Scorpio Scorpio mess

Hi everyone, thanks for the informative threads on the forum. It's helped me a lot. I am new to this place. Came across it when Googling for *anything* to make sense of my relationship situation. I'm thinking there's nothing to save about the relationship now. I'm not sure. Need your input.

I am a Scorpio, female. Bisexual with a preference for women. All my relationships were with women before this one. He's Scorpio too. About four years older than me and had previous girlfriends. We met, got along like a house on fire. The speed at which we understood each other without words was so amazing that I stepped out of my comfort zone and entered a relationship with a man for the first time. He claimed that I was the most special person he knew. All this in a period of five weeks. The sexual tension was crackling. I was happy. He seemed happy too.

Then he called me out of the blue after a date and said he was worried about future. He said that I wasn't the sort to take a relationship casually, I was too intense and that it worried him. So he wanted to stop. I was shocked since it was so unexpected. Told him whatever he wanted was fine. It wasn't fine really but I didn't want to beg. Also told him that I didn't want to see him or talk to him afterwards if we ended it there. Then he got defensive, angry and accused me of not valuing our relationship enough. He said he wanted to be friends after that. I told him that isn't possible because we had crossed the boundary already. Returning to pretending that is cheating both of us. He told me to have a good life and went off.

What does it mean? There wasn't any hint of dissatisfaction before. I am generally good at reading people. This really surprised me. I don't think he was leading me on. I don't know. It's frustrating me. I don't want to be obsessed with this... without knowing why it happened I'm finding it difficult to forget it. I know it was only five weeks but I like him. I don't want to contact him. Will he return? Any idea why he did that?

Help!

Ah the scorpio hot-cold, run when it gets too close sundrome strikes again. Read my old threads from Octobe/Nov 2011. That should help you. It's happened to us all.

Some guys return, some don't. Im sorry its happened to you. Hang in there and stay busy to fuel away the obsessive thinking.

This seems to be what most of the scorp guys do

They back away for a bit. They need time to assess the situation and mull it over, to decide if it's something they want to take to the next level.

Let him know you're there for him

But don't obsess yourself. He may be back.

Big

Posted by BigGirlPanties
Ah the scorpio hot-cold, run when it gets too close sundrome strikes again. Read my old threads from Octobe/Nov 2011. That should help you. It's happened to us all.

Some guys return, some don't. Im sorry its happened to you. Hang in there and stay busy to fuel away the obsessive thinking.

Thank you, BigGirlPanties! Your posts from Oct/Nov scarily echo a similar situation. I guess the best thing would be to move on. I like the guy but I don't want to be in a situation where I am always pandering to him. Some of the earlier posts from people's experiences make it look like the Scorpio men have commitment issues for a long time before they settle.

[I like your user name and the picture 😉]

Posted by LouLore
This seems to be what most of the scorp guys do

They back away for a bit. They need time to assess the situation and mull it over, to decide if it's something they want to take to the next level..

Thanks for your insight, Loulore! But why do they have to mess around without asking for space directly? 😢 I feel badly treated. Angry too at the way he did this out of the blue. I guess it's because I don't have previous experience with this. Old posts here I dug up now showed a lot of cases like this. Wow.

I'll see if he comes around but I don't think I want to start anything again. The sexual chem is mindblowing and I really like him. It's just that I think such a man is maybe not the best partner for someone like me who already has classical Scorpio insecurity issues.

Posted by IntriguedScorp
Is there any reason he might think that you could possibly go back to women which would basically leaved him screwed if he gets in to deep? That's kind of what I'm getting from the whole "you don't value our relationship" comment. I could be wrong.

That's something I didn't think about, IntriguedScorp! I don't know why he'd think that. He asked me outright in the beginning if gender is going to be an issue later on. I told him frankly that I was more attracted to minds than dicks or breasts. If there's some emotional compatibility the sex is going to be great anyway regardless of gender. He agreed with me then and said that he was glad I didn't mind clarifying. So it shouldn't be a problem? Unless he didn't take me at face value?

One odd thing. He's had more girlfriends than I did 😐 He asked me if that was going to be a problem. I said no and he didn't look pleased with that.

There's a dominance struggle and a lot of possessiveness than is appropriate for a newly started relationship but that's just normal with us both being Scorpios, I guess?

He seems to be testing you to see if you really like him.
Also, he may have met his match in the Scorpio intensity and it may have scared him like it tends to do people from time to time.

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Tests 😢 If he is so doubtful, I'd have been ready to take one damn polygraph test of his choice and have his insecurity end. This sort of hurtful behaviour really wasn't necessary. Now he's got me obsessed and angry. Met him at a board meeting a couple of hours earlier. Neatly avoided each other's eyes and each of us glared at anyone else who dared to talk to the other person. I thought an Aries woman was the drama expert of the zodiac. Nope. Our sun sign wins hands down.

Thank you for listening to me and giving me pointers. This is really helpful. Thanks!

Posted by mockingbird

Posted by LouLore
This seems to be what most of the scorp guys do

They back away for a bit. They need time to assess the situation and mull it over, to decide if it's something they want to take to the next level..

Thanks for your insight, Loulore! But why do they have to mess around without asking for space directly? 😢 I feel badly treated. Angry too at the way he did this out of the blue. I guess it's because I don't have previous experience with this. Old posts here I dug up now showed a lot of cases like this. Wow.

I'll see if he comes around but I don't think I want to start anything again. The sexual chem is mindblowing and I really like him. It's just that I think such a man is maybe not the best partner for someone like me who already has classical Scorpio insecurity issues.

click to expand

I have to be honest, I would probably be a tad saltier about my Scorpio distancing himself when he did, had he not come back.

When he did come back, I realized that the break was good because it made both of us just want each other more. Taking a few weeks to look at the situation with clear focus, rather than be clouded by infatuation.

I am dating a pretty mature man though, who hasn't dealt with much emotional turmoil in his younger years, which I know can really determine a scorpios nature.. And I suppose any signs nature. There haven't really been games with him. I think I've had it pretty easy :p

I have to be honest, I would probably be a tad saltier about my Scorpio distancing himself when he did, had he not come back.

When he did come back, I realized that the break was good because it made both of us just want each other more. Taking a few weeks to look at the situation with clear focus, rather than be clouded by infatuation.

I am dating a pretty mature man though, who hasn't dealt with much emotional turmoil in his younger years, which I know can really determine a scorpios nature.. And I suppose any signs nature. There haven't really been games with him. I think I've had it pretty easy :p

That he's mature is good for you! I have an instinctive feel that my Scorpio (ouch, do I sound possessive?) has been through something tumultuous in his younger years.

We met up after a week's worth of cold treatment (both of us went spare during the time) and had an official breakup talk 😢 He said he isn't half as good as I think he is and that I'm too intense/sensitive. So he doesn't think it's wise to carry on. I tried persuading him, but I felt so insulted by his way of making it sound as if the attachment was all on my side and not on his. We near ended up having breakup sex because we couldn't keep our eyes/hands off each other😛 So that is that 😢 I've kept my head high and socialized more than usual since then because I don't want to give him the bloody satisfaction. Miss him. The attraction and attachment are very obvious between us. Guess it is scary since it hasn't been long. I don't know if he'll return. I am moving on and will be leaving the city in a couple of weeks for a temporary work assignment for three months. That will be good for taking my mind off him.

So that's that.

Posted by IntriguedScorp
Ah, so he brought it up before.

You were right. At our official breakup meet, he told me he said all that stuff since he wanted to move from the romance zone to the friends zone to take things calmer and slower. Not sure why he thought that would work. Each time we see, we are pretty much all over each other in minutes. It's not him, it's not me, it just happens.

As a Scorp yourself, you know how deeply involved we can get once we are 'all in' so we do test--maybe not because we don't trust you but because we are protecting our fragile hearts.

That's true for us Scorpios. I used to be like that when I was in my late teenage years. Very insecure and paranoid. I'd the luck to have an Aries woman who handled my issues, triggers and insecurities with warmth and affection enough so that I finally reached a place after much doubting, thinking, rethinking and epiphanies where I am willing to risk more if my instincts give the green. That phase makes me think if our evolution is equally dependent on our loved ones as on our mental processes?

The problem with two scorps might be that while we are able to understand why we are apprehensive and what we testing for, we don't exactly appreciate it when it comes from someone else.

Bang on 😢 He told me he had never felt so insulted and angered by anyone as he feels with me because none of his previous family, friendship or romantic relationships had people disagreeing with him so much. He thinks it is because I haven't had relationships with men before (which I disagree with).I find it's the same for me - exasperation, anger, the desire to throttle him a bit before having my way with him. When we are together, it's all roses. When we text or phone or chat, it goes to hell because we can't see each other and being who we are, immediately jump to the worst conclusions.

Sorry. I hope it works out the way you want it to. 🙂

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Thanks! I think we have pretty much lost each other for certain but hope's always a rosy horizon to dream of.

scorpio men can be impossible to please. i personally don't have the arse for it. they want one thing and when they get it they change their minds and want it still, but with slight amendment which is usually an amendment in their favour and then, if you allow it, the continue changing their minds about what they want whenever they please and without any kind of consultation with the other party. i really think they intentionally test partners whereas we ladies just display 'testing' behaviour, lol.

they're like those ridiculously picky eaters you overhear in restaurants placing lengthy orders involving exactly how long their steak is cooked, what colour vegetables they are prepared to entertain on their plate and how many grains of salt and pepper should be used to season it!!

scorp men seem to have a totally unrealistic idea of what they want romantically and so they have a habit of 'tweaking' what they have until they can stand back and admire their handiwork. and then, they fuck off.

jesus! i thought i was hard work until i dated a scorp!!

@R1g0r

I totally hear you on that one. Hard work big time. I just don't feel like working anymore and taking a break. So I am going to copy and pull a Scorpion move, VANISHING!

oh yeah....and the other difference is that scorp males really care what others think...often more than they care what their partners think.