun, so when you question his motives keep in mind how the men you weren’t too sure about or the ones that had you head over heels made you feel and how you handled them. The ones that you didn’t like aren’t worth me trying to get you to remember because I’m sure they are farrrr in the back of your head.lol

continued:

My entire point is we both know a Scorpio only gives their time for two reason, they either like you and want to figure you out and take you off the market for keeps (proving you past millions on top of millions of trust and character test) OR you’ve hurt them, lied, or try to play them and they are looking to sting you back until they feel better. My guess is your guy is the first option. He likes you, but he doesn’t want to be just another guy that has fallen for you, he wants to fall together yet he doesn’t want to feel vulnerable to you because it frightens him to know another human being MIGHT get that much power over his emotions. He likes to be in control at ALL times, especially where his feelings are concerned. It may also help for you to know his past relationship history. If he has been to hell and back with other women, then you will either need to pack loads of patients, or pack up your heels and go to the next patron.

Posted by Elyssia
Sorry AgentP911 -he wasn't dumping me, he seemed pretty upset that I did not want to continue with the arrangement....what he was saying was "I want you, want to continue sleeping with you for as long as possible, going on dates etc. but I am not going to call you unless I want a hook up and I am not going to offer you intimacy or a future". It's a FWB he wants with a few extras.

I'm really not sitting there devastated or anything, I am just glad I hve the answers to the odd behavior because it just didn't feel like courtship to me as I have previously known it and it was making me feel crazy.

WOAH! Okay google lied. lol.They said Scorps dont do FWB. Ugh. Maybe they just meant the women...

Posted by Lyse

Posted by Elyssia
Sorry AgentP911 -he wasn't dumping me, he seemed pretty upset that I did not want to continue with the arrangement....what he was saying was "I want you, want to continue sleeping with you for as long as possible, going on dates etc. but I am not going to call you unless I want a hook up and I am not going to offer you intimacy or a future". It's a FWB he wants with a few extras.

I'm really not sitting there devastated or anything, I am just glad I hve the answers to the odd behavior because it just didn't feel like courtship to me as I have previously known it and it was making me feel crazy.

WOAH! Okay google lied. lol.They said Scorps dont do FWB. Ugh. Maybe they just meant the women...

click to expand

They don't

Remember we are dealing with fragile scorpios here
*rollseyes*

Ahhh oh okay. Got it. 😉

Hmm...thanks for the latest replies...really helpful. Lyse...you expressed that so well...that does describe me and maybe him also.

He came to see me last night and we talked a bit. I won't say it was a complete "cards on the table conversation" but the essense was that he does want to be my boyfriend. I am not sure why he said he didn't. As someone said above maybe his behavior does remind me a bit of my own. I can also say mean stuff I don't mean if I feel my ego is threatened.

I told him (as everyone advised) that I liked him a lot, that I wanted to date him exclusively and he wants the same. He asked me what I was to him if I have to put a label on it. I didn't have the balls to say "boyfriend", but I could see he seemed happy that I was less dismissive than before and we were both smiling so that was good. I could see his eyes were shining and really happy.

I worked quite hard to build his confidence, and told him that being with him made me happy and I wanted to continue to do it. By turn, he then opened up a little more. He explained to me he can go a bit quiet for a few days and then he needs me after that. Maybe that is okay and I can adjust.

He's definitely the most complex and complicated creature I've ever met. He pretends and acts uninterested, but I suppose I am capable of doing the same.

Anyway, I think he's dating me properly now and the FWB thing was just some dumb thing he said - maybe (as everyone says) brought on by me knocking his confidence which I will mak a big effort not to do.

Lyse: yes, he has been to hell and bac with the woman before me; and he's been single for three years on the basis of that. He says it affected him deeply. He doesn't give much away. He strikes me as quite gentle and vulnerable and guarded.

I will try harder to think like he thinks

Yep, my guess is he through fwb on the table to see if you would roll with that. If you rolled with it then it would mean that’s what you want, but since you weren’t down then he probable felt safe to admit he wanted more. I’m happy for you two. Your both going to have to pack a lot of patients for one another, and don’t ice each other out, out of fear. Handle one another with care and everything should be fine. I mean who could understand you better than someone that’s just like you. The only flaw I see in a Scorpio/Scorpio pairing is the fight for power or being able to one up one another, it turns into a power struggle over emotions, instead of compromise and understanding one another. Don’t let that happen.

Yeah. I will really try and kep in mind that he might do the same as me (test, push away, hold back) because I am used to dealing with more open people. Thanks so much!

Good to hear you got it sorted.

I hope things work out 🙂.

Posted by Elyssia
Yeah. I will really try and kep in mind that he might do the same as me (test, push away, hold back) because I am used to dealing with more open people. Thanks so much!

No problem.
🙂
I tried to pm you but you have it turned off. lol

Thanks all. Sorry Lyse, I really didn't know I have that turned offY. ou've been really helpful. Sometimes it's hard to interpret people when you look at it from only one perspective.