Would you tell current beau # of sex partners?

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by VirgoVixxxen on Tuesday, November 8, 2011 and has 47 replies.

Should You Disclose Your Number of Sexual Partners in a Relationship

Sharing your number of sexual partners depends on comfort and relationship stage. Honesty can build trust, but disclosure is personal. Consider your partner's views and your own feelings about intimacy and reputation. There is no universal number that defines worth or compatibility.

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@VirgoVixxxen
16 Years1,000+ Posts

LOL, sorry. That last title was too weird. Tried to put quotes before and after the question so that it wouldn't read as though I was asking you but, I don't know what the hell happened.

Anyway, here goes again...

If your partner or if/when someone asked you this question, do you disclose? Why or why not?
Would it depend on what they mean to you and where the relationship is headed? (i.e. potential long term partner or future wife/husband)

How many is too much? Or too little? Honestly, would it put you off to know that your S/O has smashed twice as many people as his/her own age, or what if they had little to no experience?

Society; If he's been with 50, he's the —man??, if she's been with 10, she's the —slore??.

Ladies, stakes are higher for us??_.yes? What have been your experiences?

Gents, how many is too much? Is there such a thing? Honestly, would you not consider a girl for a serious relationship because she's been around the block?

What if they're a Virgin?

Profile picture of RealTalk
@RealTalk
15 Years1,000+ Posts

Hahahahaha! I was LMAO @ the deleted threads! I was like, what is Vixxx doing? But anywho, in situations like these it's such a double standard. Society always wants to deem the woman as a whore if she'd slept around & praise the guy for his many accomplishments. IMO it's equally disgusting no matter who's doing it. They're both insecure & nasty as hell.

Will I disclose to him about my previous relations? No. Hell no. It's none of his business what I've done in my past before him & if he asks me, I still will not divulge. A guy has never asked me that question either...

Profile picture of virgodreamz
@virgodreamz
17 Years1,000+ Posts

I agree it's no one's biz but If it's one of those times where we are up all night talking about everything and being really open with each other and that ends up being a part of the conversation I'd be okay with disclosing. If it's more of him insisting he needs to know 4get it. If I found out that mine has a high number I'd try to see where that stems from but I wouldn't break up with him as long as he treats me good. If I found out a high number before getting involved that would probably put me off. I'm pretty wary of ppl I don't know as it is and high numbers seem like they would come with other issues. Little to no experience is not a big deal he can learn 😉 Plus having a lot of experience doesn't mean he's good at what he does anyway. Imagine the difference between an inexperienced guy who genuinely cares about you and wants to figure out what you want as opposed to a self centred guy who wants in and out of anything that can walk.

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@onix
14 Years

Hey friends ... can anyone please tell me how to delete any thread just after posting it, if needed ?

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@VIRGIE
15 YearsVirgo

I would say it is none of their business. If the topic is continuely brought up.....I would lie about the number. Depending on wich way it needed to go. LOL up or down! That's just me though.

Profile picture of CLCNY30
@CLCNY30
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Sure I would. If he asked though, lol--it's not going to be, "hey, C, what's the weather like outside?", "I've had sex with _ men, and the weather's just fine babe 🙂 "

I don't feel the number is anything eye-popping, but I'd hope he'd be smart enough not to ask, lol.

Profile picture of onix
@onix
14 Years

Posted by **StringsAttached**

Posted by onix
Hey friends ... can anyone please tell me how to delete any thread just after posting it, if needed ?

Don't you DARE delete your Virgos/No Empathy thread, Onix!! Too much fun going on over there! 😄

click to expand

LOL .... ohhh sure I won't ! 🙂

Am getting many helpful & interesting info's there about Virgo.... plus the funny fights as bonus hehe 😛

Profile picture of Candeh15
@Candeh15
16 Years1,000+ PostsVirgo

My taurus and I have offhandedly mentioned people we've had sex with in the past, but only because of funny stories we'd be telling each other. We haven't really mentioned ex relationships to each other in great detail either. I don't really care. I don't need to know. He's my only priority right now and his past has no meaning to me in that way. Like 25th said, if he slept with a friend of mine (or anyone) recently, I'd like to know, but honestly, not a big deal to me.

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@VirgoVixxxen
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by RealTalk
Hahahahaha! I was LMAO @ the deleted threads! I was like, what is Vixxx doing? But anywho, in situations like these it's such a double standard. Society always wants to deem the woman as a whore if she'd slept around & praise the guy for his many accomplishments. IMO it's equally disgusting no matter who's doing it. They're both insecure & nasty as hell.

Will I disclose to him about my previous relations? No. Hell no. It's none of his business what I've done in my past before him & if he asks me, I still will not divulge. A guy has never asked me that question either...

LOL!

Giiiirl I was in between cleaning, taking a shower, baking steak and burning rice that my ass didn't even know what the hell I was doing!!! When I tried with the first title, it wouldn't put the quotation marks so I just said Fek it. Then tried two more times...ha!

Anyway, you said it. What a double standard. Whoever you've slept with is your business but I don't need the deets. I remember in high school a few of the girls would on occassion just randomly start discussing what guys they smashed the night before and start tallying the numbers. Put me off a little. Is that weird? I'm usually always the girl that everyone thinks they could confide in by telling me out of left field that they've slept with 173 guys. It's like TMI...TMI!!!!

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@VirgoVixxxen
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by virgodreamz
I agree it's no one's biz but If it's one of those times where we are up all night talking about everything and being really open with each other and that ends up being a part of the conversation I'd be okay with disclosing. If it's more of him insisting he needs to know 4get it. If I found out that mine has a high number I'd try to see where that stems from but I wouldn't break up with him as long as he treats me good. If I found out a high number before getting involved that would probably put me off. I'm pretty wary of ppl I don't know as it is and high numbers seem like they would come with other issues. Little to no experience is not a big deal he can learn 😉 Plus having a lot of experience doesn't mean he's good at what he does anyway. Imagine the difference between an inexperienced guy who genuinely cares about you and wants to figure out what you want as opposed to a self centred guy who wants in and out of anything that can walk.

Co-sign.

Very good point you made. Just because someone has had alot of partners doesn't simply mean that they are some common freak. They could have been raped (and thus put them on a path to promiscuity) or could be a sex addict....

There could be many underlying issues.

LOL, some of the most "experienced" guys/girls can be the worst in bed, and I would absolutely prefer the gent who genuinely cares about me and wanted to please me over the self centered jerk.

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@VirgoVixxxen
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by MoonMan
I think knowing the number of sexual encounters your partner has had is somewhat irrelevant, I can't see any positive benefit to knowing this information and in fact, for some people having this knowledge could actually cause problems if they were insecure within themselves, regardless of their age.

What is more important to me is, how my partner feels & acts "now" and how we are as a couple, here and now!
Focus on the "us" - "now" and what we mean to each other.
I also agree with virgodreamz that if you are really comfortable with each other and you both feel good about yourself as people and it comes up through a natural flow of getting to know each other, then yeah, it's up to the individuals.

As a guy I have never actually bothered to 'tally up the numbers'. It's true!
Sexuality is a powerful aspect of being human and I believe it's one of those areas of human relationships which can cause much stress, along with much happiness.
Sex can be fun, sensual, intimate & raunchy and is a fantastic part of being a couple....damn I miss that being a bachelor!

*As a side note:
When I was much younger I do remember asking this actual question to a girlfriend but it was only because I was insecure with myself, which is a strange thought process when you think about it - if she slept with a low number of guys, maybe you are relieved, if she was very active and slept with many, it would make an insecure person feel even more insecure.

Thanks for your honesty, MM. I find that to be true in many cases. That many people who want to know are very insecure. I've also found that many have double standards (dudes) or just plain ole really really high standards. They feel as if the person is "dirty" or "used up" if they have been with a whole host of people. That's why I think it's just best to keep it to yourself, 'cause I've only ever seen it do more harm than good.

Sidenote: Why the long face Mr. Pincer? Just because you're a bachelor doesn't mean that you can't still have "fun". LOL, I've never known a Cancer man to hold back. No such thing as a hiatus or saving himself for the right one. Meh, maybe you're the exception. 🙂

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@VirgoVixxxen
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by VIRGIE
I would say it is none of their business. If the topic is continuely brought up.....I would lie about the number. Depending on wich way it needed to go. LOL up or down! That's just me though.

Hahahahaha Virgie!!! Very clever. You're badass for sure.

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@VirgoVixxxen
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by Amandus
No one is worried about STDs? Just amounts?

Real talk: I would be. Absolutely. I have nothing against asking someone to take an Aids/STD test.

They actually have something called the "STD ID Card". Has your face, # of sexual partners, the date of your last STD test, and the results. If you wanna take Lucy home after the club one night and she's got reservations, it's a good way to ease her fears about your sexual health, and possibly opens the door for transparency into her sexual history.

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@VirgoVixxxen
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by CLCNY30
Sure I would. If he asked though, lol--it's not going to be, "hey, C, what's the weather like outside?", "I've had sex with _ men, and the weather's just fine babe 🙂 "

I don't feel the number is anything eye-popping, but I'd hope he'd be smart enough not to ask, lol.

Yeah, that would be so random and weird. I would never ask someone that question.

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@VirgoVixxxen
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by ellybd
LOL.

This cracks me up. Insight into a virgo's mind. In a good way. 😄

I asked my guy the whole spiel on the second date. He opened the door though. He'd been asking question about sex before. Just not those kind. Haha. His number was rough, between 15 and 20 but no more than that. I asked about STD's too. None. Asked about one night stands. All that. He knew I was considered to be 'less experienced'. Only had intercourse with one man prior to him, and less hardcore sexual acts with only a few guys. I hadn't had sex in roughly four years prior to dating him, and he knew that before we sex the first time. None of that affected our relationship or the way we thought of each other. I asked to know where he placed sex in a relationship, I found out. He knew the same for me. I admired his honesty really. That mattered more than his number. Plus our varying 'experience' sexually had no effect on our chemistry. We still are just as obsessed and pleased fully with each other in that department haha.

But then again, we are both scorpios. And I'm invading the virgo board. So, yeah. Hahaha. 🙂

ellybd

How sweet and refreshing to hear this. He wasn't just some self centered jerk. Sounds like you've got yourself a good one.

I admire your boldness. I'm not very experienced but I don't think I would want to tell a guy that, lol. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't lie and act like I could perform tricks like Jenna Jameson or anything like that, but, you get what I'm saying. Just that if he were more experienced than me (which would more than likely be the case) I'd feel a way, is all. If in a situation like yours where we were both being open and he was acting all suspect and whatnot, I would give the side eye. You never know what people have in their closets nowadays!!!

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@VirgoVixxxen
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by Candeh15
My taurus and I have offhandedly mentioned people we've had sex with in the past, but only because of funny stories we'd be telling each other. We haven't really mentioned ex relationships to each other in great detail either. I don't really care. I don't need to know. He's my only priority right now and his past has no meaning to me in that way. Like 25th said, if he slept with a friend of mine (or anyone) recently, I'd like to know, but honestly, not a big deal to me.

Makes sense. I think there's a running theme here.

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@VirgoVixxxen
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by Layna
It depends with friends.

With my partner or even potential guy... I want honesty, so I give honesty. Before my bf, I pretty much had no experience, while he had 4 serious relationships + a lot of other dating experience. All this was aired out within the 1st/2nd date. Why stall/lie? I only see this as a fear of judgement, which I'm working on erasing. Still, I don't care about the number... I don't need to know. MoonMan and Candeh pretty much covered it: "his past has no meaning to me in that way."

On the other hand, I did think about whether I prefer experienced or inexperienced guys before. I actually prefer it if my guy has a good amount of experience. Doesn't that mean higher chance of aweeeeesome pleasure for the girl? LOL! I wanna feel safe! & good for the girls with lots of experience - c'mon, they're pros! Can't say I'm not a bit jealous!! hahaha 😛 It's understandable, how guys feel eerie about very experienced girls, though... higher possibility of unstable relationships, drama, etc. etc. ...

Layna,

So nice to see you back on the board.

I have to admit too that I would want a guy who was more experienced. I don't want it to be like the blind leading the blind.

I guess it all depends on the person. I know alot of guys who prefer girls who are really experienced. They feel that they don't have the time nor the patience to teach anyone anything, lol. On the flip, I don't think I know any girls who want an inexperienced guy.

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@VirgoVixxxen
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by MoonMan

Posted by VirgoVixxxen

Sidenote: Why the long face Mr. Pincer? Just because you're a bachelor doesn't mean that you can't still have "fun". LOL, I've never known a Cancer man to hold back. No such thing as a hiatus or saving himself for the right one. Meh, maybe you're the exception. 🙂

click to expand

Oh, no exception here lovely lady! *wink*
What I was attempting to say was, what I miss is that

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@VulcanLass
15 Years500+ Posts

We did take time to get tested for aids before we got involved.We both revealed our numbers.He held it against me,even though he slept with alot more than me.

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@amrutha92
14 Years

This may sound really odd but i've been on lots of dates with different guys and am in a steady relationship with a (very patient)Leo guy but never actually had sex yet O_o And that is highly weird considering i've made out with quite a few guys. *sigh* my friends all think im crazy 😐 My boyfriend on the other hand being the casanova he was, has nailed a lot of girls and he told me the number with all honesty even though he knew i wouldn't take it too well. But surprisingly enough, it didn't bother me at all.