Do Virgo women ever come back

Hi, desperate for advice don't know anything about rising sun moons things.

Me - Male 42 August Leo

Her - Female 37 September Virgo

Been together 19 years, I was her first and only boyfriend. In general relationship was good, same ups and downs as any other couple who have been together that long. Sex life satisfactory on both sides, healthy work/life balance, everything very routine if you will. A major issue is I am an alcoholic, not violent, not cheating, if anything the txt book definition of a functional alcoholic. I had a very messed up childhood, and would sometimes just sit in teh living room and drink every night for days on end to numb things. I have a very good career, and my drinking never interfered with my job or got me into trouble with the law. 6 months ago she simply said she couldn't do it anymore. There was no specific reason, just a very vague "this is not working". I moved, she hasn't blocked me on anything, she has a new circle of friends, but is not involved with anyone. I stopped drinking completely the day she decided it was over, not a single drop. I am in the best shape of my life running 50km a week, and working out 3 days a week, I have received two promotions at work, I finally started to going to therapy to address my issues from my past. I have noticed women pay far more attention to me then ever before, and I should be happy. I am proud of myself and the work I have put into myself, but I am not happy. I had to leave all my friends behind because I know I can't be around alcohol, so I am very alone. I have not chased her, I have done my best to be completely polite, and indifferent when we interact. I have tried to just let go, and I simply can't. Naturally being involved this long our family's are rather intertwined, so she has received news on how much better I am doing. She reached out we got together spent the day walking and holding hands. I asked her if there was any chance at reconciliation, and just received an "I don't know, I need space". After 6 months of not talking other then to sort out joint financial responsibility's...she needs space. I broke down completely, no begging, no pleading, but I was just completely devastated and a crying mess. I love this woman like I have never loved before, and I feel nothing from her. I know her well, and she has never been the most intense, passionate person, but I always knew she loved me, and I felt absolutely nothing from her. The thought of dating someone else is absolutely repulsive to me, it actually makes me physically sick, the thought of her not being my life gives me panic attacks. I am having difficulties in my work because I cannot focus, all I think about is her from the moment I get up to whenever I pass out because I don't sleep properly anymore, and even when I do I dream of her. I honestly feel like I am losing my mind. I can't read anything from this woman, I have never felt so hopelessly confused in my life. I would have thought after all this time I could read her....I can't, its like I don't even know her.

Absolutely any insight is appreciated.

wow 19 years is a long time.

but from what i know of myself, when i leave it's not like a spur of the moment thing. and with that length of a relationship, she must've really held on to it as much as she could. when i felt myself unhappy in a relationship, sometimes i tend to keep it to myself. i'd show my frustration and voice them out but maybe once or twice then never again. i'd cry about it alone. and when i've grieved as much as i can, i will leave.... and it;s usually for good.

i might entertain the idea of being with that person again, but there's always a huge problem that i don't see changing when i leave, something about a person/dynamic that i know might look like it can change but i know it's not a lasting change. and that's when i will let go.... completely. coz then it's apparent we can't bring happiness to each other.

it might be best to just focus on improving yourself for now.

sometimes virgos do come back but i'm not sure how long that's gonna last when we do.

Posted by dilettante

focus on your sobriety & give the virgo space. she’ll come back around on her own time, if she wants.

your addiction pushed someone away. unfortunately, you have to deal w/ that consequence. focus on yourself then you can think about others.

How much space really its been 6 months, and I am committed to my sobriety, I had a very serious drug problem prior to meeting her, and lost a very close friend to overdose. Once I quit something its out of my life forever.

Posted by virgoOPPP

wow 19 years is a long time.

but from what i know of myself, when i leave it's not like a spur of the moment thing. and with that length of a relationship, she must've really held on to it as much as she could. when i felt myself unhappy in a relationship, sometimes i tend to keep it to myself. i'd show my frustration and voice them out but maybe once or twice then never again. i'd cry about it alone. and when i've grieved as much as i can, i will leave.... and it;s usually for good.

i might entertain the idea of being with that person again, but there's always a huge problem that i don't see changing when i leave, something about a person/dynamic that i know might look like it can change but i know it's not a lasting change. and that's when i will let go.... completely. coz then it's apparent we can't bring happiness to each other.

it might be best to just focus on improving yourself for now.

sometimes virgos do come back but i'm not sure how long that's gonna last when we do.

Thank you for your insight, but she never told me she was upset. I was never mean or cruel to her even when drinking. I did my best to be exceptionally supportive of her as she is very hard on herself, I was never jealous or controlling, I am very respectful of all women, (not just her). Her family knows about my issues they don't even understand why she did what she did. (I still talk to her brother regularly) I may have been distant in those periods, but she never seemed upset about it. I am very concerned about how you say sometimes Virgos come back but you don't know how long it would last, that would be worse then what I am currently experiencing.

Posted by maiden

*takes notes*

"Find...a...l..e..o..."

I don't follow I am a Leo.

Speaking from experience with leaving my ex husband, she isn't coming back.

But if your relationship was great and the only bad about it was addiction, then your sobriety after a few years might bring her back.

Dating out here sucks, if she's just getting back in the game.

Posted by dilettante

Posted by deargodhelpmepls

Posted by dilettante

focus on your sobriety & give the virgo space. she’ll come back around on her own time, if she wants.

your addiction pushed someone away. unfortunately, you have to deal w/ that consequence. focus on yourself then you can think about others.

How much space really its been 6 months, and I am committed to my sobriety, I had a very serious drug problem prior to meeting her, and lost a very close friend to overdose. Once I quit something its out of my life forever.

6 months isnt a long time, compared to 19+ years of habitual use.

i know what it’s like being intimate w/ long term drug/alcohol abusers. sometimes the damage caused lasts a lifetime.

stop being selfish & thinking of what you want. focus on sobriety & she’ll come back IF she wants. no use sitting around waiting on her when you should be focusing on your life, sober.

click to expand

I am not trying to be selfish, believe me if I could stop sitting around thinking about her I would, I wouldn't wish the way I feel on anyone.

Posted by dilettante

Posted by deargodhelpmepls

Posted by dilettante

Posted by deargodhelpmepls

Posted by dilettante

focus on your sobriety & give the virgo space. she’ll come back around on her own time, if she wants.

your addiction pushed someone away. unfortunately, you have to deal w/ that consequence. focus on yourself then you can think about others.

How much space really its been 6 months, and I am committed to my sobriety, I had a very serious drug problem prior to meeting her, and lost a very close friend to overdose. Once I quit something its out of my life forever.

6 months isnt a long time, compared to 19+ years of habitual use.

i know what it’s like being intimate w/ long term drug/alcohol abusers. sometimes the damage caused lasts a lifetime.

stop being selfish & thinking of what you want. focus on sobriety & she’ll come back IF she wants. no use sitting around waiting on her when you should be focusing on your life, sober.

I am not trying to be selfish, believe me if I could stop sitting around thinking about her I would, I wouldn't wish the way I feel on anyone.

then go out & do something to get your mind off of it. addiction loves boredom & stagnancy.

go for a run, go to the park, meet with friends, go to the mall, buy a candy bar, pet a llama, take up a hobby.

seriously, just go out & change your thought pattern. spiraling & obsessive thoughts will not help keep you stable. only actively changing the pattern works.

click to expand

I have done everything to get my mind off it, that's the issue, none of it is working. Also yes i know the username is bit much but man I am telling you this has got me at my wits end. If I didn't have such an addictive personality I would be going to a psychiatrist, and just saying give me whatever to stop the way I feel, I'd prefer to just feel nothing then this.

Posted by deargodhelpmepls

Posted by virgoOPPP

wow 19 years is a long time.

but from what i know of myself, when i leave it's not like a spur of the moment thing. and with that length of a relationship, she must've really held on to it as much as she could. when i felt myself unhappy in a relationship, sometimes i tend to keep it to myself. i'd show my frustration and voice them out but maybe once or twice then never again. i'd cry about it alone. and when i've grieved as much as i can, i will leave.... and it;s usually for good.

i might entertain the idea of being with that person again, but there's always a huge problem that i don't see changing when i leave, something about a person/dynamic that i know might look like it can change but i know it's not a lasting change. and that's when i will let go.... completely. coz then it's apparent we can't bring happiness to each other.

it might be best to just focus on improving yourself for now.

sometimes virgos do come back but i'm not sure how long that's gonna last when we do.

Thank you for your insight, but she never told me she was upset. I was never mean or cruel to her even when drinking. I did my best to be exceptionally supportive of her as she is very hard on herself, I was never jealous or controlling, I am very respectful of all women, (not just her). Her family knows about my issues they don't even understand why she did what she did. (I still talk to her brother regularly) I may have been distant in those periods, but she never seemed upset about it. I am very concerned about how you say sometimes Virgos come back but you don't know how long it would last, that would be worse then what I am currently experiencing.

click to expand

i think you should have a talk with her. how did she respond to your addiction? she just walked out on you and you didn't ask why? this woman highly likely lives with you. some of us would do that, just kinda ghost, doesn't matter how long the relationship or how much i love you. personally, it's coz i can't handle a confrontation about it, i don't want to give the opportunity for someone to change my mind coz i've held myself back from leaving for so long that it's just hopeless to try to stop what's inevitable.... me leaving.

but that doesn't mean it's RIGHT. that's a length of time when i think someone really OWES you an explanation. at least i'd feel that way. sometimes i know that i'm being selfish and that i'm wrong about closing myself off from explaining myself, giving someone closure or just facing what i'm supposed to and i know sometimes i know i need to be FORCED into it. maybe start by telling her how you feel, writing something out to her. and just see how she responds.

First and foremost... kudos to you sir!! That is truly amazing and I hope you continue your sobriety.

Now...I'm a fixed fire dominant Virgo .. so take my words with a grain of salt.

6 months of space isn't long...like someone else said...after 19 yrs of dealing with your addiction (and yes, she was dealing with them also) takes a toll. Her willing to meet up, holding your hand while walking and talking is a good sign....not a definite sign but good none the less. She didn't up and decide to leave...this has been an on going struggle for her... guarantee it. She finally had the courage to walk away and was probably pretty set in that decision. Then you went and cleaned up your life... something she probably begged you to do or wanted to happen when you were together...now she is probably struggling with that....part of her let go already and part of her is now contemplating that decision and probably wants to see if this is a temporary thing on your end or if it is legit and continuous. Also she is 37...you were her first and together for a long time...she may want to experience life on her own for a bit.

Me personally, if I really truly loved someone and can see that they have gotten their life back on track and have done so for a while...I may give it another go and this is where my fixed nature comes into play...I don't let go and give up that easily but depending on the rest of her chart...that might not be the case with her.

So yes, sometimes we do come back. My advice is to continue to focus on your sobriety and all that you have accomplished because that really is amazing. Give her the space she requested in the mean time and maybe reach out every so often to keep the lines of communication open and who knows what might happen. It's going to take time no matter what.

I truly wish you the best tho...you seem like a good guy thats just been thru some hard shit and it sucks but you got this! 🙂

Posted by dilettante

Posted by LostinmyMind11

First and foremost... kudos to you sir!! That is truly amazing and I hope you continue your sobriety.

Now...I'm a fixed fire dominant Virgo .. so take my words with a grain of salt.

6 months of space isn't long...like someone else said...after 19 yrs of dealing with your addiction (and yes, she was dealing with them also) takes a toll. Her willing to meet up, holding your hand while walking and talking is a good sign....not a definite sign but good none the less. She didn't up and decide to leave...this has been an on going struggle for her... guarantee it. She finally had the courage to walk away and was probably pretty set in that decision. Then you went and cleaned up your life... something she probably begged you to do or wanted to happen when you were together...now she is probably struggling with that....part of her let go already and part of her is now contemplating that decision and probably wants to see if this is a temporary thing on your end or if it is legit and continuous. Also she is 37...you were her first and together for a long time...she may want to experience life on her own for a bit.

Me personally, if I really truly loved someone and can see that they have gotten their life back on track and have done so for a while...I may give it another go and this is where my fixed nature comes into play...I don't let go and give up that easily but depending on the rest of her chart...that might not be the case with her.

So yes, sometimes we do come back. My advice is to continue to focus on your sobriety and all that you have accomplished because that really is amazing. Give her the space she requested in the mean time and maybe reach out every so often to keep the lines of communication open and who knows what might happen. It's going to take time no matter what.

I truly wish you the best tho...you seem like a good guy thats just been thru some hard shit and it sucks but you got this! 🙂

this was such nice & supportive advice.

bless for being the good cop to my bad cop.

click to expand

Lol thank you but I honestly don't see you as being a bad cop here at all.....he needs to hear that as well.

As for the obsessive thoughts and feelings...it's hard, you gotten remember that you have been numbing the pain of things for a long time...try not to beat yourself up about it. You're a Leo, a lion who has the strength and will to overcome majority of things. Know that you are going to have to sit, sober in these thoughts and feelings and work thru them.. they are going to come and go no matter what and it's not going to be easy ..I think as long as you know this...you can make it to the other side of it or the very least find healthy alternative ways to handle it. It's a process and you can't rush it.

Continue to talk with your therapist and counselor...they have the means to help when things become too much and make sure you reach out if they do... you're never alone.

Posted by virgoOPPP

Posted by deargodhelpmepls

Posted by virgoOPPP

wow 19 years is a long time.

but from what i know of myself, when i leave it's not like a spur of the moment thing. and with that length of a relationship, she must've really held on to it as much as she could. when i felt myself unhappy in a relationship, sometimes i tend to keep it to myself. i'd show my frustration and voice them out but maybe once or twice then never again. i'd cry about it alone. and when i've grieved as much as i can, i will leave.... and it;s usually for good.

i might entertain the idea of being with that person again, but there's always a huge problem that i don't see changing when i leave, something about a person/dynamic that i know might look like it can change but i know it's not a lasting change. and that's when i will let go.... completely. coz then it's apparent we can't bring happiness to each other.

it might be best to just focus on improving yourself for now.

sometimes virgos do come back but i'm not sure how long that's gonna last when we do.

Thank you for your insight, but she never told me she was upset. I was never mean or cruel to her even when drinking. I did my best to be exceptionally supportive of her as she is very hard on herself, I was never jealous or controlling, I am very respectful of all women, (not just her). Her family knows about my issues they don't even understand why she did what she did. (I still talk to her brother regularly) I may have been distant in those periods, but she never seemed upset about it. I am very concerned about how you say sometimes Virgos come back but you don't know how long it would last, that would be worse then what I am currently experiencing.

i think you should have a talk with her. how did she respond to your addiction? she just walked out on you and you didn't ask why? this woman highly likely lives with you. some of us would do that, just kinda ghost, doesn't matter how long the relationship or how much i love you. personally, it's coz i can't handle a confrontation about it, i don't want to give the opportunity for someone to change my mind coz i've held myself back from leaving for so long that it's just hopeless to try to stop what's inevitable.... me leaving.

but that doesn't mean it's RIGHT. that's a length of time when i think someone really OWES you an explanation. at least i'd feel that way. sometimes i know that i'm being selfish and that i'm wrong about closing myself off from explaining myself, giving someone closure or just facing what i'm supposed to and i know sometimes i know i need to be FORCED into it. maybe start by telling her how you feel, writing something out to her. and just see how she responds.

click to expand

I would like an explanation but she doesn't like to talk about her feelings. I don't like to upset her, and I myself have a hard time to explain how I am feeling and I am rather direct, so my previous experience over the years when there have been our ups and downs I usually just give her the time she needs until she approaches me. I am by no means afraid to state my mind when something is wrong in our relationship, but in general when I approach her because of how I am, I tend to make things worse. Given the gravity of the situation it really is the last thing I want to do now. My main concern is to feel nothing from her, its hard to explain although she has never been particularly animated about her feelings she has a way about her to let me know she cares.

Posted by deargodhelpmepls

Posted by virgoOPPP

Posted by deargodhelpmepls

Posted by virgoOPPP

wow 19 years is a long time.

but from what i know of myself, when i leave it's not like a spur of the moment thing. and with that length of a relationship, she must've really held on to it as much as she could. when i felt myself unhappy in a relationship, sometimes i tend to keep it to myself. i'd show my frustration and voice them out but maybe once or twice then never again. i'd cry about it alone. and when i've grieved as much as i can, i will leave.... and it;s usually for good.

i might entertain the idea of being with that person again, but there's always a huge problem that i don't see changing when i leave, something about a person/dynamic that i know might look like it can change but i know it's not a lasting change. and that's when i will let go.... completely. coz then it's apparent we can't bring happiness to each other.

it might be best to just focus on improving yourself for now.

sometimes virgos do come back but i'm not sure how long that's gonna last when we do.

Thank you for your insight, but she never told me she was upset. I was never mean or cruel to her even when drinking. I did my best to be exceptionally supportive of her as she is very hard on herself, I was never jealous or controlling, I am very respectful of all women, (not just her). Her family knows about my issues they don't even understand why she did what she did. (I still talk to her brother regularly) I may have been distant in those periods, but she never seemed upset about it. I am very concerned about how you say sometimes Virgos come back but you don't know how long it would last, that would be worse then what I am currently experiencing.

i think you should have a talk with her. how did she respond to your addiction? she just walked out on you and you didn't ask why? this woman highly likely lives with you. some of us would do that, just kinda ghost, doesn't matter how long the relationship or how much i love you. personally, it's coz i can't handle a confrontation about it, i don't want to give the opportunity for someone to change my mind coz i've held myself back from leaving for so long that it's just hopeless to try to stop what's inevitable.... me leaving.

but that doesn't mean it's RIGHT. that's a length of time when i think someone really OWES you an explanation. at least i'd feel that way. sometimes i know that i'm being selfish and that i'm wrong about closing myself off from explaining myself, giving someone closure or just facing what i'm supposed to and i know sometimes i know i need to be FORCED into it. maybe start by telling her how you feel, writing something out to her. and just see how she responds.

I would like an explanation but she doesn't like to talk about her feelings. I don't like to upset her, and I myself have a hard time to explain how I am feeling and I am rather direct, so my previous experience over the years when there have been our ups and downs I usually just give her the time she needs until she approaches me. I am by no means afraid to state my mind when something is wrong in our relationship, but in general when I approach her because of how I am, I tend to make things worse. Given the gravity of the situation it really is the last thing I want to do now. My main concern is to feel nothing from her, its hard to explain although she has never been particularly animated about her feelings she has a way about her to let me know she cares.

click to expand

then maybe it's really best to just be by yourself right now and focus on getting better

Posted by Phantom_Dangus

Would you say that you made these positive changes hoping they would bring her back? Do you think you would have changed if she didn’t leave?

I did not make these changes in hope of her coming back, her leaving was most likely the wake up call I needed, but no, these changes are for me. I feel good about me, and I am proud of the work I have done, its been very hard. It's very conflicting as the changes are definitely positive, but the only person I want to share any of my little successes with is her. It takes a great deal of self control to not text when I got promoted at work for example, or just little things. But other then that no definitely for me. I knew I needed to get help and fix myself.

Posted by deargodhelpmepls

Posted by Phantom_Dangus

Would you say that you made these positive changes hoping they would bring her back? Do you think you would have changed if she didn’t leave?

I did not make these changes in hope of her coming back, her leaving was most likely the wake up call I needed, but no, these changes are for me. I feel good about me, and I am proud of the work I have done, its been very hard. It's very conflicting as the changes are definitely positive, but the only person I want to share any of my little successes with is her. It takes a great deal of self control to not text when I got promoted at work for example, or just little things. But other then that no definitely for me. I knew I needed to get help and fix myself.

click to expand

congratulations and i hope you continue on this path 🙂

Posted by LostinmyMind11

First and foremost... kudos to you sir!! That is truly amazing and I hope you continue your sobriety.

Now...I'm a fixed fire dominant Virgo .. so take my words with a grain of salt.

6 months of space isn't long...like someone else said...after 19 yrs of dealing with your addiction (and yes, she was dealing with them also) takes a toll. Her willing to meet up, holding your hand while walking and talking is a good sign....not a definite sign but good none the less. She didn't up and decide to leave...this has been an on going struggle for her... guarantee it. She finally had the courage to walk away and was probably pretty set in that decision. Then you went and cleaned up your life... something she probably begged you to do or wanted to happen when you were together...now she is probably struggling with that....part of her let go already and part of her is now contemplating that decision and probably wants to see if this is a temporary thing on your end or if it is legit and continuous. Also she is 37...you were her first and together for a long time...she may want to experience life on her own for a bit.

Me personally, if I really truly loved someone and can see that they have gotten their life back on track and have done so for a while...I may give it another go and this is where my fixed nature comes into play...I don't let go and give up that easily but depending on the rest of her chart...that might not be the case with her.

So yes, sometimes we do come back. My advice is to continue to focus on your sobriety and all that you have accomplished because that really is amazing. Give her the space she requested in the mean time and maybe reach out every so often to keep the lines of communication open and who knows what might happen. It's going to take time no matter what.

I truly wish you the best tho...you seem like a good guy thats just been thru some hard shit and it sucks but you got this! 🙂

Thank you for your kind words, and I hope you are right and I do got this. But "this" is not for her its for me, regardless of the outcome, I just really miss her, its difficult.

Posted by LostinmyMind11

As for the obsessive thoughts and feelings...it's hard, you gotten remember that you have been numbing the pain of things for a long time...try not to beat yourself up about it. You're a Leo, a lion who has the strength and will to overcome majority of things. Know that you are going to have to sit, sober in these thoughts and feelings and work thru them.. they are going to come and go no matter what and it's not going to be easy ..I think as long as you know this...you can make it to the other side of it or the very least find healthy alternative ways to handle it. It's a process and you can't rush it.

Continue to talk with your therapist and counselor...they have the means to help when things become too much and make sure you reach out if they do... you're never alone.

I can deal with the uncertainty of staying clean, I kicked a bad drug habit prior to meeting her, I gave up a 2 pack a day cigarette habit and never looked back.... its the uncertainty of not having her in my life that difficult to deal with, its the uncertainty of her saying I don't know. I'd honestly prefer she just said no it's done I am never coming back. Its like being in a weird emotional purgatory. Anyway I really appreciate everything everyone has added its nice to just have different points of view, and to be able to get outside view of the situation.

Posted by deargodhelpmepls

Posted by LostinmyMind11

As for the obsessive thoughts and feelings...it's hard, you gotten remember that you have been numbing the pain of things for a long time...try not to beat yourself up about it. You're a Leo, a lion who has the strength and will to overcome majority of things. Know that you are going to have to sit, sober in these thoughts and feelings and work thru them.. they are going to come and go no matter what and it's not going to be easy ..I think as long as you know this...you can make it to the other side of it or the very least find healthy alternative ways to handle it. It's a process and you can't rush it.

Continue to talk with your therapist and counselor...they have the means to help when things become too much and make sure you reach out if they do... you're never alone.

I can deal with the uncertainty of staying clean, I kicked a bad drug habit prior to meeting her, I gave up a 2 pack a day cigarette habit and never looked back.... its the uncertainty of not having her in my life that difficult to deal with, its the uncertainty of her saying I don't know. I'd honestly prefer she just said no it's done I am never coming back. Its like being in a weird emotional purgatory. Anyway I really appreciate everything everyone has added its nice to just have different points of view, and to be able to get outside view of the situation.

click to expand

Yeah I can understand how hard that is to deal with...I personally wouldn't like a I don't know either...much rather have someone give it to me straight too but not everyone is me lol. I wish I had better advice when it comes to obsessive thoughts and feeling about someone ....I too tend to be that way and it's not fun.

You're going to have to push thru it and maybe approach it again after some more time and see where she is and how you both feel then.

I’m really really proud of you!! You are doing awesome. 🙂 so I come from the perspective of the wife/partner of an alcoholic. We were together 20 years. He drank the first 7 years, almost died & then became sober ( and a dry drunk for 13 years). So the thing is that this type of relationship becomes very co-dependent, and the problems are far greater than just the drinking. I walked away because he was choosing a path of enabling from his parents, and that was the most important thing.. 13 years sober. I had to do CODA for 2 years to deal with the codependency and many more years of personal growth and therapy too. So while it’s great you’re doing the therapy and trying to get emotionally healthy .. you are not the only piece here. What about her? It’s been a tough tough road for her without an emotionally mature boyfriend. You guys never married or had kids? It’s tough darling very tough. It’s taken me many years to get to a much healthier place.. and it absolutely was the right thing for me & my children to choose saving myself. So all I’m saying is 6 months is nothing. How about concern for her? What she’s going through? Why she finally left? 19 years is a long time to spend in this type of situation & she absolutely can’t just jump back in. You need to understand that, and it would take a commitment to get healthy together. Plus the other thing is it’s so hard to thinking about going back and getting in the middle of a toxic situation again.

Well I hope this helps for you to understand a bit.

Updated to add: He was the love of my life btw. I never thought it would end. There was so much good. But it destroyed me too. I stayed a long time to save his life.. and at some point in life you must choose yourself & in my case my kids too. It’s complicated an difficult. She does need space but it is not impossible either. A tough road though.

I feel for ya.

She ain’t comin’ back though. Even after she sees that you’ve changed, it’s not enough.

One of my virgo friends was with her scorpio lover for 16 years. The scorpio had a drinking problem and eventually the Virgo left. She told me she wished she had cut the relationship’s time in half.

Your virgo lover would’ve thought long and hard about her decision to leave. And she probably had made up her mind long before she left.

She stuck around long enough not thinking you could change but thinking she could change or “fix” you. But yeah she would’ve wanted to leave you a long ass time ago.

“You’ve changed but it’s too late.”

“I needed you to change before.”

“Why couldn’t you do those things before?”

“I don’t think we can get back to the way we were.”

“I just can’t see you in the same light anymore.”

You are bound to hear a few of those in the near future for sure lol

Anyway you should just move on. Keep focusing on yourself

Oh, the answer to your question is 99% no they don’t come back even if she still loves you, even if there’s residual love there

Posted by maiden

*takes notes*

"Find...a...l..e..o..."

Truly. They are so lovable 🥺 Leo men are cuties 💓

Posted by virgoOPPP

wow 19 years is a long time.

but from what i know of myself, when i leave it's not like a spur of the moment thing. and with that length of a relationship, she must've really held on to it as much as she could. when i felt myself unhappy in a relationship, sometimes i tend to keep it to myself. i'd show my frustration and voice them out but maybe once or twice then never again. i'd cry about it alone. and when i've grieved as much as i can, i will leave.... and it;s usually for good.

i might entertain the idea of being with that person again, but there's always a huge problem that i don't see changing when i leave, something about a person/dynamic that i know might look like it can change but i know it's not a lasting change. and that's when i will let go.... completely. coz then it's apparent we can't bring happiness to each other.

it might be best to just focus on improving yourself for now.

sometimes virgos do come back but i'm not sure how long that's gonna last when we do.

you just put in words, how im feeling right now after my fiancé left me for his ex. Im a virgo and everything you said resonates with how I am currently feeling.

I want so much to forgive him but I know I will never trust him again, therefore , no future is possible no matter how bad I want it

Posted by coldwateryvirgo

Posted by virgoOPPP

wow 19 years is a long time.

but from what i know of myself, when i leave it's not like a spur of the moment thing. and with that length of a relationship, she must've really held on to it as much as she could. when i felt myself unhappy in a relationship, sometimes i tend to keep it to myself. i'd show my frustration and voice them out but maybe once or twice then never again. i'd cry about it alone. and when i've grieved as much as i can, i will leave.... and it;s usually for good.

i might entertain the idea of being with that person again, but there's always a huge problem that i don't see changing when i leave, something about a person/dynamic that i know might look like it can change but i know it's not a lasting change. and that's when i will let go.... completely. coz then it's apparent we can't bring happiness to each other.

it might be best to just focus on improving yourself for now.

sometimes virgos do come back but i'm not sure how long that's gonna last when we do.

you just put in words, how im feeling right now after my fiancé left me for his ex. Im a virgo and everything you said resonates with how I am currently feeling.

I want so much to forgive him but I know I will never trust him again, therefore , no future is possible no matter how bad I want it

click to expand

are we all having a bad year?

sad year for virgos

Posted by virgoOPPP

wow 19 years is a long time.

but from what i know of myself, when i leave it's not like a spur of the moment thing. and with that length of a relationship, she must've really held on to it as much as she could. when i felt myself unhappy in a relationship, sometimes i tend to keep it to myself. i'd show my frustration and voice them out but maybe once or twice then never again. i'd cry about it alone. and when i've grieved as much as i can, i will leave.... and it;s usually for good.

i might entertain the idea of being with that person again, but there's always a huge problem that i don't see changing when i leave, something about a person/dynamic that i know might look like it can change but i know it's not a lasting change. and that's when i will let go.... completely. coz then it's apparent we can't bring happiness to each other.

it might be best to just focus on improving yourself for now.

sometimes virgos do come back but i'm not sure how long that's gonna last when we do.

Interesting read.

What about when they leave you? Do you feel the same as this or is it completely different?

Posted by iamlanaxxx

Posted by virgoOPPP

wow 19 years is a long time.

but from what i know of myself, when i leave it's not like a spur of the moment thing. and with that length of a relationship, she must've really held on to it as much as she could. when i felt myself unhappy in a relationship, sometimes i tend to keep it to myself. i'd show my frustration and voice them out but maybe once or twice then never again. i'd cry about it alone. and when i've grieved as much as i can, i will leave.... and it;s usually for good.

i might entertain the idea of being with that person again, but there's always a huge problem that i don't see changing when i leave, something about a person/dynamic that i know might look like it can change but i know it's not a lasting change. and that's when i will let go.... completely. coz then it's apparent we can't bring happiness to each other.

it might be best to just focus on improving yourself for now.

sometimes virgos do come back but i'm not sure how long that's gonna last when we do.

Interesting read.

What about when they leave you? Do you feel the same as this or is it completely different?

click to expand

nobody's ever left me coz i gave no opportunity lol nor cause

i'm always the one who ghosts coz i've never felt true 'stability' in any relationship i've ever had

if i don't feel the same 'pulse' from the other person, i will leave

i need to always feel as if i'm with someone on 'equal footing'

Men. Why do you all do this? Never doing right til you lose out on what you love? You’re going to have to take your punishment like a man and let her be. If she comes back she comes back but other than that this was a hard lesson you had to learn.

Maybe try a grand gesture? Good luck.

Posted by Black-Mamba

I see no issues with you texting her your accomplishments as friends

especially since you've lived together for 19 years

but you were with her for 19 years and you didn't marry her?

interesting

Haha, true.

Yeah, now that you’ve mentioned it, I’m surprised they never tied the knot. Virgal probably wanted to leave him a long ass time ago🤦🏾‍♀️

Congratulations on your new found sobriety, it isn't easy. Not at all, especially for those of us with addictive personalities.

I don't go back, never have. Not to a relationship or a former job. Virgos are very thoughtful about our actions. We don't make impulsive decisions, especially about long term relationships. If she has closed the door and been gone for 6 months, it doesn't sound like she is looking for a reconciliation. We hang on to the bitter end, usually giving way too many chances for a relationship to survive and past the point of when we should leave. I hope this doesn't sound harsh or cruel, but you asked for virgo women's input, and I'm being straight up with you.

Good luck, I hope you are learning to enjoy life without it being clouded. It's a work in progress but worth it in the end!