Virgo man....Can I still contact him?

So I finally mustered up the courage to tell Virgo that I really like him. He responded very kindly that he's not looking for a relationship right now, which I already knew, so I said I understand. After that I ran into him a few times, and he was still so nice and friendly. We'd say hi, hug and make small talk. I haven't really chatted with him since I told him my feelings, but I really would like to....We used to keep a conversation going, not everyday but I'd ask him something about himself and he'd answer, and we joke here and there....but I'm worried that even the most platonic conversations now would make him feel like I'm "pursuing" him? I think he is a wonderful person so I value his friendship, even though he doesn't see me as more than a friend. Should I keep on talking to him like I did before? Ask him how he's doing, etc? Or would that make a Virgo man feel annoyed, knowing that I like him? How do I go about building a friendship with him at this point? The last thing I want to do is to come off pushy and make him want to distance himself, since he is being so nice and probably trying not to hurt my feelings.

I probably worry too much about how he would feel 😛 Any insight is appreciated 🙂

"So I finally mustered up the courage to tell Virgo that I really like him. He responded very kindly that he's not looking for a relationship right now,"

"even though he doesn't see me as more than a friend."

It's done..Finito

If he's not the one initiating which means he's initiating conversation, he's initiating a hug, he's initiating any kind of communication he's not interested in you and anything you do from this point on AFTER he's rejected you will not only come across as chasing energy but also appear desperate.

Don't be his friend, you'll just torture yourself into a mental case. Instead back off, let him DO his part because that's the only way to know if he's truly into you beyond friendship.

A man can change his mind but it won't be anything you've done to sway that kind of change. The best thing you can do now is do nothing. Allow him some space to figure things out for himself without your energy enveloping him every time you see him.

He rejected you and you still want to be friends. Why do we women do this to ourselves?

Next time you see him, DO NOTHING, don't initiate a hello/wave, don't initiate a hello, don't move in his direction and see what happens, you'll be surprised at the outcome. He'll feel safe and less anxiety around you.

You cannot hunt a man, chase a man and he will run. Initiating is chasing so stop initiating and he'll either step up or he'll fade out of your life.

Hi Tiki,

Perhaps you somewhat misunderstood my intentions... I'm not asking how I can change his mind so he will want a relationship with me. I know I can't, and I can't make him feel what he doesn't.

The few times we saw each other after I confessed my feelings, he initiated saying hi and gave me hugs, but that's because we've known each other for a while and we're friends. I'm not interpreting those actions as anything more. One time he arrived at a party and I was talking to some friends and didn't see him until later, he jokingly said I was ignoring him, but that was before I told him I like him though. That remark made me feel like perhaps he thought I was being rude on purpose, haha.

I don't feel like it's wrong to want friendship....I know you think this is me torturing myself, but I've been distancing myself from him. Just because he doesn't want to be my boyfriend doesn't change the fact that he's an amazing person to be friends with...imo.

To say I don't wish that he felt something for me is obviously a lie, but I respect his feelings and honesty and I won't push it. When I say I want to talk to him I don't mean asking him out, flirt with him, or to repeatedly emphasize that I like him. I just mean to ask how he's doing.... even that would be seen as "chasing"?

Tiki33 has given you reasonable advice.

Thank you. I'm not trying to argue with her. I'm just trying to understand. 🙂

Oh I see, I somewhat see it the way as Tiki sees things too, glad you corrected it.

Well, this is a female virgo perspective on the situation. Friendship is valuable to me so I would put importance on people I become friends with.

Responding to your situation I see nothings wrong with you continuing to
have the friendship with the Virgo and the Virgo also feels like he does not want to loose you either just because you confessed what you truly felt for him in a romantic way. The Virgo seems very honest on being upfront with you that he does not want to have any romantic relationship right now instead of taking advantage of your romantic feelings for him. He sees you as a very good friend and he doesn't want to loose you for some romantic affair. A Casual "how's your day?" questions like you used too asked him prior to your confession won't be interpreted as "you chasing him" IMO. So long as you don't hurt/torture yourself with the friendship with your Virgo just go with it, you feel it & you know what's best for you (you seem sensible enough) Besides you don't have to worry cos we Virgos always knows/see right through at other persons intention towards us.
IMO 🙂

Posted by VirgoFlirt
I never hug or talk to some female that I have no intention of having a child with or going out or just dating her....

End of stirring the pot 😉

There goes the Virgo man POV!
Clearer this time 😄

LOL +1 Virgoflirt

Once the line is crossed and rejection ensues, it's time to depart as friends for awhile. Get a boyfriend and move on.

You crossed a line and the attempt to RESET the situation back to friendship is not gonna work. You're going to misconstrue everything little detail about his behavior towards you. You're doing it now.

You can always rip his shirt open and tongue him so hard he can't swallow for a week, stranger things have happened lol.

Personally, I don't want to be 'just friends' with women. I can have women that I might go grab a beer with after work but that would be the extent of it. In my experience with 'just friends' one of the parties always wants more, whether they admit it or not.

Posted by julyocean
So I finally mustered up the courage to tell Virgo that I really like him. He responded very kindly that he's not looking for a relationship right now, which I already knew, so I said I understand. After that I ran into him a few times, and he was still so nice and friendly. We'd say hi, hug and make small talk. I haven't really chatted with him since I told him my feelings, but I really would like to....We used to keep a conversation going, not everyday but I'd ask him something about himself and he'd answer, and we joke here and there....but I'm worried that even the most platonic conversations now would make him feel like I'm "pursuing" him? I think he is a wonderful person so I value his friendship, even though he doesn't see me as more than a friend. Should I keep on talking to him like I did before? Ask him how he's doing, etc? Or would that make a Virgo man feel annoyed, knowing that I like him? How do I go about building a friendship with him at this point? The last thing I want to do is to come off pushy and make him want to distance himself, since he is being so nice and probably trying not to hurt my feelings.

I probably worry too much about how he would feel 😛 Any insight is appreciated 🙂

Honestly? Be YOURSELF.

Don't worry about what he's thinking. There's no real bad blood between you historically if I'm understanding the story correctly. If he has an issue with anything at this point, that's on his plate, not yours.

July, your situation matches my situation for 100% . I recently went through exact the same thing , having a crush on a virgo, admitting it, he not feeling the same. Just like you we were friends before all this happened. He told me he wanted to stay friends with me and felt a click and didn't want to loose me as a friend. He said it kind of came out of the blue when I told him how I felt for him, so I guess my flirting or whatever was very very subtle. I decided to act the same way as I used to do before I spoke to him about my feelings. We had the conversation about it and as far as I am concerned I will never ever come back to the subject of me crushing on him again. That's an ended chapter.
So we continue our friendship like before, I never hint on anything that is been said, or on anything that I might still feel. Just friends like the way we were before.
Is this difficult for me? Yes for sure. But I'm a grown-up woman and have to face the facts. Do I want to loose him as a friend? No. Do I have to push myself for having no feelings for him? Yes for sure, but I will manage.
Do I wonder what is going on in his mind? Yes of course, but I'll never know. Do I wonder whether he thinks I pursue him? Well, at this point that is his problem, because I know I do not pursue him, I remind myself daily to deal with the facts that it is just a friend. And if I feel I might have a tendency towards anything emotional, I back off and that is the time when I have to tell myself not to text, mail or phone him until I'm in control again. Or I wait until he initiates contact with me again so I don't feel like pushing myself on him.
I think it's not wrong to want to stay friends with him, as long as you keep yourself in control and realize nothing more is gonna happen. Focus on other guys for romance, date other guys.

Posted by julyocean
Hi Tiki,

Perhaps you somewhat misunderstood my intentions... I'm not asking how I can change his mind so he will want a relationship with me. I know I can't, and I can't make him feel what he doesn't.

The few times we saw each other after I confessed my feelings, he initiated saying hi and gave me hugs, but that's because we've known each other for a while and we're friends. I'm not interpreting those actions as anything more. One time he arrived at a party and I was talking to some friends and didn't see him until later, he jokingly said I was ignoring him, but that was before I told him I like him though. That remark made me feel like perhaps he thought I was being rude on purpose, haha.

I don't feel like it's wrong to want friendship....I know you think this is me torturing myself, but I've been distancing myself from him. Just because he doesn't want to be my boyfriend doesn't change the fact that he's an amazing person to be friends with...imo.

To say I don't wish that he felt something for me is obviously a lie, but I respect his feelings and honesty and I won't push it. When I say I want to talk to him I don't mean asking him out, flirt with him, or to repeatedly emphasize that I like him. I just mean to ask how he's doing.... even that would be seen as "chasing"?

Perhaps when you get a boyfriend the Virgo won't feel your obsession of friendship so much. Just by reading what you write, it's obvious you are a bit obsessed. Friendship shouldn't feel like someone is forcing you to be their friend. Virgo's sense is right up there with a Scorpio. So back off completely and allow him to choose the contact as a FRIEND. Otherwise, you'll end up with a big fat cheerio. Re-read what tiki wrote, she does in fact understand.

I was thinking of a friend of mine that had a crush on me a long time ago. I didn't have any feelings for him, but still considered him a great friend. We continued the friendship, despite the fact that he admitted he had a crush on me and it remained a grown-up friendship, no weird feelings, no annoyances from either my side or his siden no childish emotional behavior, just sincere friendship. So I do think it's possible to remain a friendship.

stupid typo's
*his side
*possible to remain friends

Posted by julyocean

.... tell Virgo that I really like him. He responded very kindly that he's not looking for a relationship right now, ...

... which I already knew ...

... but I'm worried that even the most platonic conversations now would make him feel like I'm pursuing him.

How do I go about building a friendship with him at this point? The last thing I want to do is to come off pushy

If you already knew he wasn't looking for a relationship, then why did you put him on the spot like that?

You aren't worried that platonic conversations would make him feel like you're pursuing him ... because if you did, then you wouldn't have put him on the spot like that.

That last part of the quote is a crock of shit !!! If the last thing you wanted to do was to not come off pushy, then you wouldn't have spilled your sap onto him when you knew he wasn't looking for a relationship with you.


You're so full of shit ... you told him that intentionally trying to manipulate his feelings into wanting you. And you can deny it until the cows come home, but, any person with half a brain can detect that you just played him with that move.

Or tried to .... let's hear you come back crying when the Virgo got your number and iced you out completely for being deceitful.

P-Angel,

I'll tell you why... because I've had feelings for him for almost a year and holding it in was making me more frustrated, so I wanted to get this off my chest. And that is exactly what I said to him when I said I like him, that I wasn't trying to force him into anything. And then he said I shouldn't hold it in if that's how I felt. Was it pointless to tell him my feelings? Probably YES, but I'm better off being honest with him. If a person doesn't feel for you then telling him isn't going to magically change that, so I'm not sure how that is even manipulation.

I think there is a difference between telling someone your feelings for them, and coming off pushy afterward (to me). The latter is what I'm trying to avoid. I've made no mention of my feelings for him since a month ago when we had that conversation. I took a chance of him backing away completely when I told him my feelings. Now that he's fine with it, I don't want to do anything to make him want to end our friendship too. That's all.


And to everyone else, thank you for your advice. I haven't been contacting him other than this one time when I asked his opinion on something. I think it's better to not contact him unless I have something meaningful to say anyway, so I will back off..

Well...people are all different I guess.

Many people are capable of moving on if they know the other person doesn't have the same feelings or want a relationship with them. I've always been upfront with them how I feel... even though it doesn't always work out. I feel like I'm being honest telling them how I feel, then I have no regrets and can move on. I never thought this would be seen as manipulation.. :/

+1 LIB

Once the feelings of NEEDING/WANTING another comes into play and the feeling is not reciprocated on the other end it is time to cut your losses.

Get back out there and date other men. Having a male friend is blocking the new guy from coming into your life.

Truth be told you will get way more love out of your REAL friends than some imaginary friendship where you're pining inside over a man.

The penis does the picking. If it ain't picking you mooooove on.

if I say "im not looking for a relationship" theres a 70/30 chance that I really mean I would like to have sex with you without a relationship. sooo