Any insight into this relationship?

Hi all-
I have been reading answers here and was hoping that someone may be able to shed some light-or give me some advice.

I have been seeing a great Virgo guy for about 5 months. We both have busy careers and schedules but we see each other just about every other weekend(when my children go see their father). He lives quite a distance away.I have no doubts that he likes me a lot, although neither one of us has told the other that we "love" each other yet. I always have an amazing time with him-WHEN we are actually together. We talk about everything, and the sex is pretty incredible.The problem is the rest of the time....

He calls almost every night-but it is on a schedule....after the gym, before bed. 15-20 mins. tops. He almost never emails me back and forget texting! I know he is busy...but I need these little gestures once in a while. I feel like these little things help keep the 'romance' fresh when we cant see each other. I try to let him know in some way, every day, that I am thinking aboiut him.I have told him this but he doesn't seem to realize I am serious when I tell him this. Am I being ridiculous here?

Thank you for any advice you might have : )

CC,

Left to our own devices, Virgs are schedule-driven, routine-loving creatures. You can break him outta this calling routine, but it won't be easy! Especially since y'all are attempting a long-distance relationship...

About the Phone: I hate the damn thing! Debra & I have had more misunderstandings on that satanic device than I care to recount - especially in the beginning, before we knew each other well enough to overcome the verbal lapses...

HE should prefer e-mail or texting, and he should be responding to yours. Since he's not, I wonder if he's really serious about you, or if he's just comfortable with the regular sex. If he cares for you, he should be aware of how hard the distance is on the relationship, and he should make the effort to reassure you...

"Am I being ridiculous here?"

No, you have a legitimate concern. You need to put your foot down with him NOW. Establish some rules and boundaries. If he won't budge, kick his ass to the curb. Some Virgo men will run right over a sweet woman - not overtly abusive, but controlling and having their way all the time. You need to know what kind of man he is before another 5-6 months slide by...

~DyarStra?e

"Am I being ridiculous here?"

Ridiculous probably isn't the right word ..



"busy careers and schedules"
"we see each other just about every other weekend"
"He lives quite a distance away."
"He calls almost every night"
"I know he is busy"


Unreasonable sounds more appropriate.

He's giving you everything he apparantly can right now, since he's very busy and lives far away, and calls you nearly every night ... even if he did text and email you, it probably wouldn't be enough.

He phones nearly every night .. you should consider yourself fortunate and crawl out of his ass.

Alrighty then!

"He phones nearly every night .. you should consider yourself fortunate and crawl out of his ass."

Why don't you tell me how you REALLY feel? : )

I am glad I asked this on this board...because I actually feel like I am being tough on him sometimes (although I don't know if I have ever thought I was 'up his ass'-lol). Other times I feel like I deserve more, since I am making the time to make the extra effort.

Your input, though, is appreciated. I am looking for different perspectives.

Thanks!!!

I cannot speak for all Virgos especially Virgo men but I know that with me I crave space. I don't need to see or talk to someone everyday and expressing any serious type of emotion, you can forget about it. The only time I start to feel the need to speak everyday, mid day and all the time is only when I am totally head over heels in love.And even then I downplay how much I need you. This may be the case here.Good luck!!

I am a scorp female with a virgo bf of 6 months. My virg calls me every am, in between and every night to say nighty night. Virgs are very scheduled and if he has a meeting and cannot call me in the am he will call to let me know he cant call and will call later. We see each other maybe several times a week because of his schedule. I trust my virgo and that's what a scorp needs. Also, he trusts me and lets me go out with my friends on weekends.

I have been with other guys and CC you should consider yourself lucky he calls most nights. TRust me, most guys do not bother.

DSB you are right about letting your virg know about boundries. They can be overpowering at times but will listen as long as you are not whiny. LOL

ok, SF I shouldnt have said, "lets me", rather, encourages our space. Sometimes you have to "settle" on certain habits as they should with you. If she tries to find someone "perfect" she'll be alone forever. LOL

First-thank you for taking the time to reply, so far. I appreciate it.

I have to wonder about other people's relationships....when people tell me I am "lucky" to get a phone call most nights. I don't think that is so out of the ordinary, in an ongoing monogamous relationship. Especially one that is long distance and this is our primary means of communication. Trust is not the issue....touching base, talking about your day, just hearing him speak-that is what the nightly phone calls are all about. There are nights when one of us is working or out and we don't speak. That is not a big deal. The long distance thing is hard for me....I obviously am not doing too well with it. So yes...I need to re-evaluate if my Virgo is really right for me. I don't want to change him-but I need more than I think he can give me.

Starfish-
Yes-I totally got what you were saying and I am definitely mulling it over...what I am willing to sacrifice and what are "must haves" in a relationship. Your post has been good food for thought. Thank you for your advice : )

Once again-thanks all for your insight.

I emailed him after yet another week of not seeing each other and told him that I thought we should date other people as well...lol-he pretty much ignored it and called me a drama queen...but said he would work harder to make time to be together : ).

Anyway-thank again.

"he pretty much ignored it and called me a drama queen"


lol

"he pretty much ignored it and called me a drama queen"


Wow CC - when you expressed an important need of your and he responded this way? he basically dissed you and your feelings as not being imporant. RED FLAG.

I'd hightail it outta there ASAP - you deserve better and the cool thing is....YOU already KNEW it - now you have your proof.

Whoa y'all!

I advised CC to get tough with the VirGuy: "You need to put your foot down with him NOW. Establish some rules and boundaries. If he won't budge, kick his ass to the curb."

CC: "I emailed him after yet another week of not seeing each other and told him that I thought we should date other people as well..."

My Virgic interpretation: The Cancer got tough with the Virgo, and he started taking her seriously, in that "[he]said he would work harder to make time to be together..."

Yeah, a VirGuy is gonna diss a Cancer as being an emotional drama queen -- that's our standard brush-off for things we don't want / like to deal with.

CC, I think your Virgo already knows you have a sweet / soft side. NOW, if you want him, you gotta show him you can be tough, too. We respect a grounded person, who can set the tears aside, and express emotions through firmness as well.

Just have to ask yourself, at this early stage, Do I really want this guy??

Wow! Some strong responses to my follow up post!

The "drama queen" comment was said in a "sheesh!" kind of way...not as an insult. It was funny to the both of us because neither one of us is overly dramatic-although I am obviously the more openly emotional of the two of us, but certainly not in any 'dramatic' sort of way. I dropped it after that because I know he got my point and he said he would address the issue. I am taking him at his word, I don't have any reason not to. He is that kind of guy....all I can do now is wait and see. I am not asking for the moon here and if he can't manage more than once a month then I will certainly follow through and start to date others as well.


I appreciate all of the concerns people have expressed though. Sometimes an outsider's unbiased opinion sheds a different light on a situation. Thanks again : )

Well, I'm probably gonna catch some slack for this (I don't care though). IMO Cancers tend to be clingy and attention needy. Don't give me wrong, many of my close girlfriends were/are Cancers and my sister who I love dearly is also one. I grew up in a house with two Cancer women and pretty much consider myself an intermediate (high-end) expert on the ladies.

Now, back to my observations. CC, I think that you are showing the emotional and insecure side of Cancer. It's been 5mos and I will tell you one thing, if you got that long out of a Virgo then you really need not worry about anything. If he calls you on schedule and keeps your alt-wknd visits you definitely have nothing to worry about.

Benize said it EXACTLY right. As someone out here in the dating scene, I have found that unless a man is coming into the relationship (whatever level it may be) without games it will be hard to get the kind of committment you are seeking. Virgos are a busy people, nothing is ever done at the end of our days. If we make time for you then you're important to us.

To be honest I can't think of anyone I call daily, most people 1-3 times a month. I let people call me. As far as respecting and keeping a schedule I only agree to having one if the person deserves it and means that much to me. Call me a different kind of Virgo. So, while you want more just know that Virgos are not the overly (if) emotional kind of people, we're not clingy except when in your presence and it means nothing that we aren't. Our motto, there's a place for everything and everything in it's place. Truly. 🙂

In other words, like I said .... consider yourself fortunate and crawl out of his ass.

I just read through this again .. and in no place did I hear a testimony where he thought dating other people should take place. Quite the opposite .. he's willing to try harder.

Twice, though ... you said if he doesn't suit you, then you told him you will date others.

In other words ... an emotionaly manipulation .. give me more than what you are able to, or I'll go fuck somebody else.


Sheeeesh ... Cancers !!!!!

If you had said, "This isn't working out. I'm not happy and I think maybe it's time for us to move on." That would suggest that you are no longer willing to work on the relationship for the sake of happiness.

However, to tell him, "I emailed him after yet another week of not seeing each other and told him that I thought we should date other people as well" ... is with intentions of getting him to commit to you by means of using how he feels for you against him ....

This isn't suggesting that your concern is for happiness, or for what is best between you .. it's suggesting that he is to adhere to how you feel and what you want, or you will give it away to somebody else.


He may have said at the time that he will try harder .. but, I have more faith in Virgo's than that. He WILL think about it, guaranteed, and I'm certain that he will process this for what it really means ..

No emotional manipulation here. I was very honest about what I need and he was very clear about changing that. As far as "crawling out of his ass"-I don't expect anything from him that I am not willing to provide. To see someone more than once a month is not a big demand if someone wants me to stay in a committed relationship. I told him I would still see him-but not exclusively if he could not manage more than once a month. I am not so inflexible to realize that there are times his or my schedule will preclude our every other weekend set up. But there has to be an effort to see each other more than once a month. Maybe that IS clingy. It is what I need though-and he seemed to be fine with the request. Like I said-time will tell.

Honesty is not a porblem I have, with him. I was looking for some insight...which I have certainly received : ). No flack from me for any of the answers. I appreciate the time and the thought people took to respond to my question.

CC,

I recommend you ignore P-Angel. She runs hot / cold / incendiary in her posts as the mood swings from plain crazy to nucking futz.

Wanting to see the man more than once a month IS NOT clingy.

For this Virgo, you Cancers are just too weepy, but one of the sweetest couples I know is a Virgo Man & Cancer Woman. They've been married FOREVER, and still act like newlyweds -- annoys the hell outta most of us at least some of the time, even though we're happy they're so flippin' happy.

I kept going on about getting tough with yours because I can wear down a weak-willed person until they're doing everything My Way. And that's not good for any LTR. One of the many things I love about my Scorp Wife is that she's sweet AND tough -- doesn't give in to my bullsh1t. She knows she has me by the short hairs, but she doesn't lord that over me either -- very cool! I love and admire her for it, even while I'm still trying to nudge her towards doing things the Right Way...

Here's the deal: If you tell him what you want / expect, and he makes an honest effort to comply, reward him for it -- and know in your heart that he truly cares for you. We don't do sh1t for anyone we don't want to -- our actions speak way louder than any of our words...

Good Luck!!

~DyarStra?e

"I recommend you ignore P-Angel. She runs hot / cold / incendiary in her posts as the mood swings from plain crazy to nucking futz."

------------------

"He lives quite a distance away. ....we see each other just about every other weekend"

"there has to be an effort to see each other more than once a month."

-----------------


lol

Question: Are you expecting him to come to you?

It appears that your issue is that him coming to see you only twice/once (lol) a month isn't acceptable, eventhough, keep in mind that this is a LDR (lol) .. so, if I have this right .. your gripe is that HE isn't putting forth enough effort .. so the question remains ..

.. do you go to see him?


Whip him into shape .. as suggested .. lol

CC,

As you can see, each of us has a very different interpretation of the events you've described. Long Distance Relationships (LDRs) are tough, and IMHO, your Virgo should understand this fact, and make an extra effort to stay in touch with you.

Again, Wanting to see the man more than once a month IS NOT clingy.

P-Angel is challenging you to drive / fly / visit him. I wouldn't want you to, because if anything happened to you en route, I'd be devastated. Your VG may feel the same way.

OR, he may be "comfortable" with the regularly scheduled sex, and maintaining his single life for most of the month, and calling you on a fixed interval -- I could see just about any man, and certainly a Virgo Man, doing the bare minimum to keep you hanging on.

If I was your boyfriend, I'd have to be with you more than a few days a month -- but I'm a more emotional Virgo than many I know. I could see my Virgo Father, who was an on the road salesman, being more satisfied with the type schedule you describe -- but he's a more typical Virgo than I am.

You know this man better than we do. Consider our inputs, but watch what he does / says. The truth and his true intentions will bare out over time.

interesting read, I'll toss my 2 pennies in the pot as well. Your virgo calls you on a schedule! that might be because; he knows thats the time that your available; he doesn't want to come across as smothering; or thats when his schedule allows him time to talk without interuption. Any way you put it, your getting calls from him consistantly, thats good, it means your on his mind. damn I don't call my mom or my sister once a month and they live 10 miles down the road.

If your seeing him every couple weeks then you've got his attention, if he said he would try harder, then hold him to it, but dont' toss that back in his face.

Well...I didn't realize I was so unclear. We see each other USUALLY every other weekend, but because of schedules conflicting it was 3 weeks between visits and this month was looking like it was going to end up that way as well. Until I said something and he rearranged his schedule. I saw him for dinner one evening and will see him this weekend as well.

LOL Dyar.-yes-we both like the regularly scheduled sex...but it is more than that as well. We both have stressful jobs and stay busy-when we are together it is sometimes the only time I really feel relaxed and am able to unwind. Funny enough-this whole thing has brought us much closer. He didn't realize how unhappy I was with the time between visits and thought I was fine with the way things are. He seems fine with kicking it up a notch. So far, so good.

As far as travelling to see him...I have. And I don't have a problem with it.But the majority of our visits are at my home. He travels about 5-6 hours to see me, on the Friday nights he is here. He does it because he is his own boss and can set his own hours. I do not have that luxury unfortunately-so he is usually able to be there when I get home. It is a nice way to start our weekends together.

Well, an update. And thank you for the advice that you all have given.

My Virgo guy said all of the right things about seeing each other more...but the 2 times since my initial post n November were brief.While I don't doubt for a second his feelings for me, I know enough to know I need to be a priority in his life and not an option...and actions speak louder than words. So-I have broken it off. I hated to do it but in the long run it was probably the wiser thing to do. Again-thank you for the time you took to answer 🙂.

CC- Sorry to read you had to break it off, but only you know what's best for you. You're a strong women, and from what I was told just today by my brothers (virg & sag), strong women are a turn-on (and men like lap dances - duh!), so I'm sure you'll find someone who meets your needs. Wishing you all the best in 2008! lilo

"My Virgo guy said all of the right things about seeing each other more"


You get him to work even harder to make you happy, then dump him because you don't feel like his priority ... yet, are clearly aware that he is trying to run his own business and is several hours away from you.


:: shakes head ::

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Lilo. That was very sweet of you.

PA-He is a great guy-and he did try...but he is not the 'right' guy for me...and I would like to eventually settle down again. So...I need to get out there and meet the guy who is a better match for me. The longer I prolong it-the harder it will be for both of us. There was no 'right'or 'wrong'-just a tough situation and no real solution for it.

As confused as you may have been trying to understand me...I was probably a hundred times more, trying to decide what the right thing to do was-for Virgo guy as well as me.