How important are looks? (Page 2)

Posted by DonnaLibra

The good news OP is there are millions of men in this world so no need to stress over losing just one.

I'm curious - what sun sign are you, him and the other girl? That might tell us something other than she's good looking.

I am virgo sun. I don't know their signs. The looks are the conventional good looks, you can see other guys being nice to said girl etc. Only it does not bother me if other guys go after her, it's the guy I like going after that hurts me. Especially, after he showed interest in me. It makes me feel like you are no different than others. I don't get invested in any guy based on his looks, personality etc. unless he is the one showing interest first. So it does not bother me who he goes after or anything, it's when my feelings get involved it hurts badly.

Posted by LuxePurr

Looks are important for both men and women. It's our nature to size up a potential mate. For me, I've lost interest on several guys no matter how hot they are when the conversations never leave the surface level. And I've had guys show interest in me only to slowly disappear which is fine, as they may have found another woman who they feel more comnection with.

I was like you before but once you tap into that part of your brain where you realize that there are so many single men out there with too little time on your hands, you wouldn't care if ONE dude appears to lose interest in you.

When single, learning to entertain several men instead of focusing on just one might solve your problems. I always have at least 3 in rotation. 🤣

I am ok if he loses interest and goes after someone I don't know, it's when he shows interest in someone we both know, then it hurts more, like hurts the ego, or makes me think he always wanted her I was just a boost to his ego. When I think of it, he did not make any promises or anything or nothing was official, but just he was enjoying pursuing and the attention and when he got it, back to his main interest. I am like why the hell did he even show interest in the first place.

Posted by MadTwins80

Posted by colors

Posted by MadTwins80Also I wouldn't assume you know what a man is thinking with regards to other women. Just because you see him being playful or even affectionate with another woman don't assume he likes her or sees her in that way. Sometimes the women we like the most are the ones we pay the least attention to. So when you see a guy "flirting" with another woman don't necessarily assume it's because he is trying to hook up with her. Don't be jealous or angry and you'll probably have better experiences imo , I know it's easier said than done.

This is interesting. Most women need assurance and a sense of security, so seeing a guy flirt with another woman brings out that insecurity and jealousy. Men on the other hand seem to take another guy in the picture as a challenge and chase more. I had a very strong jealous reaction recently for a simple wish a guy gave another girl and I could not figure why I felt so strongly. If it was another guy I know I would not have cared. Even now thinking about my reaction makes me uncomfortable. I have not acted on that feeling so he will never know so that makes it better 😄 I agree though when there is no jealousy the guy may wander but comes back, or maybe you don't even notice that he had left. It's when you start getting interested you notice everything and somehow that complicates things. I wish people could stay detached even when interested in someone.

Yes it could be to do with anxious attachment, I don't know if you have read about attachment theory? but someone with anxious attachment style will experience a lot more of these insecurities whilst someone with secure attachment will be much better equipped to let people do what they do and not stress about it too much

Ironically the secure person will have better relationships because they are not clouded by neediness so they can make clear decisions to cut people out quickly if they are not right for them and to not allow themselves to stress over small things that aren't actually a problem long term

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It sounds like I have anxious attachment style . It kicks in when I like the guy and feel like he likes me too. If he didn't like me I would have no issues who he talked with or who those girls got attention from. It is only when I feel the connection is or rather was mutual that it starts to bother me.

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by colors

Posted by Lostthoughts

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Posted by WarAngel

At 41, a good conversationalist is just as important as a nice ass.

Many options but very few challenge my mind.

and would you use someone to boost your ego? I mean why do men pursue someone when they have their eye on someone else?

Plenty of reasons. Biology(sex), entertainment(even just to kill some time), or they are not 100% locked on to the person they have "eyes" for. Even low self-esteem causing them to shot for less or someone different. Or a mix of all thee above. Take your pick lol

Regardless you are going to get different answers based on the mindset and maturity level of the responder. Your question is just too vague.

So as an example, sometimes a guy will show interest, pursue a bit, and then you see him doing the same or more to someone else. And you feel like a fool that you thought he may be interested in you

Nope. Still a vague hypothetical with many many reasons. You know what I've played every scenario of what you said and in the end it doesn't matter.

Because the most important question is, were you into to him and why?

That's a good question. Yes, I would say I was into him because I thought he was into me. That's what makes me most mad. Like I am fine by myself, so why does a guy come show interest and then when you show interest back go to someone else? Just let me be if you are not serious.

Should be happy he moved on if it was just a fleeting fancy and you were not truly interested in him. You have lost nothing. Doesn't sound like either of you were serious about this.

Did this situation awaken some kind of desire for companionship you were setting aside?

Another of saying that is, are you mad at yourself for giving a shit about this, letting it effect you?

Yes, I am mad at myself for showing interest

You obviously enjoyed the experience. Don't be so hard on yourself for that.

The fact that nothing came of it well...happens. You were seeing each other or actually dating and that is what happens when it doesn't work out. It is part of the process. Once again it wasn't him particularly you were attached to rather the attention and the relationship experience itself, yes?

Besides would you rather him stick around if he isn't serious about you? You owe him thanks for not taking up more of your time.

As you get older and more experience with people in general, you will be able to better zero in on those prospects worth investing in long term. Learn from this experience and enjoy any good memories you made. Don't be do hard on yourself😁

I just didn't like the way in which he tried to put a stop, by suddenly ignoring, avoiding. And the worst, pursuing someone where we are all acquainted. That is the worst, I think it was always her, I was supposed to be in the background for his ego boost. That was brutal to watch. Hurt my ego.

If you were actually dating/seeing each other (not just talking) and he just ghosted you, that says more about him then you. Total teen/early20s immature move. I totally get the whole hit to the ego thing though.

What did you actually lose here(actual downsides) vs. gained or learned from this experience?

I fear of this experience repeating with someone else. What makes a guy stay and not lose interest?

"makes"?That is a big red flag right there😔

AS INDIVIDUALS, People are either in to each other or they are not. They may lose interest in the course of dating, as they get to know each other.

AS INDIVIDUALS, When difficulties and challenges come up in the relationship and life, you both feel strongly enough and choose to work it out...or they or you don't.

The only thing you can "make" do something is yourself. That you have control over. You can display interest and see what happens🙃

Rejection isn't the end of the world or even a bad thing. Being with someone who has no real interest in you is a waste of time and not fun at all. He did you a favor. Your own interest was shallow as well btw😏

Focus on developing yourself and actually liking who you are as a person. Throw in relating and understanding others(personal relationships) so you can easily get your foot in the door where you want to. Then you will be golden.

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I am starting to think this has something to do with me. Whenever I feel there is a mutual connection with a guy, a girl known to both crops up and I start thinking is he into her. The case I mentioned in OP he actually went after the other girl, but when I think more, there always is another girl and I start thinking about how he feels about her. It does not hurt as much if she is someone I don't know. 🙂 How can I stop over analyzing the dynamic that two other people share? Of course I don't want to be made a fool of if there is someone else in the picture, but how can I just focus on how I feel and also not get taken granted for?

Posted by LuxePurr

Posted by colors

Posted by LuxePurr

Looks are important for both men and women. It's our nature to size up a potential mate. For me, I've lost interest on several guys no matter how hot they are when the conversations never leave the surface level. And I've had guys show interest in me only to slowly disappear which is fine, as they may have found another woman who they feel more comnection with.

I was like you before but once you tap into that part of your brain where you realize that there are so many single men out there with too little time on your hands, you wouldn't care if ONE dude appears to lose interest in you.

When single, learning to entertain several men instead of focusing on just one might solve your problems. I always have at least 3 in rotation. 🤣

I am ok if he loses interest and goes after someone I don't know, it's when he shows interest in someone we both know, then it hurts more, like hurts the ego, or makes me think he always wanted her I was just a boost to his ego. When I think of it, he did not make any promises or anything or nothing was official, but just he was enjoying pursuing and the attention and when he got it, back to his main interest. I am like why the hell did he even show interest in the first place.

Jeez how old is this guy? He sounds like an immature prick

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I think he just got uncomfortable that I might start showing interest in front of the other girl. 🙂 I am fine now, it does not bother me as much to see their interactions, initially it hurt a lot. I am noticing other people now. 🙂

I mean if we talking in general terms here's my answer. Yes looks is important to me. To hang around me you'd have to look your best and smell good too as I don't like being around just anybody. Oh and your personality can't be a stink one as I will drop you like a hot potato.

When pursuing for a woman (in which obviously i don't do) I like for her to look cute, with attractive features like a well figured body shape, bombing upper body, and the most importantly of all her feet must be well kept and very attractive to stare at.

Overall I don't want no one more good looking than me. Just average will do.

Posted by colors

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by colors

Posted by Lostthoughts

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Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by colors

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by colors

Posted by Lostthoughts

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Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by colors

Posted by WarAngel

At 41, a good conversationalist is just as important as a nice ass.

Many options but very few challenge my mind.

and would you use someone to boost your ego? I mean why do men pursue someone when they have their eye on someone else?

Plenty of reasons. Biology(sex), entertainment(even just to kill some time), or they are not 100% locked on to the person they have "eyes" for. Even low self-esteem causing them to shot for less or someone different. Or a mix of all thee above. Take your pick lol

Regardless you are going to get different answers based on the mindset and maturity level of the responder. Your question is just too vague.

So as an example, sometimes a guy will show interest, pursue a bit, and then you see him doing the same or more to someone else. And you feel like a fool that you thought he may be interested in you

Nope. Still a vague hypothetical with many many reasons. You know what I've played every scenario of what you said and in the end it doesn't matter.

Because the most important question is, were you into to him and why?

That's a good question. Yes, I would say I was into him because I thought he was into me. That's what makes me most mad. Like I am fine by myself, so why does a guy come show interest and then when you show interest back go to someone else? Just let me be if you are not serious.

Should be happy he moved on if it was just a fleeting fancy and you were not truly interested in him. You have lost nothing. Doesn't sound like either of you were serious about this.

Did this situation awaken some kind of desire for companionship you were setting aside?

Another of saying that is, are you mad at yourself for giving a shit about this, letting it effect you?

Yes, I am mad at myself for showing interest

You obviously enjoyed the experience. Don't be so hard on yourself for that.

The fact that nothing came of it well...happens. You were seeing each other or actually dating and that is what happens when it doesn't work out. It is part of the process. Once again it wasn't him particularly you were attached to rather the attention and the relationship experience itself, yes?

Besides would you rather him stick around if he isn't serious about you? You owe him thanks for not taking up more of your time.

As you get older and more experience with people in general, you will be able to better zero in on those prospects worth investing in long term. Learn from this experience and enjoy any good memories you made. Don't be do hard on yourself😁

I just didn't like the way in which he tried to put a stop, by suddenly ignoring, avoiding. And the worst, pursuing someone where we are all acquainted. That is the worst, I think it was always her, I was supposed to be in the background for his ego boost. That was brutal to watch. Hurt my ego.

If you were actually dating/seeing each other (not just talking) and he just ghosted you, that says more about him then you. Total teen/early20s immature move. I totally get the whole hit to the ego thing though.

What did you actually lose here(actual downsides) vs. gained or learned from this experience?

I fear of this experience repeating with someone else. What makes a guy stay and not lose interest?

"makes"?That is a big red flag right there😔

AS INDIVIDUALS, People are either in to each other or they are not. They may lose interest in the course of dating, as they get to know each other.

AS INDIVIDUALS, When difficulties and challenges come up in the relationship and life, you both feel strongly enough and choose to work it out...or they or you don't.

The only thing you can "make" do something is yourself. That you have control over. You can display interest and see what happens🙃

Rejection isn't the end of the world or even a bad thing. Being with someone who has no real interest in you is a waste of time and not fun at all. He did you a favor. Your own interest was shallow as well btw😏

Focus on developing yourself and actually liking who you are as a person. Throw in relating and understanding others(personal relationships) so you can easily get your foot in the door where you want to. Then you will be golden.

I am starting to think this has something to do with me. Whenever I feel there is a mutual connection with a guy, a girl known to both crops up and I start thinking is he into her. The case I mentioned in OP he actually went after the other girl, but when I think more, there always is another girl and I start thinking about how he feels about her. It does not hurt as much if she is someone I don't know. 🙂 How can I stop over analyzing the dynamic that two other people share? Of course I don't want to be made a fool of if there is someone else in the picture, but how can I just focus on how I feel and also not get taken granted for?

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What your asking for is commonly referred to as maturity 🙂 Since you are having problems with seems like jealousy and maybe even envy, lets focus on emotional maturity. Lets start there, I can point you in the right direction😁

Acceptance of your own feelings and while still recognizing and accepting other's feelings as well, WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. What I mean by "Without judgement" is not denying or suppressing. For example with a emotion, you feel angry, you recognize you are feeling this way and ask why. Not just straight act on it. Ask yourself why then go from there. Decide if it's justified to express it and in what manner.

In practice it takes some getting use to and you will make mistakes. That is part of life and part of the process of learning.



One more thing to think about exploring once you soet your own personal issues out. If you ever think you are actually able to read people the way you imply, same thing applies here as above. It's super common for people to ignore their intuition and gut. Either because what they picked up on was, is against what they "think" or they started assuming too much and got it horribly wrong too many times. Lacking the experience and wisdom to interpret it correctly. The context.

For instance don't know how many times personally a woman has said their boyfriend was cheating because they picked up on him lieing or holding something back and just assumed too much about what exactly they lied or held back. Or on your case you be picking up on someone being attracted or like another person.

To get to the point of reading others well you have to be "unbiased" of what it is. Everyone shares common tells true but really depends on the person to get the context right.

Posted by Lostthoughts What your asking for is commonly referred to as maturity 🙂 Since you are having problems with seems like jealousy and maybe even envy, lets focus on emotional maturity. Lets start there, I can point you in the right direction😁

Acceptance of your own feelings and while still recognizing and accepting other's feelings as well, WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. What I mean by "Without judgement" is not denying or suppressing. For example with a emotion, you feel angry, you recognize you are feeling this way and ask why. Not just straight act on it. Ask yourself why then go from there. Decide if it's justified to express it and in what manner.

In practice it takes some getting use to and you will make mistakes. That is part of life and part of the process of learning.



One more thing to think about exploring once you soet your own personal issues out. If you ever think you are actually able to read people the way you imply, same thing applies here as above. It's super common for people to ignore their intuition and gut. Either because what they picked up on was, is against what they "think" or they started assuming too much and got it horribly wrong too many times. Lacking the experience and wisdom to interpret it correctly. The context.

For instance don't know how many times personally a woman has said their boyfriend was cheating because they picked up on him lieing or holding something back and just assumed too much about what exactly they lied or held back. Or on your case you be picking up on someone being attracted or like another person.

To get to the point of reading others well you have to be "unbiased" of what it is. Everyone shares common tells true but really depends on the person to get the context right.

So whatever I am feeling, how can I overcome those feelings? I know I have no right to get upset/hurt if a guy I am interested in is giving attention to another girl. If he has not verbally expressed his feelings to me, it is just a mutual connection I know exists, so how do I not get so emotional and not think this much. I feel like I am wasting my time being upset where I have no right to or there is no point.

Posted by colors

Posted by Lostthoughts What your asking for is commonly referred to as maturity 🙂 Since you are having problems with seems like jealousy and maybe even envy, lets focus on emotional maturity. Lets start there, I can point you in the right direction😁

Acceptance of your own feelings and while still recognizing and accepting other's feelings as well, WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. What I mean by "Without judgement" is not denying or suppressing. For example with a emotion, you feel angry, you recognize you are feeling this way and ask why. Not just straight act on it. Ask yourself why then go from there. Decide if it's justified to express it and in what manner.

In practice it takes some getting use to and you will make mistakes. That is part of life and part of the process of learning.



One more thing to think about exploring once you soet your own personal issues out. If you ever think you are actually able to read people the way you imply, same thing applies here as above. It's super common for people to ignore their intuition and gut. Either because what they picked up on was, is against what they "think" or they started assuming too much and got it horribly wrong too many times. Lacking the experience and wisdom to interpret it correctly. The context.

For instance don't know how many times personally a woman has said their boyfriend was cheating because they picked up on him lieing or holding something back and just assumed too much about what exactly they lied or held back. Or on your case you be picking up on someone being attracted or like another person.

To get to the point of reading others well you have to be "unbiased" of what it is. Everyone shares common tells true but really depends on the person to get the context right.

So whatever I am feeling, how can I overcome those feelings? I know I have no right to get upset/hurt if a guy I am interested in is giving attention to another girl. If he has not verbally expressed his feelings to me, it is just a mutual connection I know exists, so how do I not get so emotional and not think this much. I feel like I am wasting my time being upset where I have no right to or there is no point.

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There is no magic solution to this to make it all go away. It's parts of human nature your struggling with, biology, psychology, and self(ego). You learn how to do what you ask asking through practice and experience. Reread what I've already said and go try it out. Analysing any further is pointless. Your chasing your own tail at this point. Go practice.

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by colors

Posted by Lostthoughts What your asking for is commonly referred to as maturity 🙂 Since you are having problems with seems like jealousy and maybe even envy, lets focus on emotional maturity. Lets start there, I can point you in the right direction😁

Acceptance of your own feelings and while still recognizing and accepting other's feelings as well, WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. What I mean by "Without judgement" is not denying or suppressing. For example with a emotion, you feel angry, you recognize you are feeling this way and ask why. Not just straight act on it. Ask yourself why then go from there. Decide if it's justified to express it and in what manner.

In practice it takes some getting use to and you will make mistakes. That is part of life and part of the process of learning.



One more thing to think about exploring once you soet your own personal issues out. If you ever think you are actually able to read people the way you imply, same thing applies here as above. It's super common for people to ignore their intuition and gut. Either because what they picked up on was, is against what they "think" or they started assuming too much and got it horribly wrong too many times. Lacking the experience and wisdom to interpret it correctly. The context.

For instance don't know how many times personally a woman has said their boyfriend was cheating because they picked up on him lieing or holding something back and just assumed too much about what exactly they lied or held back. Or on your case you be picking up on someone being attracted or like another person.

To get to the point of reading others well you have to be "unbiased" of what it is. Everyone shares common tells true but really depends on the person to get the context right.

So whatever I am feeling, how can I overcome those feelings? I know I have no right to get upset/hurt if a guy I am interested in is giving attention to another girl. If he has not verbally expressed his feelings to me, it is just a mutual connection I know exists, so how do I not get so emotional and not think this much. I feel like I am wasting my time being upset where I have no right to or there is no point.

There is no magic solution to this to make it all go away. It's parts of human nature your struggling with, biology, psychology, and self(ego). You learn how to do what you ask asking through practice and experience. Reread what I've already said and go try it out. Analysing any further is pointless. Your chasing your own tail at this point. Go practice.

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How can a virgo mind stop thinking 😄 will try 😐

Posted by capincc

Looks are important but I wouldn't leave the person I'm with because someone better looking came along.

So if a guy leaves it must mean he was not serious I guess?

Posted by capincc

Posted by colors

Posted by capincc

Looks are important but I wouldn't leave the person I'm with because someone better looking came along.

So if a guy leaves it must mean he was not serious I guess?

Or just shallow.

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Good then that makes him not good 😄

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by colors

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by colors

to men? Would you drop someone you like when someone good looking comes into the picture? Maybe you are not with anyone but would you shift focus to someone else because they are good looking? Are men vain?

Possibly, but more so if that person felt like a better or fit or more exciting and inspiring.

What if you know both girls involved from before? And they all know each other. Would you go after the second girl in front of the first girl? I know maybe I am being unreasonable. It's just a question of if you know both girls why would you go after first girl if you were always interested in the second one? Or maybe the second was always the first but he thought the other won't take it seriously.

I think feelings can develop over time, it's possible someone wasn't interested in the girl to begin with, but as he got to know her maybe he liked her more than the other girl who he was bored of. Or maybe he thought he didn't have a chance. Tbh if both girls knew each other it becomes an issue if they are gossipy, it would depend if it felt like one was meant to be to be, to the point of obsession.

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Or he just wanted attention from both but was interested in only one. When the other one started showing interest in public he backed away.