ChrisNews
@ChrisNews
12 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 112 · Topics: 8
Question about the actions of a Virgo man.
pective, you are dropping the ball on him here.
Virgos have a deep sense of duty. The Virgo men I know (my father is one too)..all of them understand that once you have a child, you have a responsibility. That is sacred to them and it comes first at all times. They're honorable people.
One thing about them though, they tend to rely more on their partner to supply the firm discipline. They're very soft hearted. To me he wants to move out because then he will be forced to deal with it closely, as he will have no one else to look after his son.
He also recognizes that you guys have different parenting style s so it's only fair that each deals with their kid accordingly. To have it all play out under the same roof is not productive for children who would get mixed signals.Posted by ChrisNews^This is no martyr thing, it's factual reality.
And the bf did the martyr thing “your son needs to stay here with you during this time”
You are focused on the wrong issue here. You assume he has problems with your son because the timeline matches. You son moves in, the Virgo suddenly wants to move out. Virgos make choices deliberately which tells me that his choice was thought about a lot and it's only about him and his son. The realization that you guys do parent differently was something he saw for a while but then he couldn't ignore it anymore. You guys as a unit at this point in time cannot deal with the two kids. So his solution is for each of you to parent in the way you see fit.Posted by ChrisNews^I find the statement above quite rich in the light of what this man is actually saying.
He is the Virgo type that I thought was loyal, stuck, and never left.
He is saying:Posted by ChrisNews
But he also wants to know if we would be ok?Posted by ChrisNews^NOWHERE in there does he even allude towards a breakup with you. He could shut you out easily but he is committed to you and wants you guys to go the distance. If he wanted to break up, we have no problem driving that point across. He is enforcing that under the change of circumstances, he still wants to be with you.
"Would things be ok with us if I moved out and got an apartment. I am not doing a good job parenting and I want to do that"
Meanwhile your mindset:Posted by ChrisNewsYOU are the one considering a breakup because you can't cope with the reality of this man needing to parent his son while at the same time still wanting to date you. He understands that he isn't doing his best by his son and that stress is piling up on his side which would bring on tension and then the relationship will spiral into nothingness. Instead of staying in the same house and letting it unfold like that, he's wants things to work out.
And I know myself, I can’t do it. It would be too hard to have an empty home again. A breakup would be next. Is that the intention - get freedom and then run with it?click to expand
But unfortunately for him, he isn't partnered up with someone who can put themselves aside to take it all into consideration, let alone appreciate what he's trying to accomplish here. Because when the going gets tough, he still wants to be with you (and if you actually love him, you'd get that this is temporary until both your sons are on their feet...on the time span of an entire life with someone this is just a minor hurdle) meanwhile you seem to want to get going.
Very easy for people to bail, very hard for them to go the distance. He isn't bailing on you, you are bailing on him. Life throws curve balls, if you have faith in someone and strength in yourself, you stick by them.
Posted by yupvirgoWhat? He isn't sacrificing his relationship at all.
He's willing to selflessly sacrifice his romantic relationship for you for the sake of his son.
Posted by yupvirgoCome on, he would have thrown a "I don't see how things will work out, maybe we should part ways for a bit" in there if he was iffy on her. He would express doubt in them being able to make it. He doesn't do that.Posted by DamnataHmm... yeah it could also be that he wants to keep the relationship but it can go either way really. It's just that personally (as a father), my duty to my children would always come first. And she described the distancing and aren't Cancers intuitive?Posted by yupvirgoWhat? He isn't sacrificing his relationship at all.
He's willing to selflessly sacrifice his romantic relationship for you for the sake of his son.
Best thing is to establish communication first.
Always the root of Virgo-Cancer misunderstandings.
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Meanwhile she avoids him and keeps mum while letting anxiety well up inside her.
He could not be more clear and honest about how he sees things.
As for water intuition, eh...when it comes as the result of misplaced feelings, it couldn't be more wrong. Their intuition will back up the image they get from their feelings and not the reality of another. She doesn't need to ...guess at this because he was clear. Her focus is on her feelings to the point she sees a breakup as imminent when this man hasn't suggested that at all.
@Damnata Her son is 25, that's more then old enough to move out on his own.
Detach from the parental teat.
Moving out is a step backward in your relationship, despite his 'nobel' reason for leaving. The cold hard truth is that your relationship is not moving forward.
Posted by DivaCanLeoAnd it's her home not the virgos so it's ultimately her choice.Posted by LadyNeptuneBut the reality is he is at home. So you got to deal with the now not the what if's
@Damnata Her son is 25, that's more then old enough to move out on his own.click to expand
Just saying a 25 yr old doesn't 'need' to live at home.
Posted by LadyNeptuneYes.
@Damnata Her son is 25, that's more then old enough to move out on his own.
So? It's not his son therefore it's not his call but hers.
Posted by DivaCanLeoYeah she seems too ride or die for him. He lives in her house, she looks after him and his. Virgos like to be the hero.
Virgos will get dumped by the whole zodiac sign but be the ones dumping the person most loyal to them, they kind of need you not to give a sh1t ...
They want to do the saving not be the saved.
Posted by DamnataIn your response to the op you called his statement of "you need to be with your son" a factual reality.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes.
@Damnata Her son is 25, that's more then old enough to move out on his own.
So? It's not his son therefore it's not his call but hers.click to expand
Fact, 25 years of age...it's far past time to leave the nest.
Posted by DivaCanLeoIt's tough out there when everyone's a winner.Posted by LadyNeptunemillennials are having a hard time of itPosted by DivaCanLeoAnd it's her home not the virgos so it's ultimately her choice.Posted by LadyNeptuneBut the reality is he is at home. So you got to deal with the now not the what if's
@Damnata Her son is 25, that's more then old enough to move out on his own.
Just saying a 25 yr old doesn't 'need' to live at home.
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Posted by LadyNeptuneDepends how broad your perspective is.
Moving out is a step backward in your relationship, despite his 'nobel' reason for leaving. The cold hard truth is that your relationship is not moving forward.
There are times when things move back or stay still.
We adapt to circumstances as they happen.
I'd prefer movement one way or another to the inevitable stand still/impasse in this case.
I'd understand it as a step back if he just announced his call with no intentions to keep on dating her. Or letting it fade away. He isn't doing that.
It's like saying...if someone needs to move away due to work then that's a step backward in a relationship. Everything can be dealt with if two people are on the same page and not held against the relationship itself.
Posted by DivaCanLeoWhy she gotta do all the hard work and find him an apartment though!?Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by DivaCanLeoYeah she seems too ride or die for him. He lives in her house, she looks after him and his. Virgos like to be the hero.
Virgos will get dumped by the whole zodiac sign but be the ones dumping the person most loyal to them, they kind of need you not to give a sh1t ...
They want to do the saving not be the saved.
she should cut him off at the knees right now, find him an apartment for him. do a 180 degree turn on him.
see how he like thatclick to expand
I'd just call one of those apartment brochures and start charging him the same rent at the ones he was looking at. That'll help motivate him.
Posted by LadyNeptuneYes for her to parent her son without the intrusion of a different parenting technique, is a reality.Posted by DamnataIn your response to the op you called his statement of "you need to be with your son" a factual reality.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes.
@Damnata Her son is 25, that's more then old enough to move out on his own.
So? It's not his son therefore it's not his call but hers.
Fact, 25 years of age...it's far past time to leave the nest.click to expand
He recognizes that.
Posted by LadyNeptuneLol, it's always interesting to see how people read a topic.Posted by DivaCanLeoYeah she seems too ride or die for him. He lives in her house, she looks after him and his. Virgos like to be the hero.
Virgos will get dumped by the whole zodiac sign but be the ones dumping the person most loyal to them, they kind of need you not to give a sh1t ...
They want to do the saving not be the saved.click to expand
To me, I don't see her as ride or die at all.
Posted by FknNerdI'm so curious about this man's chart.Posted by DivaCanLeoMaybe not break up with her, but it sounds like he wants a lot of space to figure out if this is what he really wants. The phone thing is susp.Posted by FknNerdhe's so used to getting dumped, that the sheer commitment of a crab is forcing him to leave.
I think he's trying to break up with you, but isnt 100% sure that its the right decision yet. We're really bad at breaking up with people.
sad. typical sad virgoclick to expand
I would keep the phone part at bay too as I was looking for apartments because she doesn't seem to take this well. Add to that she has a history of snooping on him.
Posted by DamnataIn my experience this kind of concious step back spells the end of a relationship. If not right now then shortly down the road.Posted by LadyNeptuneDepends how broad your perspective is.
Moving out is a step backward in your relationship, despite his 'nobel' reason for leaving. The cold hard truth is that your relationship is not moving forward.
There are times when things move back or stay still.
We adapt to circumstances as they happen.
I'd prefer movement one way or another to the inevitable stand still/impasse in this case.
I'd understand it as a step back if he just announced his call with no intentions to keep on dating her. Or letting it fade away. He isn't doing that.
It's like saying...if someone needs to move away due to work then that's a step backward in a relationship. Everything can be dealt with if two people are on the same page and not held against the relationship itself.click to expand
It's one thing if circumstances tear you apart...But if we take the Op's explanation of things the Virgos life is easier living with her. It doesn't make financial sense for him to move. He's going to have to work more hours in order to provide which means less time for his son. Which renders his reason for leaving in the first place moot.
He's CHOOSING to move out. If he's working 7am-10pm now he's not going to have time to see her and continue 'dating'.
He wants out.
Posted by DamnataParent her son? He's a grown man. Maybe the best parenting would be to treat him as such...Posted by LadyNeptuneYes for her to parent her son without the intrusion of a different parenting technique, is a reality.Posted by DamnataIn your response to the op you called his statement of "you need to be with your son" a factual reality.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes.
@Damnata Her son is 25, that's more then old enough to move out on his own.
So? It's not his son therefore it's not his call but hers.
Fact, 25 years of age...it's far past time to leave the nest.
He recognizes that.
click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptunePoint is, it's not his call but hers.Posted by DamnataParent her son? He's a grown man. Maybe the best parenting would be to treat him as such...Posted by LadyNeptuneYes for her to parent her son without the intrusion of a different parenting technique, is a reality.Posted by DamnataIn your response to the op you called his statement of "you need to be with your son" a factual reality.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes.
@Damnata Her son is 25, that's more then old enough to move out on his own.
So? It's not his son therefore it's not his call but hers.
Fact, 25 years of age...it's far past time to leave the nest.
He recognizes that.
click to expand
Posted by DamnataExactly. So him telling her she needs to be with her son, without him being there, is not his call to make.Posted by LadyNeptunePoint is, it's not his call but hers.Posted by DamnataParent her son? He's a grown man. Maybe the best parenting would be to treat him as such...Posted by LadyNeptuneYes for her to parent her son without the intrusion of a different parenting technique, is a reality.Posted by DamnataIn your response to the op you called his statement of "you need to be with your son" a factual reality.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes.
@Damnata Her son is 25, that's more then old enough to move out on his own.
So? It's not his son therefore it's not his call but hers.
Fact, 25 years of age...it's far past time to leave the nest.
He recognizes that.
click to expand
She wants him there...
Posted by DivaCanLeoAn apartment would facilitate that.
i think he's cheating.
Posted by FknNerdI'm a "We're done" kind of person. If I no longer want to be with you, I'll tell you.Posted by DamnataPosted by FknNerdI'm so curious about this man's chart.Posted by DivaCanLeoMaybe not break up with her, but it sounds like he wants a lot of space to figure out if this is what he really wants. The phone thing is susp.Posted by FknNerdhe's so used to getting dumped, that the sheer commitment of a crab is forcing him to leave.
I think he's trying to break up with you, but isnt 100% sure that its the right decision yet. We're really bad at breaking up with people.
sad. typical sad virgo
I would keep the phone part at bay too as I was looking for apartments because she doesn't seem to take this well. Add to that she has a history of snooping on him.
I feel like he has some cancer in him like we do. I'm not really a "we're done" type of person. I'm more of a slow fade. How about you? Idk, I thought we both were the type to want to do everything with our partner including the being a better parent business. Cancer veens are so clingy omg I love it until youre not and you slow fade from what I've read you jerks.
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I agree on doing everything but if you feel your presence doesn't help and you have your own shit to deal with, I'd feel I am inconveniencing my partner so time to try another solution...while reassuring them that to me it's not a step back because it isn't. The opposite applies...if I feel I can't deal, I am aware I might be adding stress to your life so to me it isn't fair to do that to someone I love.
Posted by LadyNeptuneYes but obviously the dynamic with the two kids is not working out.Posted by DamnataExactly. So him telling her she needs to be with her son, without him being there, is not his call to make.Posted by LadyNeptunePoint is, it's not his call but hers.Posted by DamnataParent her son? He's a grown man. Maybe the best parenting would be to treat him as such...Posted by LadyNeptuneYes for her to parent her son without the intrusion of a different parenting technique, is a reality.Posted by DamnataIn your response to the op you called his statement of "you need to be with your son" a factual reality.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes.
@Damnata Her son is 25, that's more then old enough to move out on his own.
So? It's not his son therefore it's not his call but hers.
Fact, 25 years of age...it's far past time to leave the nest.
He recognizes that.
She wants him there...
click to expand
Posted by DamnataI never read anything from the op about the two kids clashing. In fact she mentions she includes him when they go eat. Seem idyllic.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes but obviously the dynamic with the two kids is not working out.Posted by DamnataExactly. So him telling her she needs to be with her son, without him being there, is not his call to make.Posted by LadyNeptunePoint is, it's not his call but hers.Posted by DamnataParent her son? He's a grown man. Maybe the best parenting would be to treat him as such...Posted by LadyNeptuneYes for her to parent her son without the intrusion of a different parenting technique, is a reality.Posted by DamnataIn your response to the op you called his statement of "you need to be with your son" a factual reality.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes.
@Damnata Her son is 25, that's more then old enough to move out on his own.
So? It's not his son therefore it's not his call but hers.
Fact, 25 years of age...it's far past time to leave the nest.
He recognizes that.
She wants him there...
click to expand
Its just an excuse the Virgos using. He wants out.
He's looking for an apartment. He's going to sign a year lease.
This isn't some 'lemme crash at my friends for the week so I can figure out what I want". He wants distance. He wants space. He wants to sleep in a different bed then his woman.
This isn't some 'lemme crash at my friends for the week so I can figure out what I want". He wants distance. He wants space. He wants to sleep in a different bed then his woman.
Posted by LadyNeptuneI mean...we all have opinions but water suns will absolutely have certainties about people they have never met, according to their feelings on a topic. And it's always in a negative sense. No balance with the positive.Posted by DamnataI never read anything from the op about the two kids clashing. In fact she mentions she includes him when they go eat. Seem idyllic.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes but obviously the dynamic with the two kids is not working out.Posted by DamnataExactly. So him telling her she needs to be with her son, without him being there, is not his call to make.Posted by LadyNeptunePoint is, it's not his call but hers.Posted by DamnataParent her son? He's a grown man. Maybe the best parenting would be to treat him as such...Posted by LadyNeptuneYes for her to parent her son without the intrusion of a different parenting technique, is a reality.Posted by DamnataIn your response to the op you called his statement of "you need to be with your son" a factual reality.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes.
@Damnata Her son is 25, that's more then old enough to move out on his own.
So? It's not his son therefore it's not his call but hers.
Fact, 25 years of age...it's far past time to leave the nest.
He recognizes that.
She wants him there...
Its just an excuse the Virgos using. He wants out.
click to expand
Waiting for a water sun to actually have a feeling that good people exist out there and not everything shaky points to them being deceived and their feels being obliterated:
Posted by DamnataSo I make a point you can't refute and you hit back with blanketed sun sign statements. Cool story bro.Posted by LadyNeptuneI mean...we all have opinions but water suns will absolutely have certainties about people they have never met, according to their feelings on a topic. And it's always in a negative sense. No balance with the positive.Posted by DamnataI never read anything from the op about the two kids clashing. In fact she mentions she includes him when they go eat. Seem idyllic.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes but obviously the dynamic with the two kids is not working out.Posted by DamnataExactly. So him telling her she needs to be with her son, without him being there, is not his call to make.Posted by LadyNeptunePoint is, it's not his call but hers.Posted by DamnataParent her son? He's a grown man. Maybe the best parenting would be to treat him as such...Posted by LadyNeptuneYes for her to parent her son without the intrusion of a different parenting technique, is a reality.Posted by DamnataIn your response to the op you called his statement of "you need to be with your son" a factual reality.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes.
@Damnata Her son is 25, that's more then old enough to move out on his own.
So? It's not his son therefore it's not his call but hers.
Fact, 25 years of age...it's far past time to leave the nest.
He recognizes that.
She wants him there...
Its just an excuse the Virgos using. He wants out.
Waiting for a water sun to actually have a feeling that good people exist out there and not everything shaky points to them being deceived and their feels being obliterated:
click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by DamnataSo I make a point you can't refute and you hit back with blanketed sun sign statements. Cool story bro.Posted by LadyNeptuneI mean...we all have opinions but water suns will absolutely have certainties about people they have never met, according to their feelings on a topic. And it's always in a negative sense. No balance with the positive.Posted by DamnataI never read anything from the op about the two kids clashing. In fact she mentions she includes him when they go eat. Seem idyllic.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes but obviously the dynamic with the two kids is not working out.Posted by DamnataExactly. So him telling her she needs to be with her son, without him being there, is not his call to make.Posted by LadyNeptunePoint is, it's not his call but hers.Posted by DamnataParent her son? He's a grown man. Maybe the best parenting would be to treat him as such...Posted by LadyNeptuneYes for her to parent her son without the intrusion of a different parenting technique, is a reality.Posted by DamnataIn your response to the op you called his statement of "you need to be with your son" a factual reality.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes.
@Damnata Her son is 25, that's more then old enough to move out on his own.
So? It's not his son therefore it's not his call but hers.
Fact, 25 years of age...it's far past time to leave the nest.
He recognizes that.
She wants him there...
Its just an excuse the Virgos using. He wants out.
Waiting for a water sun to actually have a feeling that good people exist out there and not everything shaky points to them being deceived and their feels being obliterated:
click to expand
Yeah I can't refute him cheating or not cheating because it's impossible to tell with 100% certainty.
Unless you're a water sun and you're making my point for me with every reply.
I'd say cool story bro but I'll just say irony is awesome.
Posted by DivaCanLeoI see you skipped the birds and bees talk.Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by DamnataSo I make a point you can't refute and you hit back with blanketed sun sign statements. Cool story bro.Posted by LadyNeptuneI mean...we all have opinions but water suns will absolutely have certainties about people they have never met, according to their feelings on a topic. And it's always in a negative sense. No balance with the positive.Posted by DamnataI never read anything from the op about the two kids clashing. In fact she mentions she includes him when they go eat. Seem idyllic.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes but obviously the dynamic with the two kids is not working out.Posted by DamnataExactly. So him telling her she needs to be with her son, without him being there, is not his call to make.Posted by LadyNeptunePoint is, it's not his call but hers.Posted by DamnataParent her son? He's a grown man. Maybe the best parenting would be to treat him as such...Posted by LadyNeptuneYes for her to parent her son without the intrusion of a different parenting technique, is a reality.Posted by DamnataIn your response to the op you called his statement of "you need to be with your son" a factual reality.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes.
@Damnata Her son is 25, that's more then old enough to move out on his own.
So? It's not his son therefore it's not his call but hers.
Fact, 25 years of age...it's far past time to leave the nest.
He recognizes that.
She wants him there...
Its just an excuse the Virgos using. He wants out.
Waiting for a water sun to actually have a feeling that good people exist out there and not everything shaky points to them being deceived and their feels being obliterated:
Right, she's an ingrate. How she exists is a wonder.click to expand
Posted by DamnataWho said anything about cheating?Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by DamnataSo I make a point you can't refute and you hit back with blanketed sun sign statements. Cool story bro.Posted by LadyNeptuneI mean...we all have opinions but water suns will absolutely have certainties about people they have never met, according to their feelings on a topic. And it's always in a negative sense. No balance with the positive.Posted by DamnataI never read anything from the op about the two kids clashing. In fact she mentions she includes him when they go eat. Seem idyllic.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes but obviously the dynamic with the two kids is not working out.Posted by DamnataExactly. So him telling her she needs to be with her son, without him being there, is not his call to make.Posted by LadyNeptunePoint is, it's not his call but hers.Posted by DamnataParent her son? He's a grown man. Maybe the best parenting would be to treat him as such...Posted by LadyNeptuneYes for her to parent her son without the intrusion of a different parenting technique, is a reality.Posted by DamnataIn your response to the op you called his statement of "you need to be with your son" a factual reality.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes.
@Damnata Her son is 25, that's more then old enough to move out on his own.
So? It's not his son therefore it's not his call but hers.
Fact, 25 years of age...it's far past time to leave the nest.
He recognizes that.
She wants him there...
Its just an excuse the Virgos using. He wants out.
Waiting for a water sun to actually have a feeling that good people exist out there and not everything shaky points to them being deceived and their feels being obliterated:
Yeah I can't refute him cheating or not cheating because it's impossible to tell with 100% certainty.
Unless you're a water sun and you're making my point for me with every reply.
I'd say cool story bro but I'll just say irony is awesome.
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We were talking about how you like to invent facts to support your opinions. Nothing here point to the kids clashing.
Gosh...why are all earth sun signs so stubborn they willfully refuse to identify what's in front of them. *flips hair
See, I can play too.
Posted by LadyNeptuneI never said the kids were clashing.Posted by DamnataWho said anything about cheating?Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by DamnataSo I make a point you can't refute and you hit back with blanketed sun sign statements. Cool story bro.Posted by LadyNeptuneI mean...we all have opinions but water suns will absolutely have certainties about people they have never met, according to their feelings on a topic. And it's always in a negative sense. No balance with the positive.Posted by DamnataI never read anything from the op about the two kids clashing. In fact she mentions she includes him when they go eat. Seem idyllic.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes but obviously the dynamic with the two kids is not working out.Posted by DamnataExactly. So him telling her she needs to be with her son, without him being there, is not his call to make.Posted by LadyNeptunePoint is, it's not his call but hers.Posted by DamnataParent her son? He's a grown man. Maybe the best parenting would be to treat him as such...Posted by LadyNeptuneYes for her to parent her son without the intrusion of a different parenting technique, is a reality.Posted by DamnataIn your response to the op you called his statement of "you need to be with your son" a factual reality.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes.
@Damnata Her son is 25, that's more then old enough to move out on his own.
So? It's not his son therefore it's not his call but hers.
Fact, 25 years of age...it's far past time to leave the nest.
He recognizes that.
She wants him there...
Its just an excuse the Virgos using. He wants out.
Waiting for a water sun to actually have a feeling that good people exist out there and not everything shaky points to them being deceived and their feels being obliterated:
Yeah I can't refute him cheating or not cheating because it's impossible to tell with 100% certainty.
Unless you're a water sun and you're making my point for me with every reply.
I'd say cool story bro but I'll just say irony is awesome.
We were talking about how you like to invent facts to support your opinions. Nothing here point to the kids clashing.
Gosh...why are all earth sun signs so stubborn they willfully refuse to identify what's in front of them. *flips hair
See, I can play too.
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I said each of them has a different parenting style with his/her own child. Since they live together, if there is a conflict of style s a child won't know who to listen to because they go about it in different ways. There would be no authority over both of them. Therefore, each needs to deal with the dynamic with their kid their own way since no resolution seemed to pass after one year. And to do that, you go to a place where 2 different dynamics don't clash...aka you move out. It makes ...sense.
I know you can play, try reading what people are actually saying first before even trying to refute anything. Not that it's possible once feels are engaged and it is absolutely determined that this man wants out of the relationship and all that part with their kids is just to be glossed over.
Posted by DivaCanLeoWe aren't good at gauging reactions when it comes to brutal honesty with water signs. I thought some people could take it, they couldn't. So we try to go around that to not cause emotional harm.Posted by DivaCanLeoof course don't try to make us feel low, but if its' constructive....Posted by bubbythewhale1that's so stupid...you notice crabs marry other crabs, scorpios, leos cause they don't hide what we need to hear. how does one grow if someone is always stepping around you....worried they'll hurt your feelings
@yupvirgo "Come to think of it, when I'm trying real hard to not offend Cancers, I usually do for some reason unknown to me coz they give me this sullen look but never really say anything."
I did that a few times w/ cancer dude!!! Like i'll think of 60 things to not say, then when I speak im immediately like WTF?! why'd you say that shit now they're going to think ______. (tries to fix it, has panic attack) lol
we see that as you being manipulative by the wayclick to expand
I do agree that if nothing is ultimately said, that in itself dooms it. So earth suns need to state it, just maybe not freeze it until they find the right tone/words/etc. We just worry a lot about the way things are received.
Thank you for the replies.
LadyNeptune. I do see moving out as a step backward. That is what bothers me.
A few more background info.
He wants to parent better but nothing keeping him from doing that now. For a year now I've watched him come home tired, eat and maybe say a few words to his son before going to the couch and within an hour or so fall asleep. For the time before my son moved in he didn't care that his son was doing the video games, etc. He took it away but away because the kid wasn't bathing/eating due to gaming. And a few months later, gave the game player back. I stay out of his parenting ways.
He is a good man. But he is not a saintly parent. He has other kids, younger ones that I've seen him only get them a few days out the year (bring them to my house) and still not stop going to his business, that he could have easily closed for those days to be with his kids. He loves his kids yes, we all do. I do parent different I was more hands on with them. My son at that age was a handful. And he dropped out as well. I hounded him to get his GED. He did - 2 days after he dropped out at 16 and he would later do college courses. Parenting his son is a 100 times easier to me. My son and I get along now and he is a good man but at 17 he was a handful and a pain.
My son is older and yes, old enough to be on his own. He has been since he was 18. He has moved back in when need at times (financial but they have always been short stays - months). My son is not going to stay. He moved in because he had a recent breakup, he was past due on some big bills and child support and this was a solution for him to catch up financially. My son wants to move out as soon as he can. He wants to be able to have friends over, smoke in his own house, etc. He is temporarily there.
All the kids get along. There is has never been fighting, no power struggles, nothing.There was no fighting between us either or between my son and him.
I am not avoiding the bf. He does have a busy life and we are talking when he gets home. At his place of business I go in to handle the paperwork and money and greet customers - we don't really talk there. I understand his desire to stay all business at business. Everything there knows me has his gf.
I am not spewing out everything I am thinking to him about his actions. He told me Tuesday all we did was have "a talk" and asked if I was still mad at him. To him the "talk" was over and done with. To me, he opened a can.
I do want to ask those questions about the phone and such but I want to give me some time (I want to be able to ask when not emotional.(I am pausing for me - not him) I am a Cancer, there was a full moon and I am premenstrual - I am all woman and this week was all emotional. So that is why I am waiting. I am also respectfully waiting because he has a big event tomorrow and I know what is like to have a big function and someone picking a fight with you the day before (my past relationships) and having to cope and concentrate I am mature enough to wait until there is not that stress of getting his event to run smoothly.
Yes, I have thought - hey you pay your phone late, your car late, you are horrible at managing your money but now you have money to go get an apartment and pay utilities? I do make life very easy for him. I don't press him for money. He does give to groceries but that is about it.
I have thought maybe he is cheating but that was not the case with his ex - there was no cheating there (it was a sad breakup due to his business being his focus and not his family (her words) And according to him, there were months, and I think the last year with her with no sex. No touching either. That is sad. If there was a time to cheat, that would be reason to for me.
Our sex life is active. Our relationship, I thought was fine. He said he had no complaints about our relationship. I help him out at his business, I have helped in out when he needs loans ,and he pays me back.
I did share this with him that night about his son:
He is almost 18, he is past the age of parenting. He doesn't need parenting - he needs guidance as he enters life on his own. BF agreed. I mentioned why don't you try taking him with you when you leave for work, taking the key, getting him out the house, he could go to the library, go skateboarding. Not be sleeping all day, and go to your business every night with you. BF response, "that is not a bad idea"
His son is anti-social too.
He said he doesn't want his son to be 25 and still the same way.
He is 9-18 virgo
I am 7-3 cancer.
I get that he wants his son to do better and I get that he wants to be a better parent. I get all of that. But logic says, your credit won't get you a place, your money won't pay for that place, and your time management won't change, so how is putting him in a place alone is better?
We have been talking. We are not in silent mode. I can normally talk easily with him but just not while I am guarded as I am now -- I haven't been guarded in a long long time. So I am not talking about the talk we had Monday, nor am I talking about my observations I had of his actions all week.
Monday I also told him that he is cherry picking when he sees us as a "we" and when he sees us as separate. And I gave him an example of when he didn't have tags. He didn't ask to use my other vehicle. He just took the key and used it for weeks. (I didn't care, my truck was just sitting there)
"we" are a couple to him when he just takes my tools and uses them. and then it is "I" when it came down to what he wants. He didn't respond back.
He really did say it was just a thought he had but I fully agree with someone who wrote he has been thinking about this for awhile now.
I did tell him that if he decides to do it, then do it fast.
It was a bad week to tell me that. Yes, I could have handled that communication a thousand times better. I could have but at that time he could have been wearing a halo and I would still have been emotional. I know myself - I know I am emotional and sensitive when premenstrual.
Thank you again for your replies. I welcome more.
CC I've missed you!
LadyNeptune. I do see moving out as a step backward. That is what bothers me.
A few more background info.
He wants to parent better but nothing keeping him from doing that now. For a year now I've watched him come home tired, eat and maybe say a few words to his son before going to the couch and within an hour or so fall asleep. For the time before my son moved in he didn't care that his son was doing the video games, etc. He took it away but away because the kid wasn't bathing/eating due to gaming. And a few months later, gave the game player back. I stay out of his parenting ways.
He is a good man. But he is not a saintly parent. He has other kids, younger ones that I've seen him only get them a few days out the year (bring them to my house) and still not stop going to his business, that he could have easily closed for those days to be with his kids. He loves his kids yes, we all do. I do parent different I was more hands on with them. My son at that age was a handful. And he dropped out as well. I hounded him to get his GED. He did - 2 days after he dropped out at 16 and he would later do college courses. Parenting his son is a 100 times easier to me. My son and I get along now and he is a good man but at 17 he was a handful and a pain.
My son is older and yes, old enough to be on his own. He has been since he was 18. He has moved back in when need at times (financial but they have always been short stays - months). My son is not going to stay. He moved in because he had a recent breakup, he was past due on some big bills and child support and this was a solution for him to catch up financially. My son wants to move out as soon as he can. He wants to be able to have friends over, smoke in his own house, etc. He is temporarily there.
All the kids get along. There is has never been fighting, no power struggles, nothing.There was no fighting between us either or between my son and him.
I am not avoiding the bf. He does have a busy life and we are talking when he gets home. At his place of business I go in to handle the paperwork and money and greet customers - we don't really talk there. I understand his desire to stay all business at business. Everything there knows me has his gf.
I am not spewing out everything I am thinking to him about his actions. He told me Tuesday all we did was have "a talk" and asked if I was still mad at him. To him the "talk" was over and done with. To me, he opened a can.
I do want to ask those questions about the phone and such but I want to give me some time (I want to be able to ask when not emotional.(I am pausing for me - not him) I am a Cancer, there was a full moon and I am premenstrual - I am all woman and this week was all emotional. So that is why I am waiting. I am also respectfully waiting because he has a big event tomorrow and I know what is like to have a big function and someone picking a fight with you the day before (my past relationships) and having to cope and concentrate I am mature enough to wait until there is not that stress of getting his event to run smoothly.
Yes, I have thought - hey you pay your phone late, your car late, you are horrible at managing your money but now you have money to go get an apartment and pay utilities? I do make life very easy for him. I don't press him for money. He does give to groceries but that is about it.
I have thought maybe he is cheating but that was not the case with his ex - there was no cheating there (it was a sad breakup due to his business being his focus and not his family (her words) And according to him, there were months, and I think the last year with her with no sex. No touching either. That is sad. If there was a time to cheat, that would be reason to for me.
Our sex life is active. Our relationship, I thought was fine. He said he had no complaints about our relationship. I help him out at his business, I have helped in out when he needs loans ,and he pays me back.
I did share this with him that night about his son:
He is almost 18, he is past the age of parenting. He doesn't need parenting - he needs guidance as he enters life on his own. BF agreed. I mentioned why don't you try taking him with you when you leave for work, taking the key, getting him out the house, he could go to the library, go skateboarding. Not be sleeping all day, and go to your business every night with you. BF response, "that is not a bad idea"
His son is anti-social too.
He said he doesn't want his son to be 25 and still the same way.
He is 9-18 virgo
I am 7-3 cancer.
I get that he wants his son to do better and I get that he wants to be a better parent. I get all of that. But logic says, your credit won't get you a place, your money won't pay for that place, and your time management won't change, so how is putting him in a place alone is better?
We have been talking. We are not in silent mode. I can normally talk easily with him but just not while I am guarded as I am now -- I haven't been guarded in a long long time. So I am not talking about the talk we had Monday, nor am I talking about my observations I had of his actions all week.
Monday I also told him that he is cherry picking when he sees us as a "we" and when he sees us as separate. And I gave him an example of when he didn't have tags. He didn't ask to use my other vehicle. He just took the key and used it for weeks. (I didn't care, my truck was just sitting there)
"we" are a couple to him when he just takes my tools and uses them. and then it is "I" when it came down to what he wants. He didn't respond back.
He really did say it was just a thought he had but I fully agree with someone who wrote he has been thinking about this for awhile now.
I did tell him that if he decides to do it, then do it fast.
It was a bad week to tell me that. Yes, I could have handled that communication a thousand times better. I could have but at that time he could have been wearing a halo and I would still have been emotional. I know myself - I know I am emotional and sensitive when premenstrual.
Thank you again for your replies. I welcome more.
CC I've missed you!
Posted by DamnataCan't you see that sugar coating how you feel, lying to your partner, is much MUCH more emotionally damaging than brutal honesty could ever be.Posted by DivaCanLeoWe aren't good at gauging reactions when it comes to brutal honesty with water signs. I thought some people could take it, they couldn't. So we try to go around that to not cause emotional harm.Posted by DivaCanLeoof course don't try to make us feel low, but if its' constructive....Posted by bubbythewhale1that's so stupid...you notice crabs marry other crabs, scorpios, leos cause they don't hide what we need to hear. how does one grow if someone is always stepping around you....worried they'll hurt your feelings
@yupvirgo "Come to think of it, when I'm trying real hard to not offend Cancers, I usually do for some reason unknown to me coz they give me this sullen look but never really say anything."
I did that a few times w/ cancer dude!!! Like i'll think of 60 things to not say, then when I speak im immediately like WTF?! why'd you say that shit now they're going to think ______. (tries to fix it, has panic attack) lol
we see that as you being manipulative by the way
I do agree that if nothing is ultimately said, that in itself dooms it. So earth suns need to state it, just maybe not freeze it until they find the right tone/words/etc. We just worry a lot about the way things are received.click to expand
Without honesty there can be no trust. Without trust there is no connection, no relationship, no longevity.
Posted by DivaCanLeoThat is how I go about things.
i don't think it helps anyone side stepping things...personality attacks is one thing...constructive criticism another.
for instance. i hate that you're so jealous and possessive because it suffocates me, i want you to trust me, because i would do nothing to harm you, i love you.
that to me says it all...reassurance without the need to play mental games
But the Virgo mindset is like this:
A -------------> B
You're talking about how one should address B in a productive way, instead of internalizing it. Well to us there is no need to address B, because if A hadn't happened, there would be no B. So how about the person doing the A action catches himself/herself and takes accountability of that action. There would be no B then, as long as people keep hold themselves responsible for their actions.
If you're over the top with suffocating someone and you care about that person you should check yourself and not keep doing the action then expecting a way the message is sent to you too.
I mean if someone hits me, do you think I sit there explaining to them that action is wrong? Don't you think they know it by default?
The fact that people choose to act on things that are detrimental and follow through with them then expect their feelings coddled is what makes zero sense to me. All you should expect is someone walking away from you for good, not staying to put you in your place or whatever.
Now..hitting is an extreme example. If you mean a trivial action that annoys/upsets/hurts a Virgo...and you can tell by their reaction to it they didn't like it yet refuse to speak up..then I agree. In that case they should speak up and clear the air.
Posted by LadyNeptuneI already said I agree and I don't go about it that way.Posted by DamnataCan't you see that sugar coating how you feel, lying to your partner, is much MUCH more emotionally damaging than brutal honesty could ever be.Posted by DivaCanLeoWe aren't good at gauging reactions when it comes to brutal honesty with water signs. I thought some people could take it, they couldn't. So we try to go around that to not cause emotional harm.Posted by DivaCanLeoof course don't try to make us feel low, but if its' constructive....Posted by bubbythewhale1that's so stupid...you notice crabs marry other crabs, scorpios, leos cause they don't hide what we need to hear. how does one grow if someone is always stepping around you....worried they'll hurt your feelings
@yupvirgo "Come to think of it, when I'm trying real hard to not offend Cancers, I usually do for some reason unknown to me coz they give me this sullen look but never really say anything."
I did that a few times w/ cancer dude!!! Like i'll think of 60 things to not say, then when I speak im immediately like WTF?! why'd you say that shit now they're going to think ______. (tries to fix it, has panic attack) lol
we see that as you being manipulative by the way
I do agree that if nothing is ultimately said, that in itself dooms it. So earth suns need to state it, just maybe not freeze it until they find the right tone/words/etc. We just worry a lot about the way things are received.
Without honesty there can be no trust. Without trust there is no connection, no relationship, no longevity.click to expand
But on the other end of the coin..if the result of me speaking out gives me more grief aka I have to deal with theatrics and I'm not really in the energy to do it..then I bypass it. I will speak up honestly and bluntly with people who understand it and don't get riled up...and see the message for what it is. For the rest, it isn't worth dealing with the aftermath for me. I'll just walk. But I don't date the second type of people to begin with.
Posted by DamnataThis comes off as very selfish to me.Posted by LadyNeptuneI already said I agree and I don't go about it that way.Posted by DamnataCan't you see that sugar coating how you feel, lying to your partner, is much MUCH more emotionally damaging than brutal honesty could ever be.Posted by DivaCanLeoWe aren't good at gauging reactions when it comes to brutal honesty with water signs. I thought some people could take it, they couldn't. So we try to go around that to not cause emotional harm.Posted by DivaCanLeoof course don't try to make us feel low, but if its' constructive....Posted by bubbythewhale1that's so stupid...you notice crabs marry other crabs, scorpios, leos cause they don't hide what we need to hear. how does one grow if someone is always stepping around you....worried they'll hurt your feelings
@yupvirgo "Come to think of it, when I'm trying real hard to not offend Cancers, I usually do for some reason unknown to me coz they give me this sullen look but never really say anything."
I did that a few times w/ cancer dude!!! Like i'll think of 60 things to not say, then when I speak im immediately like WTF?! why'd you say that shit now they're going to think ______. (tries to fix it, has panic attack) lol
we see that as you being manipulative by the way
I do agree that if nothing is ultimately said, that in itself dooms it. So earth suns need to state it, just maybe not freeze it until they find the right tone/words/etc. We just worry a lot about the way things are received.
Without honesty there can be no trust. Without trust there is no connection, no relationship, no longevity.
But on the other end of the coin..if the result of me speaking out gives me more grief aka I have to deal with theatrics and I'm not really in the energy to do it..then I bypass it. I will speak up honestly and bluntly with people who understand it and don't get riled up...and see the message for what it is. For the rest, it isn't worth dealing with the aftermath for me. I'll just walk. But I don't date the second type of people to begin with.
click to expand
At first you said up above that you keep your true intent to yourself to spare others feelings. Now the truth comes out. The real reason is to spare yourself from confrontation.
Best not involve yourself in any level of partnership then. Confrontation is inevitable. The fruits of confrontation out weigh the minimal discomfort. You find compromise, and ultimately a better understanding of each other.
Posted by LadyNeptuneI feel we have a failure to communicate.Posted by DamnataThis comes off as very selfish to me.Posted by LadyNeptuneI already said I agree and I don't go about it that way.Posted by DamnataCan't you see that sugar coating how you feel, lying to your partner, is much MUCH more emotionally damaging than brutal honesty could ever be.Posted by DivaCanLeoWe aren't good at gauging reactions when it comes to brutal honesty with water signs. I thought some people could take it, they couldn't. So we try to go around that to not cause emotional harm.Posted by DivaCanLeoof course don't try to make us feel low, but if its' constructive....Posted by bubbythewhale1that's so stupid...you notice crabs marry other crabs, scorpios, leos cause they don't hide what we need to hear. how does one grow if someone is always stepping around you....worried they'll hurt your feelings
@yupvirgo "Come to think of it, when I'm trying real hard to not offend Cancers, I usually do for some reason unknown to me coz they give me this sullen look but never really say anything."
I did that a few times w/ cancer dude!!! Like i'll think of 60 things to not say, then when I speak im immediately like WTF?! why'd you say that shit now they're going to think ______. (tries to fix it, has panic attack) lol
we see that as you being manipulative by the way
I do agree that if nothing is ultimately said, that in itself dooms it. So earth suns need to state it, just maybe not freeze it until they find the right tone/words/etc. We just worry a lot about the way things are received.
Without honesty there can be no trust. Without trust there is no connection, no relationship, no longevity.
But on the other end of the coin..if the result of me speaking out gives me more grief aka I have to deal with theatrics and I'm not really in the energy to do it..then I bypass it. I will speak up honestly and bluntly with people who understand it and don't get riled up...and see the message for what it is. For the rest, it isn't worth dealing with the aftermath for me. I'll just walk. But I don't date the second type of people to begin with.
At first you said up above that you keep your true intent to yourself to spare others feelings. Now the truth comes out. The real reason is to spare yourself from confrontation.
Best not involve yourself in any level of partnership then. Confrontation is inevitable. The fruits of confrontation out weigh the minimal discomfort. You find compromise, and ultimately a better understanding of each other.
click to expand
I have no problem with confrontation. Was explaining how it can be done by Virgos, said I don't do it. Unless that person is dramatic and then yes, I would not confront them but walk away. Maybe you've never seen things spiral out with people before and you deem people reasonable and sensible but I have. I don't care about having people in my life who cannot fathom the impact of their actions so I'm cool with walking away from those. It's a level of selfish unawareness I'm not down with.
I even explained I don't date people I can't confront/ be real with. Even if confrontation might seem to be out of my comfort zone at times, I owe them all of me therefore I pass on keeping anything back. If you're close to me as a friend or a partner, you will get the uncensored version of me because I care about our relationship. It goes levels deeper.
Anyway I'll let you be on your spiral of assumptions in uncovering...no truth at all since I stated it. There really isn't a hidden reason other than me being selective with how deep people go with me.
The virgo guy is leaving her. bc he knows
its not working now living together wih all the kids it never will work.
hes not stupid. hes easing out of it.
its not working now living together wih all the kids it never will work.
hes not stupid. hes easing out of it.
I haven't read all the proceeding comments, but my contribution to this type of situation is rather simple: Be okay with him moving out and see how the relationship continues onward.
Sometimes you have to meet people exactly where they are in life and adjust. If letting go a bit is what is needed (based upon his request), then release and trust things will be okay.
He didn't say he wanted to break up with you. So you have to trust that he is being honest (time will either validate or refute) and just prefers not to blend your families that this time.
If it's your house and you are able to financially manage your home as you did before him, then I really don't see how him wanting to move out would be detrimental. In fact, this new space between you may strengthen your relationship.
Sometimes you have to meet people exactly where they are in life and adjust. If letting go a bit is what is needed (based upon his request), then release and trust things will be okay.
He didn't say he wanted to break up with you. So you have to trust that he is being honest (time will either validate or refute) and just prefers not to blend your families that this time.
If it's your house and you are able to financially manage your home as you did before him, then I really don't see how him wanting to move out would be detrimental. In fact, this new space between you may strengthen your relationship.
Thank you SomeSortOfMermaid...
Right now I just want perspective and I know I am too close and can't look at this objectively. I've been in bad relationships before - cheating, lies, mind games etc. This has been the best relationship I have ever been (sad to say) and I was very content with the concept of it being my last.
I don't know if we will be ok if we did the separate living. And I did tell him that. Monday night I told him that he has filled out my home and it would be hard to come home to an empty home and memories. Course I did that through tears so he probably didn't hear it.
And I have a big imagination. It is a handicap and also how I make my living so it is a double edge sword at times.
He just left He had his game face on. He was focused. He won't be returning till well after midnight. His son went with him. I get the house to myself all day. My son isn't here either and already mentioned he will also be going out of town for the day/night.
I am coming down from this emotional rollercoaster I've been on. I feel like I can finally let out a big sigh and if needed, scream, cry and not worry about others seeing me.
I will talk with him maybe tomorrow, depending on how he is feeling. And how I am feeling. If I feel I can't without crying, I will back up and wait. I will soon, though. I know who I am. I need to get that stuff cleared up.
Thanks all for your views. I appreciate it.
Right now I just want perspective and I know I am too close and can't look at this objectively. I've been in bad relationships before - cheating, lies, mind games etc. This has been the best relationship I have ever been (sad to say) and I was very content with the concept of it being my last.
I don't know if we will be ok if we did the separate living. And I did tell him that. Monday night I told him that he has filled out my home and it would be hard to come home to an empty home and memories. Course I did that through tears so he probably didn't hear it.
And I have a big imagination. It is a handicap and also how I make my living so it is a double edge sword at times.
He just left He had his game face on. He was focused. He won't be returning till well after midnight. His son went with him. I get the house to myself all day. My son isn't here either and already mentioned he will also be going out of town for the day/night.
I am coming down from this emotional rollercoaster I've been on. I feel like I can finally let out a big sigh and if needed, scream, cry and not worry about others seeing me.
I will talk with him maybe tomorrow, depending on how he is feeling. And how I am feeling. If I feel I can't without crying, I will back up and wait. I will soon, though. I know who I am. I need to get that stuff cleared up.
Thanks all for your views. I appreciate it.
@chrisnews,
I hope he is not expecting the same level of support when he moves out. That's too much to ask, too impractical even, with little return as far as what you've described your needs to be. To me, if you don't hurry up and say this before he moves out or, he'll think you are retaliating when it either becomes impratical and/or unfair to continue the same level of support... and that is how the relationship will begin it's downward spiral.
I would explain the benefits to living together for you and him and ask him how he sees these benefit playing out in the future in separate homes. Planning the future can relieve some of the anxiety you are feeling.
I'm a practical, psychological based thinker. I stick to the problem-solving, things within one's control, etc. and this is what I see.
Don't worry about things out of your control. Balance thinking and feeling.
He may be thinking, how can I show my son independence in my present scenario. He may be thinking he needs to lead by example. Get this apartment, show his son life, and survival skills... and leave his son there once he gets him on his path. Yeah, he's got other kids but this one is personally in his hands.
As far as feelings are concerned... nothing wrong with expressing them as long as you stay positive, loving, supportive, and on subject; for example, "I love you and all you love. And, I would like to support you but, don't see how I can under the scenario you are proposing."
I'm married to a Virgo for many years and we are dealing with a millennial. My husband has always wanted our children to live with us forever... spouses included.
I hope he is not expecting the same level of support when he moves out. That's too much to ask, too impractical even, with little return as far as what you've described your needs to be. To me, if you don't hurry up and say this before he moves out or, he'll think you are retaliating when it either becomes impratical and/or unfair to continue the same level of support... and that is how the relationship will begin it's downward spiral.
I would explain the benefits to living together for you and him and ask him how he sees these benefit playing out in the future in separate homes. Planning the future can relieve some of the anxiety you are feeling.
I'm a practical, psychological based thinker. I stick to the problem-solving, things within one's control, etc. and this is what I see.
Don't worry about things out of your control. Balance thinking and feeling.
He may be thinking, how can I show my son independence in my present scenario. He may be thinking he needs to lead by example. Get this apartment, show his son life, and survival skills... and leave his son there once he gets him on his path. Yeah, he's got other kids but this one is personally in his hands.
As far as feelings are concerned... nothing wrong with expressing them as long as you stay positive, loving, supportive, and on subject; for example, "I love you and all you love. And, I would like to support you but, don't see how I can under the scenario you are proposing."
I'm married to a Virgo for many years and we are dealing with a millennial. My husband has always wanted our children to live with us forever... spouses included.
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Here's the story; this Virgo guy and I started off as friends however he used always complement on my looks,the way I act pretty much had a crush on me. After some time I started to fall for him too.we dated for about 6 months and he was the most sweetest
Ok its a long one so here goes. 8/9 year ago i met a very dear friend in the form of a virgo male. From THE moment we met the whole eye contact across the crowded room told me it all...intense eye contact ..that certain sparkle...i could see his soul ect
I am dating an Aries man. I've known him for a few months but I'm now interested in him after losing interest in a Virgo guy. Completely fucked up, I know. Don't go on the rampage and insult me with your words.
I do genuinely like the guy. But n
We met online, and even though I knew he was being transferred out of state with the military, I decided to see where the relationship went, because he was quite honestly, everything I had ever looked for in a man. He treated me like a queen, always doing
One night I got buzzed off some wine and text him how much I cared about him and forcing him to open up. I was a lil disappointed that he couldnt say how he felt about me. He said what he said and told me to respect how he is how he do things. I wrote him
I had started talking to a virgo man almost 2 months ago. At first, we were very flirty and texted each other all day every day. We hung out about four times since we started talking. Each time we hung out, the flirting was get less and less. He blew me o
Why do female Rams feel feminine around Virgo men? Tell me more about your shamanic ways that make the seep safely graze. What sorcery is this?
"Tell me baby girl 'cause I need to know"
I am about to embark on this journey.
Any fellow Saggies have stories to share ?
I have two potential projects with partners. They are independent of each other.
One is a Virguy and one is a Capguy.
I lack earth in my chart and most of my fr
I have dated a Virgo man off and on for 4 years. In between we dated others, I got married and we both had a daughter, they are 1month apart. We decided to talk again but, I made it clear that I did not want some of his old habits to interfere with us aga
My bf is a Virgo. After 2.5 years of him living with me (1 year of his son living with us), he shocked me Monday night by asking would we be ok (as a couple) if he moved out - that he wants to parent his son better and having a small place, just the two of them, he could do that better. But he also wants to know if we would be ok?
A few things:
1) my son (25) moved back in 3 months ago. I have a 4 bedroom house.
2) the bf works full time and then goes straight to his small business/passion. He is gone from home about 730-100pm, sometimes later, and sometimes he travels for that passion on the weekends.
3) His son is 17, HS dropout, video game addict and isn't self-motivated at all. He is a nice kid but likes to stay in room, sleeps for 15+ hours a day (gaming on iphone he uses just for wifi - no phone calls) or in the basement playing video games. Son's mom pretty much said, "I am done, you take him." He only had 4 credits after last year. Didn't like school. Going to a class twice a week for GED but its been months, and so far no practice test. He reminds me of a 14-year-old. Content with his games.
4) In the year his son has been there, the bf hasn't changed his routine. In the year there he hasn't done much with his son. His son is basically free to do as he wants. He does do chores when asked, but his dad isn't on him consistently. His dad isn't there most of the time. And his mode of parenting, while very noble, is a talk. He is a very polite Virgo.
5) In the 2.5 years we've only had about 4 arguments and even they were just arguments. He is the Virgo type that I thought was loyal, stuck, and never left. He has never made me feel like he was a player, does not like to lie and doesn't. He has never been rude to me and pretty much the other arguments were ones I initiated over, looking back, dumb stuff. I thought that as long as I stuck, he would stick and we could have a life together. I finally felt secure in a relationship.
Monday night we talked. I knew he was upset after Sunday. I knew something was amiss Sat night too. He is the type that won't say anything when upset but you can tell. Sunday night I pretty much left him be.
He was upset over something my son did the weekend. And something I did ("the way you parent may be just different") He didn't like that I watched my grandson (2) (comes up ever few weekends) while my son went out later that night.
He didn't like that we didn't go out.
Now just about every weekend the bf never wants to go out - he only does when I initiate. Of all the times, he wanted to go out sat night.
Sunday he got mad cause I had a rental that weekend. I let my son use it to take grandson back to his moms (2 hours round trip). BF didn't have his tags renewed yet so he had been driving one of my vehicles for the previous 3 weeks. I was fine with him taking my car that day. It was there. But he got (quietly) upset and took his car - with expired tags.
We talked about my son. I explained my position. I cleared up some misunderstandings.
Then he shared, "Would things be ok with us if I moved out and got an apartment. I am not doing a good job parenting and I want to do that"
Would we be ok as in an intact couple? I fell apart.
I am a cancer. It was a full moon Sunday - I was the full cancer all day Monday. I was crying when we were talking. Hell, I was crying just about the whole day before even talking to him - I was going through the cancer thing of imagining things then feeling emotional about them and having full anxiety. (I am much more grounded today.)
I was feeling very vulnerable. I felt like I was being faulted for nothing in my control.My son staying there is temporary and I feel like things were fine before, he wasn't considering moving out before my son got there and now he is. And the bf did the martyr thing “your son needs to stay here with you during this time”
Is my son there making him feel like he isn't the man in the house? Is my son there bothersome to him? Is my grandson there bothersome to him? BF said he likes my son. That he thinks he is a good person. Etc.
Before my son got there he never hinted at moving out.
Is my relationship with my son bothersome to him? We are close in that we talk. My son is an extrovert. he is always chatty and the life of a party. He works full time. Is being the typical 25 year old and is also never around.
We ended the conversation Monday with:
He said it was "just something I had thought about and I wanted to be honest with you", that he all we did was just talk and that he loved me and that he had no complaints about our relationship.
Later that night he made a conscious effort to hold me all night.
My view:
He thinks that he could be a better parent by getting an apartment (paying a bill he can’t afford) and not changing his routine (he is not going to give up his passion) and having his son stay there all day alone would be better than staying at the house? At least I take his son with me sometimes - he is on a team sport I manage, and I take him to dinner with me and my kids at times. And when I am there with him, I talk to him.
Financially it makes no sense – he is always late paying the few others bills he has – why add more?
A few more things:
1) Sunday I found apartment applications in my truck (he had been driving) when I took back the rental. I haven't mentioned it to him that I know. It was more than just "I've thought about it". He is planning on moving out isn't he? Ok, they were not filled out. But they were there. Yeah, he doesn't throw anything away (he is a semi hoarder) but going to check out an apartment is more than just a thought.
2) Monday through Wednesday he was very cautious of his phone, making sure it was never around me- whereas before he would leave it around me all the time, even have me answer it. For the last 6 months I've been helping at his business. Normally he would leave his phone at the counter with me. Monday - Wed he made an effort not too It would be there when I got there and then he would pick it up and take it with him.
Thursday morning he almost took down the bathroom door opening it so hard - he had his phone on the bed while he showered. It was like, “oh shit I forgot my phone was on the bed next to her”
Have I looked at his phone? (yeah about a year ago) and he never found out. (longer story there).
He is not the player Virgo type. At least in 2.5 years prior he has never once hinted at that. So all this guarding phone thing was surprising.
He has always been secretive in that he likes his privacy. And I am a curious cat so I have learned to not pry. Somethings I fail and sometimes I've done ok.
It would be very surprising to me if he was talking to another woman - only because he is the type that believes a man shouldn't be sleeping around. Maybe I am putting way too much into that.
He never left his exs, they all left him.
I feel like after the scare Thursday morning and rushing out the bathroom, that he cleaned up his phone during the day and went back to leaving it around me Thursday night at his business. (maybe I am making too much of it). I have not mentioned it to him.
I feel like this moving out is more than just a thought - that he has been looking. That it is coming. Is it??
I feel that his is being secretive more so than normal. He isn't talking to me about his business like he used too. I have been guarded too so I guess it is just that he is thinking things through.
My question is - if he wants to move out why would he want he want to know if we would still be ok as a couple? How can you expect a Cancer to go from being happy to living with you for over 2 years, to move out and leave her there and expect her to be ok? I can't see a moving back in. And I know myself, I can’t do it. It would be too hard to have an empty home again. A breakup would be next. Is that the intention - get freedom and then run with it?
We are going on a big trip in January - and some of his family members and mine are going too. Virgos move slow - wouldn't it have made more sense to wait until after this trip to decide to move??
Right now I don't want to argue with him. Emotionally, I am rocked. But the applications, the phone behavior, the secretiveness, the distance (no calls during week etc.) It is growing.
Last night he tried to tell me I didn't hear something that I clearly heard him say to another guy at his business. "No you didn't hear that" he said. Ah, yes I did! But I didn't respond back.
I've been sick all week - head cold. I don't have the energy for the get in his face and let him know that I know what I heard chat.
He has a big event this weekend too. I figure why start another argument before this trip. One that could have me saying things I would probably regret later. I’ve learned that he does take all words seriously.
What is this virgo man thinking? Will he do the, "let me turn into an ass so she can kick me out and I can later say, “she left me”? etc. We are both 46. I am too old for games.
I could understand if he would have said, I am going to end this business and devote full time to getting my son right. But he has other kids he neglects too and he isn’t closing his business. It isn't a profitable one - it is a passion one.
Sorry so long. Looking for perspective. I am feeling like I can't plan a life with him anymore. My foundation has been rocked.
Was this just a thought or should I expect it to come to fruition?
Sorry so long.