Love on a Rotten Day

From an astrological survival guide to romance, Love on a Rotten Day -by Hazel Dixon-Cooper.
This is the Taurus section, and I'm not going to go all into it like I did on Scorpio (because that was my sign), but I thought I might post the first page of it. I love this book, has anyone else ever read her work? She's sarcastic, biting, and hilarious. HoustonPeach wanted me to do one for this section, so I would love to 😄. I am not a Taurus, so I have no idea about this stuff. So don't shoot the messenger. Don't take offense~ she's critical and harsh, but hey, its humorous.

Chapter 3 Taurus "My Way"
Element: Earth, mud wrestling is definitely not for sissies
Quality: Fixed. Taurus never varies either the routine or the position.
Symbol: The Bull. Herd mentality meets human garbage disposal.
Ruler: Venus, the goddess of "I want that....and that....and that."
Romantic Idol: Archie Bunker
Romantic style : Ball and Chain
Favorite Pickup Line: "Can you cook?"
Ideal First Date: Date cleans house, cooks dinner, performs oral sex, and offers profuse thanks for allowing him or her these privileges. (lol, wouldn't anybody love this though?)
Errogenous Zone: Throat, deep throat.
Sexual Quirk: Get in, get out, get some grub

pg. 20
Looking for a whirlwind romance, dancing until dawn, high camp, and/or a laugh a minute partner? Then skip this chapter and head straight for gemini, leo, or sagittarius. Taurus is just a hair's breadth less self-absorbed than Aries, and a thousand times more stubborn and boring. Getting a Taurus to rethink a belief is like getting a Pisces to rethink happy hour.....
As the second sign of the zodiac, Bulls add love of possessions to love of self. This means not only do they expect you to worship them, but they also expect to own you and everything you bring with you when you move in. If they move in with you, they will stake a claim to the most comfortable side of your bed and the best place on the couch for TV viewing. Like ivy, Bulls take over everything they touch and, if you aren't careful, you'll disappear just like that proverbial little cottage.
Taurus is billed as the sensualist of the zodiac. Marilyn Chambers, the Ivory Snow girl, is also known as Insatiable Marilyn, the queen of porn [oh my]. A review.....said she was bright, good looking, and had the sexual energy of an atom bomb.

Sexually, even average Bulls have as much stamina as a long-haul trucker. Unfortunately, they have the same amount of finesse. Male or female, a Bull's idea of a romantic evening is pizza, chocolate, and sex. Or sex with chocolate followed by pizza, all eaten and performed in or near the bed. Certainly your eyes will roll back in ecstasy. You'll also spend the night trying to sleep on bits of pepperoni and picking melted M&Ms out of your hair, or elsewhere.
Taurus is the pack rat of the Universe. Their garages, closets, and bureau drawers are stuffed with prized beer-can tabs, buttons, baseball cards, and jars of pennies. Possessions make Bulls feel secure. This includes you. Taurus loves commitment the way Leo loves to boogie.......[skipped some]
Declare your undying love to a Bull and be prepared to be figuritively (sometimes literally) chained to the bedpost. They are as jelous as Scorpio, as whiny as Cancer, as infantile as Aries, plus they have that special Bull-only trait of being the most judgmental and least acquiescent sign in the Universe. Taurus is a fixed earth. Being in love with one is rather like wearing cement shoes. You won't be going anywhere for a long time.
[skipped paragraph]
If a Bull wants you, you may not know it unless you make the first move. This deliberate sign takes the slow and methodical approach to love, as in everything else. If a pal you've known since high school "suddenly" asks for a real date, you can bet your Taurus Willie Nelson CDs that he or she is already madly in love and has taken two, five, or ten years to screw up the courage to let you know.
Bulls are king and queen of the double standard. What is OK for a Bull is definitely not OK for you. Although as unfaithful as the rest of us, when Bulls cheat, they pride themselves on long-term liaisons, ie, five- or ten-year, even life-long affairs. They call it being simultaneously faithful. I call it the herd mentality.

Sexually, even average Bulls have as much stamina as a long-haul trucker. Unfortunately, they have the same amount of finesse. Male or female, a Bull's idea of a romantic evening is pizza, chocolate, and sex. Or sex with chocolate followed by pizza, all eaten and performed in or near the bed. Certainly your eyes will roll back in ecstasy. You'll also spend the night trying to sleep on bits of pepperoni and picking melted M&Ms out of your hair, or elsewhere.
Taurus is the pack rat of the Universe. Their garages, closets, and bureau drawers are stuffed with prized beer-can tabs, buttons, baseball cards, and jars of pennies. Possessions make Bulls feel secure. This includes you. Taurus loves commitment the way Leo loves to boogie.......[skipped some]
Declare your undying love to a Bull and be prepared to be figuritively (sometimes literally) chained to the bedpost. They are as jelous as Scorpio, as whiny as Cancer, as infantile as Aries, plus they have that special Bull-only trait of being the most judgmental and least acquiescent sign in the Universe. Taurus is a fixed earth. Being in love with one is rather like wearing cement shoes. You won't be going anywhere for a long time.
[skipped paragraph]
If a Bull wants you, you may not know it unless you make the first move. This deliberate sign takes the slow and methodical approach to love, as in everything else. If a pal you've known since high school "suddenly" asks for a real date, you can bet your Taurus Willie Nelson CDs that he or she is already madly in love and has taken two, five, or ten years to screw up the courage to let you know.
Bulls are king and queen of the double standard. What is OK for a Bull is definitely not OK for you. Although as unfaithful as the rest of us, when Bulls cheat, they pride themselves on long-term liaisons, ie, five- or ten-year, even life-long affairs. They call it being simultaneously faithful. I call it the herd mentality.

oops, that posted twice

Catching One-
The fastest way to get a Taurus in bed is to have a sandwich and a cold one waiting on the nightstand. Venus rules Taurus and here she bestows a sensual character, extremely sensitive to sight, taste, smell, and texture. Unfortunately, Taurus had its head in the grain bin when the love goddess dropped this blessing and ever after bulls have equated food with the source of nearly all sensory pleasure.
[tons more, but, I'm not Taurus and don't feel mootivated 😢 sorry, lol]

Surviving One-
Dumping a Taurus is akin to scraping tar off your ass. You have to do it slowly, methodically, and with care; otherwise, you'll be a world of hurt. Taurus rarely leaves a relationship of his or her own violation no matter how bad it gets.
Bulls love to bellow and constantly threaten to leave or kick you out. But after the fiftieth time you witness this rote scene....[ok, sorry again, lots more]

Keeping One-
....Earth signs are all physical creatures and Taurus is the most physical of all. These natives won't balk at holding hands in public or a little neck-nuzzling in the kitchen before dinner. Male or female, Bulls are the hands-down best huggers in the Universe. This is the simplest way to make up after an arguement. Its a rare Bull who will purposely turn down a full-body hug. Other full-body pleasures include long, luxurious baths for two, frequent massages, and slow sensual sex......

"Taurus is the pack rat of the Universe. Their garages, closets, and bureau drawers are stuffed with prized beer-can tabs, buttons, baseball cards, and jars of pennies."

True, True.

"This deliberate sign takes the slow and methodical approach to love, as in everything else."

Again, True.

"Male or female, Bulls are the hands-down best huggers in the Universe. This is the simplest way to make up after an arguement."

Yup.



Thanks, NatGirl!