Taureans..need your honest input on my Taurus (Page 2)

i just kept telling him I don't want to be a part of this...beg and begging please...as a friend until I can prove to you please.....I am just so thankful that I stood by not being lovers with him because that is just so wrong.......

@Tiki...i'm trying so hard to keep a clear head...

@lnana.......i wouldn't wish this even on my enemies...I feel hurt, betrayed all sorts of feelings mixed in

The pain will subside soon, just think if you had given him all of you, decided to take his "I love you" and free fall and then he turned around and said he was still married, talk about crashing to the ground, devastated beyond belief.

Sigh relief that you took your time and was able to get the truth before things evolved into something much more heavier than it already is. You not rushing completely opened this all up.

he just kept saying.." please stand by me ..even just as friend until I take care of the custody for my sons...I will do as you say....platonic..just please..do not leave me...I want you and i will prove myself to you..I really love you so much i swear to you on my son.....I am not asking you be anything with me at this point...on anything you accept me to be...just don't disappear and leave me....I love you so much" .....he says all these things and more.....I believe him....and part of hearing it gave me solace because I know he loves me...i know (ironically..i know... please don't judge)...but i also know at the same time...I should not put myself into a situation where i will be immoral ..I even told him..."I cannot believe I am saying this but you really should try just one more time and seek to see if things can be worked out between your wife and you..i continued on as woman that is how i show my respect to her..it is very difficult to go through a divorce...i've been on one...and if you will try to work out with her..i do not want to be in the picture as it is unfair to her...i will be a distraction and me being around will not give you the full potential of focusing on giving your best efforts to be with her...if it works out..then I am happy for you...if it doesn't then i know you had tried and that it wasn't something on me..don't be selfish...i wish you both well"

You are doing exactly the right thing, even though it hurts. I am sorry that he wasn't on the level with you about that. I agree with tiki that he needs to be as free as he can be ( the boys, you see ) before anything can being as it ought. Those boys' lives are going to be turned upside down soon if things proceed. They would be highly resentful of you from the onset dependent upon their ages ( my children were, they had 'new chick' foisted on them just under a month after their father left, they were deeply wounded and angry..can't replace Momma ). Forgive me, I am focusing on what they'll go through the most. I should have liked someone as respectful as you on the other side of that mess I went through. It speaks volumes of your character.
I should tell him I love him, and love him well enough and truly enough to let him go. If everything he feels is real ( and you say it is ) then let him get on with things so he can welcome you properly. That is what you have done, what you are doing.

Try not to get so captivated by all the "I love you's and don't leave me's) the reality is if he feels this deeply now then he'll feel just as deeply after the divorce is final. Cut ties for now and move on, if it's meant to be it will be and no amount of time can change that. Give him distance and space to sort his life out. You couldn't be his friend at this point because you are romantically attached to him and vice versa. No one here can force you to leave the guy alone but I have a feeling at some point the deeper you find yourself in it you'll regret not moving on. He disappeared because he's married with child and I'm sure he's mentally separated but most likely living under the same roof with this woman, no good can come from this.

@VB....It hurts so much I feel numb....I completely agree with you and to be honest with you..the wife and the boys were initally what I thought about...like what if she still wants to work it our? what if it is jsut him and most importanly, his children..they are 7 and 5..although young..it will not be soon before they realize what happened....if's a really a f*d up marriage then maybe? but how could I know and i do not think I even want to know the reason why it is shaky as I have so much on my mind already....Children do not deserve to bear the burden of their parents but most of the times they do.....I am sorry to hear about what happened to your children being exposed so soon to a new "face" ..that is so unfair to them...but I am sure they are strong and amaking children who have learned so much from life's challenges..I am sorry you went through that.

@Tiki....yes, i do agree with you...and i did tell him to sort everything out but to out on the top of his list my suggestion of giving one final respect to his wife and children by trying to work things out...thank you for reminding me that I cannot be a friend at this point as I cam romantically attached to him...i do not want to be bitter in the end ...i know i have a good heart but I am not sure if i'll be handling it the best way I could....I was initially thinking 'if he says he'll work it out..then i'll be out of the picture...but if he says he is divorce is pushing through that i'll be there firmly as a friend.

Excuse me if I sometimes say things over and over again...I am just really trying to make the best decision I can..I am basically thinking out loud...My friend said "I f*ing cannot believe this is happening to you, you have such a kind heart!" ...and i just remember saying to her...perhaps true...but having a kind heart does not exempt one from being hurt...Life is unfair sometimes after all...

Being kind doesn't mean be a damn fool and if you stick around as a friend which we both know you can't really do then you are being a fool (a nice fool) but a fool. You can do so much better but if you take him on then you're saying that you can't do better and you'd rather settle with a married man that may or may not be getting divorced.

Give him space to sort out his life, you can't be this desperate over a man or you'll convince yourself to stay with him. Don't stray from your standards to desperately keep him in your life. Allow him the space to sort his life out, and you go and sort yourself out too. You haven't had sex (correct me if I'm wrong) so you should be able to move on relatively easy. Don't get sucked in and stuck in some emotional affair, you deserve better and you can do better but if you can't do better then you'll stick around being his emotional support only to be told more bad news again and again and you'll be stuck and unable to leave.

Don't let this man pull your strings anymore, he's done enough of that. You have to love yourself MORE than you love him or you'll stay and convince yourself to be his friend with no real relationship insight, if you love yourself more than you know what to do, you know it's time to cut it out and move on.

Get out now while you're ahead...

It was what it was, they were 11 and almost 13 when it happened. Certainly old enough to know what was going on at the time.
As are the boys at 5 & 7. Children are so much more intuitive and intelligent than adults give them credit for. They might not grasp all the particulars, but they've certainly felt the undercurrents. You know, I think a very hard part of things for myself as a parent was not only dealing with their sorrow over it..but also watching them discover that their Da had feet of clay. Their hero decimated, from demi-god to human in almost one fell swoop. They clung to me like little ships adrift in the sea, I their anchor. The rock. The one truly dependable thing in their world, the constant. And even now, when my son is met with an excuse as to missed visit he is apathetic. I wish that the ex could see what he does, its effect. He will not until it is too late. Doubly sad because he's missing out on a wonderful lad turning into a man. One that I am very proud of.
Be of good cheer madam, I am truly alright ( or as alright as one can be cannons blazing in SingleTown, America ). 🙂 Now, enough of my boring globber, back to the issue at hand.
You've every right, and I do mean every right to sort through things mentally. To sift through every facet. Whatever you'd like to plonk down, to push out and unload. Feel free, you are amongst friends here. Please believe that what you are going through as of this moment has ZERO bearing on how good of a woman you are here. *tapping heart* Yes? YES.
Ultimately what you want from him ( what any good woman wants of a good man ) is for him to stand there complete in himself. Of sound mind over matters with a firm hand and a lot of love in his heart. The only hands you need see in his are his boys. Parts of himself. Let him sort his business, if he wishes to carve a place for you at his side it needs no entanglements via another woman. ( If you're like me, I AM THE ALPHA and THE OMEGA, ain't nooo room, no how, no ways for anyone else there )😉
I am echoing and reiterating points made already, strengthening them. I give you my word that no matter how crap things are now, that you will be alright. Whether it shakes out the way you'd like or the way you'd NOT like. It sounds like you've got friends to take this too, and good ones. Important that. Lean on them, they'll be there for you.

morning everyone...Thank you Tiki and VB for your advices...taking word for word in...

will continue to collect my thoughts....I told him we I can't talk to him for the time being but I agreed to meet with him next week to talk the "talk"...........please feel free to comment anything...it helps .......so much..... and I truly do value everyone's opinion...Thank you.

"don't be out of the picture...this is what I was afraid what's going to happen if I tell you"...


Do you,in your heart believe this?


I can only say that Taurus' take commitment seriously.for a Taurus to decide to let go and get a divorce,to break up their family...well it didn't happen over night.it was struggled with,in the depths of the soul for some time.
it's not something taken lightly,and although there may be a few Taurus players out there...they are a rare exception...especially where possibly hurting their children for no good reason is concerned.

I believe him,and I believe he was trying to do this without dragging you in...but you contacted him and it was inevitable.

If you love him,I think you should tell him so.then you explain you don't want to complicate things,and when he has divorce papers to show you,you'll talk to him.

My Pisces moon only knows grey....no black and white....so while I understand your concern for his wife and kids,imo it is really between them.you don't know the details,you don't know her,and you don't know it's all his fault (or yours by default,which I know is what you are thinking.).

I guess my point is,he's a grown man making a hard choice.it's a choice about HIS life,and I'm sure he's afraid.that's why he didn't tell you from the get go.
If you love him,and trust his judgment....then let him know,but then tell him you're removing yourself from the situation until he is free.
I believe he just needs to know you won't abandon him.

Do I think it's ok for a man to leave his wife and kids for another woman? absolutely not.
Do we know that's really why he is leaving? I don't.
Do we know that life has really bad timing sometimes? we should.
Sometimes things are already in a shambles,and something or someone appears and acts as a catalyst to enable the change that was already coming.

If you have concerns about his honesty,make him show you the papers.

Thank you Bellathebull...advices well appreciated and taken to mind and heart...please know that I initiated contacts a couple times before but the last two were from him...also, when he called me last time..it was him who asked to see me..i did not ask to see him..

"don't be out of the picture...this is what I was afraid what's going to happen if I tell you"......truthfully ..yes...he said he decided "to come clean because at first he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me...but he realized he was coward (he was) and that he wants to tell the truth and come clean"...i give him a little credit but STILL it does not change the situation.


"I believe he just needs to know you won't abandon him "..this is why I thought of staying as a friend IF it's TRULY OVER...see below

Ladies...I know I will not be immoral. I respect myself to be involved in someone else's marriage... I know I will not be around if he does give it another chance with her. That is certain. I WILL walk away... as a woman and for the sake of his wife and children...regardless of how we both feel...because at that point ...it does not matter because 'they will make a commitment to work on their marriage and i do not want to be the source of complication.......then there's the BUT.......but what if it truly over ? Jesus! I know!.....I was a little confused in the thought of should stay as a friend while awaiting the divorce proceedings...Majority of me is saying..no...and perhaps most likely it will be a no..but I do also know that a small fraction does say perhaps I should (given that we remain strictly as friends until final court papers comes out)...I am giving that small fraction some thought because I know I have the will power that it WILL only remain on friendly terms because I also already know of the situation and will not make things even more complicated for me by doing something crazy...I am having this small part confuse me is perhaps because I am believeing him...I will ask for paperwork to acknowlege the honesty issue......majority in me tells me have him sort it out...on himself...by himself and so likewise for myself also...I am seeing him next week...I agreed because honestly I really do want to see him ...to ask questions...to know more ..of course to tell him how I feel...AND if he says he'll work it out..I will also say that regardless of how we will, it won't STILL be enough reason for me to linger in the picture...and to say goodbye.

"but what if it truly over ? Jesus! I know!.."

You sound so desperate....Why don't you leave it alone for a little while? This guy is most likely still very much married, I can't tell you how many times I have heard women get these lines of I'm separated pushed off on them only to remain heavily involved only to get her face broke once she finds out there was never a real separation and the reality is you'll never be able to know if there is a real trial separation were he is living in how own place, filed divorce proceedings and carrying it through. I said before it appears he's pulling your strings and IMO he just wants an affair b/c he's not happy at home or he's bored, something trivial that is making him seek a woman outside of the relationship. You keep wanting to see him b/c you are desperate inside and you lost your will.

You want to stick around and be his friend because you are so desperate to have him in your life as a lover as if there are no other single men around...Well go ahead and keep us updated on that.

And even if he show you proof you still need to call the county courthouse to verify that the paperwork hasn't been falsified and you still need to maintain distance as to not show any romantic feelings ever again...You cannot be this desperate, I know you have got to have a life beyond this guy and his shenanigans. Drop this dude and keep it moving, stop being desperate, there are other men out there that will respect you enough to tell you day one and not later after you grown feelings and said I love you....This guy is drama and nothing good will come out of it, you'll be the one being hurt in the end, mock my words.

Gather up your dignity, don't see him next week and keep it moving, change your number or block his number if you have to, put some distance between the both of you and get on with your great single life, go date other men and forget about this guy until his officially divorced and back on the market.

@Tiki 🙂

" but what if it truly over ? Jesus! I know!.." With all due respect but I feel you may have misinterpreted this as desperation but I assure you I am not desperate woman (not judging those who are btw,)... I meant that phrase more of say how should I say more like me telling myself ...hellloooowww self! seriously , don't really be thinking that way 🙂....i know you mean well but just want to make sure you got me in there......

What does IMO mean?

I did put a disclamer in the sticking around situation and that is "If" and "IF" he can prove with court documents while remaining on stricly as friends"...but even that IF (lol) sorry repetitive..we will also have the understanding also that we may ONLY end up in the future as friends...it does not mean that I decided to stand by him that I will give my go signal that it be "Us" in the end...which is why I said as a friend because I really meant as a "Friend".....does not mean we will be together in the end....that will still be decided by myself and him once everything is hashed out...if and still we both want to..... and even before then we have to start anew given everything...

The disclaimer is desperation....You've heard enough, seen enough to know that this man has not been completely up front and honest with you. That should be enough for you to back up and leave this guy alone for awhile. And since he's just a friend, move on, get yourself back on the market and go date and have fun and if he's truly sincere then he'll come back after the divorce has been finalized and pick things back up with you if your still available. You've spent enough time on this issue, the quicker you get out of it and get back into you and your life the better.

Oooooooohhhhh just read your other last post and you had me hot!!! LOL I need a strawberry Mojito.....

"You want to stick around and be his friend because you are so desperate to have him in your life as a lover as if there are no other single men around...Well go ahead and keep us updated on that"

We were never lovers...it's not about that, trust me....again, not desperate ...when the right one comes...will make sure I have all the lovin in that department *wink


And even if he show you proof you still need to call the county courthouse to verify that the paperwork hasn't been falsified and you still need to maintain distance as to not show any romantic feelings ever again...You cannot be this desperate, I know you have got to have a life beyond this guy and his shenanigans. Drop this dude and keep it moving, stop being desperate, there are other men out there that will respect you enough to tell you day one and not later after you grown feelings and said I love you....This guy is drama and nothing good will come out of it, you'll be the one being hurt in the end, mock my words.

Absolutely agree and I will...for sure 🙂 Don't take my kindness for weakness.

Gather up your dignity, don't see him next week and keep it moving, change your number or block his number if you have to, put some distance between the both of you and get on with your great single life, go date other men and forget about this guy until his officially divorced and back on the market.

This one, i'm risking and will still see him...I feel I need to do this...for myself and clarity...I

"Oooooooohhhhh just read your other last post and you had me hot!!! LOL I need a strawberry Mojito....."

LMAO!! Pass me a Mojito too.

"This one, i'm risking and will still see him...I feel I need to do this...for myself and clarity...I"

You have clarity...You are just desperate, desperate women do what you do, non-desperate women move on, you are in denial and you want to keep him and you wan to poke wholes and analyze it to death and that is what desperate women do.

Posted by DeadRingerr
Nothing in life could ever be or should be that complicated..

true

Cheers Tiki 🙂



LMAO too.. I swear you made me laugh everytime you bring up desperation on me....you are the one actually desperate!...desperate to convince me because you and the rest of the nice people here have great hearts..and I love it 🙂......ok going back now to the issue...

"This one, i'm risking and will still see him...I feel I need to do this...for myself and clarity...I"

You have clarity...You are just desperate, desperate women do what you do, non-desperate women move on, you are in denial and you want to keep him and you wan to poke wholes and analyze it to death and that is what desperate women do.

I respect your opinion but who is to say that I am not moving on if I decide to be a friends ONLY to him...that is after all...no other motives...I do not feel I want him to be a partner in my life because of the honesty issue...but I am considering being a friend to him, definitely NOT to Hope to be together with him , or save him or I would have known that i am not strong enough to drown in sorrow with him but truly as a GENUINE FRIEND...because after all HE truly had been one to me .....no desperation here 🙂 I assure you *wink

Nah I'm not desperate to convince you, I'm not the convincing kind...I'm merely making my observation through your behavior and words and IMO you are desperate, your actions scream desperation. You are the one that needs to be convinced not by me but by him. Good luck with that

"Nah I'm not desperate to convince you, I'm not the convincing kind...I'm merely making my observation through your behavior and words and IMO you are desperate, your actions scream desperation. You are the one that needs to be convinced not by me but by him. Good luck with that"

I respect your opinion 🙂

Thank you VB 🙂 LOL

"Jerk him up by his ass hair and make him see sense."

Hey ho, LOL.

so what is this guy's story? is he keeping you on as a back up in case his wife leaves him?

I agree with the others - it seems like a dead rubber, but if you go to the relationships forum they will tell you there is a 50% divorce rate or something. Read into that what you will.

Unfortunately I am not an oracle and unable to tell you if you will meet someone else, or if this guy was supposed to be your "the one" and the universe got its timing all azz up.

I am very annoyed that he said he loved you, but is married to someone else. Does he tell her that too?😢

ditch him,he's push & pull with baggage, do you REALLY want him that bad? Well, if you do and it's love, do it, but you have questions, don't force it.