Did He get the Hint? Male Scorpio

For the sake of me not having to type pages of info, I beg you all to please go to the Scorpio board and read the thread titled "Did He Get the Hint". Someone one there suggested that I come to the Virgo board for assistance....PLEASE HELP! I'm about to pull my hair out over this guy!

southernT .. you can copy and paste it over. Do you want me to do it for you?

Here, I just will anyway, since it's on the Scorp board, so it isn't disclosing anything you haven't asked someone to read 🙂

SouthernT
Well I guess I should give a few more details. (I just didnt want to type a whole page on the background)We've known eachother for almost one year. But he was coming fresh out of an engagement. We both verbally expressed that we liked eachother alot but remained friends for the first 6 months or so. (I definitley did not expect him to jump back into a serious relationship after a broken engagement.) And the contact was very sporadic on his part. I would hear from him about every 4-6 weeks and we would do things in grouop settings. (Never me and him alone and he never took me out on a date.) NOW, he's calling more often but he flaked out on me the first time that I was supposed to go over his house about a month ago. We set a day and when that day came, he didnt answer his phone. I then sent him a text saying "The next time you make plans and decide to cancle or if something comes up, I would appreciate if you would let me know so that I dont have that time set aside". His response "I am so sorry, I was playing basketball & got hit in the head and I had a minor concussion. Took pain relivers and went to sleep" I simply replied "sorry to hear that, hope you feel better" (part of me did NOT believe that of course.) So, he then called me a couple of days later and came to pick me up and we hung out at the mall. Before he dropped me off he, I explained to him that I dont understand what his intentions are. His resonse "I'm a good guy and I have good intentions". So, another two weeks goes by with NO contact and my birthday roles around. I invited him out with the group. He showed up towards the end.

cont.

A few days after that, he's getting ready to visit some friends and asked if he could come over afterwards around 10:45 at night. I was getting ready to take a shower and he asked if I would like some company in the shower, I told him NO. (jokingly) He asked why and I say "because your not really put forth that much effort and your not showing me enough. Your not being consistent. you and I will hang out and then I wont hear from you for 3 or 4 weeks and when you do that, it sends me mixed signals and that makes me pull back." So he then asked if I wanted him to call everyday. And of course I said no, I dont by any means expect you to call every single day, but 3 weeks is too long. He agreed that he wasnt showing me enough. So he called about two days later to go to the mall again. I told him I was busy at the time and would be free in about an hour. He says cool,call me when your finished. I call him about an hour later, he doesnt answer, but sends me a text about half an hour later saying he's already at the mall. OK-cool, a week later (last week) he invites me over to his place. I go over there and we talk and laugh and I left about midnight. He walks me to my car and hugs me tight and kisses my cheek. He gave me light kisses on my neck too, and I laughed and said "alright boy..." He laughed too, I got in the car and he told me to call him when I made it home safely. So now it's been a week and I havent heard from him since I went over there last week. Until yesterday, thats when I sent him the original text that started this thread. My purose for telling him that i didnt know if we were on the same page. I have made it VERY clear to him that I dont do casual sex or friends with benefits and I will not have sex outside of a relationship. THAT is why I sent him the text saying that I didnt know if we are on the same page. (Sorry for the long story, just hope that it clears up questions that anyone might have. ) OK, so after all of that, what does everyone think?

SouthernT .. don't worry, there's a Virgo man who's married to a Scorpio who will find this and help you.

Dyr, this is a Virgo lady .. trying to figure out a Scorpio.

LOL... 🙂 Thanks a bunch P-Angel. Your AWESOME! And by the way, I'm ashamed to admit that I sent him text 2hrs ago saying that I was looking foward to snuggling with him yesterday. I know I shouldnt have, but I couldnt help it. Of course he hasnt resonded. We've known eachother for a year now, I see the point in playing games and I feel I should be able to express my true feelings. I just dont see the point in playing the "chase" game. If a dont like a girl, then stop the chase. Why chase me for almost a year now? Arrgggg.

You're welcome and sorry for my sarcasm on the other thread .. but, hey, you're a Virgo, you can't handle it, 😛

You should be able to express your true feelings, there's nothing wrong with that .. the problem is that you keep doing so and he's not responding .. so, when I say "chase", maybe the more accurate term would be reciprocate of his own volition.

He knows now how you feel .. pull away and wait to see if he responds. Of course, this has been going on for awhile, so, I'm sure you're getting aggrevated and impatient .. who wouldn't.

Dyrstr8's is a man in here who helps a lot of people with relationship issues and he'd be happy to put in his two cents .. he just happens to be married to a Scorpio so he's more intuned with the inner workings of this combo. However, he is a married man, so he may not come on tonight. If not .. I'll keep tagging this thread to keep it on top.

Again .. sorry for being a smartass earlier. You'll get used to that, for that is my personality. 🙂

you can't handle it,

** can .. you CAN handle it, lol

so much for my typing

"Again .. sorry for being a smartass earlier. You'll get used to that, for that is my personality. "

No problem! Thanks for helping out!

"SouthernT, are you a Southerner? If so, so am I; if not, that's too bad..."

lol....yeah I'm a true southerner.

"But I gotta be honest: I read your posts on the Scorp Board, and my gut reaction was, He ain't interested in anything serious with her."

Maybe that's what I need to accept and move on as much as it's going to hurt. Why stay in touch with somebody for a year if you dont like them? Blows my mind....


"Here's the deal: If HE wants you, he will wait until he has you, or until he comes up with a way to get you to see that he wants you without him having to come right out and say it. Got it?"

OK, so from this point, what is it that "I" need to do. To be honest, I'm at the point of wanting to ignore his phone calls because now, I'm pissed. Is it best for me to pull all the way back and not respond to his calls/texts for a while?

I need a game plan...lol... Thing is, I want him, but I'm not going to chase him. I shouldnt have to.

"They're much more guarded than we are, because they actually get hurt worse than we do. (Your "natural" Virgic Tongue may cut more and deeper than you might think.)"

Yeah that's what I mentioned in another thread. I'm sweet and people mistake me for a pushover at times, when in actuality, if I get quiet, it's because my tongue is about to slice that person into pieces. I've learned to controll this within the past year and I've already learned that I have to be careful with my words with him. But what sucks is that its hard for me to have a backbone without using my tongue to say to him what's really on my mind. Make sense?

Can I step in for a sec?

Dyr said something .. mutual friends (co-workers) ..

What about people you know who know him well, ST? Can you talk to them to see if he talks about you? If he is interested in you and so asks YOUR friends questions about you?

This might be an indication of his interest, eventhough he's being elusive.

"If y'all have mutual friends / acquaintances / coworkers, see if they can help y'all sort this mess out. Truth: Several of our coworkers knew we were interested in each other before we really knew it ourselves..."

yeah we have a mutual friend who is my co-worker. And during the periods when he wasnt contacting my directly, he would pass messages through her telling her to tell me "Hello" and "tell her she is beautiful and I was thinking about her".....stuff like that.

"I gotta go tend to Momma Scorp, but I'll try to check back in later in the week...
Take care,"

THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!! That helped out alot. Look foward to hearing from you later on. Tell that Scorpio of yours that they are lucky to have Virgo's in their lives! 🙂

"What about people you know who know him well, ST? Can you talk to them to see if he talks about you? If he is interested in you and so asks YOUR friends questions about you?"

yeah my co-worker is actually the one that introduced us. She had been friends with him for about the past 3 or 4 years. But I just really to put her in the middle of anything. I kinda think that involving third parties in a situation like this can make things worse. Not only that, me and her are cool, but she was his friend first. So I just want to be careful not to cross those boundaries and put her in the middle.

if he wants you, needs you, loves you, likes you

.. he will keep you.

you will know it, feel good at it, overwhelmed by it

no room for hints..


that's it.

Very true, vgurl and the most simple advice is usually the best.

If after a year you still have doubts .. then that should be the writing on the wall.

lol, it has to exist before it can be used .. I'm not sure most Virgo's have an adequate amount of intuition to rely on it .. perhaps, that's the reason for being so analytical with most everything.

But, hey, it could be worse .. like a Fish, for example .. that's all they have, isn't it?

Particle .. I maen prcatical .. what's that?

did he get the hint?

jeez, nobody knows not even you.

want solution? ASK him.

"lol, it has to exist before it can be used .. I'm not sure most Virgo's have an adequate amount of intuition to rely on it .. perhaps, that's the reason for being so analytical with most everything."

Hey hey now... 🙂 We have "intuition"...but there's this thing we have called "logic". And with Virgo's logic ends up overshadowing ALL emotions. Love included. Doesnt mean that we dont feel or express emotions, all it means is that at the end of the day, we are going to do what is logical. Does this hinder us in different areas of our lives? Sure it does. But it's a natural instict for us Virgo's. My "intuition" definitley tells me that this guy is for real. But it's my "logic" that is causing me inner conflict. Because I'm telling myself "ok self, if he "feels" this way then "logically" he should be doing "this" or "that". I know non-Virgos are shaking their heads right now...LOL....That's just how the Virgo mind works. We can be just as complex as the Scorpio.

I am shaking my head, because I would do it backwards .. this logic versus intuition processing. To me what you've said is in complete opposition to how I would process this situation in my life. Guess that's why were opposites, eh?

"My "intuition" definitley tells me that this guy is for real."

My intuition would tell me that after this amount of time and him not giving me signs to indicate his interest.. that his feelings for me are NOT for real .. my intuition would be telling me to swim as it pertains to any relation other than friendship.

** However, my ego might fool me into believing he's for real because it would WANT it to be so.

"But it's my "logic" that is causing me inner conflict. Because I'm telling myself "ok self, if he "feels" this way then "logically" he should be doing "this" or "that"."

Whereas my logic would tell me that after this amount of time, and he's still just trying to treat me more so as a friend .. that he is treating me exactly as a friend should be who just has a flirty personality.



I'm getting this feeling with the more you post in here .. he wants group outings, yet, you believe he's wanting you, though, he never really makes that move, nor asks you out officially, nor will talk about his feelings for you.

It's sounding like he's just a big fat flirt and probably makes these kind of induendo's with lots of women ... probably perfectly harmless.

However, you are just thinking it's more because you like him, so you want it to be so .. seriously, I've met plenty of men who behave this way and it doesn't mean anything .. their just flirts.

If you are in love, men or women don't matter, you pursue. However, I experienced many times (and I've seen many examples around me, too) that one party in the relationship -or a potential relationship- backs off when they believe that it's not going to work. In that case, if you are the other party, you should put some extra effort and stay your ground for them to believe in it, although many people would say "they would come by themselves if they were for real".

I know a couple, for instance. They had a one year LDR before the guy got tired of the problems caused by the distance and the constant unapproval and involvement of the gal's family. He vanished. The gal was devastated but he simply ignored her. This lasted for about 6 months. Everyone was telling her to give up, but she would not. She finally convinced a friend to play the matchmaker and after a couple of phone calls, he was back. They got married and lived happily ever after.

I know another couple. They met while the guy was on a business trip. They liked each other, buy the guy was leaving the town in a few weeks and he convinced himself that it could never work. He left, she tried to call him a few times with no success. Years later, they guy was in town again for business. He had been married but lost his wife. He recalled her and gave her a call out of blue. They had a drink, and got married a few months later.

I know a third couple. They grew up in the same area, attended the same schools, but never dated. The guy was in love from the very beginning, but she was a very popular girl and that scared him and made him think that he had no chance. He went to college in another city and worked abroad for many years. He met two ladies whom he considered marrying. But things did not work. One day, he was back to his town, he met the girl, she was still single. He was grown and had gained his confidence, so he proposed her without wasting any more time. They got married.

I know a fourth couple. They met each other through mutual friends. The gal had a boyfriend. She dated him for two years, and she was no more than a acquaintance to the other guy for all that time. Then her boyfriend dumped her. The other guy thought about asking her out, but they barely knew each other, so he was scared of the rejection and did not pursue. Months later, they met at a party. She showed some interest in him and he called her. They started dating and got married after two years.

Got the point. Thanks.

My point is: These people would have been together long before they actually took their chances. They lost so many valuable time, just because "they were not ready" or "they feared from rejection" or "they thought the other person would not hold on to them".

My advice is: Take your chance, now! If it ain't gonna happen, you would save yourself from living through bigger pains. You would not waste your time and theirs. So either way, it'll be your gain.

"She finally convinced a friend to play the matchmaker and after a couple of phone calls, he was back. They got married and lived happily ever after."


So bad that he would vanish for 6 months .. when alls it took was a couple phone calls? Isn't it amazing how a person cannot control the interference of their own family members, yet, an outside party actually does have that kind of influence? What a powerful person, I think we all need this "friends" name and number .. I have some family interference issues too that she could iron out with a phone call.

I wasn't informed that "ever after" had ended already .. silly me, I thought time was still marching on.


It appears to me that some people have no comprehension that with each new life-experience a person's reality changes .. meaning, we are who we are today because of our past .. knowing what we know NOW because we are different people NOW and our perceptions of the NOW doesn't alter the people we were THEN.

This reality seems to escape some people.

What sucks right now is that I'm at work and I just spent 30 minutes in the bathroom crying. I'm confused. I know that I have feelings for him and I know that they are genuine. Half of you guys are saying that he would have asked me out by now if he WAS interested...And the other half of you are saying that he wouldnt continue to come around if he WASNT interested and that he is just unsure at the moment. Is he not interested or is he waiting for me to put my feelings out there?

"Isn't it amazing how a person cannot control the interference of their own family members, yet, an outside party actually does have that kind of influence?"

Cultural differences. Somebody had to bridge the gaps. It did not happen in an instant, I can not recall exact details, but the phone calls and final resolution took about two months I think.

"knowing what we know NOW because we are different people NOW and our perceptions of the NOW doesn't alter the people we were THEN."

It means that we do not think long term/ out of the box. And we try to connect with others (in all wrong ways) before we connect with ourselves. Only if we knew who we are, and what we really want...

SouthernT,

I am sorry that we confused you even more.

If you feel so deeply and want to know for sure, the safest way is asking him directly. Contact him, make some private time together, and ask him in a direct but not threatening-way.

If you do not want to do it yourself, get that mutual friend involved. Make her beat the bushes for you.

lol, who we are and what we want is NOT who we WERE and what we WANTED

Never mind, lol ...



SouternT .. here's the thing, the only thing you need to really do for yourself at this moment .. the future is just that, and it doesn't matter RIGHT NOW, ok? That is the problem, in itself.

You are focus on the future, on being on the same page, on having mutual feelings, on not knowing which leaves you with an uncertainty and IS what is making you cry.

Look, don't cry .. you're at work and you're letting this get to you so bad that it's interfering with your professional life. You need to get a grip .. I don't mean to sound harsh because you are obviously struggling at this moment if you're weeping at work .. but, you have to get ahold of yourself.

Listen .. it doens't matter right now .. this same page stuff, this not knowing how he feels .. you're being overwhelmed because you are focusing on how HE is feeling and not recognizing that you can't control how another person is feeling .. the only person you can control is yourself.

And, whether he wants you, or not .. you cannot control.

You can control yourself, however .. take a break, take a walk .. gain your composure.

The only person you can control, ST, is yourself .. try to gain that perspective, for it's the only way to ease your suffering.

I know it's hard to see this .. but, it's the truth.


It's NOT how he is feeling for you, or his lack of those feelings that is tormenting you .. what is the cause of your suffering, as well as the solution, is your own perspective .. for he isn't actually making you feel one way or the other .. you are making yourself feel that way by allowing another to have control over how you feel.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

"My point is: .. They lost so many valuable time, just because "they were not ready" .. If it ain't gonna happen, you would save yourself from living through bigger pains. You would not waste your time and theirs."



Waste of time? Of valuable time?

Seriously, love4ever .. your perception of reality compared to my perception of what life is about and how it is supposed to be approached is Completely Different.

Life is to be experienced .. not counted

If life is counted, then it will be wasted if it doesn't hold up to expectations .. a person would keep a score of pains vs. joys with a concentration of fighting to not make it to an end of pain, for there would be this struggle to not have an ending in pain and the focus is on time spent as a waste if this happens .. then there is no embracing the joys along the way.

If life is experienced without a mind-set of valuable time versus wasted time, then everything thus far will have value, for there were no expectations, so everything was given from the other persons heart freely .. if it ends, then the heart will know that nothing was wasted, for everything that came was from a place of love and not a place of duty to live up to expectations.

I have a hard time relating to you .. you appear to be deluded with most things you post, as it compares to my perception of reality. Maybe it's just me and I'm the deluded one .. but, I thought life was suppose to be about embracing what can be enjoyed, rather than being disgruntled about what might have been.