SagittariusXO
@sagittariusxo
8 YearsSagittarius
Comments: 9 · Posts: 455 · Topics: 38
Taurus - Hot and Cold actions and need for space?
Posted by sagittariusxoLong explanation; short response: ask him not us.
I went to cali this past weekend with my boyfriend of a year.
it was a quick trip but fun and good time spend together.
when we got home we separated - obviously because we don't live together
but since then we have hardly been talking and I haven't seen him since sunday.
I know that people need space and im totally ok with that.
Im just very confussed and don't understand this though in him.
how can he be so loving, and affectionate and totally obcessed with me for long periods
but then push me away, place undefined space between us and leave me in such a comfortable stable state of expecting and now really missing his affection?
why doesn't he say something before he does this. and why is he so short. so short to not explain if something is wrong. is it me? did I do something? is our relationship safe?
I don't consider myself needy. but when he does this I feel like I lost something? I feel sad, which leads to angry, when leads to resenting.
I still have no understanding of why and what he is needing where we have all this space between us.
I did call him directly and ask him if something was wrong, and his response was such a stern and almost annoyed tone and still not explanation. he has been text me sparingly everyday with closed in comments of his sweet nature like "goodmorning, I miss you. hope you have a great day" and "I love you very much, hope you had a great day" but its not engaging. and it doesn't feel like the love and missing is there, it kind feels like im being kept on a string.
i am giving him his space. and i do respond to his texts like "thank you, i love you too" and "thank you, i hope you did as well" but like i said im trying to just play along because i don't know whats happening. im also afraid to ask because i never get the answers in need in the past and don't expect to get them now, not from him.
help me understand. im just really missing him and im growing impatient
🤗 cyber hugs!
Love,
Eva
No. honestly I'm a bit afraid of how he will react. and i guess i don't know how to explain myself without compromising the person i want to be. i don't want to be seen/feel as if im weak, or needy, or co-dependent. Sounds like a turn off to me..... but im definitely feeling like those things.
I missing him and im worried because i don't understand how he can love me so hard and then put so much space between us. In my past when i was with a person and i was putting space between us it was because something or some else had my attention, i was losing interest in my current and wanting to venture off into the world seemingly as a single person (although i have never cheated, it was definitely my process of an ending relationship)
i want to just tell him
that ive missed him and it hurts me when he places space between because i don't want it to be because of me. and i wish he would re-assure me of that because if there was ever something bothering him about our relationship that i would at least want to know before its too late"
i have a scorpio venus and i think it brings out a overthinking and insecure love nature in me and i just hate it so much.
I missing him and im worried because i don't understand how he can love me so hard and then put so much space between us. In my past when i was with a person and i was putting space between us it was because something or some else had my attention, i was losing interest in my current and wanting to venture off into the world seemingly as a single person (although i have never cheated, it was definitely my process of an ending relationship)
i want to just tell him
that ive missed him and it hurts me when he places space between because i don't want it to be because of me. and i wish he would re-assure me of that because if there was ever something bothering him about our relationship that i would at least want to know before its too late"
i have a scorpio venus and i think it brings out a overthinking and insecure love nature in me and i just hate it so much.
Posted by EvatheDivaPosted by sagittariusxoLong explanation; short response: ask him not us.
I went to cali this past weekend with my boyfriend of a year.
it was a quick trip but fun and good time spend together.
when we got home we separated - obviously because we don't live together
but since then we have hardly been talking and I haven't seen him since sunday.
I know that people need space and im totally ok with that.
Im just very confussed and don't understand this though in him.
how can he be so loving, and affectionate and totally obcessed with me for long periods
but then push me away, place undefined space between us and leave me in such a comfortable stable state of expecting and now really missing his affection?
why doesn't he say something before he does this. and why is he so short. so short to not explain if something is wrong. is it me? did I do something? is our relationship safe?
I don't consider myself needy. but when he does this I feel like I lost something? I feel sad, which leads to angry, when leads to resenting.
I still have no understanding of why and what he is needing where we have all this space between us.
I did call him directly and ask him if something was wrong, and his response was such a stern and almost annoyed tone and still not explanation. he has been text me sparingly everyday with closed in comments of his sweet nature like "goodmorning, I miss you. hope you have a great day" and "I love you very much, hope you had a great day" but its not engaging. and it doesn't feel like the love and missing is there, it kind feels like im being kept on a string.
i am giving him his space. and i do respond to his texts like "thank you, i love you too" and "thank you, i hope you did as well" but like i said im trying to just play along because i don't know whats happening. im also afraid to ask because i never get the answers in need in the past and don't expect to get them now, not from him.
help me understand. im just really missing him and im growing impatient
🤗 cyber hugs!
Love,
Evaclick to expand
im trying to respect his choice and personal independence by not interfering with his wishes. he is doing this for whatever unknown reason and im not trying to force or put guilt on something that is naturally what he wants. i don't want that for me and my choices so i do for others as i wish done for myself.
Posted by Cancervirgo15degreesSeriously?!
Whoaaaa wait wait. You have been together a year and arent living together or engaged yet?
Im out!
What are his placements?
But honestly we probably won’t be able to answer this for you.
I could only assume he needs space after spending consecutive days with you.
I get like that when I go out of town with people. You guys have only been together. That’s not long at all.
But honestly we probably won’t be able to answer this for you.
I could only assume he needs space after spending consecutive days with you.
I get like that when I go out of town with people. You guys have only been together. That’s not long at all.
What do you guys think of this theory? I can't decide if it is horseshit or not.
https://www.marsvenus.com/blog/john-gray/did-his-rubber-band-break
Thank you for reaching out. For those that haven't read Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus yet, one of the most powerful concepts in that book is men are like rubber bands. A man tends to get very close to a woman until, at a certain point, he pulls away. This pulling away is like a rubber band. Once he pulls away to the length of his rubber band, he'll spring back.
This is all based on a hormonal rhythm. When a man is feeling confident and knows what he wants, his testosterone builds up. The same thing happens when he begins chasing you, wanting you and dating you. As he grows more confident with you, his testosterone increases.
As he grows closer to you, another hormone gets produced called oxytocin. Oxytocin is the bonding hormone. Think of that 30 seconds after an orgasm when he is closest to you.
Unfortunately oxytocin naturally lowers testosterone. This drop in testosterone can cause a man to lose confidence, doubt everything in his life and say things like "I don't know what I want right now, but I don't want this."
So half of the natural rhythm in a relationship is a man acting like a rubber band. He will get close and then he'll start to pull away until he feels good about himself and then he will get close again. If he pulls away and she pursues him, then he never gets the space he needs to miss her. After pulling away for some time, a man will often begin to miss her and desire her again.
In healthy relationships, men do not pull away out of anger or frustration about their relationship. If your partner is pulling away out of anger, or is simply avoiding you, there is likely something else going on. Also, rubber banding does not happen when a couple is newly in a relationship. This cycle evolves over time. If he is pulling away early on in the relationship, there are probably other issues affecting his interest that may or may not be related to you.
Unfortunately, this cycle can be quite upsetting to a woman. She wonders, "Is it me? Did I do something wrong? Does he still love me?" These painful thoughts often cause women to chase their partner with demands for an explanation. "Why haven't you called me?" or "What's wrong?"
When a woman reacts to the rubber band by chasing, it can cause a man to pull away even more -- perhaps stretching until the rubber band breaks. He may feel pressured because his partner doesn't trust him, or he may even feel that he is incapable of making her happy.
At other times, women convince themselves that it is "wrong" to contact their partner, that they must refrain from even talking -- and that whoever talks first loses. Of course, while they are determined not to fold, they are also waiting by the phone, checking their voice mail, checking their e-mail, or checking that lump in bed lying beside them for signs of life.
In your situation, I think his fears of intimacy caused him to leave for so long. This may be more than the rubber band theory. I'm not 100% convinced you had a good relationship. Both of you could be right for each other. But if you want to get him back, look at things from his perspective. What ways did you unknowingly turn him off? As you read Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, take notes.
Then write him a letter or an email. Don't call him or try to approach him in person at first. He won't have time to think and he won't give you the answers you are searching for. Tell him you still love him and you want to understand what happened in your relationship. If you wanted to be with me again and I was not with someone else, I am ready to renew this relationship. You are the greatest guy I have ever met.
If we aren't going to pursue a future together, I don't want to hold this against you or have you hold this against me. I want you to be happy in your life and I know you want me to be happy in my life. I made a list of the mistakes I thought I made in our relationship and I want your help so I won't make them again. Would you look them over for me and give me feedback? That would really help me understand myself and move on so I can find love, hopefully with you if you were open to that. I love you so much... And that's it. Give him some time to reply and see if he will get together to talk about the last 4 years and any ways you may have crowded him or been too needy.
I really think what happened is he tried so hard to please you in the beginning that he began to get nervous (cold feet) about being able to please you forever. It could have been a subtle thing that you didn't even knowingly do, like he skipped a night out with the guys because he felt guilty about leaving you alone.
If you find yourself in this situation, here are a few things to remember:
1. This cycle is a normal pattern for men -- he is not playing with you. Every woman knows how wonderful it is to see your sweetie after some time apart. His heart feels that for you whenever he pulls away and it's a positive experience. Let him go... and trust that he will come back.
2. While he's regaining his sense of self, maybe this would be a good time for you to regain yours as well. Instead of waiting and worrying, why not visit with some girlfriends? Catch up on your reading. Garden. Meditate. Get a pedicure. Enjoy your life.
3. You are allowed to make contact, but try to speak his language when you do. One idea is to ask him for information. You can ask him something like, "Remember that movie you were telling me about? What was the name of that again? I was thinking of renting it." Appeal to his sense of being the expert by asking for his help or advice.
Watch my video to the end to learn how to learn the #1 way women sabotage their relationship when a man pulls away.
I hope this helps.
Grow in love-
John Gray
https://www.marsvenus.com/blog/john-gray/did-his-rubber-band-break
Thank you for reaching out. For those that haven't read Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus yet, one of the most powerful concepts in that book is men are like rubber bands. A man tends to get very close to a woman until, at a certain point, he pulls away. This pulling away is like a rubber band. Once he pulls away to the length of his rubber band, he'll spring back.
This is all based on a hormonal rhythm. When a man is feeling confident and knows what he wants, his testosterone builds up. The same thing happens when he begins chasing you, wanting you and dating you. As he grows more confident with you, his testosterone increases.
As he grows closer to you, another hormone gets produced called oxytocin. Oxytocin is the bonding hormone. Think of that 30 seconds after an orgasm when he is closest to you.
Unfortunately oxytocin naturally lowers testosterone. This drop in testosterone can cause a man to lose confidence, doubt everything in his life and say things like "I don't know what I want right now, but I don't want this."
So half of the natural rhythm in a relationship is a man acting like a rubber band. He will get close and then he'll start to pull away until he feels good about himself and then he will get close again. If he pulls away and she pursues him, then he never gets the space he needs to miss her. After pulling away for some time, a man will often begin to miss her and desire her again.
In healthy relationships, men do not pull away out of anger or frustration about their relationship. If your partner is pulling away out of anger, or is simply avoiding you, there is likely something else going on. Also, rubber banding does not happen when a couple is newly in a relationship. This cycle evolves over time. If he is pulling away early on in the relationship, there are probably other issues affecting his interest that may or may not be related to you.
Unfortunately, this cycle can be quite upsetting to a woman. She wonders, "Is it me? Did I do something wrong? Does he still love me?" These painful thoughts often cause women to chase their partner with demands for an explanation. "Why haven't you called me?" or "What's wrong?"
When a woman reacts to the rubber band by chasing, it can cause a man to pull away even more -- perhaps stretching until the rubber band breaks. He may feel pressured because his partner doesn't trust him, or he may even feel that he is incapable of making her happy.
At other times, women convince themselves that it is "wrong" to contact their partner, that they must refrain from even talking -- and that whoever talks first loses. Of course, while they are determined not to fold, they are also waiting by the phone, checking their voice mail, checking their e-mail, or checking that lump in bed lying beside them for signs of life.
In your situation, I think his fears of intimacy caused him to leave for so long. This may be more than the rubber band theory. I'm not 100% convinced you had a good relationship. Both of you could be right for each other. But if you want to get him back, look at things from his perspective. What ways did you unknowingly turn him off? As you read Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, take notes.
Then write him a letter or an email. Don't call him or try to approach him in person at first. He won't have time to think and he won't give you the answers you are searching for. Tell him you still love him and you want to understand what happened in your relationship. If you wanted to be with me again and I was not with someone else, I am ready to renew this relationship. You are the greatest guy I have ever met.
If we aren't going to pursue a future together, I don't want to hold this against you or have you hold this against me. I want you to be happy in your life and I know you want me to be happy in my life. I made a list of the mistakes I thought I made in our relationship and I want your help so I won't make them again. Would you look them over for me and give me feedback? That would really help me understand myself and move on so I can find love, hopefully with you if you were open to that. I love you so much... And that's it. Give him some time to reply and see if he will get together to talk about the last 4 years and any ways you may have crowded him or been too needy.
I really think what happened is he tried so hard to please you in the beginning that he began to get nervous (cold feet) about being able to please you forever. It could have been a subtle thing that you didn't even knowingly do, like he skipped a night out with the guys because he felt guilty about leaving you alone.
If you find yourself in this situation, here are a few things to remember:
1. This cycle is a normal pattern for men -- he is not playing with you. Every woman knows how wonderful it is to see your sweetie after some time apart. His heart feels that for you whenever he pulls away and it's a positive experience. Let him go... and trust that he will come back.
2. While he's regaining his sense of self, maybe this would be a good time for you to regain yours as well. Instead of waiting and worrying, why not visit with some girlfriends? Catch up on your reading. Garden. Meditate. Get a pedicure. Enjoy your life.
3. You are allowed to make contact, but try to speak his language when you do. One idea is to ask him for information. You can ask him something like, "Remember that movie you were telling me about? What was the name of that again? I was thinking of renting it." Appeal to his sense of being the expert by asking for his help or advice.
Watch my video to the end to learn how to learn the #1 way women sabotage their relationship when a man pulls away.
I hope this helps.
Grow in love-
John Gray
i understand this very much. sometimes life can be overwhelming for me so I'll need alone time to collect myself or get something important accomplished. it can be selfish if he doesnt take the time to sit and talk to you as to why. i would probably ask for a night together (Maybe cook him dinner?) to talk about whats going on with him and just get a little validation. try to remain calm and pleasant and just tell him you understand he's under a lot of pressure right now. assure him you are just a stone's throw away and that you do indeed miss him and remind him you can help if he ever needs it. just be aware he may not ask for it, but at least you opened including you as an option if possible. hopefully he will at least give you the time to talk it out.
I hate all this pussyfooting round guys. If he's causing you grief, then it's your right to have an explanation. You are not being aggressive/insecure/weak/needy, you have nothing to be afraid of. If he responds to YOU with aggression and attitude, the guy is an asshole.
OP, has anyone told you that you sound like a total nut case?
Scorp sun and Venus here.
Scorp sun and Venus here.
I don't think this is a sign thing.
OP, it may be something to do with your particular psychology. I say this as a person who also had this reaction built in to me as a child.
Did you have parents who would withdraw if they were angry at you or each other? Do you come a family that doesn't argue or fight? Did one of your parents suddenly leave?
For me, my parents withdrew. It created a very unstable atmosphere. You didn't know what was happening from one day to the next.
Early on in my relationship my bull would "disappear" for a few days. I would go into a semi meltdown thinking every bad thing I could and preparing myself for a breakup. The reality was we were fine. There was no drama, he was just busy doing his thing.
What this relationship has made me do is confront those negative thoughts and beliefs that were instilled into me. It was work I needed to do on myself. I was the one bringing in volatility. I had to change my reaction.
Luckily I found a straight up guy. I don't know what I would have done if he was someone that made my hangup worse. Sometimes we are attracted to certain people to help us grow or keep us stuck in negative familiar patterns.
OP, it may be something to do with your particular psychology. I say this as a person who also had this reaction built in to me as a child.
Did you have parents who would withdraw if they were angry at you or each other? Do you come a family that doesn't argue or fight? Did one of your parents suddenly leave?
For me, my parents withdrew. It created a very unstable atmosphere. You didn't know what was happening from one day to the next.
Early on in my relationship my bull would "disappear" for a few days. I would go into a semi meltdown thinking every bad thing I could and preparing myself for a breakup. The reality was we were fine. There was no drama, he was just busy doing his thing.
What this relationship has made me do is confront those negative thoughts and beliefs that were instilled into me. It was work I needed to do on myself. I was the one bringing in volatility. I had to change my reaction.
Luckily I found a straight up guy. I don't know what I would have done if he was someone that made my hangup worse. Sometimes we are attracted to certain people to help us grow or keep us stuck in negative familiar patterns.
I don't see much wrong with what is going on .. but I'm not u & its bothering u ... sounds like he needs his space from being with u 24/7 on your vaca.. i know u don't want to come off as needy.. it won't come off that way if he really loves u
Posted by Cancervirgo15degreesno we are not living together or engaged yet.
Whoaaaa wait wait. You have been together a year and arent living together or engaged yet?
Im out!
im a Sagittarius and that's a huge commitment for me. and hes a Taurus and moves very slow and takes his time from what I understand. plus im a mother so I don't think moving into together is something to rush.
Posted by Cancervirgo15degreesim so shock that you think that's something necessary at just one year.Posted by Aries_LuminaryYessss 💯Posted by Cancervirgo15degreesSeriously?!
Whoaaaa wait wait. You have been together a year and arent living together or engaged yet?
Im out!
click to expand
the rest of my life is a long time and im committed to my child first and foremost
i don't know, to me i just don't know if i want to be codependent on him financial when i feel we are still growing our relationship.
Posted by AgentP911no one has ever said that to me
OP, has anyone told you that you sound like a total nut case?
Scorp sun and Venus here.
nor do i think i am compared to my large community of friends
and that was rude.... scorp makes since. your so judgmental
Posted by jeane
I don't think this is a sign thing.
OP, it may be something to do with your particular psychology. I say this as a person who also had this reaction built in to me as a child.
Did you have parents who would withdraw if they were angry at you or each other? Do you come a family that doesn't argue or fight? Did one of your parents suddenly leave?
For me, my parents withdrew. It created a very unstable atmosphere. You didn't know what was happening from one day to the next.
Early on in my relationship my bull would "disappear" for a few days. I would go into a semi meltdown thinking every bad thing I could and preparing myself for a breakup. The reality was we were fine. There was no drama, he was just busy doing his thing.
What this relationship has made me do is confront those negative thoughts and beliefs that were instilled into me. It was work I needed to do on myself. I was the one bringing in volatility. I had to change my reaction.
Luckily I found a straight up guy. I don't know what I would have done if he was someone that made my hangup worse. Sometimes we are attracted to certain people to help us grow or keep us stuck in negative familiar patterns.
This has been the most insightful post.
thank you so much for that - its few and fare between with this forum group that i get someone that does pass judgment but provokes thought.
my mother who is a scorp and suffered abuse as a child was withdrawal love and affection from me when she was mad at me. my father was forced to side with my mother in arguments or he would hide from all situations so this makes a lot of sense to me that his absents might cause me to worry that i have done something wrong.
When you realized this was a thing for you, did you tell him? and what did you do to help yourself in times that triggered that reaction?
Posted by Harukkaright, thank you.Posted by AgentP911Crazy scorpio
OP, has anyone told you that you sound like a total nut case?
Scorp sun and Venus here.click to expand
just like my mother. ugh
Posted by Aries_Luminaryhe is a Taurus sun and moon / Cancer in Venus
What are his placements?
But honestly we probably won’t be able to answer this for you.
I could only assume he needs space after spending consecutive days with you.
I get like that when I go out of town with people. You guys have only been together. That’s not long at all.
Posted by Cancervirgo15degreesPosted by sagittariusxoIf you cant see yourself with someone after that many days then you are wasting everyones time. A person will know very quickly when they have met the one for them. Much much much sooner than one whole year. Thats a year of your life you cant get back. How many more years are you prepared to "wait and see if hes the one". Hes not the one for you. I feel.Posted by Cancervirgo15degreesim so shock that you think that's something necessary at just one year.Posted by Aries_LuminaryYessss 💯Posted by Cancervirgo15degreesSeriously?!
Whoaaaa wait wait. You have been together a year and arent living together or engaged yet?
Im out!
the rest of my life is a long time and im committed to my child first and foremost
i don't know, to me i just don't know if i want to be codependent on him financial when i feel we are still growing our relationship.click to expand
oh i definitely see it. he is a wonderful wonderful man, i adore him. he is the most beautiful person i have ever met inside and out and im clearly obsessed about him. But im a mom and my sons approval matters to me as well as my Taurus is a man that takes his time and im a girl that's believes things evolve naturally and that just has not happened yet.
Posted by sagittariusxoPosted by AgentP911no one has ever said that to me
OP, has anyone told you that you sound like a total nut case?
Scorp sun and Venus here.
nor do i think i am compared to my large community of friends
and that was rude.... scorp makes since. your so judgmentalclick to expand
You’re.
Not your.
Posted by sagittariusxoPosted by Harukkaright, thank you.Posted by AgentP911Crazy scorpio
OP, has anyone told you that you sound like a total nut case?
Scorp sun and Venus here.
just like my mother. ughclick to expand
Ah yes... I see you’re judgemental too. Naturally all Scorpio’s are like your mother. 🙄
I read your post. So did my Taurus partner. He thought you were a nutcase too.
I think your post is very overwhelming. I felt you were all over the place and creating issues that aren’t there with this fella. I can’t recall the exact parts unless I go back to re-read it but it was snowballing into almost hysterical.
I wouldn’t expect to be at this stage after one year of being together. I think you both need to talk to each other and figure out what you want and where you want it to go.
Clearly something in his behaviour or attitude is sparking off these insecure feelings you’re having. I thought Jeane’s post may have hit the nail at least partly on the head. Also, you said in another post that you questioned your commitment to this man or this relationship. Perhaps he is creating distance because he senses your lack of commitment or aloofness towards him or the relationship, or something like that. As another person said, at 30 years old, and at one year in, if it’s not going anywhere then what’s the point?
This is a forum. Expect varied comments and views.
Posted by Cancervirgo15degreesPosted by sagittariusxoYes well ok. If your kid doesnt like him by now there is a reason.Posted by Cancervirgo15degreesPosted by sagittariusxoIf you cant see yourself with someone after that many days then you are wasting everyones time. A person will know very quickly when they have met the one for them. Much much much sooner than one whole year. Thats a year of your life you cant get back. How many more years are you prepared to "wait and see if hes the one". Hes not the one for you. I feel.Posted by Cancervirgo15degreesim so shock that you think that's something necessary at just one year.Posted by Aries_LuminaryYessss 💯Posted by Cancervirgo15degreesSeriously?!
Whoaaaa wait wait. You have been together a year and arent living together or engaged yet?
Im out!
the rest of my life is a long time and im committed to my child first and foremost
i don't know, to me i just don't know if i want to be codependent on him financial when i feel we are still growing our relationship.
oh i definitely see it. he is a wonderful wonderful man, i adore him. he is the most beautiful person i have ever met inside and out and im clearly obsessed about him. But im a mom and my sons approval matters to me as well as my Taurus is a man that takes his time and im a girl that's believes things evolve naturally and that just has not happened yet.
Being a mother means you have to be even more cut and dry about this. Your kid deserves ONE strong man who is 100% sure about you AND them from the get go. Not years later. If he needs a break from you after a weekend what the hell is he gonna do if ur kid is around. And not to be rude but i wouldnt exactly call him wonderful if he cant handle you for one weekend. He sounds like a baby. Or else youre a total but job 😂😂😂 jokes. Annnnywho.
Its your life. Im not tryna tell you what to do. Im going by what i have seen and personally experienced from men who have gotten married to the women they live. I am also a mom.
click to expand
its not that my kid doesn't like him. he likes him, he tells me so. just due to factors i don't feel like getting into the process of building the trust and friendship bond is a slow one. its only been a year and my son is older not a baby so he's territorial
Posted by sagittariusxoPosted by jeane
I don't think this is a sign thing.
OP, it may be something to do with your particular psychology. I say this as a person who also had this reaction built in to me as a child.
Did you have parents who would withdraw if they were angry at you or each other? Do you come a family that doesn't argue or fight? Did one of your parents suddenly leave?
For me, my parents withdrew. It created a very unstable atmosphere. You didn't know what was happening from one day to the next.
Early on in my relationship my bull would "disappear" for a few days. I would go into a semi meltdown thinking every bad thing I could and preparing myself for a breakup. The reality was we were fine. There was no drama, he was just busy doing his thing.
What this relationship has made me do is confront those negative thoughts and beliefs that were instilled into me. It was work I needed to do on myself. I was the one bringing in volatility. I had to change my reaction.
Luckily I found a straight up guy. I don't know what I would have done if he was someone that made my hangup worse. Sometimes we are attracted to certain people to help us grow or keep us stuck in negative familiar patterns.
This has been the most insightful post.
thank you so much for that - its few and fare between with this forum group that i get someone that does pass judgment but provokes thought.
my mother who is a scorp and suffered abuse as a child was withdrawal love and affection from me when she was mad at me. my father was forced to side with my mother in arguments or he would hide from all situations so this makes a lot of sense to me that his absents might cause me to worry that i have done something wrong.
When you realized this was a thing for you, did you tell him? and what did you do to help yourself in times that triggered that reaction?
click to expand
Years ago I came across a theory that we choose partners that will trigger things in us that we experienced as children.
An abused child will seek out an abuser, a child with a controlling parent will have a controlling partner etc. I don't know if there is any truth in it but I think it's interesting. The idea is that we pick something that is familiar to us but it's also an opportunity to face those things as an adult that we couldn't as a child.
Yes, I told him. And then he would do it again and then we would have a fight or id think about breaking up with him first because it was only a matter of time before he did it to me, right? Or I would try to disappear myself but what got me through was an understanding about my baggage and the toxins that I was contributing to the fights etc and also creating a steady history with him. That was built up over time.
I wish I could give you a simple solution but consistency on both our parts and finding him to be reliable and just getting to know him solved my anxiety.
We just settled into it. Now he doesn't disappear anymore and instead of hiding himself away, he'll come to me and i to him. He no longer triggers that fear of abandonment in me and if he were to suddenly drop off the earth, I'd be more concerned that something has happened rather than he is leaving me.
I guess what we did was overwrite those patterns and outcomes that had been imprinted on me. I learnt new reactions to those events but I think understanding why I was reacting the way I was, allowed me to move past those triggers.
Posted by sagittariusxoThose placements don’t sound like the type of Taurus that will give you problems.Posted by Aries_Luminaryhe is a Taurus sun and moon / Cancer in Venus
What are his placements?
But honestly we probably won’t be able to answer this for you.
I could only assume he needs space after spending consecutive days with you.
I get like that when I go out of town with people. You guys have only been together. That’s not long at all.
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Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus makes many great points, I would recommend checking it out. To me, it sounds like he just needed to unwind after a vacation. People need that sometimes.... I know I do. Or after being with someone too long, I also take some space away. Just to recoop.
Its important to remember that we are all different and not everyone thinks and acts like you do or would. Especially the opposite gender, our biological chemistry is different. Its on a core level. So unless he is actually rude or mad at you, give him the space he needs to recharge and be himself again, he will surely come back. And if he IS mad at you, with a Taurus, you can always tell LOL
Its important to remember that we are all different and not everyone thinks and acts like you do or would. Especially the opposite gender, our biological chemistry is different. Its on a core level. So unless he is actually rude or mad at you, give him the space he needs to recharge and be himself again, he will surely come back. And if he IS mad at you, with a Taurus, you can always tell LOL
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Going to get it.. he's making it hard to control myself for too much longer weeee haha
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it was a quick trip but fun and good time spend together.
when we got home we separated - obviously because we don't live together
but since then we have hardly been talking and I haven't seen him since sunday.
I know that people need space and im totally ok with that.
Im just very confussed and don't understand this though in him.
how can he be so loving, and affectionate and totally obcessed with me for long periods
but then push me away, place undefined space between us and leave me in such a comfortable stable state of expecting and now really missing his affection?
why doesn't he say something before he does this. and why is he so short. so short to not explain if something is wrong. is it me? did I do something? is our relationship safe?
I don't consider myself needy. but when he does this I feel like I lost something? I feel sad, which leads to angry, when leads to resenting.
I still have no understanding of why and what he is needing where we have all this space between us.
I did call him directly and ask him if something was wrong, and his response was such a stern and almost annoyed tone and still not explanation. he has been text me sparingly everyday with closed in comments of his sweet nature like "goodmorning, I miss you. hope you have a great day" and "I love you very much, hope you had a great day" but its not engaging. and it doesn't feel like the love and missing is there, it kind feels like im being kept on a string.
i am giving him his space. and i do respond to his texts like "thank you, i love you too" and "thank you, i hope you did as well" but like i said im trying to just play along because i don't know whats happening. im also afraid to ask because i never get the answers in need in the past and don't expect to get them now, not from him.
help me understand. im just really missing him and im growing impatient