BrookeDavis
@BrookeDavis
8 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 86 · Topics: 8
Taurus friendzone
A year? Glaciers move faster than this.
Plenty of reasons for this.
What is he looking for in a s/o?
Its Been a year. I have trouble picturing a close relationship of any kind were something that personal has not been discussed.
Your better off asking yourself, is the relationship dynamic(how you act with and feel about each other) something you would be interested long term?
There are a few ways to tackle this.
If you wish to try a different kind of relationship with him, then say so. No games or bullshit. Be sure and willing to take the risk.
If you got doubts, no more sex until the oxytocin where's off then reevaluate.
Last be more open with him. Personally I think more physical interaction showing your comfortable with him and watch if he begins to return the physically openness over a few occasions.
You should know him well enough by now to choose the best approach if you decide to see what's up.
What is he looking for in a s/o?
Its Been a year. I have trouble picturing a close relationship of any kind were something that personal has not been discussed.
Your better off asking yourself, is the relationship dynamic(how you act with and feel about each other) something you would be interested long term?
There are a few ways to tackle this.
If you wish to try a different kind of relationship with him, then say so. No games or bullshit. Be sure and willing to take the risk.
If you got doubts, no more sex until the oxytocin where's off then reevaluate.
Last be more open with him. Personally I think more physical interaction showing your comfortable with him and watch if he begins to return the physically openness over a few occasions.
You should know him well enough by now to choose the best approach if you decide to see what's up.
Posted by geminiflyby
A year? Glaciers move faster than this.
Haha I know. I’ve been reading that Taurus is quite slow and moves at his own pace lol
Posted by BrookeDavis
...So we’ve matched on tinder and been going out for almost a year since then.
So last weekend ...he asks how I feel about sex between friends. I was more than tipsy and fancied this idea, so we ended up having sex.
I would like your advice on what would be the best way to proceed now, if my desire is to actually give this relationship a try and leave a friend zone behind.
Also I can’t help but wonder why it didn’t happen earlier - was he attracted but didn’t show it or it’s just him being drunk and horny?
So what’s the right thing to do now?
First, you don't have a relationship, so there is no giving it a try and leaving the "friend zone" behind. You are only friend that happened to have sex. If you wanted more than this, agreeing to have sex "as friends" was not the best idea because you've entered an area unclear on what you want, while he was clear on what he does not. I mean a year is a long time to remain platonic friend, especially given you met on an app designed to match you with someone (romantically). You can make excuses for him such as "he is shy" "worried about ruining the friendship" or even that he's a Bull. However, no Bull takes a year to make a move if he/she desires to be with you.
Not sure it will work, but you can try sitting him down and being very clear and honest about what you want (e.g. a relationship) and see where that goes.
Posted by BrookeDavisPosted by geminiflyby
A year? Glaciers move faster than this.
Haha I know. I’ve been reading that Taurus is quite slow and moves at his own pace lolclick to expand
No Bull is that slow....
Posted by Lostthoughts
Plenty of reasons for this.
What is he looking for in a s/o?
Its Been a year. I have trouble picturing a close relationship of any kind were something that personal has not been discussed.
Your better off asking yourself, is the relationship dynamic(how you act with and feel about each other) something you would be interested long term?
I am interested. I love the way I feel next to him. I admire him as a person (for his decisions, actions and how he treats his family etc). So I’d really like to give it a chance. But since it was months and months and he would not hit on me, I seriously believed he was not into me.
He’s into Russian women and I’m Russian lol. Intellect, personality wise - I check all boxes.
He’s been busy dating in the past years but now is taking it slow. He’s just turned 40 but has no rush to settle down.
year is way too long.
We didn’t hit it off right away. At least it took me quite some time to get to know him better and to feel attracted. So I took this year to develop some emotions towards him through experiences we’ve shared. I wasn’t looking for a friend and the concept of being friends with a guy doesn’t really appeal to me.Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by BrookeDavis
...So we’ve matched on tinder and been going out for almost a year since then.
So last weekend ...he asks how I feel about sex between friends. I was more than tipsy and fancied this idea, so we ended up having sex.
I would like your advice on what would be the best way to proceed now, if my desire is to actually give this relationship a try and leave a friend zone behind.
Also I can’t help but wonder why it didn’t happen earlier - was he attracted but didn’t show it or it’s just him being drunk and horny?
So what’s the right thing to do now?
First, you don't have a relationship, so there is no giving it a try and leaving the "friend zone" behind. You are only friend that happened to have sex. If you wanted more than this, agreeing to have sex "as friends" was not the best idea because you've entered an area unclear on what you want, while he was clear on what he does not. I mean a year is a long time to remain platonic friend, especially given you met on an app designed to match you with someone (romantically). You can make excuses for him such as "he is shy" "worried about ruining the friendship" or even that he's a Bull. However, no Bull takes a year to make a move if he/she desires to be with you.
Not sure it will work, but you can try sitting him down and being very clear and honest about what you want (e.g. a relationship) and see where that goes.click to expand
Posted by BrookeDavisPosted by Lostthoughts
Plenty of reasons for this.
What is he looking for in a s/o?
Its Been a year. I have trouble picturing a close relationship of any kind were something that personal has not been discussed.
Your better off asking yourself, is the relationship dynamic(how you act with and feel about each other) something you would be interested long term?
I am interested. I love the way I feel next to him. I admire him as a person (for his decisions, actions and how he treats his family etc). So I’d really like to give it a chance. But since it was months and months and he would not hit on me, I seriously believed he was not into me.
He’s into Russian women and I’m Russian lol. Intellect, personality wise - I check all boxes.
He’s been busy dating in the past years but now is taking it slow. He’s just turned 40 but has no rush to settle down.click to expand
Edited and Added to my post.
Well then make your interest known. Personally if I value someone I'd be far less likely to risk what is already working just fine. On that note, keep in mind, you said yourself you should no interest before this yourself lol
Again you should have a good feel for him by now.
I'd be interested. In seeing what comes of this situation. Feel free to do follow up posts.
Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by BrookeDavisPosted by Lostthoughts
Plenty of reasons for this.
What is he looking for in a s/o?
Its Been a year. I have trouble picturing a close relationship of any kind were something that personal has not been discussed.
Your better off asking yourself, is the relationship dynamic(how you act with and feel about each other) something you would be interested long term?
I am interested. I love the way I feel next to him. I admire him as a person (for his decisions, actions and how he treats his family etc). So I’d really like to give it a chance. But since it was months and months and he would not hit on me, I seriously believed he was not into me.
He’s into Russian women and I’m Russian lol. Intellect, personality wise - I check all boxes.
He’s been busy dating in the past years but now is taking it slow. He’s just turned 40 but has no rush to settle down.
Edited and Added to my post.
Well then make your interest known. Personally if I value someone I'd be far less likely to risk what is already working just fine. On that note, keep in mind, you said yourself you should no interest before this yourself lol
Again you should have a good feel for him by now.
I'd be interested. In seeing what comes of this situation. Feel free to do follow up posts.click to expand
Thanks for cheering me up. Will try to figure it out in a healthy way
Posted by BrookeDavis
I get it. A year is way too long.
We didn’t hit it off right away. At least it took me quite some time to get to know him better and to feel attracted. So I took this year to develop some emotions towards him through experiences we’ve shared. I wasn’t looking for a friend and the concept of being friends with a guy doesn’t really appeal to me.
So perhaps it was the same thing for him as well in terms of gradually warming towards you over the year? I think the lesson learned going forward is you need to be more clear with you intentions, wants and needs. I believe we encounter people to learn more about ourselves. You're wondering why he was not more forward/assertive until now, however you were not either. There could be a cultural or personality element involved that prevented this on your end. I am not suggesting that you pounce on the man, however I do think you can still be clear and direct even if you have a shy personality.
Like when the man asked you if you wanted to have sex, at any point did you raise the fact that you would like more or did you simply go with the flow hoping it would open that door? I find that rarely works out well for people that use the latter approach. If I can use an analogy, would you accept a job that you think you will really enjoy without asking what it fully entails or what the salary is and hope for the best? No. You would either have a good understanding before accepting the job, and/or discuss your expectations/terms. Especially given you are friends, this conversation should have been a fairly easy process.
Anyway, you are well past that now. I don't think you will be doing yourself any favours by not speaking up sooner than later if you would like more. You will also need to be okay with him not wanting anything more than friendship given he did make it clear "sex between friends". He was clearly stating what you are and what you will be after your initial session. Doesn't mean it has to stay there if you speak up.
I'm confused as to why someone would go on tinder to find friends.
But then he didn't try to fuck you for a year so this whole thing is bizarre.
Your best bet is to just ask him where his head is at.
But then he didn't try to fuck you for a year so this whole thing is bizarre.
Your best bet is to just ask him where his head is at.
This is my first “friends” experience on tinder lol
First time we met, it was definitely a date. But then we met again and again, he didn’t make a move, so I assumed he liked me as a friend (though we see each other pretty regularly and he always pays for our outings).
If I were to guess, I would assume that he didn’t feel any interest on my part and didn’t want to hit on me without being reassured I’d respond (my totally naive guess). But that night in a bar I gave him loads of signals (flirting and touching), so it happened.
First time we met, it was definitely a date. But then we met again and again, he didn’t make a move, so I assumed he liked me as a friend (though we see each other pretty regularly and he always pays for our outings).
If I were to guess, I would assume that he didn’t feel any interest on my part and didn’t want to hit on me without being reassured I’d respond (my totally naive guess). But that night in a bar I gave him loads of signals (flirting and touching), so it happened.
Posted by LadyNeptune
I'm confused as to why someone would go on tinder to find friends.
But then he didn't try to fuck you for a year so this whole thing is bizarre.
Your best bet is to just ask him where his head is at.
Update for those who was previously commenting:
He said he’d like to keep it as friends. Ideally with benefits but if it’s not comfortable for me (it’s not), then just friends. It didn’t stop us from having another steamy session though but it ****ing hurts that I’m only worth to be friends with benefits …
He said he’d like to keep it as friends. Ideally with benefits but if it’s not comfortable for me (it’s not), then just friends. It didn’t stop us from having another steamy session though but it ****ing hurts that I’m only worth to be friends with benefits …
So now you think that you can be FWB and eventually he’ll fall for you….
You’re going down the path of your own destruction now. He’s been upfront and told you exactly what you are to him.
You’re going down the path of your own destruction now. He’s been upfront and told you exactly what you are to him.
Actually no.
I’m not delusional. If he didn’t fall for me, then he’s not for me. My attraction to him just complicates things, but I’ll get over it eventually
I’m not delusional. If he didn’t fall for me, then he’s not for me. My attraction to him just complicates things, but I’ll get over it eventually
The answer usually is in plain sight isn’t it? He didn’t make a move because he didn’t want to.
our kind wordsPosted by StumpGrinderPosted by BrookeDavis
Update for those who was previously commenting:
He said he’d like to keep it as friends. Ideally with benefits but if it’s not comfortable for me (it’s not), then just friends. It didn’t stop us from having another steamy session though but it ****ing hurts that I’m only worth to be friends with benefits …
You're worth more ❤ just sometimes the road leads us to a dead end. Reverse tf up out of there.click to expand
Posted by BrookeDavis
Update for those who was previously commenting:
He said he’d like to keep it as friends. Ideally with benefits but if it’s not comfortable for me (it’s not), then just friends. It didn’t stop us from having another steamy session though but it ****ing hurts that I’m only worth to be friends with benefits …
stop having sex with him at all if it's harming you. as a taurus, we're generally really open to what we have to offer. if we say "friends" that's what we mean. generally speaking we're simple folk and don't want to have unnecessary drama in our lives. if you agree/keep sleeping with him he'll assume you're okay with it. eventually you'll blow up about it and wanting more but given you'd spent x time sleeping with him and not speaking up he might feel betrayed/lied to/manipulated and may terminate the friendship. in this you'll likely think he's an asshole who lead you on and you'll badmouth him on dxp and to anyone else who will listen, but you'd have done it to yourself. he's been honest. listen to what he's saying.
ord as it is. Fwb doesn’t work for me, I can’t afford to get hurt. Am I still physically attracted to him ? Yes. Do I still think we have a great connection? Yes. How to deal with this situation? No idea. Cause I look at him and have all these flashbacks.
I just wish he wouldn’t provoke me to cross the line. Being good friends for almost a year and then screw it up by getting intimate - shame on both of us. He could’ve had sex with anyone, absolutely anyone. It was a stupid decision to initiate it with me.Posted by not_scorchedPosted by BrookeDavis
Update for those who was previously commenting:
He said he’d like to keep it as friends. Ideally with benefits but if it’s not comfortable for me (it’s not), then just friends. It didn’t stop us from having another steamy session though but it ****ing hurts that I’m only worth to be friends with benefits …
stop having sex with him at all if it's harming you. as a taurus, we're generally really open to what we have to offer. if we say "friends" that's what we mean. generally speaking we're simple folk and don't want to have unnecessary drama in our lives. if you agree/keep sleeping with him he'll assume you're okay with it. eventually you'll blow up about it and wanting more but given you'd spent x time sleeping with him and not speaking up he might feel betrayed/lied to/manipulated and may terminate the friendship. in this you'll likely think he's an asshole who lead you on and you'll badmouth him on dxp and to anyone else who will listen, but you'd have done it to yourself. he's been honest. listen to what he's saying.click to expand
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So we’ve matched on tinder and been going out for almost a year since then. He would take me out for dinners / drinks, we would talk a lot, he would ask for my advice on work / life / home decor, go to museums and etc. Great dynamic, but he would never hit on me and I would never give him a sign to do so (though I’m damn attracted to him).
So last weekend we go out like most of the nights and at some point after “i lost count” drink, he asks how I feel about sex between friends. I was more than tipsy and fancied this idea, so we ended up having sex. Then spent all morning in bed cuddling with each other and talking about random stuff but never discussed what happened. Had breakfast at his place and then he gave me a ride back home. None of us mentioned anything. Later that day he checked on me via message and that’s it.
I would like your advice on what would be the best way to proceed now, if my desire is to actually give this relationship a try and leave a friend zone behind.
Also I can’t help but wonder why it didn’t happen earlier - was he attracted but didn’t show it or it’s just him being drunk and horny?
We have a good friendship, but ever since we’ve established this connection I was wondering why we are just friends. Why he doesn’t initiate anything? And as I wasn’t certain about his intentions, I didn’t make a move neither. He would always give my photos some compliments over text (sexy, beautiful) but would never say anything like this in person.
So what’s the right thing to do now?