giving my bull space...

I've been realizing that my bull has been acting pretty selfish. He spends time with me on the weekends but ends up upset about our time together because he didn't get done the things he needed or wanted to do. He says he loves me and wants to marry me in the next few years. We are not engaged.

I feel like he resents our time together and I'm tired of it. He never asks me on dates or plans anything special for us, but just comes over and does whatever I want to do. I would really like him to "want" to see me and appreciate our time together without later acting like he regrets it or resents me for not letting him "relax" on the weekends.

Should I just keep myself busy and make my own plans until he makes special time for me... Or will this backfire on me and blow things up worse? I'm not really about playing games... But I'm just feeling unwanted and unappreciated and I wish his actions matched his words.

have you told him this?

Busy, you are romantic because of your Leo something, your Moon if I remember correctly? And you have Pisces as well

MissAqua, is that the Taurus who doesn´t help with the domestic chores and moved out?

Busy, you come across more a Leo then Taurus, thats for sure🙂 Romance in our head - I can relate, I have Venus in pisces as well🙂 I don´t know if all this water, fire, earth (and air in my case) make us balanced and complex, or it is just an eternal conflict 😢


MissAqua, sorry, don´t want to derail your topic........ what are your and your bull´s planets? maybe the answear is there... For example, I have cancer moon, so I like to take care of my beloved by cooking and making them comfortable, when they are at my house, and I never care about the mess..... but, I lived with a scorpio, who was from a family, where the mother cleaned all days long..... he tought I will as well, that its a normal thing.... so I made a plan, which was: one week is his (buying, cooking, cleaning) and the other week is mine..... But there were no children involved, so it worked.... you have a child if I remember correctly from your other post, so its more difficult, but say to your bull, that if he means seriously to marry you sometimes and have a child with you, then move back with you on a trial and divide the weeks maybe?

I don´t care much about the mess or domestic chores... it becomes an issue for me, if I am not satisfied in other areas....

@pandora... Yes this is the same one. I love him so I'm trying to do what I can to change the situation since I know I can't control or change someone else... ESP a bull lol.

He hasn't planned a date or anything in at least a year. I'm usually ok with planning everything, but once in awhile it would be nice. Ugh 😢 lately on top of not helping around the house after being here 4 nights in a row he says he's tired and I'm nagging if I ask for help.

I'm really not trying to play games but I'm thinking maybe if I just focus on myself and keep busy and happy he may realize he could step up his game or at least try if he really wants to be with me?

I'm kinda getting heartbroken here... And all the while he does these things he says he loves me. I don't understand. Trying to be patient while he gets it going with his new career and the stress... But he doesn't seem very understanding of my feelings

Yes pandora... I've got a 6 yr old who loves my BF... Really attached to him. Only makes all of this harder.

The clean house thing is tough for me because I work from home so I have clients coming in and it has to look somewhat respectable

MissAqua, can you separate some space for your "office" in your house, so the clients would not go anywhere else? Or can you meet the clients somewhere else, like for a nearby coffee-shop, so you will not have a stress about the clean house? most places have free wifi nowadays, you can take your laptop with you maybe?

make him move back, its the only way you can de-attach yourself, if its really necessary... if he is coming only for a weekend, you will be longing for him all week and try to make up it on the weekends, which will end with shattered expectations....... if he is no good, then you will be annoyed with him and your love will diminish..... I know you lived together and he moved out after you somewhat "send" him away (semi break-up?), but if he says he loves you, then you should try again living together, but with different rules....

and yes, you should focus on yourself, but with him at home...... tell him, that you understand his stress with his new carrier and both of you can do things individually and still live together..... just move your home-based business somewhere else.....? would it be possible?

and don´t worry, we aquas will see the light eventually, you can make it, with him or without him..... give yourself a time-frame, like 6 months or 1 year, don´t be hard on yourself

you've become his mother in the relationship.

@jeane I've been afraid of that. I'm hoping I can change that 😢

@pandora.... I appreciate your ideas 🙂 I have to work from home with the type of work I do. I totally see what you're saying with him moving back in, but when he moved out it was so hard on my son that I kinda want to be engaged (if that happens) before we move in together again. The back and forth is too hard

Posted by MissAquarious
I've been realizing that my bull has been acting pretty selfish. He spends time with me on the weekends but ends up upset about our time together because he didn't get done the things he needed or wanted to do. He says he loves me and wants to marry me in the next few years. We are not engaged.

I feel like he resents our time together and I'm tired of it. He never asks me on dates or plans anything special for us, but just comes over and does whatever I want to do. I would really like him to "want" to see me and appreciate our time together without later acting like he regrets it or resents me for not letting him "relax" on the weekends.

Should I just keep myself busy and make my own plans until he makes special time for me... Or will this backfire on me and blow things up worse? I'm not really about playing games... But I'm just feeling unwanted and unappreciated and I wish his actions matched his words.

one word: sllllooooowwww.

if you're not patient, then forget it.

but if you can wait even till old age, you're fine.

and who the hell cares if he likes you as a mommy? if you are like that and enjoy it and like that dynamic, why allow other people to colour your personality?

do you have any taurus in you at all?

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by MissAquarious
I've been realizing that my bull has been acting pretty selfish. He spends time with me on the weekends but ends up upset about our time together because he didn't get done the things he needed or wanted to do. He says he loves me and wants to marry me in the next few years. We are not engaged.

I feel like he resents our time together and I'm tired of it. He never asks me on dates or plans anything special for us, but just comes over and does whatever I want to do. I would really like him to "want" to see me and appreciate our time together without later acting like he regrets it or resents me for not letting him "relax" on the weekends.

Should I just keep myself busy and make my own plans until he makes special time for me... Or will this backfire on me and blow things up worse? I'm not really about playing games... But I'm just feeling unwanted and unappreciated and I wish his actions matched his words.

one word: sllllooooowwww.

if you're not patient, then forget it.

but if you can wait even till old age, you're fine.

and who the hell cares if he likes you as a mommy? if you are like that and enjoy it and like that dynamic, why allow other people to colour your personality?

do you have any taurus in you at all?

Are you trying to insult taurus?!

No offence OP!

click to expand

pff i know better.

but you're the exception. you're faster than most.

Posted by MissAquarious
@jeane I've been afraid of that. I'm hoping I can change that 😢

@pandora.... I appreciate your ideas 🙂 I have to work from home with the type of work I do. I totally see what you're saying with him moving back in, but when he moved out it was so hard on my son that I kinda want to be engaged (if that happens) before we move in together again. The back and forth is too hard

how do you plan on changing it?

@lisa- I really don't want to be my man's mommy... I'm already a mommy. I'm trying to have my guy as a consistent equal partner. I've been patient for some time and now I'm really trying to figure out how to let him know that he needs to change to keep me in his life without saying those words. I'm trying to show him by action so hopefully he can figure it out for himself.

I'm gonna try to get his moon sign to get more info

@jeane- he doesn't care to make plans with me on the weekends. Instead he just shows up and sleeps over a few nights without asking or telling me how long he's staying. Then he gets pissed if I "over schedule" our weekends... Like he doesn't have a choice?

So... My thought is to start making plans with other people on the weekends. Then either he'll decide that if wants time with me and actually ASK me to do something or we'll eventually drift apart. But I've discussed, fought, cried, and basically broke up with him about these issues and nothing is working on this stubborn bull. I know that he's only going to change if he wants to. But I think I've been making it too easy on him not to.

Bulls... Any advice to what I'm saying? ðŸ'ðŸ¼

Posted by MissAquarious
@jeane- he doesn't care to make plans with me on the weekends. Instead he just shows up and sleeps over a few nights without asking or telling me how long he's staying. Then he gets pissed if I "over schedule" our weekends... Like he doesn't have a choice?

So... My thought is to start making plans with other people on the weekends. Then either he'll decide that if wants time with me and actually ASK me to do something or we'll eventually drift apart. But I've discussed, fought, cried, and basically broke up with him about these issues and nothing is working on this stubborn bull. I know that he's only going to change if he wants to. But I think I've been making it too easy on him not to.

Bulls... Any advice to what I'm saying? ��'�ðŸ¼

ah, that old parental trick...reverse psychology. i get you.

@raindancer- so glad to hear you understand a bull like this! How did things end for you two or are you still together?

Moon signs- mine is Aquarius and his is Aries

Are you saying that my "plan" is borderline manipulative but a good idea? I feel like I've tried everything else so why not just be so at his disposal? I hope it's not too long and drawn out! Lol. I'm only getting older over here lol

@rain... Taurus men are different! Living with two bulls has been an experience. I do love my bulls though.

What sign are you?

Sometimes I feel like we have passion but not enough love. I told my bull tonight that I think I'm going to start spending my Sundays doing my own thing. He was sad about it, but probably not sad enough to actually think about things. I guess time will tell

MissAqua, maybe if you don´t tell him, that you are going to spend your Sundays doing your own thing, but just do it..... it may seem as an empty thred otherwise, so now you will have to do it, even if it was hard at first

and see, thats why I told you to move him back, because he already sleeps at yours 4 days a row and you just dont know how long he is staying.... that would be maddening for me..

if you would be engegad, what would be different? his behaviour is what counts

at this stage, either move him back or dont allow him to sleep at yours, maybe
or maybe suggest him to try and "start over" with dates, not followed with sleepovers?

what are your other planets? like venus and mars? or mercury? you just google natal chart, and put your birtdays there and the birthplace, for example here: http://astro.cafeastrology.com/cgi-bin/astro/natal
and there will be some explanations as well, what that planets mean (do yours as well, your sun and moon Aqua may be cold a bit, even if you think not)?

the link I sent was to find out, what are your and his other planets, like Venus or Mars or Mercury, it may be useful to know

@aqua- omg « I've tried to wait him out before but because I want to see him I haven't been able to. I told him that maybe we shouldn't spend Sundays together anymore since it seems to stress him out. He said- I don't need that much time to relax- just a few hours.

¡¡¡. So I guess I either have to wait for him on Sundays or just go about my way. Why don't these Bulls just understand?!?!

I'm ok being the dominant one most of the time, but it would be nice to feel like I'm special enough to make plans for once in awhile ¢

The thing that maybe keeps me going is remembering how he used to treat me. He used to be so romantic, sweet, kind.

The thing that maybe keeps me going is remembering how he used to treat me. He used to be so romantic, sweet, kind.

At first I thought things had changed with the stress of money, him being in school full time and now with his new job. That's why I thought maybe if I'm patient things will settle down and get back to the way they used to be.

After reading everyone's comments I'm almost afraid that it's just lost.

I also feel mocked when Florence and the machines song comes on the radio- did I build this ship to wreck? I'm wondering if it's all my fault because I let it turn into this and how can I fix it?

I still look at this man and picture us growing old together. ¢

In my defense... I have talked to him about this a lot. We've even been to a few couples therapy sessions and the therapist said if I love him I should be patient while he's dealing with so much stress with his new job.

When I talk to him he feels terrible and gets tears in his eyes but usually doesn't say much. He said he gets too emotional.

I don't want to be a doormat, but I do love this guy and I'm trying to be patient while he gets his job situation and stress under control. Even though he's been a crappy partner lately he is a really good guy

Can you deal with this problem long term? If not Aquarius and Taurus are incompatible.

In the beginning it's great. Both have smashing personality traits that are similar. Can work it out and be patient If you want to. I hate rushing into anything, So I feel it out.. So think about the problem and adapt. If IT is too much I will detach rather than open up. Because to Taurus we want stability rather than letting someone help which could be selfish

OP, did you make plans for your Sunday like you said you would?

Just be consistent, if you told him you are making plans for Sunday, you better do it, otherwise it may sound to him like an emotional blackmail...

or like I said before, don´t mention it to him, just do it, not just once but several times... so he can see, that you have your own life and interest besides him

Dont worry, you can make it work, this relationship will end only, if you end it.......

MissAqua, any feedback? how the things are going? your plans for today?

Don´t abandon your own threads just to create another one next week........ just saying🙂

Posted by RainDancer

Posted by tiziani

Posted by Infinite8
Some Taurus men will be exceedingly practical and will only put energy when they REALLY need to or when it threatens their stability.

This man has realized that he can have a home, cook, maid, studies paid for without having to put much effort at all. Why on earth would that Taurus man want to change?!?! I'm sorry, but this is partly your fault... You gave him too much without teaching him to appreciate it.

Have you read Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman?

I'm barely into it but it talks about what you've just mentioned here within the first part.

How does one go about, " teaching another to appreciate it?"

click to expand

like tiz said, i think communication is the key to changing the dynamic of the relationship. the problem is that op and her partner don't communicate effectively. they are in a tireless cycle. he behaves like a child, she behaves like a parent trying to reason with a child. she'll yell, beg, try to disscuss and now she is manipulating. she is resorting to that tried and tested method when your child has a tantrum in a shop..."ok, i'm going on without you..." with the implication of "you better stop the carry on otherwise you'll be on your own". and quite likely her partner realises like most children do when they get old enough is that they won't be abandoned. the parent will just pretend to leave and instead wait around the corner.

what op has to do in my opinion, is stop engaging in this pattern and the first part of that is realising that she is dating a man who is not ready for the kind of relationship she wants. that's not to say he won't get ready but like all children, sometimes you have to wait for them to grow up. the second part is that she need to understand the role she plays in this. her reactions, her methods have partly created this problem because clear boundaries and expectations weren't set early on. is it too late to fix? i don't know. i would suggest doing some reading on this further. i suspect this is a deep seated tendency to divert to these roles that both of them have in their personality, character and history. what is important is understanding how the op got herself in this situation in the first place and with that knowledge she will know how to change things going forward.

Posted by MissAquarious
I've been realizing that my bull has been acting pretty selfish. He spends time with me on the weekends but ends up upset about our time together because he didn't get done the things he needed or wanted to do. He says he loves me and wants to marry me in the next few years. We are not engaged.

I feel like he resents our time together and I'm tired of it. He never asks me on dates or plans anything special for us, but just comes over and does whatever I want to do. I would really like him to "want" to see me and appreciate our time together without later acting like he regrets it or resents me for not letting him "relax" on the weekends.

Should I just keep myself busy and make my own plans until he makes special time for me... Or will this backfire on me and blow things up worse? I'm not really about playing games... But I'm just feeling unwanted and unappreciated and I wish his actions matched his words.

Words cost a person nothing. It's actions that carry real meaning.

He says he loves you and wants to marry you. But then resents the weekends he gives to you. These two do not match up.

You need to stop obsessing over the possibility of manipulating him, yes I've read through this thread. He has no qualms in manipulating you to be his lover AND mother while putting in next to no effort on his part.

Plus it's not about manipulation. It's about communicating to him in a way he will both hear and respond to.

Don't threaten him. Don't nag him. This only serves to place you firmly back in the mother role that you despise.

Instead read this tongue -in-cheek article { http://www.therooster.com/blog/how-train-your-boyfriend-obey-your-every-whim } and practice praise with him instead.

When he arrives for the weekend tell him how happy you are to see him, how you missed him, blah blah blah. Plan an outing just for him, an activity/movie/event that he's been talking about.

Ignore him when he complains.

Rinse and repeat.

If he doesn't respond to this than best to move on. May be too late already, he's fallen into the comfortable routine you've supported.

Posted by RainDancer

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by MissAquarious
I've been realizing that my bull has been acting pretty selfish. He spends time with me on the weekends but ends up upset about our time together because he didn't get done the things he needed or wanted to do. He says he loves me and wants to marry me in the next few years. We are not engaged.

I feel like he resents our time together and I'm tired of it. He never asks me on dates or plans anything special for us, but just comes over and does whatever I want to do. I would really like him to "want" to see me and appreciate our time together without later acting like he regrets it or resents me for not letting him "relax" on the weekends.

Should I just keep myself busy and make my own plans until he makes special time for me... Or will this backfire on me and blow things up worse? I'm not really about playing games... But I'm just feeling unwanted and unappreciated and I wish his actions matched his words.

Words cost a person nothing. It's actions that carry real meaning.

He says he loves you and wants to marry you. But then resents the weekends he gives to you. These two do not match up.

You need to stop obsessing over the possibility of manipulating him, yes I've read through this thread. He has no qualms in manipulating you to be his lover AND mother while putting in next to no effort on his part.

Plus it's not about manipulation. It's about communicating to him in a way he will both hear and respond to.

Don't threaten him. Don't nag him. This only serves to place you firmly back in the mother role that you despise.

Instead read this tongue -in-cheek article { http://www.therooster.com/blog/how-train-your-boyfriend-obey-your-every-whim } and practice praise with him instead.

When he arrives for the weekend tell him how happy you are to see him, how you missed him, blah blah blah. Plan an outing just for him, an activity/movie/event that he's been talking about.

Ignore him when he complains.

Rinse and repeat.

If he doesn't respond to this than best to move on. May be too late already, he's fallen into the comfortable routine you've supported.

That link though lol

click to expand

Best post and link of the day awarded to LadyN!!

ðŸ‘ðŸ¼

I didn't mean to leave my own thread! Lol

I had a crazy busy weekend. I'm in a duo and my guitarist asked to come stay with me for a few days before our long gig weekend.

My bf came over Friday. He didn't tell me he definitely was so we set up our rehearsal in the living room. Bf comes over and goes up to my bed to pout. My house is too small to have to sitting rooms so he "had no where to go". Finally I went up and had it out with him. He said he worked 50 hours this week and wanted to watch TV. I told him that this is my house- he doesn't live here anymore. He didn't even tell me he was coming over... Could have gone back to his place or out with a friend. Not my problem.

I had two gigs on Saturday so it took up most of the day. BF and I had planned to have friends over Saturday night. I told BF that I needed his help getting the house ready for our friends. BF got mad and said he didn't have time to do everything. I sarcastically asked if he wanted me to make a list of all the crap that needed done and he could divide it equally. He agreed and didn't even notice my sarcasm (dear lord?!). Bf actually ended up cleaning up the house and mowing the lawn.

The next day (Sunday) I thought I would just go with the flow. He watched two soccer games. I decided not to cook for him as often (so we don't fight about dishes) so he ate leftover pizza lol. Then we watched a movie he's been wanting me to see. After that he had no ideas on what to do so we went to the mall for a bit.

Today (Sunday) was actually the best day we've had in a long time. I'm not sure if it was my lack of expectations, doing what he wanted to do, or me not expecting as much from myself in terms of playing chef or whatever. I'm darn sure it probably had nothing to do with me telling him off on Friday night but I guess it didn't hurt?

**** I'm really grateful for all the comments/help from you guys 🙂 please let me know what you think about my weekend. I know some of you think I should just let him go but I want to see if I can change my behavior to help the situation. I know if I actually end things with my bull that he probably wouldn't try with me again if I regretted it

^^^ good for you!

It sounds like a good start which produced some good results.

I think you need to be consistent with this - bulls love consistency ‰ Otherwise he could turn recidivist and slip back into old ways.

Frankly, he sounds like a child who has no boundaries who needs to be trained. Lazy and spoilt. I'd find him tiring. Remember to reward him with blow jobs Ž

MissAqua, well done!

see, your different approach and lower expectations made a wonder, I am happy for you just keep up the good work

I think its a brilliant idea you made a list with the chores, do it every weekend, just not too many things on the list, something he can manage

maybe gradually put cooking on the list as well, and he can do a cooking (something simple at first) and you do the dishes afterwards? In cooking is some creativity, but doing the dishes is souless and "pointless" maybe thats why he resents it.....

I'm half wondering if you guys are being sarcastic! Lol

I read the rooster... Seems a little dick sucking goes a long way! Lol. He didn't get that this weekend... But two romps on Sunday and the second time we actually made love and it's been awhile for that. Lately it's just been a quickie fest

I'm adapting the mantra "let it go". not to be confused with that horribly overplayed frozen song... I'm just going to live my life and say screw it to everything else... Well at least worrying about everything else. I'm not going to obsess over every detail. Respect my mantra a few times and move on 🙂

And pandora... As for the cooking: I may ask him that 🙂. We have talked about that before. I was also thinking we could cook together as a date night. Bulls love to eat good food lol

But with my current "let it go" I've decided that for awhile I'm only making cold subs with chips and pizza on the weekends! Lol. Maaaayyyybe something in the crockpot. And we'll eat everything on paper plates!! ‚

I'll save my amazing cooking skills for my little bull. He loves to eat too and he actually helps me around the house!

Posted by MissAquarious
I'm half wondering if you guys are being sarcastic! Lol

I read the rooster... Seems a little dick sucking goes a long way! Lol. He didn't get that this weekend... But two romps on Sunday and the second time we actually made love and it's been awhile for that. Lately it's just been a quickie fest

I'm adapting the mantra "let it go". not to be confused with that horribly overplayed frozen song... I'm just going to live my life and say screw it to everything else... Well at least worrying about everything else. I'm not going to obsess over every detail. Respect my mantra a few times and move on 🙂

Lol that link was a tongue-in-check read, more for laughs. But the basic concepts still apply.

Reward good behavior with praise. Ignore bad behavior. Say what you want from him in short sentences with small words.

Only reward him with a bj when he takes you out on a date!! Or does something else that you've been waiting on.

I did this with my man last night. I had been dropping hints that I wanted an air conditioner, not in so many words though (his cousin works in aircon). Just one of those, "damn it's hot" all week long. He installed one for me yesterday.

Good boy 🙂

MissAqua, I definitely was not sarcastic, I loved your list of chores! never too late to introduce them (but slowly, gradually)

yes, cooking together is a good date-night, maybe make sure he does more cooking and you more dishes, so you are not disappointed, if he doesn´t do the dishes...

be calm, dont obsess (its hard I know!)

dont worry, you have plenty of time to change your approach, he will not leave, I garantee you this🙂

change your mindset and everything will follow

Haha!!!!

Tmi but I actually enjoy giving a bj as much as he does recieving! Lol.

Maybe I'll save my yummy cooking for after help around the house ‡

LadyNeptune: "Reward good behavior with praise. Ignore bad behavior. Say what you want from him in short sentences with small words. "

exactly, be patient, but most with yourself, give yourself a break🙂


MissAqua, for your TMI: I am the same, I thougt exactly the same when I read about that it should be a reward only 🙂 🙂

No sarcasm here... For a change!!

I'm feeling the love guys ˜˜˜˜


Thanks so much for your encouragement 🙂

@pandora- how are you so sure he won't leave?

Posted by MissAquarious
I'm feeling the love guys ˜˜˜˜


Thanks so much for your encouragement 🙂

@pandora- how are you so sure he won't leave?

See, you broke up with him, made him move out, you nag him, plead with him, argue with him...... and he is still with you....... yes, he is maybe comfortable, but this works for your benefit..... he is comfortable unconciousnessl (spelling?), not in a using way...... he doesn´t think he is using you....

so you have plenty of time to reform this relationship, yourself (the most important, or not yourself, just your approach and attitude), and gradually him......

just be patient with yourself, change comes slowly..... 🙂 be consistent from now on

He just doesn´t understand maybe, what is the fuss about....

be playful and flirty

and give the change time...... 6 months at least, maybe? dont be too emotional, but not distant as well......

what are his planets again?

˜. Thanks @pandora!

Even though things have been crappy lately I love this guy!


I hate feeling so insecure about our relationship. It makes me feel absolutely pathetic. I'm hoping this let it go mantra helps. I also think that if I give him space he may actually think about some things... But I'm not holding my breath 🙂

I must admit that I'm the type of girl that does like to get I miss you and I love you texts but it's been awhile since he's sent those ”

Lemme check his planets... 🙂

@aqua- so nice to have a fellow Aqua with a Taurus! I think we should keep each other updated 🙂 I'll start a new thread 🙂 this one is getting a little long lol

Leave him, you will see how fast he will be willing to change, there's only one problem, how long before this facade reverts back to what you left him for in the first place.. Old habits die hard...