Virgo Relationships & Divorces

Hi I am new here. Go easy on me! 😄 Something crossed my mind today not because of a particular situation...but just wondering how the other half of my sign, the male half thinks.

I am a Virgo first and foremost, so you would think I would know how Virgo men are.

Would any separated or divorced Virgo male care to reflect upon how it came about in your thought process that it was time to move on, end it, no looking back? Was it a breaking point? A gradual series of events over time? What did it take to get you to finally end your relationship? With or without kids or marriage.

I know myself as a Virgo woman, in a declining relationship, "it" builds and builds to a certain level, almost living through the negativity as I approach the relationship's end, until I cannot bear it any longer.

Many times in the past I have tried fix/help the other (Virgoish)or to "live" with what did not work. Age and maturity have certainly shown me that no individual is more important than myself (unless perhaps I had children).

Any opinions from my other half?

That's very insightful HSD. I am guessing the illness was psychological or mental of some sort? I've seen posts in the past from you that you've been stalked? I'm sorry to hear that.

Do you believe you kept trying to help and fix out of being honorable and sticking to a commitment? And of course, children. We never know how much they suffer in a bad situation. When you finally did leave, did you just cut ties and never look back? I am assuming that the stalking you fear is her trying to find and control you once again as she had in the past? There is typically no logic in the behavior, just madness, control and chaos?

It's good that you moved on to find happiness. I was just wondering as a Virgo man, if they stick it out until their lives are gone with nothing left because they are so honorable, helpful, knightly and honest?

HSD... anything hidden I can't see hmm. How do you unblock that?

Ah I just didn't know by it being hidden if I had missed what you were answering to my questions.

How long did your relationship last Drifter?

Drifter no offense taken whatsoever. I completely understand and have seen the postings. You do not have to explain. I can't form an opinion about something I do not know anything about. I have had friends with bad divorces and breakups and I've seen the madness that ensues, so no need to speak another word about it.

I was simply looking for some insight about how Virgo men tend to think about things including the dynamic (mine analyzing) and decide to finally depart something that does not work whether there is a commitment or not. Just wondering if it's similar to us Virgo women.

As for the "preview" button, as a Virgo I can completely relate. I read things 10x before I send it and then one mistake and I want to fix it. If the posting software doesn't allow me to fix it, it's almost like an itch I can't scratch! haha

Pleasure to meet you. Look forward to participating in this forum. Would anyone else like to contribute a male Virgo opinion? 🙂

In my case it happened over several years of constant battles over little things that could have been avoided if we were working as a team. I felt like all I was to her was a paycheck. The final blow came after I found she had been cheating on me.

tondelea, with my Virgo husband, and I've noticed this in most of the other ones I know .. is that they tend to ignore things, and call it compromising.

There is this inherent sense to meld, live in harmony, and though this is a good thing, in itself, it is also a bad thing when it comes to wearing rose-colored glasses with the others inequities, mistakes and faults. A partnership is much like a parent/child relationship, or a boss/subordinate one in the aspect that one looks to the other to tell them the things they need to know or learn, or work on.

Virgo's tend to gloss over that bad sides of their partners, and ignorance of sorts ... for the cause of being compatible. So, because it's for this reason, the partner of a Virgo tolerates this absence of constructive critisim.

However, the turning point is when the Virgo feels like the partner has stopped taking care of the relationship issues, in which the Virgo ignored, of course and was dependent upon the other to care for by ignoring the issues for harmony reasons ... but, once the partner tires of doing all the relationship work, they begin to not care what the Virgo thinks or cares about, because the hard part of the relationship when dealing with issues isn't cared about by the Virgo .. from the partners interpretation because the Virgo ignored it, and pretended all was fine.

So, once the partner STOPS taking care of all the relationship work, the Virgo then finds it's voice to launch destructive criticism.

Once that ^^^^ starts to happen .. then it becomes easier for the Virgo to pull away, because now the Virgo is instilling in their mind that all these things they thought the other was, they actually aren't.

It's like ... so long as everything is fine, and relationship problems are overlooked/oblivious .. then how can things not be good? If you cannot see them being present?

But, once when things are not fine, and relationship problems have to be dealt with ... then all these things you couldn't see before, that have present this whole time, are now in plain view.

Anyway .... once this turn of events happen, and the Virgo is faced with not being taken care of any longer, and has no choice except to work on the relationship .. one of two things happen. Either the Virgo severes the cord completely and takes no responsibility (not even a phone call), or they stay for a period of time and become extremely critical of their partner .. until the partner finally bails.

tondalea,

I'm a middle-aged Virgo Male. My first marriage was to a Libra, and it lasted over 20 years, though the last 5 or so were rough!

I know myself as a Virgo woman, in a declining relationship, "it" builds and builds to a certain level, almost living through the negativity as I approach the relationship's end, until I cannot bear it any longer.

That pretty much sums it up for me, too. I gave LibraEX plenty of warning, and I hoped that things would get better - even though the facts said otherwise. But when I made the break, and moved out, it was completely over - no possibility of ever going back.

Now I'm married to a Scorpio, and happier than I've ever been in a marriage - way different than HSD's experience, but my Scorp isn't nucking futz!!

"if they stick it out until their lives are gone with nothing left because they are so honorable, helpful, knightly and honest?"


I think the above is a key ingrediant here. For a person to stick it out, until they are in misery, for the sake of honor .. is in essence being a martyr. And we all have read the write-ups, we know this is a part of the Virgo nature. And there's nothing wrong with trying to be honorable.

But, you have to look at this from the other side .. for being in a relationship isn't just about your side, there is another side .. the partners side.

I suppose it depends on the other person, but, I would venture to guess that most people aren't really thrilled with a person who just suffers through, for any sake. People want a partner who will be in command of their life-desires, and not sit in the balance licking their wounds, while remaining idle. And I think this is a quality that Virgos share with their polar opposites, who also will be silent and unmoving when action of conviction is needed.

I just don't think life is suppose to be about suffering. I don't see any honor in it, and it only perpetuates the declining of the relationship .. until it finally reaches such pitts, that hell becomes attractive. Life isn't suppose to be like that .. we're suppose to be happy, for reals.

Think about what you said .. "until their lives are gone with nothing left" .. if you feel this way about yourself, if any Virgo, or any person for that matter, feels this way about themselves, then where exactly is the honor in this? How can this lead to confidence, self assurance, dignity, pride.


I know for a fact that my husband has this mind-set, and it's one of the main issues in most of our arguements we've had over the years. He will just give and give and give and give, without protest, until he's a broken vessel and then become disgruntled about it because he is in misery. And I fight tooth and nail with him about this.

Damn it, man .. SPEAK UP THE MOMENT YOU ARE UNHAPPY .. IMMEDIATELY .. so we can work it out. How can two people come to terms, REAL TERMS, if one of the parties is fiegning happiness?

Eventually, relationships like this literally fall to pieces because the glue is missing .. the glue being honest communication about how you feel. Now throw a Pisces into the mix, who also is lacking in communication and it becomes a real problem, since we are by nature, antagonistic.

Point is ... don't martyr

lol, Cybernikes .. I was talking about my husband .. NOT YOU.

You are so stuck within anger and hatred .. that it is blinding you.


I would suggest trying to purge this pent-up aggression before you have a stroke.

Perhaps, bijou .. and I respect you enough to take that into consideration. However, I also want to point out to you that I don't say one word to him, until he addresses me first.

As you request, bijou .... I'll remain silent. However, keep in mind, this doesn't mean I'm going to stop answering posts in here, whether he approves or not.


So, how's it going with your Virgo man? Have you gotten him to open up with you yet, besides that one night at the party?

I'm afraid you're going to have to be a little aggressive with opening him up, eventually, when the time is right ... for, Virgo's tend to remain shy, even if they are screaming inside.

I remember a couple years ago, a lady and I were talking about Virgos and we came to the conclusion that The Stare, is actually a message being sent out to the reciever, saying .... ask me, come on to me, I want you to take me. It's like, the desire is there, but, they cannot make that approach .. so they stare you down, hoping for you to initiate.

You've got a lot of patience (as proven having to deal with P-man), so I'm sure this silent courtship won't grate on your nerves like it does with many. In fact, it's probably better in the long run, since actions speak louder than words.

You always have the bottle of wine option to get him relaxed 😉

Namor - I'm so sorry to hear that. Cheating is a horrible thing and only an excuse typically for not wanting to either deal with your relationship problems or an immature way to force someone's hand out of a relationship.

theskys - I'm glad I was able to bring up a subject you had never been able to find an answer to. I often wonder if it's passion too. Being a virgo woman aside from reaching my threshold on "negativity", I know lack of passion might do it for me as well. I could not live with someone who would not want to share intimacy and passion. Although I know many couples married or not do lack that.

Dyar - You say your scorp is nucking futz, what is it about her that brings you so much happiness in your marriage?

PA - I left you for last because as a Virgo I needed to pick through the sentences and re-read them for clarity LOL. You said:

"There is this inherent sense to meld, live in harmony, and though this is a good thing, in itself, it is also a bad thing when it comes to wearing rose-colored glasses with the others inequities, mistakes and faults. A partnership is much like a parent/child relationship, or a boss/subordinate one in the aspect that one looks to the other to tell them the things they need to know or learn, or work on.

Virgo's tend to gloss over that bad sides of their partners, and ignorance of sorts ... for the cause of being compatible. So, because it's for this reason, the partner of a Virgo tolerates this absence of constructive criticism."

Why is it that a Virgo Man of all people who is helpfully critical, give up teaching the other what they need to know and gloss over by being ignorant of sorts? Any partner of a Virgo I think would normally expect constructive criticism given his nature. It's almost like "helpful love"??

(More below)

"However, the turning point is when the Virgo feels like the partner has stopped taking care of the relationship issues, in which the Virgo ignored, of course and was dependent upon the other to care for by ignoring the issues for harmony reasons ... but, once the partner tires of doing all the relationship work, they begin to not care what the Virgo thinks or cares about, because the hard part of the relationship when dealing with issues isn't cared about by the Virgo .. from the partners interpretation because the Virgo ignored it, and pretended all was fine.

So, once the partner STOPS taking care of all the relationship work, the Virgo then finds it's voice to launch destructive criticism.

Once that ^^^^ starts to happen .. then it becomes easier for the Virgo to pull away, because now the Virgo is instilling in their mind that all these things they thought the other was, they actually aren't."

Hmm ok so let me get this clear. Male virgos (NOT ALL of course) who normally criticize (as it's our most widely known trait), ignore criticizing to get along in harmony with a partner who is expected to read his mind and know something's wrong in the first place, but in fact the male virgo kept silent about it, letting it build so as not to stir the pot. Pretending everything is fine.

Then they seem to "wake up" and actually see the partner for who they really are (or always was probably in the first place - very few people change) because they finally opened their eyes to what they saw before they became seriously involved with this person or committed to them? Then all lets loose and they start criticizing the partner, who probably says "what the?" He never minded before... so the partner shuts off and then virgo starts criticizing...

I guess I am trying to understand why a "picky, critical and selective virgo-signed" male would pick a partner for harmony knowing they are wrong to begin with. It's like saying, hmm I can see she is argumentative, she differs in compatibility, she is less passionate than I, but she's educated, attractive (eye of the beholder of course) and will do as a 1/2 decent partner.

Am I missing the point or does this boggle the mind? Any virgo man feel free to interject as well.

Nope, you got it.

Faults are ignored, and in place the partner gets glorified, until the partner of the V stops nurturing and taking care of the relationship .. then once this happens the rose-colored glasses come off of the V, and then they are able to "see" what they chose not to before.

From my experience, and observations .. I would venture to guess that in most cases, the presence of enough sex causes the love-blindness.

Wow very interesting PA. Now what do you think in experience and observations if there is not nearly enough sex? Or a complete absence of it? Especially in the long term committed relationship?

I know myself I cannot go without sex or I'd wake up, smell (or in this case see) the coffee and probably pour it down the sink! Forgive me I'm picky! haha

As it was previously said, without passion...whether relationship or marriage, kids or not...I'd leave because that's such a poor example to set...and I don't do martyrdom for life.

Skys it would seem so. Again, I am a Virgo and sometimes I tend to rose up the glasses because we are so busy being helpful and giving sometimes, we don't see the negatives. We can tend to glorify as PA said I guess it just depends on our personality.

PAngel - Sorry to ask again, but what do you think in experience and observations if there is not nearly enough sex? Or a complete absence of it? Especially in the long term committed relationship?

I only ask because I know sometimes... even though Virgos do not show it well (emotions), they tend to express love, emotions and bonding through sex. Not only trying to show love by being of service. When that is gone in the relationship, it seems as though they feel unappreciated emotionally and the bond withers and dies. True?

Skye I think I'd tend to agree with you. I have dated virgos in the past and even being one myself I forget that virgo men are low on the emotions, expression and bonding in a blatantly verbal way. They seem to express it better through sex and general everyday helpful actions.

That is why I asked PAngel if in her observations, if when the Virgo wakes up and realizes he was glorifying something that really wasn't there in the first place, realizes that person is something different than he thought, then criticizes... and on top of that experiences a great or totally absence of sex in the marriage or relationship if that ultimately causes the emotional bonding and intimacy to wither and die?

I have heard the expression before from divorced guys I've dated that they weren't emotionally supported and appreciated. However, with Virgo there seems to be slightly more emphasis on the sex part because as you said, that's how they express their love and emotional bonding.

P-Angel? 🙂

Yes, I know this to be true, tondelea.

Sex in our marriage ceased several years ago .. it didn't take long for him to see me as I am instead of how he thought I was.

However, it's taken him quite while to reinvent himself without sex. What I mean is that there is an emotional connect utilizing sex ... and to have to find another avenue for him to express hasn't been an easy road for him to travel.

tonda: Dyar - You say your scorp is nucking futz, what is it about her that brings you so much happiness in your marriage?

No, I said my Scorp is not nucking futz - HSD's was nucking futz.

What is it about her that makes me so happy?

Easy: She's genuine.

What she says is True, what she feels is Real. No bullshit, no drama - how refreshing!!