Decisions, decisions with a virgo man..

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gya
@gya
15 Years

Comments: 2 · Posts: 216 · Topics: 26
Anyone care to help? I have posted previously about this virgo man I've been dating but I guess my post got unnoticed. I've been seeing him for about 6 weeks, although we did have communication problems (I'm not a big fan of texting which might have drove him nuts bc he'd mention sometimes that I take forever to respond)but dates were going well. Anyways last few weeks, things just been going on and off with him. He made me mad last weekend because we sort of made plans and he was supposed to pick me up but to put it short- blah blah, we didn't end up seeing each other, also because he was moving out to another place that same weekend. So I started ignoring him because he didn't even apologize me for sort of making plans and then changing them. I ignored him on sunday and then next day he texted me again asking if I was giving him a silent treatment and if he was supposed to assume something?. I guess I should of responded in a more sincere manner but all I said was , I plead the fifth (he's a lawyer so I sort of made that profession related response). After that he replied to me; Not cool just saying. But no worries, let me know when you decide to talk 😉 and it was it. I didn't say anything back and I haven't heard from him. Last night I found out from a friend that he was out with his buddies and some chick but my friend thought that she was just a friend of him but who knows! Anyways I want him but at the same time I'm mad at him, I don't know if I should text him first of he'll come around himself? I feel if he really wants me he should be the one to pursue me..
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TaurusBadGirl
@TaurusBadGirl
13 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 74 · Posts: 722 · Topics: 20
Hi Gya..Even though you are mad at him you should maybe bring the conversation up and see what explanation he may give you..No one likes to be left waiting but you don't know why he did it, he may have had a good reason why.Virgos don't like to be ignored they will usually take it as *she is not interested* I do understand you ignoring him because you want an apology, Belive me I do it all the time to my Virgo when I want things my way, but it never works. Virgo are totally different from any other sign that I have ever known. Like I said he may take your silence as something other than you just being mad. I think you should just come out and talk to him and tell him how you feel, believe me he will appreciate you coming forward and telling him what the problem is. Communication is very important with Virgos. Sometimes what we think is a big deal Virgo thinks is not that serious. I think you should text him and see what he has to say.Ofcourse only if you want the relationship to continue.. Good Luck😉
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gya
@gya
15 Years

Comments: 2 · Posts: 216 · Topics: 26
I would have done so if I wouldn't be so confused about his intentions towards me. I'm not really sure if he's looking for the same thing as me because when we sort of had this text conversation about it, he didn't give me a straight and clear answer, but from what he said I made a conclusion that he might not be ready now but in the future and maybe he's just taking it slow, since he got divorced recently but they were seperated for 3 years. I'm just tired giving the benefit of the doubt. And tolerating things I know I shouldn't. Last time I was dating this guy whom I really liked left me for his ex girlfriend (but we only dated for 2 weeks) and him and the virgo guy are friends by the way! I'm more than scared to be dumped again and especially by two friends!
...and it's NOT just one thing that pissed me off about him, it ALL added up and completely frustrated me.. for example he never calls me, he always texts me, only his closest friends know me, he never gave me flowers (which I feel is a necessity for a man to show appreciation towards woman), after we had sex, he didn't try to cuddle (this totally put me off). He's so private about everything. Maybe he's just not that into me, but he's always first to initiate conversations...
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gya
@gya
15 Years

Comments: 2 · Posts: 216 · Topics: 26
I'm not trying to create drama, I just want to keep him a little bit on his toes. Maybe I'm just a lil bit of a control freak and I don't want him to have that power over me. (He did tell his friend that he thinks I'm playing too many games but it's not games I'm playing, I just hate being vulnerable and idea of someone taking adventage of me is just freaking me out, I already burned once and I guess it's just natural I can't trust that easily but isn't everyone the same way?). I guess I just need advice on how to open the communication with him again... would a simple 'Hi' do it? Or I need sort of an explanation why I've been ignoring him?...
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TaurusBadGirl
@TaurusBadGirl
13 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 74 · Posts: 722 · Topics: 20
Thats funny..I had the same problems you did...and I will tell you this..None of your relationships will work as long as you have that frame of mind..Not all guys are out to hurt you Gya. Believe me men can sense that fear...be yourself...Start with a simple *hello* and how was his day....and take it from there...Im sure he will speak up and tell you about the way you have been acting, and when it comes up then you can tell him how you think.
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capripants
@capripants
19 YearsCapricorn

Comments: 0 · Posts: 35 · Topics: 8
He's basically left the ball in your court and said talk to him when you're ready. If you fail to contact him I can't see how he will take that any other way other than either you're too high maintenance or just not that interested. Try to beat yourself out of the negative frame of mind and contact him with a light, cheery message, leave it closed if it makes it easier so there is no question for him to respond to. Sounds like he's jumping on the game wagon now too, with the fb updates about the riveting social life - classic sign of someone trying to get a reaction. However, it's brash to assume he's started seeing someone else just because of a 'good night' status. I hate the whole 'not knowing where you stand' situation so I feel for you in that sense but if you close yourself off to him it will be harder to get him to open up - aloofness tends to rub off. If this was me, I would try and wipe the slate clean now and forget about what has already happened, be cheery and calm when you're around him next, but don't back him into any corners or try to make him divulge exactly how he feels straight away - if and when you get back onto a straighter road, you should feel a bit more comfortable with asking him where you both stand and take things from there. Tense aftermaths are never the right times to be talking about where your relationship is headed. One thing I've learned from these boards is that Virgos require LOTS of patience so I guess your decision needs to be based on whether you are willing to wait.
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doubletrouble
@doubletrouble
13 Years

Comments: 1 · Posts: 205 · Topics: 7
Posted by capripants
Stop playing games and just contact him if you like him, don't turn off all communication just cause you're pee'd off - from the guy's point of view, this much drama after only 6 weeks will probably be putting him off


listen to whatever capripants has been saying, because she/he is right.
put it in perspective, you aren't displaying what YOU want so why would he? it seems like things between you so far haven't gone anywhere because neither of you are being honest and straightforward... if you're interested in building a relationship with someone, you have to SHOW it, and that includes discussing what you're looking for...

playing games/ignoring/silent treatment...? not a way to go with virgo. you're expecting him to read your mind or even worse see things the way you do. from what you're showing hin he probably assumes you don't know what you want or that you're not even serious in taking anything to a certain level. he is completely free to go out and have a nice time if there's no commitment to you, so why are you displeased? he wouldn't expect you to stop your life if he wasn't giving you any clue as to what his feelings are about you...

you need to be upfront about things for him to understand-- and therefore act-- on what you want.
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gya
@gya
15 Years

Comments: 2 · Posts: 216 · Topics: 26
Posted by 25thDecan
Ignnore me and I will catch on. You will be deleted. Confront me on it and you will be cursed out. Don't waffle. That's how THIS virgo male works. And the other few virgo males I know are the same wa. In fact it's a guy thing. You could be talking to me but you intentionallly ignore me? Now you are trash to me. No arse kissing, especially if a woman throws a tantrum. Eff you...I'm moving on. IJS.....



25thdecan,

I had a reason to ignore him. Firstible, what he did upset me and I mean lots of other things. And he didn't apologize for the last weekend. Are you guys so unassuming? I don't get it. As that day when he 'couldn't pick me up and go to the city because he had his cleaning people coming over (which was odd to me bc what cleaning service is open at night?) anyways next day he texted to see if I wanted to hang out that night and I told him I'll let him know. AND Before that he texts me to inform me that his friends are dragging him for a guys night out. Really? Why the F ask me to hang out if you change plans?... and especially when he sees his buddies a few times every week and we haven't seen each other for 2 weeks ever since he came back from vacation. I just couldn't assume whether he had lost interest and was just playing me or he was really as busy as he appeared with other stuff. My intentions were to drop him for good but I started analyzing things again and this is where it got me...
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gya
@gya
15 Years

Comments: 2 · Posts: 216 · Topics: 26
Posted by doubletrouble
Posted by capripants
Stop playing games and just contact him if you like him, don't turn off all communication just cause you're pee'd off - from the guy's point of view, this much drama after only 6 weeks will probably be putting him off


listen to whatever capripants has been saying, because she/he is right.
put it in perspective, you aren't displaying what YOU want so why would he? it seems like things between you so far haven't gone anywhere because neither of you are being honest and straightforward... if you're interested in building a relationship with someone, you have to SHOW it, and that includes discussing what you're looking for...

playing games/ignoring/silent treatment...? not a way to go with virgo. you're expecting him to read your mind or even worse see things the way you do. from what you're showing hin he probably assumes you don't know what you want or that you're not even serious in taking anything to a certain level. he is completely free to go out and have a nice time if there's no commitment to you, so why are you displeased? he wouldn't expect you to stop your life if he wasn't giving you any clue as to what his feelings are about you...

you need to be upfront about things for him to understand-- and therefore act-- on what you want.
click to expand




We already talked about this a few weeks ago.. I was very straightforward with telling him what I'm looking for, I actually thought I was too much and I thought he might not even reply but he did, however he didn't give a straightforward answer. I told him I was looking for a man and relationship and basically he said, - One day. You can't get it over night. And then I asked about his intentions and he took his time to reply that -to enjoy your life with people around you. (something like that?) What was that suppose to mean?. WELL it sort of gave me the idea he's just going with the flow.
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GemStar05
@GemStar05
13 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 34 · Posts: 1132 · Topics: 27
LOL! The Virgo I'm dealing with: He always has an excuse for "ignoring"; but if you ignore him? You have committed a sin! Talk about double standards! So if you ignore Virgo he will go away? Someone tell the one I'm dealing with that! The more I try to get away from him the more he "wants" me. Now I know that's just him wanting what he cannot have; as soon as I start paying him any attention he will get all "distant" with me. And I thought Gemini's were supposed to b the game players! I'm trying to be nice but I guess if I let the b i t c h out that will make him happy and he will disappear...
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doubletrouble
@doubletrouble
13 Years

Comments: 1 · Posts: 205 · Topics: 7
Posted by gya
I mean he goes out a lot with his buddies, parties and acts like a child sometimes. How else can I handle this? If he acted more serious I wouldn't have ignored him in a first place.


well, for one thing. in response to him saying "oh one day, you can't get one (a relationship) overnight, etc." he was dead virgo right there. he's not gonna answer "yes! let's begin right now!" lol. not many virgos would. he has to KNOW you first, and I mean really know. he has to feel comfortable with putting his heart out on a line, simply because that's not something he wants to do so easily. and can you blame him? heartbreak and feelings are something strange and complicating, and it can hurt and defeat his confidence, esteem and security (which he may have very little of to begin with). I've only dated virgos, and I've found that they (I guess like pisces in way) have very big insecurities and self-doubt, but they hide it much better than I do. they are childlike, but I wouldn't say immature. he parties and goes out because it's something that doesn't require emotional exercise, and it feels good. I'd say the #1 thing I've learned about virgo is that they have serious layers. there is probably a LOT more depth than you think with this guy, but he won't dare show you anything until he's satisfied that you won't go about smashing it. virgos are very sensitive, and somewhat impressionable people. he needs you to show him that you're worth trusting. mind games and running in circles is not his thing. however, if you move to fast, push too quickly, you won't get anywhere either.

probably the best advice I could give is to be a loyal, dependable friend FIRST, but express that you have romantic intentions-- but not too quickly. a tree has to be nurtured before it can grow, and there's more than just a little water that makes it happen.

I've never had to impress a virgo so I don't know how to do so. the virgos I've known were the ones quicker on the pedal than I was about entering the relationship zone, but that doesn't mean it didn't take a long, patient time gaining trust-- or more importantly-- OPENESS out of them. in fact, it's still developing. anyone who says virgos don't require maintanence is silly. because it does. it takes time and loyalty to squeeze out those tender moments, and even longer for them to arise naturally.
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TLP
@TLP
13 YearsScorpio

Comments: 0 · Posts: 12 · Topics: 1
Posted by 25thDecan
Please don't take out your frustration with THE MEN YOU CHOSE ON ME or any other virdude here who doesn't know you, your man or EVERYTHING about your problem.

You know what..it's just the internet. I have nothing left to offer. Lol buh bye



Sorry, but you virguys claim to like honesty and all..........25th decan isn't this what you do to practically all the scorp gals around here?? Lump them all in one big bag coz you had problems with a few?? What this person has done to evoke this response from you isn't really any different from that don't you think?
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TLP
@TLP
13 YearsScorpio

Comments: 0 · Posts: 12 · Topics: 1
Posted by 25thDecan
I lump scorps and capricorns in the same boat. Thanks for following me on some petty crusade but no dice. And...my disdain for scorps and capricorn women is REAL. I have YET to meet any that are different. That is MY experiience. Where does me not being HONEST have anything to do with that? It doesn't. I give advice when I feel like it..I say wtf I feel like from my experiences and perspective. GFYourself. 🙂



Wow, sorry 😢 It certainly wasn't my intention to offend you at all. I was merely trying to defend the poster as I felt you were to some extent telling her off for something I have seen you doing which is judging people by their astrological sign and not as individuals. I wasn't questioning your honesty either, I dont know you and wouldn't be that presumptuous. I was just stating that I know you guys like it upfront and honest(as has been mentioned here many times before), so here comes the truth, so to speak :-)
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gya
@gya
15 Years

Comments: 2 · Posts: 216 · Topics: 26
Wow he texted me at 7 a.m this morning asking me if I'm still not talking lol.. I didn't feel like going on about how he made me mad that weekend, it's been awhile so I think I cooled off. So I just texted him simple good morning with smiley and he texted me asking when he will get to see me, it's been a while. Do you think I should still bring it up in a text convo or just wait to meet him and then do it?
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GemStar05
@GemStar05
13 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 34 · Posts: 1132 · Topics: 27
Posted by 25thDecan
^^way to generalize. Btw..I don't know YOUR guy and I'm NOT your guy, dig? I don't play stupid games, I just bounce. I COULD talk about the many games ggem women play but what would that accomplish for the OP who asked for some help and doesn't know YOU or your guy either?

—wth



I didn't generalize, I was talking about the one "I" am dealing with. Bouncing is good yanno--on to the next one... He's always on the defense as well *wink*
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gya
@gya
15 Years

Comments: 2 · Posts: 216 · Topics: 26
Posted by 25thDecan
Do you feel resolved about it? If not then sure. He's gonna claim you're petty or a nag, though.



Not completely to be honest. I need to get things off my chest before I can communicate openly...if I will be able to. Well I decided not to bring it up through text and responded to his question that we can meet on the weekend. He didn't say anything to it. And later I started light convo with him. I guess I'll have to see what's he's gonna do. I can't put much effort until this whole thing gets resolved between us.
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gya
@gya
15 Years

Comments: 2 · Posts: 216 · Topics: 26
It seems like he can't miss the opportunity to make our conversations lead dirty/sexual. But I insist on returning such vibes because it makes me feel/think that it's all he's in for. It seems he takes interest in things I'm interested but it's never a guarantee that he's genuine. Idk it's totally confusing! :/ He just seems to be very subtle about his feelings and intentions.
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GemStar05
@GemStar05
13 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 34 · Posts: 1132 · Topics: 27
Posted by 25thDecan
I'm on the defense because you aimed some ish at me that was meant for your bf. Is he weak? Entitled? Eff him. Again..I am not him. So lemme get this straight: I should allow you to say what you want and toss it at ME as if you KNOW ME and let it ride? Um..no. take that passive mess to a man who isn't trying to help/advise someone.

YOU picked that guy. If he's "defensive" then perhaps YOU are typically "offensive"..ie, you tend to bully your men emotionally. Sign of a deeper problem? Idk...this thread wasn't about YOU, me or your man. Come with respect and it will of course be given....duh.




LOL, calm down...life is good... *wink*