karebear
@karebear
8 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 73 · Topics: 13
Opening up to a Taurus man
Yes, very serious. For one, it is a bit early in the beginning to open up too soon. Secondly, how do you know that somebody is not looking at you to be somebody that they can manipulate. Also I would assume that if somebody is asking you to open up but they would also open up to and not be so vague about who they really are. I know he opened up some, but it's not like we share our deepest darkest secrets. I think that that would have came more towards when things got serious.
Posted by CanthalTiltLol...too funny.
Tell him your secrets so if you are too damaged he can leave you in the dust. JK!
These are good posts now the OP is offering more info.
I'm not sure if I'm missing a part of the story but was the last date you had the dinner date where he didn't turn up?
I ask because I'm trying to get the timeline of events and timings correct.
This scenario started off in March with a Facebook message from him. Then friend request in August and conversations. Followed by him taking you to dinner around Sept and you slept with him that night followed by the freak out. Then there was the dinner/dessert scenario but I'm not sure when that was, it sounded like it was soon after the dinner date. Then he cut you off for a period of time. His mother passed away. You continued to reach out to him. He responded. You invited him to dinner at yours. He didn't pitch up. Followed by further conversations which I only assume is by texts or phone, not in person, regarding opening up to each other.
I may not have summarised correctly but that's what I'm working off.
I'm not sure what he means by opening up but here's a few notes for you:
If you have stated your intentions to him, the things you have said in your posts such as family being important to you and your future partner, his kid situation not being a problem and actually a bonus, that you're ok with having kids but not out of marriage etc plus your looking for long term not short term etc, then this is you being open, and honest, and genuine.
If he's looking for you to cry on his shoulder, spill your guts about your life, and be open and vulnerable and share the inner you then frankly I just think it's far too soon for that given the timeline of events so far.
Although this kicked off nearly a year ago, there's been a serious lack of 'quality time' spent between you. Texts and calls do not count as quality time. They are just 'fillers' for inbetween dates. It's as if you've fast forwarded yourselves to the six month/one year stage of a relationship when your foundations only consist of one dinner date, one fuck, one dessert, one missed date, and a whole load of drama.
I can read that you both are happy to start again but I'm not sure if this has happened or is happening? Are you going on dates? Has he asked you out for a date? Second date? Third date? This is what I think needs to happen between you two. Sure, you can bank the last year and use that to build on but starting again means starting again, from date one. Proper dates. He pursues you, you reciprocate. He's pro-active, you're re-active. If he's feeling unsure about you then that's down to him, not you. He needs to work out why he's unsure and then make a plan such as taking you on a date or several so he can bother to get to know you properly. This will give both of you the time and opportunity to get to know each other. Slowly and safely. This is the start of the process. The opening up he's probably looking for will come naturally and overtime. He doesn't get the opening up of you without putting in the effort. He doesn't get to fast forward from date one stage to a one year relationship stage by having you tell your life story with all your good bits and bad bits just because he's too lazy to invest himself into dating you or because wants to see what he might be getting into so he can sit and pick and choose from your life snap shot. It doesn't work that way.
Tell him if he wants to get to know you then he needs to date you. If he's not prepared to date you then be prepared to walk away. Do not chase him. You'll only set yourself up with more insecurity because by you pursuing him you'll never really know if he was really interested. If he's interested, he'll call on you. Date others. Have options.
Oh and all that ex boyfriend stuff you have going on, leave that at your door on your way out. It's not helping you. It's not relevant to this new guy or anyone else. I don't think this guy is playing 'mind games'. I think that you think he's playing mind games because potentially that's what you've previously experienced so that's the kind of behaviour you're expecting. I don't think its mind games. He's just being fucking lazy! Dropping some crumbs for you to follow because it's easier for him to do that and to see if you'll follow. Don't follow the crumbs, there's no loaf at the end of it. He's a Taurus remember!
Now you may disagree with some things I've posted or you may take this as criticism although I cannot think why or how but remember, I've just spent the last 30 to 60 mins reading your posts and typing out a message that I hope may go somewsy to assist you of at least give you something to think on. You're friends are correct, you don't give people a chance and you jump on their backs quickly. Your friends know you far better than anyone here but if we have noticed it and so have your friends then not everyone can be wrong. Not everyone in life is out to get you or manipulate you.
I'm not sure if I'm missing a part of the story but was the last date you had the dinner date where he didn't turn up?
I ask because I'm trying to get the timeline of events and timings correct.
This scenario started off in March with a Facebook message from him. Then friend request in August and conversations. Followed by him taking you to dinner around Sept and you slept with him that night followed by the freak out. Then there was the dinner/dessert scenario but I'm not sure when that was, it sounded like it was soon after the dinner date. Then he cut you off for a period of time. His mother passed away. You continued to reach out to him. He responded. You invited him to dinner at yours. He didn't pitch up. Followed by further conversations which I only assume is by texts or phone, not in person, regarding opening up to each other.
I may not have summarised correctly but that's what I'm working off.
I'm not sure what he means by opening up but here's a few notes for you:
If you have stated your intentions to him, the things you have said in your posts such as family being important to you and your future partner, his kid situation not being a problem and actually a bonus, that you're ok with having kids but not out of marriage etc plus your looking for long term not short term etc, then this is you being open, and honest, and genuine.
If he's looking for you to cry on his shoulder, spill your guts about your life, and be open and vulnerable and share the inner you then frankly I just think it's far too soon for that given the timeline of events so far.
Although this kicked off nearly a year ago, there's been a serious lack of 'quality time' spent between you. Texts and calls do not count as quality time. They are just 'fillers' for inbetween dates. It's as if you've fast forwarded yourselves to the six month/one year stage of a relationship when your foundations only consist of one dinner date, one fuck, one dessert, one missed date, and a whole load of drama.
I can read that you both are happy to start again but I'm not sure if this has happened or is happening? Are you going on dates? Has he asked you out for a date? Second date? Third date? This is what I think needs to happen between you two. Sure, you can bank the last year and use that to build on but starting again means starting again, from date one. Proper dates. He pursues you, you reciprocate. He's pro-active, you're re-active. If he's feeling unsure about you then that's down to him, not you. He needs to work out why he's unsure and then make a plan such as taking you on a date or several so he can bother to get to know you properly. This will give both of you the time and opportunity to get to know each other. Slowly and safely. This is the start of the process. The opening up he's probably looking for will come naturally and overtime. He doesn't get the opening up of you without putting in the effort. He doesn't get to fast forward from date one stage to a one year relationship stage by having you tell your life story with all your good bits and bad bits just because he's too lazy to invest himself into dating you or because wants to see what he might be getting into so he can sit and pick and choose from your life snap shot. It doesn't work that way.
Tell him if he wants to get to know you then he needs to date you. If he's not prepared to date you then be prepared to walk away. Do not chase him. You'll only set yourself up with more insecurity because by you pursuing him you'll never really know if he was really interested. If he's interested, he'll call on you. Date others. Have options.
Oh and all that ex boyfriend stuff you have going on, leave that at your door on your way out. It's not helping you. It's not relevant to this new guy or anyone else. I don't think this guy is playing 'mind games'. I think that you think he's playing mind games because potentially that's what you've previously experienced so that's the kind of behaviour you're expecting. I don't think its mind games. He's just being fucking lazy! Dropping some crumbs for you to follow because it's easier for him to do that and to see if you'll follow. Don't follow the crumbs, there's no loaf at the end of it. He's a Taurus remember!
Now you may disagree with some things I've posted or you may take this as criticism although I cannot think why or how but remember, I've just spent the last 30 to 60 mins reading your posts and typing out a message that I hope may go somewsy to assist you of at least give you something to think on. You're friends are correct, you don't give people a chance and you jump on their backs quickly. Your friends know you far better than anyone here but if we have noticed it and so have your friends then not everyone can be wrong. Not everyone in life is out to get you or manipulate you.
Again you are saying what I am thinking. I am dealing with insecurities and most of that has to so with my ex-boyfriend. I hold on to the idea that everyone is out to get me. I know this is my issue and I have set some things in place to work on that.
I actually slept with him right before we went to dinner on the same night. When I told him I made a mistake this is when he asked me to open up. He even went as far as to tell me to tell him what was wrong so he could fix it. All I could say to him is that I wanted more than just sex. His response was that he also wanted more.
We stopped talking after that night and he said that it was because of how things went down that night. He truly was upset about me not eating as he saw it a waste of time and money. I gave it time before reaching back out to him, which led to him telling me that he spoke to a mutual friend and how she spilled the beans about our conversation about him...I hope I previously mentioned that. There was no real conversation. We both agreed he was a great guy and moved on to another subject. Basically, he was fishing to see how I felt about him.
A few days passed and I called him again. I apologized about freaking out about the sex. The only critique is that it felt rushed and I hate rushed sex...makes me feel cheap. I honestly think he was in a hurry to eat because he kept talking about dinner. Again, he reiterated that it wasn't about just the sex with me. He actually said that the attraction was mutual and that it was going to happen.
I offered to cook as an olive branch. Him not coming really wasn't the issue. It was him not calling when he still had his kid. If he wanted to spend time with his children than I could understand. He really is a devoted father...just call and cancel. I would have called my sister or bestfriend to come eat and made him something on different day.
I called him out on thay and he didn't respond. The other day I read that I was to leave a few breadcrumbs of my own, so I texted him...saying have a good day. No response as of yet, but since then I've beem keeping myself busy.
Thanks for being so understanding.
I actually slept with him right before we went to dinner on the same night. When I told him I made a mistake this is when he asked me to open up. He even went as far as to tell me to tell him what was wrong so he could fix it. All I could say to him is that I wanted more than just sex. His response was that he also wanted more.
We stopped talking after that night and he said that it was because of how things went down that night. He truly was upset about me not eating as he saw it a waste of time and money. I gave it time before reaching back out to him, which led to him telling me that he spoke to a mutual friend and how she spilled the beans about our conversation about him...I hope I previously mentioned that. There was no real conversation. We both agreed he was a great guy and moved on to another subject. Basically, he was fishing to see how I felt about him.
A few days passed and I called him again. I apologized about freaking out about the sex. The only critique is that it felt rushed and I hate rushed sex...makes me feel cheap. I honestly think he was in a hurry to eat because he kept talking about dinner. Again, he reiterated that it wasn't about just the sex with me. He actually said that the attraction was mutual and that it was going to happen.
I offered to cook as an olive branch. Him not coming really wasn't the issue. It was him not calling when he still had his kid. If he wanted to spend time with his children than I could understand. He really is a devoted father...just call and cancel. I would have called my sister or bestfriend to come eat and made him something on different day.
I called him out on thay and he didn't respond. The other day I read that I was to leave a few breadcrumbs of my own, so I texted him...saying have a good day. No response as of yet, but since then I've beem keeping myself busy.
Thanks for being so understanding.
Maybe you could say something simple like "Next time if you cannot make it by xxxxx time, pls msg or let me know first so I can make other arrangement."
Or before you jump into a one-on-one dinner with Mr Taurus, organise a small gathering with a couple of your girlfriends plus him. That way, your efforts won't go to waste and he will also appreciate your socialness.
I feel the issue btw you both is that your frequency is different from him. He has a kid and ex-wife. Going long term, little issues like this will come up presented in other scenarios. If you can't communicate positively about an issue like this -reflect clearly, say what the problem is in the first place, long term communication and interaction will be an issue.
He wish to take it somewhere because of the attraction, but because of his situation, he is giving it more thought. Put yourself in his place. He wants to come but is also being delayed by his ex wife. He is ALSO waiting and NOT SURE when his ex will come. You and him are being delayed by the ex. He cld have msg but the cloudy situation puts his msg on hold.
If it's me, I'd have asked whether he is on the way.
And knowing things like this would happen, don't spend half a day or bend your back over for him. Most likely he will not meet you expectation or you will end up disappointed. Taurus are careless about little things, but you need to make him know what is the right behaviour.
If you don't see you and him as 'we' from the ex-wife, then leave him. You will burn out btw him and his ex.
Or before you jump into a one-on-one dinner with Mr Taurus, organise a small gathering with a couple of your girlfriends plus him. That way, your efforts won't go to waste and he will also appreciate your socialness.
I feel the issue btw you both is that your frequency is different from him. He has a kid and ex-wife. Going long term, little issues like this will come up presented in other scenarios. If you can't communicate positively about an issue like this -reflect clearly, say what the problem is in the first place, long term communication and interaction will be an issue.
He wish to take it somewhere because of the attraction, but because of his situation, he is giving it more thought. Put yourself in his place. He wants to come but is also being delayed by his ex wife. He is ALSO waiting and NOT SURE when his ex will come. You and him are being delayed by the ex. He cld have msg but the cloudy situation puts his msg on hold.
If it's me, I'd have asked whether he is on the way.
And knowing things like this would happen, don't spend half a day or bend your back over for him. Most likely he will not meet you expectation or you will end up disappointed. Taurus are careless about little things, but you need to make him know what is the right behaviour.
If you don't see you and him as 'we' from the ex-wife, then leave him. You will burn out btw him and his ex.
Posted by karebearIf he's not responding then let him go. The last parts of this post makes me feel it's not promising as if there's too much against it.
Again you are saying what I am thinking. I am dealing with insecurities and most of that has to so with my ex-boyfriend. I hold on to the idea that everyone is out to get me. I know this is my issue and I have set some things in place to work on that.
I actually slept with him right before we went to dinner on the same night. When I told him I made a mistake this is when he asked me to open up. He even went as far as to tell me to tell him what was wrong so he could fix it. All I could say to him is that I wanted more than just sex. His response was that he also wanted more.
We stopped talking after that night and he said that it was because of how things went down that night. He truly was upset about me not eating as he saw it a waste of time and money. I gave it time before reaching back out to him, which led to him telling me that he spoke to a mutual friend and how she spilled the beans about our conversation about him...I hope I previously mentioned that. There was no real conversation. We both agreed he was a great guy and moved on to another subject. Basically, he was fishing to see how I felt about him.
A few days passed and I called him again. I apologized about freaking out about the sex. The only critique is that it felt rushed and I hate rushed sex...makes me feel cheap. I honestly think he was in a hurry to eat because he kept talking about dinner. Again, he reiterated that it wasn't about just the sex with me. He actually said that the attraction was mutual and that it was going to happen.
I offered to cook as an olive branch. Him not coming really wasn't the issue. It was him not calling when he still had his kid. If he wanted to spend time with his children than I could understand. He really is a devoted father...just call and cancel. I would have called my sister or bestfriend to come eat and made him something on different day.
I called him out on thay and he didn't respond. The other day I read that I was to leave a few breadcrumbs of my own, so I texted him...saying have a good day. No response as of yet, but since then I've beem keeping myself busy.
Thanks for being so understanding.
Him not coming IS an issue. Him not calling ahead to communicate he has a problem which is causing the first issue IS an even bigger issue. Don't put yourself down as second best or not a priority here. There's just something in this that niggles me but I'm obviously not you so I don't wish to put upon you with my take on it based only on a few posts.
I'm just not feeling this one ?
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
Taurus men are know to be very sensual and sexual and they really have lots of sexual energy. They are also slow to let a women into their life. If a taurus man is showing signs of affection, investing his time and money in a girl for a long time, but doe
I am going to try to keep it short. I like this Taurus guy, but I am unsure if he likes me. I believe he does, but I don't know. If he does not like me, I am ready to move on. So okay... I met him at work. When I immediately saw him (the first day I began
*sigh* I'm tired dating.
Met this Taurus guy (I'm a Leo) and we hit it off immediately-we have a lot in common. Initially I wasn't looking for anything at all. I just wanted to go out and go on a few dates (maybe) and just have fun. I didn't want anyth
Been reading up a fair bit on Taurus guys recently. Found one book pretty helpful for anyone going into new relationship with Taurus man. It preps you with the right mindset and what to expect from Taurus relationship.
Here's the link:
https://diana
I know this taurus man for more than a year, we are "just friends", and we never had anything intimate. He never crossed the line and didn't even kiss me. But he is very nice to me, he calls me often, texts, shares personal info, brings me small gifts, as
I invited my Taurus over for dinner, which he stated that he would show up at 6. I went shopping earlier that day and spent the rest of the day cooking. I made a really nice meal for him as a friendly gesture. I called at 2:30 to confirm and he claimed th
my cancer friend has been with this taurus guy for a year now. they are in a LDR. a month ago he traveled without telling her and when he came back she said that she wasn't pleased with his behavior and that he's changed and cold towards her. He explained
I have been in an up/down situation with a taurus male since August 2015. We dated for about 10 mnths but separated due to his insecurities with my previous marriage. Since then we have our hot and cold moments, we would hang out for weeks at a time, no a
Huh?
Since that time I met a Taurus male back in 2014 (which was basically casual) especially for him. Which probably you can imagine we went out together, conversation, have couple of drinks and sex sex sex (which lasted only in short period of time)
I am a cancer female dating a taurus male. we've known of each other for almost a decade, were interested in each other back in the day, but never dated, due to both of us being in relationships. recently we have back come in contact and realized we still
The main things he knows about me is that I take family serious and I want my mate to get along with my family. I think I having a loving family, and I know that they will be happy to accept anyone that I bring into my life. I'm not just talking about my mom and dad but also my cousins and aunts and uncles. I also told him that I was looking for marriage and to not have children outside of a marriage. I know that he has children and that is fine. With my family it's the more the merrier. Plus my mom does not have any grandchildren, so I know that she will accept them as if I were their natural mother.
I did not go into full detail about past relationships because they are in the past. He knows very little about my ex-boyfriend. I do know the current situation with his children's Mother. He always explained that he wanted somebody that was loving and affectionate and that could cook and have great sex. Typical man right?
I wanted to take my time to get to know him and I didn't want to open up quickly. That feels like a red flag to me. I asked him if he was just curious. He said with me it was about the "know". I have no clue what that meant.
He did open up to me a bit, but it felt like he wanted me to open up more to him. That made me uncomfortable. Does anybody know what a Taurus man means when he says that he wants you to open up?